new sub...

[RedGothicAngel]

I've always wanted to role play and well I want to try being a sub. My partner is willing to be a dom. We just don't know where to start. I know bondage is a good place to start but what comes next? Any ideas?

 

[Ellafun]

As a start you might wander over the BDSM forum here on Lit and read, and read some more. There are a lot of wonderfully helpful people who post there who would be happy to answer your questions.

Please be advised that BDSM is a lifestyle. Keep that in mind when asking for your roleplay guidance.

Good luck!

 

[amofiga]

Ellafun is correct. Some people regard BDSM as a lifestyle and not just a role play for when you want a little something different in the bedroom. If you are at all interested in this as a role play, you should first learn something about the motivations that those in the lifestyle have. There are websites that you can Google. There are books and movies you can study. Indeed, lurking on the BDSM page can give you some ideas.

There are places like sex toy shops where you could buy some "beginner" equipment such as slave cuffs, floggers, crops, paddles, blindfolds, feathers, leather panties or leather gloves and shirts, etc. Most of it will not cause any real "damage" unless you aren't careful.

If you are just in it for fun, remember to be careful and have a safe word or action because even with simple role play, it is possible to get well "into it" and push a little to far if you aren't careful. However, if you want it to work for you erotically, you will have to approach it with some seriousness. If either or both of you take it as a joke, it won't have much erotic power for either. For any role play to provide benefits, both parties have to commit relatively seriously.

Good luck. Have fun. Be careful

 

[Bramblethorn]

Ellafun is correct. Some people regard BDSM as a lifestyle and not just a role play for when you want a little something different in the bedroom.

That said: as long as everybody's having fun, "just a role play for when you want something different in the bedroom" is a perfectly valid approach to BDSM. Lifestyle BDSM is not the only legitimate option.

 

[CutieMouse]

BDSM can be a lifestyle, an orientation, role play, just inside the bedroom, or encompass a significant portion of everyday life. It might include bondage, or sadism, or masochism... it might not involve any of the three. It is whatever you + partner decide you want it to be.

You can also think if it in terms of top/bottom. In the basest of terms, Tops do xyz to bottoms; bottoms accept xyz from Tops. Thinking in terms of T/b sometimes takes the "dominants are supposed to..." "Submissives are supposed to..." out of the mix, offering an opportunity to explore however you like.

Participating over in BDSM talk/cafe might help with more specific questions if you have any.

 

[Ellafun]

BDSM can be a lifestyle, an orientation, role play, just inside the bedroom, or encompass a significant portion of everyday life. It might include bondage, or sadism, or masochism... it might not involve any of the three. It is whatever you + partner decide you want it to be.

You can also think if it in terms of top/bottom. In the basest of terms, Tops do xyz to bottoms; bottoms accept xyz from Tops. Thinking in terms of T/b sometimes takes the "dominants are supposed to..." "Submissives are supposed to..." out of the mix, offering an opportunity to explore however you like.

Participating over in BDSM talk/cafe might help with more specific questions if you have any.

Thank you CutieMouse and the previous two posters....I was hoping to give this a bump so that the OP could get a relevant response from those with far more experience than myself!!!

 

[emap]

I touch on this in my latest story, a not really romantic romance, there is a part two where there is a little bit of romance. That not being part of things here I'll shut up about that.

Anyway, if you want to read the whole thing, it's long just click on my name and go to homepage and you want The Band. At the almost very end there is a little light bondage sex. I talk about what she is thinking about while being topped. That is submission in a nutshell, you give him, or her, control over what happens in bed.

So going with what I did in the story, your hands go above your head, his hand goes gently over them. So then all you do is simply move with him, he slows down you slow down. Think of it like a dance, he is doing a fast motion, you do the fast motion in return, he slows down you follow suit. The hard part is to not tell him what to do. If you just have to say something, beg. Doesn't have to be anything really, just please put it in, please faster.

He has to be in to this as well. I mean if he just does what you want when you beg or ask it's not as good. He has all of the control, so if he doesn't want to go faster, or slower, or even put it in yet, he shouldn't.

I am not an expert in this this is just what I gathered from research. Definitely look in the BDSM forums, they are the experts since they live this. Well not all of them live it, do be careful who you listen to and definitely come up with an odd safe word. Something you won't say in the throws of passion, but something you can remember. Ceiling is generally a good one since you can't get up to it for sex. Orange works as well though harder to remember if he went too far or cramps happen.

Do look in sex shops, usually they carry bondage stuff and you don't have to be submissive to enjoy being cuffed to the bed so you are bent in half and wide open.

 

[SirVPL]

First u must understand D/s is a Lifestyle not Role Play. It is a lifestyle of love, respect and trust. Go to the BDSM Forum and talk to a Dom/Domme to learn about Dominance, then ask the submissives w/ permission from their Dominants about Submission.