Is it stalkery to try and get a hold of somebody from a one night stand...

[lovethewayulie]

Is it stalkery to try and get a hold of somebody you had a one night stand with if you think they gave you something?

 

[lovethewayulie]

Gave you something as in a cup of tea before they went on their way, or gave you something as in the clap?

something like the clap.

 

[Noor]

Not unless they told you not to contact them.

 

[NightL]

Just be careful of your wording, thinking is different than knowing. Either way you should contact them.

Is it that you think you have a problem or you think this particular person passed it on to you?

Just rule out all possibilities. Could have you caught it from another previous partner? Could you have passed it on to the person you are referring to here?

If it is something like chlamydia, you may have had it for a while and not have known.

You should contact them though.

 

[lovethewayulie]

Just be careful of your wording, thinking is different than knowing. Either way you should contact them.

Is it that you think you have a problem or you think this particular person passed it on to you?

Just rule out all possibilities. Could have you caught it from another previous partner? Could you have passed it on to the person you are referring to here?

If it is something like chlamydia, you may have had it for a while and not have known.

You should contact them though.

I know he gave it to me and I know for sure so all I really need to do is dig around and find him, to tell him right?

 

[NightL]

I think you should. It may well only be just for the sake of other women. A reminder to him to use protection with future partners.

While something like chlamydia may go unnoticed in women for a long time, there are not many STIs that will go unnoticed in males. It is very likely he knew unless he had unprotected sex with another within a very close time before sex with you.

I have heard though some people can be carriers of HPV for sometime before getting an outbreak themselves. The same applies for HIV.

 

[bailadora]

I have heard though some people can be carriers of HPV for sometime before getting an outbreak themselves.

True. Twenty some odd years after being treated for a mild case of cervical dysplasia, I had a Pap smear come back with evidence of an active HPV infection. It caused some tense discussions with my husband, because he'd read that the body eventually "rids" itself of HPV. He wanted to know how in the hell I'd come up with a STI when we've presumably been monogamous with each other since that initial diagnosis those many years ago.

According to my obgyn and my GP, when speaking of infectious diseases, you have to be very careful and precise with terminology. The body clears itself of the infection, but the virus itself remains in your cells. And as evidenced in my case, can lay dormant for very long periods of time, only to reactivate years down the road.

 

[dougsan]

1) See a doc and find out if you have a STD (S/he will want to know who gave it to you

2) Contact "one-timer" and discuss your concerns

You can do 2 first but doing 1 first is more responsible. Regardless, if you have a STD you are obligated to determine where you caught it and inform all the people whom you might have infected

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Not stalkery at all, just sensible.

If you were in their position, wouldn't you want to know?

 

[Emerson40]

The consensus clearly is for contacting.

All I have to add is, as mentioned above, be mindful of your wording.

Also, I think this is definitely one of those conversations that should be had in person. Face to face is best, over the phone only if he is making it difficult for the two of you to get together for this discussion, or the two of you are separated by an ocean or a great distance (maybe you hooked up on holiday).

Definitely NOT the sort of thing to do via texting, messaging, and - some would agree - by email.

 

[Noor]

Depending on what it is, sometimes public health will do it for you.

Just be prepared for his either denying the possibility that he gave you it or that he already knew and knowingly had unprotected sex with you. I saw that a lot when I used to volunteer.

 

[DrRickMarshall]

I'd agree with Noor. Either the guy didn't know he had whatever it is (somewhat doubtful) or he knew and just didn't care. Either way, be careful for accusations. I guess the real question is for what reason do you want to contact him? To warn him or to blame him or because you want to get back together again with him?

Either way, I think things are going to get ugly fast...

 

[Buzz]

So much for "hot one night stands" 'eh?

But, why f'n bother. like others have said.. There isn't anything really positive to come of it... Maybe call his mom and tell her to tell him.

Good luck!!

And hope the rest of your one nighters go MUCH better!!!

 

[BertrandRussell]

If you want to get back together with him, tell him in person.
If you do not want to be with him again, tell him by registered mail, so that you can prove that you told him. ( This not only protects you if he is unaware; but if he knows and doesn't care, it puts him on notice that he can be held accountable someday. )
If you are really pissed at him for giving you a STI, send the message via a hitman.

But one way or another, you have a moral obligation to do something to try to limit further infections.

 

[khbostic]

Way back

when I was young,I d go to the county health dept and get blood tested for anything contagious.

I worked restaurants for apx 4 yrs ,and had to do it about every 6 months for a food handlers card.They never gave me a card I could put in my wallet,just said if my employer had any questions they could call.

It also helped with the restaurants overall health dept rating.This was up in the Detroit suburbs.I thought I d check out the restaurant industry because my granddad had a ma and pop restaurant as a family business my ma grew up in.

The Health Dept may be preferable as doctors sometimes use lab test money as easy vacation money.However,if you do have something,you ll have to get prescriptions for anti biotics anyways from your doc.

Later,I was a State Psych Nurse a few yrs,so back apx 18 yrs ago,I took the HIV test at the Co Health Dept,and that was neg,thankfully.They also give diverse vaccinations in the County Health Dept,call and ask if and how much for STD Screening like for the clap or whatever.

I had a stepdad that had the syphilis for life,sometimes living in close proximity can be contagious.My younger 1/2 brother had the clap,pretty much all his life...he was mostly a manic type on account of it.Its the viruses that stay with ya,like hepatitus 4 types,shingles,herpes,hpv,etc.

1/2 of the females are without symptoms on the clap,while men have a drip like a pre cum discharge,it bacterial calling for anti biotics,same with the syphilus.
On how to get back into the bedroom advice,use the search engine for dating sites,some charge some are free.20% are dating online these days,works better around major metro areas than the sticks/hills.

 

[NaughtyIsNice]

It's not stalkery, it's a health matter. Two people who share sex should hopefully have enough mutual concern to want good health for each other - and your other partners (past/present/future).

It doesn't need to be confrontational. You could simply say, "I've been diagnosed with X and thought you should know. You might want to get tested."

Uncomfortable? Yep. Necessary? Oh yep. Good luck.

 

[fgarvb1]

I know I shouldn't.

Bad fgarvb1...BAD fgarvb1!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9S93bE06H0

 

[twister947]

It doesn't need to be confrontational. You could simply say, "I've been diagnosed with X and thought you should know. You might want to get tested."

This. Blame accomplishes nothing.