Advice for next time

[angeleyes612]

Angeleyes612- Birthday Gift
http://www.literotica.com/s/birthday-gift-15

I just had my very first story submitted and the comments I received so far are less than what I had hoped for honestly. I realize that I am not going to write a fantastic, flawless story my first try. So if anybody would ready my story and possibly give me some advice on what I did wrong and what I should work on, it would be very much appreciated.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I gave it a 5. Its a nice change of pace for LIT. Don't let the assholes discourage you.

 

[AMoveableBeast]

Nice story, very sexy. Never be afraid to run wild with something that excites you, regardless of what others might think. A lot of people on here want a story written specifically for their own tastes without all the work of actually writing it. You know what Abe Lincoln said about pleasing all the people all the time? Well, it seems to hold especially true for people touching themselves.

If I were to offer only a small quibble, and this is a personal preference more than a critique, I would have have liked the woman to have a bit more dialogue, though I understand your possible reasons for keeping her silent. It might help the reader connect more to the main character. Then again, maybe I just like verbal women.

 

[sr71plt]

Re advice for next time, if you write one focusing on violence, brutality, and anger next time, you'll probably get the same response from those leaving comments. The comments don't seem to be hateful; they just are rejecting the level of violence, brutality, and disregard for women that you presented. Doesn't mean not to write it; it means to expect these comments if you do.

You flipped between present and past tense a few times near the beginning, which you should try not to do, and there are some punctuation issues. But nothing serious in that vein.

 

[lovecraft68]

Re advice for next time, if you write one focusing on violence, brutality, and anger next time, you'll probably get the same response from those leaving comments. The comments don't seem to be hateful; they just are rejecting the level of violence, brutality, and disregard for women that you presented. Doesn't mean not to write it; it means to expect these comments if you do.

You flipped between present and past tense a few times near the beginning, which you should try not to do, and there are some punctuation issues. But nothing serious in that vein.[/QUOTE



What's interesting is the words I highlighted are pretty much what is looked for in a category titled non consent.

I'm wondering if these remarks are left by trolls. The type that hate a category but go into it anyway and either read and get "offended" by the story or simply run up and down leaving bombs and nasty remarks.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The comments don't seem to be hateful; they just are rejecting the level of violence, brutality, and disregard for women that you presented.

What's interesting is the words I highlighted are pretty much what is looked for in a category titled non consent.

True, but from what I've seen most of the stories in NC invest more effort into the mandatory "...but then she ended up liking it" aspect. I suspect that aspect is what allows a lot of people to feel comfortable reading NC stories, because they can tell themselves nobody was really harmed in the end - it's still rape, but it's sugar-coated rape that's easier for the reader to stomach because they can tell themselves nobody was really harmed in the end.

This story had about the minimum amount of sugar-coating required to get past moderation; maybe that's not enough for the average reader.

 

[sr71plt]

True, but from what I've seen most of the stories in NC invest more effort into the mandatory "...but then she ended up liking it" aspect. I suspect that aspect is what allows a lot of people to feel comfortable reading NC stories, because they can tell themselves nobody was really harmed in the end - it's still rape, but it's sugar-coated rape that's easier for the reader to stomach because they can tell themselves nobody was really harmed in the end.

This story had about the minimum amount of sugar-coating required to get past moderation; maybe that's not enough for the average reader.

Yes, this is what I saw.

 

[BonnevilleFlats]

My personal preferences are that I like incest stories but don't like non-consent. (In my twisted fictional world it is ok to have sex with a family member as long as no one gets raped.) You will get nasty comments no matter what in non-consent, loving wives and, to a certain extent, interracial couplings. Incest and BDSM have a very demanding set of readers and a good BDSM or incest story that is outside the norms of what readers in that category expect will draw angry comments.

Advice for next time? You might try writing a story in a category that attracts less vitriol. The comments are more likely to be helpful. Mature, gay male, erotic couplings, first time, etc.. Or you can be like me and write stories with boner killers -- less attractive characters, unsympathetic characters, descriptions of gay sex in a hetero story -- as a personal challenge. If you can get a reasonably high score despite the boner killers you are on your way to becoming a good writer of erotic fiction.

Any writing, erotic or not, requires a thick skin. The best writers of literary fiction all started out submitting stories to small literary journals with print runs of 500 and 1,000 copies and dealt with rejection slips. On a site like this you get angry comments. Just keep writing and don't let the reactions drive you to drink -- an occupational hazzard. My major concern is getting to the next level as far as my skills go. I would love a red H or a story that makes it to the Hall of Fame but those aren't my reasons for writing. The number one reason why I write is to learn about the world and people. I want to write something erotic that also teaches me something.

 

[chocolatecookie3]

I liked it. It's just not some people's cup of tea. Many people don't comment or vote but still love it. Write what you like to write and try not to worry about people's comments!

 

[Etaski]

Agreed; there's nothing wrong with the fantasy itself and it's definitely one intended for the sub.

It's in the style of the storytelling you chose: immediate and blank slate.

The minimal dialogue and focus on action with only a few fleeting thoughts and always only on those actions meant your readers could not get to know these two as characters in a story. Therefore the only other option for them was to try to plant themselves in the place of one or the other, the rapist or the victim.

Many are not going to like that.

If the characters have a name and a touch of personality and are separate from the reader, they could enjoy this level of brutality without getting too close. It's the way it works. It's how TV and news and movies all work.

When it's vague who the characters even are in this fantasy (therefore is "blank slate" territory where anyone can place themselves there), there isn't an easy option for separation. Your commenters were reacting to their own discomfort and fear placing themselves directly in the story because you gave them no choice.

The story is fine--in fact, kudos for making it so intense. But if you want to write another like it with a better response here, I would suggest giving the characters names and some personality and a few thoughts and some dialogue not only linked to the action itself. Provide a plausible barrier between the act and the reader, and they will be more lenient about the violence.

 

[sr71plt]

If the message you want to get across is the impersonal brutality of the acts, you don't really want to write warm and fuzzy characters the reader gets to know and identify with. There are all sorts of techniques that can legitimacy be used in this vein. I don't know what the author intended, but I sure as hell don't have to know all about a character's childhood in every form of storytelling. It all depends on what emphasis is intended.

In what was conveyed in this one, for me it just went beyond the parameters that I think of as a nonconsent story. For me, to separate nonconsent from flat rape, what I need to see established with a character is a basic want for the sex, no matter how much they struggle with themselves over not wanting that, before it occurs.

 

[Ironiclaconic]

If the message you want to get across is the impersonal brutality of the acts, you don't really want to write warm and fuzzy characters the reader gets to know and identify with. There are all sorts of techniques that can legitimacy be used in this vein. I don't know what the author intended, but I sure as hell don't have to know all about a character's childhood in every form of storytelling. It all depends on what emphasis is intended.

In what was conveyed in this one, for me it just went beyond the parameters that I think of as a nonconsent story. For me, to separate nonconsent from flat rape, what I need to see established with a character is a basic want for the sex, no matter how much they struggle with themselves over not wanting that, before it occurs.

Yes. This read to me like a brutal story that shifted into the "she wants this" *after* I was already hating the attacker.

Another thing is the attacker himself. The guy was a rapist, flat out. You can't rationalize him away as someone who really knew this was a fantasy of hers. He is a guy who raped a woman in a bathroom.

The subtleties of nonconsent are lost on me, and I have seen equally brutal stories result in women gushing in the comment threads, but the difference in those seems to be an early telegraphing of the woman's fantasy and the man's actions being explained or "excused" (he is under orders and is conflicted, he knows she wants this, revenge, he is an alpha male and such behavior is his prerogative, etc.) (use of scare quotes is because I don't think rape is excusable but the NC readership seems to see mitigating factors).

 

[laffalot]

I was turned off by the brutality of the story, and the idea that the nameless woman could be turned on by a vicious rape in a gas station restroom seemed wrong. I may have liked it more if you had spent some time describing her inner turmoil instead of just doing a physical description of events as they happened. It almost felt like reading a newspaper article in the beginning, and the initial violence felt like the beginning of a snuff story. I was assuming that she was terrified during the assault, but there was no mention of her being scared, just that she was feeling pain, which quickly changed to pleasure for some reason. Maybe I'm being picky, but that is my opinion. I feel that if a woman is being raped and beaten by a stranger, while her body may betray her and be brought to unwilling orgasm, the chances of her being happy afterwards are very slim. Don't be discouraged from writing more though. It's not for me, but others seem to enjoy it, and you will find your fans.

 

[sr71plt]

There's some slight chance that this was meant as a game-playing plot where the woman has arranged for the experience beforehand. There's a hint of that at the end. If this is the case, then the "what to do better next time" might be to telegraph that scenario better. And if it's the case, this wouldn't be a nonconsent story.

 

[Etaski]

If the message you want to get across is the impersonal brutality of the acts, you don't really want to write warm and fuzzy characters the reader gets to know and identify with. There are all sorts of techniques that can legitimacy be used in this vein. I don't know what the author intended, but I sure as hell don't have to know all about a character's childhood in every form of storytelling. It all depends on what emphasis is intended.

Sure. Childhood memories.

For the OP, here's a Non-Consent with full back story, fully developed characters with personalities that does the brutality right:

http://www.literotica.com/s/trophy-wife-ch-01-1

Just for comparison, you'll notice he still got similar comments that you got, but he also got supporters, just as you did. Yours is still a different fantasy and I'm not saying copy this style, but this is just an example of what I mean about the barrier like watching violence on TV.

 

[sr71plt]

*Shrug.* I continue to reject the notion that either a full backstory or "identifying" with any of the characters are necessary elements of all forms of a short story. It depends on what aspect of the storyline you are emphasizing. If brutal and impersonal are the major theme points, you don't follow any lame backstory or identifying-with-a character formula. You don't even necessarily name the characters. Writing isn't that limited to pat little Creative Writing 101 boxes.

 

[soham302]

To alloew readers to choose their own langauge for reading of Incest Sex Stories.

I would like to inform you that most of the readers doesn't know English. So they are unable to enjoy the stories. Therefore I would like to request you give on Top Language Bar Button to select readers own language. Just like English, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi, Tamil, Russian, Chinese, Japanese etc. etc.

 

[sr71plt]

I would like to inform you that most of the readers doesn't know English. So they are unable to enjoy the stories. Therefore I would like to request you give on Top Language Bar Button to select readers own language. Just like English, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi, Tamil, Russian, Chinese, Japanese etc. etc.

I have no idea how that gets a Literotica story written and submitted in English translated coherently into any other language. Explanation? Some of my works here (and elsewhere) have been translated into other languages, but the translator asked for permission to do that (I hope) and expended energy to translate and submit it.

(And I'd be very surprised to learn that most Literotica readers aren't English speakers.)

 

[i_would]

As others pointed out, some minor grammar issues like tenses and punctuation, and once a "you're" which should be "your". While not bad, errors happen, to me they are very distracting. Ask someone to proof read may help you get rid of many such issues.

The story started off well, but also to me the idea that she actually enjoyed it in the end is just wrong. Totally unbelievable to me. The concept that her body reacts to the sexual assault is true, I've heard this very often about actual rapes. Even if the victim really doesn't want it. I don't know whether a woman can actually be stimulated to reach orgasm against her will though.

No names is fine to me, makes it all the more anonymous. A random act by a random stranger, her being just a girl that ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time. No dialogue is also sensible considering the situation - not likely she'd say more than protests.

And a final remark on the comments: the three negative comments are anonymous. You should value those far less than non-anonymous comments. Not that people writing under a nickname here (like myself) are much less anonymous, of course.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My experiences with LIT readers convinced me that many of them are seriously inexperienced sexually or live sheltered lives.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The story started off well, but also to me the idea that she actually enjoyed it in the end is just wrong. Totally unbelievable to me.

It's just about a requirement for NC stories on this site.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175666

"We generally do not accept submissions of nonconsensual sex in which the "victim" gets absolutely no sort of thrill or enjoyment from the acts, or is seriously and /or permanently physically harmed/abused."

I'm not sure making that particular myth mandatory is a good idea, but them's the rules.

 

[lovecraft68]

It's just about a requirement for NC stories on this site.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175666

"We generally do not accept submissions of nonconsensual sex in which the "victim" gets absolutely no sort of thrill or enjoyment from the acts, or is seriously and /or permanently physically harmed/abused."

I'm not sure making that particular myth mandatory is a good idea, but them's the rules.

Thank you! Glad to see someone post that link other than me.

And yes, it adds to a ridiculous myth, but if you think about it, each category here does spread a dangerous myth. Look at incest, going by the stories there, you would be hard pressed to find a family that didn't have sex with each other.

 

[i_would]

It's just about a requirement for NC stories on this site.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=175666

"We generally do not accept submissions of nonconsensual sex in which the "victim" gets absolutely no sort of thrill or enjoyment from the acts, or is seriously and /or permanently physically harmed/abused."

I'm not sure making that particular myth mandatory is a good idea, but them's the rules.

I know about that requirement but doesn't mean she has to be so very happy about it. Physical arousal against her will, reaching orgasm against her will, that's still some kind of "enjoyment". But maybe I'm interpreting it diffently than TPTB would. Though I do have one NC story out on this site where the victim got lured into the sex willingly but in the end is left behind sobbing and anything but happy. Got accepted without issues.

 

[i_would]

Thinking more on the line of this story, making it more believable. This is more how I would write it.

She gets hit on the head and abducted. Her attacker rips her clothes off of her body, the shock and pain prevent her from fighting back. This is followed by the forced sex. While she starts to wrestle her way out, her body starts to react, she senses a strong sexual arousal. Arousal becomes so strong that she loses her will to fight, instead gives in to her attacker, albeit actually against her will but she just can't fight her body's response. Unexpectedly her fear and her pain add to her orgasm when it finally comes, and coming it does.

The euphoria lasts of course only until he's done with her, after which she's dumped in the corner and left for a piece of trash. Reality sets in like the high of a drug passing, she realises how she's now sitting there, still bleeding, clothes ripped apart, cum dripping out of her.