Reasons why a woman might not want cunnilinugus

[auh2064]

I would appreciate hearing from female members who, in their own lives, are turned off by receiving oral sex. From my perspective, as a guy, it seems like the physical sensations should be pleasant (unless the partner is an incredible klutz), so it seems like any aversion must be based on aesthetics, self-image, germophobia, or something along those lines. But, I'm only guessing. Been married almost four decades, and my wife has never really been able to explain why she would prefer not to be on the receiving end of oral sex.

I would appreciate gaining some insight...both for what's left of my actual sex life and also for a story I'm working on.

Thanks!

 

[HockeyMan_]

Comfort is a huge part of it. If a woman isn't comfortable in the situtation (I don't mean that the bed is soft, I mean comfortable with you) it won't matter what you do. She's not going to be into it.

If that situation has been the norm in a woman's life, she's just not going to have a good opinion of oral.

You have to make someone feel safe and secure before she can really enjoy oral, or anything else. Some people just never feel safe and secure for a variety of reasons. Sometimes its your fault. Sometimes its not.

 

[RawHumor]

My ex had an abusive ex who was actually quite sadistic when it came to that act.

It turned her off of the whole idea...

 

[Tryharder62]

That position makes some women feel very vulnerable.

 

[dreamykitten2]

For me I think it could be.......

A variety of things !

Her upbringing? Maybe she was taught that sex was a dirty thing?

She's not comfortable in her own body. Her body image of herself is negative.

Whatever it is she is missing out on one of life's greatest pleasures!

I hope you are able to help her see what she is missing!

 

[eric60red]

I would appreciate hearing from female members who, in their own lives, are turned off by receiving oral sex. From my perspective, as a guy, it seems like the physical sensations should be pleasant (unless the partner is an incredible klutz), so it seems like any aversion must be based on aesthetics, self-image, germophobia, or something along those lines. But, I'm only guessing. Been married almost four decades, and my wife has never really been able to explain why she would prefer not to be on the receiving end of oral sex.

I would appreciate gaining some insight...both for what's left of my actual sex life and also for a story I'm working on.

Thanks!

Well for what its worh, I have never, never found a woman who does not like oral sex. All the ones I have had the privilege of exploring, with my mouth, tongue and fingers, have always come back for more. In fact they don't want to let me go.

 

[swingofthings]

It could be that it's just a certain individual that one might not enjoy because they suck at it. Personally I don't like my clit attacked off the bat, usually leads to a mental note not to do that again with this person.

 

[dreamykitten2]

Well guys need to take lessons

From women!!! A lot of guys are clueless. What women like. They need lessons. There was an amazing thread on lit on how to perform cunninglius. Unfortunately I can't remember how it was titled. It was incredible. And FYI most bi women know how because they know exactly what they like!

 

[hidden1]

Reasons why one woman might not want cunnilingus

My Dom recently had me review this for him, as it used to be a problem for me too. This is basically how I explained it:

My first problem was that I felt it was "naughty" (upbringing, blah, blah). If that was the only problem, a spanking would have fixed it.

My biggest problem with it though, was that I perceived any male performing oral on me to be subservient. And, as a sub, I couldn't deal with that.

A couple of discussions regarding doing it for Him, a couple "performances" later and my "issues" were basically gone.

 

[perspicacity611]

My masturbation techniques and preferences as far as clitoral stimulation are apparently not in the majority, so any guy (and this is the majority of men I've slept with) who assumes that what worked on the last girl will work on me will be wasting my time and probably throw any chance of fucking me again out the window.

If they took the time to figure out how I like my clit to be touched, or hell, just ASKED me, I'd tell them, but nooooooooo, their all-knowing penis leads them down the wrong path.

Women don't do this. They pay attention and figure it out much sooner than men, in my experience.


If, for your wife, it's a germy thing, try approaching it after shower time?

 

[perspicacity611]

By the by, I DO like having my clit attacked right away. And sustained. Not gnawed off, but I want unrelenting firm pressure and no side to side movements, only circular or up and down.


Every woman's different! Don't assume techniques work across the board!

 

[teacher78]

Always listen to her body, if she doesn't speak. Every wowan likes it in a differente way...as probably every guy like to be sucked differently.

In my humble experience, i found
- a girl that liked cunnilingus but not on the clit (only slightly). It was too sensitive for her and felt almost pain.
- a girl that came every time i did it to her, but she wanted it not more then 5 time a year...still wondering why, but I'm sure "lack of satisfaction" was not the point.
- a girl that didn't even made me try. This one, had probably serious issues with her sexuality due to a bad childhood.

 

[LoVeLyLiSaBeTh]

I sure cant think of any, I love my pussy eaten!

 

[Mindfondler]

Her upbringing? Maybe she was taught that sex was a dirty thing?

This was exactly the issue for my wife until recently. Whenever I suggested that I could perform oral sex on her, she would say "euwww!", screwing up her face and closing her legs. If I did persuade her to let me start, she would quickly blush and push me away, saying that it didn't feel right for her.

I found the solution with the help of a lovely lady on this forum, who identified that my wife might be feeling a conflict with her "good girl" upbringing, which was driving her to resist the activity -- and be seen to resist it. The Lit lady suggested that I gently explore with my wife the possibility of her transferring control to me, and gave me advice on how best to approach this.

I briefed my wife on the "traffic light" scheme for Dom/sub play. I explained that she could invoke this herself at any time, and that I'd also be "checking in" with her periodically. I told her my wife that I was going to try something with her, and that I wouldn't stop unless she gave the "red" signal. She agreed.

After some kissing and other foreplay, I positioned myself over my wife and moved in for the oral treatment. She squealed and resisted, but she didn't invoke the "red", so I held her firmly and continued. My wife started to say out loud that she didn't need me to do this, that she didn't think it would work on her, and that we could do other things instead.

I stopped for a moment and asked my wife which colour she was at. She conceded that it was green. I continued. Very soon, my wife's moans of complaint started to transform into moans of pleasure. A few minutes later, she was lost in ectasy. I didn't bother to ask her what colour she was at any more. I think she would have said if it was anything other than a very deep green.

A while afterwards, I asked my wife whether she had enjoyed receiving oral. She blushed and whispered to me that she had. I asked her whether she would be prepared to ask me for it. She said that she might. I think that's significant progress.

I hope that our experience is helpful to the original poster and others.

 

[Noor]

Glad it worked for you mindfondler.

I don't really have this concept of good/bad girl, I figure I am always good There are things I consider wrong like non consensual, incest, children and things that are physically or psychologically damaging.

Possible reasons not to want it.

1) You just don't like it, some women don't
2) Feeling dirty- doing it after a bath or shower should help
3) It's cold. You are fully nude and exposed. Cover yourselves?
4) It's not fun, just to get you off, feels selfish
5) It's wrong, sex is wrong, enjoying sex is wrong
6) The expectation that you do something you in return, not an unconditional offering.
7) Some women prefer full body contact
8) Partner is bad or vicious at it
9) Loss of sexual control
10) partner would rather be doing something else.
11) It actually hurts-nothing to do with partner's technique

My technique for getting people to like new things is to associate them with things they already like, do something similar and also get them thinking about it. I would choose the seduction route rather than the control one. I prefer my sex partners to own what they want. I want to get to a point where they are suggesting it and not the reverse. I would also build it up slowly so it's not a big deal.

 

[BBWparamedic]

A lot of women may not like it for several reasons. They may have had a bad experience once and sometimes that is all it takes to turn a woman off to something. Much like anal, if the first time you try it it hurts, the guy is an asshole about it, or just not what she enjoys she will not want to try it again. Some women need to have a connection with the guy the be willing to do something that intimate with him. The best thing to do is talk to her and listen to what she has to say about it.

Now that being said, I love to have oral preformed on me and if you are not doing it right I will tell you what to do. If you still don't do it right, it is the last time you will have a chance to preform on me.

 

[Mindfondler]

I would choose the seduction route rather than the control one. I prefer my sex partners to own what they want. I want to get to a point where they are suggesting it and not the reverse. I would also build it up slowly so it's not a big deal.

Thanks, Noor! I ought to have made some similar points at the start of my posting. I didn't wish to imply that the control route could be the first port of call to resolve this situation. Clearly, it has the potential to be rather damaging if applied inappropriately.

In our case, our choice of the control route followed a lot of previous discussions over many years and a wider context which I haven't explained. In particular, we had ruled out most of the other possible reasons that you mention. We discussed some options and my wife indicated interest in relinquishing control under the right circumstances, and agreed to try it. Afterwards, she was unreservedly grateful, believing that she would not otherwise have allowed herself to enjoy the experience.

I hope this clarifies the intention of my posting.

 

[Jen2013]

Very insightful Hidden, thanks for sharing that

To the OP, if your wife does think of the act as either something 'good girls' don't do, selfish on her behalf, or perceiving you as subservient then a little bondage play would alter the scene dramatically by putting you in charge.

If you restrain her lightly go slow (like mindfondler did) but just keep going, I bet you will get the same results.

My Dom recently had me review this for him, as it used to be a problem for me too. This is basically how I explained it:

My first problem was that I felt it was "naughty" (upbringing, blah, blah). If that was the only problem, a spanking would have fixed it.

My biggest problem with it though, was that I perceived any male performing oral on me to be subservient. And, as a sub, I couldn't deal with that.

A couple of discussions regarding doing it for Him, a couple "performances" later and my "issues" were basically gone.

Thanks, Noor! I ought to have made some similar points at the start of my posting. I didn't wish to imply that the control route could be the first port of call to resolve this situation. Clearly, it has the potential to be rather damaging if applied inappropriately.

In our case, our choice of the control route followed a lot of previous discussions over many years and a wider context which I haven't explained. In particular, we had ruled out most of the other possible reasons that you mention. We discussed some options and my wife indicated interest in relinquishing control under the right circumstances, and agreed to try it. Afterwards, she was unreservedly grateful, believing that she would not otherwise have allowed herself to enjoy the experience.

I hope this clarifies the intention of my posting.

 

[GrrlFriday]

Perhaps her body has learned how to cum in response to particular stimuli which oral can't match? (A harder touch, for example?)

 

[teacher78]

If they took the time to figure out how I like my clit to be touched, or hell, just ASKED me, I'd tell them, but nooooooooo, their all-knowing penis leads them down the wrong path.

I found "ASKING" a really tun on...I can do it without she telling me, but it's so eays if a woman does tell. In the end, you are the only person that knows how is your body...

By the by, I DO like having my clit attacked right away. And sustained. Not gnawed off, but I want unrelenting firm pressure and no side to side movements, only circular or up and down.

Well, I'd not have to ASK with you

 

[JustMi]

I sometimes don't like it because I can't get off on just oral stim on my clit, I need some penetration, either fingers in my ass or pussy or a tongue to go way up in me to make me cum

 

[positivetension]

I prefer penetration (clit stimulation is uncomfortably intense)
It can feel nice if he does it right, but I get kind of bored passively laying back
I'm a submissive/pleaser by nature and it often makes me uncomfortable to be focused on
The only time the thought of it turns me on is when I imagine a close female friend doing it to me

And I'm a huge hypocrite because I love sucking cock and want to try going down on a girl at least once

 

[RunningJib]

Is all in your attitude

You don't go down on a lover just to reciprocate.

You go down on her pussy because you want to. You lick and suck with gusto and passion. To give her a thrill and to hear her breathing change and feel her body moves

If you don't have the right mindset, it isn't going to be fun for either of you

 

[RunningJib]

Care to give lessons?

By the by, I DO like having my clit attacked right away. And sustained. Not gnawed off, but I want unrelenting firm pressure and no side to side movements, only circular or up and down.


Every woman's different! Don't assume techniques work across the board!

I'm always willing to listen and trust me, you will find me a very dedicate student . . .

 

[red99m2]

From women!!! A lot of guys are clueless. What women like. They need lessons. There was an amazing thread on lit on how to perform cunninglius. Unfortunately I can't remember how it was titled. It was incredible. And FYI most bi women know how because they know exactly what they like!

Dreamy, this isn't always the case, my wife tries to tell me to try this, try that, don't just do the same thing, but trying the new methods just results in taking longer, until I get back to the standard method. While I really enjoy pleasuring her, taking longer starts to go from 45 minutes, to over an hour, then I'm getting uncomfortable, and she loses the mood, thinking that I must be getting uncomfortable/tired.
Heaven forbid if I try something new, I get "Do what you usually do".