The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[steve44uk]

Turns to a grimace of terror in the face of a trio of Ladettes.



I put in a bottle of 20-year-old beer

... and you receive an MBE for such a monumental feat of self-restraint.

I put in a c-beam, glittering in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate...

 

[Handley_Page]

... and you receive an MBE for such a monumental feat of self-restraint.

I put in a c-beam, glittering in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate...

And the house lights go off.


I put in a raging metaphor.

 

[CarolinaPeach]

And the house lights go off.


I put in a raging metaphor.

....and it is as if you got a simile, but not quite.

I put in a semicolon.

 

[Handley_Page]

....and it is as if you got a simile, but not quite.

I put in a semicolon.

but it fails to develop properly into a colon.



I put in Henry the Horse

 

[CarolinaPeach]

but it fails to develop properly into a colon.



I put in Henry the Horse

... and you get a hobby horse.

I put in a troll

 

[Handley_Page]

... and you get a hobby horse.

I put in a troll

and the bridge collapses.



I put in a small billy-goat

 

[CarolinaPeach]

and the bridge collapses.



I put in a small billy-goat

..and you get me vomiting because I thought "goatse." Blast the day I ever asked what THAT meant.

I put in an airline stewardess.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

..and you get me vomiting because I thought "goatse." Blast the day I ever asked what THAT meant.

I put in an airline stewardess.

But she slaps you for not calling her an air hostess and goes to bang the pilot.


I put in a bag of airline peanuts.

 

[Handley_Page]

But she slaps you for not calling her an air hostess and goes to bang the pilot.


I put in a bag of airline peanuts.

But they aren't ideal ammunition for a Pea shooter.



I put in a small catapult

 

[steve44uk]

But they aren't ideal ammunition for a Pea shooter.



I put in a small catapult

... but the cat shows up demanding its pelt back, and your left with a

I put in a copy of Something Wicked This Way Comes...

 

[CarolinaPeach]

... but the cat shows up demanding its pelt back, and your left with a

I put in a copy of Something Wicked This Way Comes...

... and you get a gust of autumnal wind blowing though your small town.

I put in an apple bobbing contest.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

... and you get a gust of autumnal wind blowing though your small town.

I put in an apple bobbing contest.

And several people dressed as Aquaman drown...Irony anyone?



I put in a gallon of teal paint.

 

[CarolinaPeach]

And several people dressed as Aquaman drown...Irony anyone?



I put in a gallon of teal paint.

... and you get a lovely new teal kitchen table just perfect to match the throw rug and the art print.

I put in my rent check.

 

[Handley_Page]

... and you get a lovely new teal kitchen table just perfect to match the throw rug and the art print.

I put in my rent check.

and it bounces all the way down the road.




I put in a stolen credit card.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and it bounces all the way down the road.




I put in a stolen credit card.

But the owner of the card gets a bit miffed when she sees how many porn sites you joined on it.



I put in a money order made out to J. D. Rockefeller for 75 cents.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the owner of the card gets a bit miffed when she sees how many porn sites you joined on it.



I put in a money order made out to J. D. Rockefeller for 75 cents.

Ha ! And the Bank charges $1.50 to cash it.



I put in a shiny new iPad

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Ha ! And the Bank charges $1.50 to cash it.



I put in a shiny new iPad

But the "I" is missing, and so is the pad after Roseanne Barr goes on the rag.



I put in a Sony Walkman.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the "I" is missing, and so is the pad after Roseanne Barr goes on the rag.

I put in a Sony Walkman.

And Cher cares not a jot.



I put in a broken motorbike

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And Cher cares not a jot.



I put in a broken motorbike

and you try to pedal it on eBay.

I put in a farm foreclosure auction...

 

[steve44uk]

and you try to pedal it on eBay.

I put in a farm foreclosure auction...

... but you end up buying it.

I put in a backhoe...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

... but you end up buying it.

I put in a backhoe...

and your front end gets loaded.

I put in a bottle of Lagavulin 16...

 

[Handley_Page]

and your front end gets loaded.

I put in a bottle of Lagavulin 16...

and you cannot find the water. . .



I pout in a half-scale copy of Lake Tanganyika

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you cannot find the water. . .



I pout in a half-scale copy of Lake Tanganyika

But some thirsty son of a bitch comes along and drains it.


I put in a model volcano.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

But some thirsty son of a bitch comes along and drains it.


I put in a model volcano.

And, off to the side is a bottle of apple cider vinegar and a box of Arm & Hammer.

I put in a large bottle of ammonia and a very small bottle of Bayer aspirin.

 

[NekoParks]

And, off to the side is a bottle of apple cider vinegar and a box of Arm & Hammer.

I put in a large bottle of ammonia and a very small bottle of Bayer aspirin.

but Mrs. Robinson is still hung over...hey-hey-hey...

I put in four in the morning...tapped out...yawning...longing my life away...