Untitled Interactive Story

[prayForPlague]

Hello, I am new to these forums. I should say that I have lurked around for many years, but never got involved. Recently I have taken up video game development and have gotten very interested in Interactive Fiction (IF). So what follows is my first attempt at an IF game. It is made using the twine game engine, which is a free tool for creating IF games.

The game is not complete, as I have yet to create the many branches that will make it truly interactive. However, for what it's worth at the moment there is a linear story path that you can follow through to the ending.

Link removed

There are roughly 250 lines to the story, and likely lots of grammatical errors so apologies in advance. Again I realize that this may seem like a dangerous link, but I am not really sure of a better way to share this type of content on Literotica. The link will open up an html page that contains the story. You can click the blue links to advance the story. If you make a choice that leads to a blank page just hit the back button on your browser because I haven't filled in that path yet.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

 

[sweetfanny]

Can I play it in Gargoyle? I'm playing Anchorhead right now and it is fucking awesome.

 

[prayForPlague]

Gargoyle and Anchorhead are completely foreign to me, as I have only just started exploring Interactive Fiction. I will definitely check those out, thanks!

 

[sweetfanny]

Gargoyle is the software I have. Anchorhead I think you can get off IFDB. (Google will get you there, don't remember if it's a .com or .org or what.) It is definitely worth playing. Lovecraftian horror. V. scary. And hard.

 

[sweetfanny]

Oh, and here is Gargoyle. It makes all the interpreters pretty: http://ccxvii.net/gargoyle/

 

[prayForPlague]

Downloaded Gargoyle, I am not entirely sure how to create a story that it can play, but I'll look into it some more. I heard a lot of indie developers talking about Twine recently, so I have started using that for my story. Twine exports an html file, which is super compatible with everything. I've been having a lot of fun writing these past few days.

 

[sweetfanny]

I see, I can just play it in my browser. BRB

 

[sweetfanny]

It is not bad. It will be more fun when there are more options, I think. I tend to like my IF more like a game, rather than choose-your-own-adventure. I don't know if your system can accomplish that though.

It would be cool if you had some other options, like different birthday presents go down different paths, different options for making money, etc. The maid thing seems like it will come into play in some storyline?

 

[prayForPlague]

Yes the story is currently very limited by my knowledge of how to accomplish things in Twine, and also the time I have put into it. I am definitely setting up the relationship between Mr. H and April for lots of future adventures. Twine has support for variables so I can keep track of things like currency, but I just haven't gotten into that part of it yet. The card game is rushed right now for example, where you can simply choose to win or lose the money portion of it. I am currently just having a blast writing out all my ideas and playing around with different potential paths that may lead to crazy places. Thanks for checking it out.

 

[sweetfanny]

PM me when you've got some more up & I'll give it another go. : )

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Where is sr when there is a real issue?

pray For Plague, this forum is for promoting stories you have posted to the site or asking for comments on extracts of stories you intend to post to the site.

You are posting advertising material that has no place on this forum. Please take it down. Perhaps you could try your luck on the GB or the AH, but certainly not on Stories Feedback forum.

 

[Derroreaper]

or asking for comments on extracts of stories you intend to post to the site.

This forum isnt for that purpose either, but you're pretty big on pushing it, so why does this thread bother you?"

 

[prayForPlague]

Where is sr when there is a real issue?

pray For Plague, this forum is for promoting stories you have posted to the site or asking for comments on extracts of stories you intend to post to the site.

You are posting advertising material that has no place on this forum. Please take it down. Perhaps you could try your luck on the GB or the AH, but certainly not on Stories Feedback forum.

I am very surprised at your comment. Please know that I didn't make this thread without double checking the forum guidelines, the suggestions for posts in this sub forum and several posts made by others. I simply have a story that I would like feedback on, my goal was not to disrupt this board.
In my interpretation of the rules, my story is certainly neither a product that I am trying to sell, nor a link to any outside website in particular. The format of the story is a webpage so I created a link via Dropbox for simplicities sake, rather than making an attachment.

If you were to look at several of the posts on this particular board, you will see people searching for stories (certainly not a request for feedback). Also you'll see posts looking for or commenting about types of stories (niche, etc). Even posts commenting on subtleties about stories, rather than a request for feedback on a story.

If anyone else agrees that I have crossed the line, I will gladly close this thread. But, if you were to look at what I was trying to do hopefully you will see my intentions weren't harmful.

 

[sr71plt]

You can't physically close the thread, but it isn't really in the custom of the Feedback forum, which is pretty clearly defined on the menu slug for this section: "Post your feedback about Literotica stories you love or hate!" It's evolved to "critique my story," but it hasn't lost the aspect that these are to be Literotica-published stories.

Yours isn't a Literotica story. Literotica feedback discussion is for the Literotica content; the web site isn't here to promote its competitors or to provide free critique or editorial services for material not published here. (Help searching for a story, no matter where it is, isn't the same thing. It's not feedback and it's basically just dinging Literotica to determine whether the story exists here. Having someone point to it elsewhere is nice, but it's not part of the expected service.)

Your story idea is interesting; it just isn't coming from Literotica publication.

Elfin will shortly show up to dispute what follows, but it shouldn't take you long to figure out that Elfin is full of beans and crazier than a loon.

The sometimes moderator-defined parameters here are that: Direct critique help should be limited to no more than three (not humongously long) paragraphs; critique requests on full stories should be limited to stories already posted at Literotica; and there shouldn't be requests that critiquers/readers go anyplace else outside Literotica to provide help.

 

[prayForPlague]

You can't physically close the thread, but it isn't really in the custom of the Feedback forum, which is pretty clearly defined on the menu slug for this section: "Post your feedback about Literotica stories you love or hate!" It's evolved to "critique my story," but it hasn't lost the aspect that these are to be Literotica-published stories.

Yours isn't a Literotica story. Literotica feedback discussion is for the Literotica content; the web site isn't here to promote its competitors or to provide free critique or editorial services for material not published here. (Help searching for a story, no matter where it is, isn't the same thing. It's not feedback and it's basically just dinging Literotica to determine whether the story exists here. Having someone point to it elsewhere is nice, but it's not part of the expected service.)

Your story idea is interesting; it just isn't coming from Literotica publication.

Elfin will shortly show up to dispute what follows, but it shouldn't take you long to figure out that Elfin is full of beans and crazier than a loon.

The sometimes moderator-defined parameters here are that: Direct critique help should be limited to no more than three (not humongously long) paragraphs; critique requests on full stories should be limited to stories already posted at Literotica; and there shouldn't be requests that critiquers/readers go anyplace else outside Literotica to provide help.

Thanks for the clarification on Elfin's comments.
I have removed my link and apologize for my confusion about what to post here. Hopefully in the future these rules could be made more clear for people posting on this particular sub forum for the first time. Thanks

 

[sr71plt]

Hopefully in the future these rules could be made more clear for people posting on this particular sub forum for the first time. Thanks

Not much chance of that, unfortunately. A lot of us share your frustration over this--the web site's functions and FAQs are way out of whack--but we try to be patient, because it's essentially two people trying to keep the stories coming on what is very likely the most prolific erotica story site on the Internet. A grin and bear it situation.

Good luck with finding interest connections with your story idea.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Can we have an informed and referenced discussion on posting to Stories Feedback forum as I think the waters are being muddied by many of us.

First, Bulletin Board general rules totally prohibit any written or pictorial reference to under-18 sex in any forum. Any breach noticed should be immediately reported.

No URL links, advertising or spam messages are allowed in posts although a degree of self-promotion is acceptable in signature links. That, perhaps, is the route prayForPlague should have followed.

The site owners, who have built the biggest and most open erotic story site, are fervent supporters of the 1st amendment which explains their light touch that includes 'anything (legal) goes' - enshrined in the BB guidelines.

In terms of what is permissible for posting to SF, may I quote the newest reference I can find from the forum moderator in December 2007;

Respected Authors,

If you start a thread it should deal specifically with a story you have written, and you are asking for feedback. It doesn't matter what stage the story is in.

I have been getting more and more complaints and have seen more and more threads of just strictly pictures. For any picture thread you wish to start please go to the General Board and remember not to post copyrighted pictures.

I know a question that will come up will be about the Nipples thread. It has a story advertisement in the first post.

To my mind, the first paragraph contains no restrictions on whether a story is posted on the site, or even finished.

Of course, long screeds of badly edited, unposted stories will be ignored but, like the Serengeti drying up, the number of writers asking for a comment and the writers prepared to spend time reviewing, has dried to a trickle.

If there is further advice/guidance, please give a link. I am open to be persuaded.