The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you get a herd of smutty plot bunnies, you dirty devil!

I put in an anthology of vacuum cleaner porn...

but instead of sucking, it blows.


I put in a 1948 calendar, celebrating the local Girl Guides.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but instead of sucking, it blows.


I put in a 1948 calendar, celebrating the local Girl Guides.

And you get chased by a group of geriatric feminists.


I put in a can of pitted cherries.....

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get chased by a group of geriatric feminists.


I put in a can of pitted cherries.....

and they all sink in the pit


I put in a can of 'past its date' Orange juice

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and they all sink in the pit


I put in a can of 'past its date' Orange juice

And it mixes just fine with some vodka from Chernobyl.


I put in Mrs Butterworth.

 

[Handley_Page]

And it mixes just fine with some vodka from Chernobyl.


I put in Mrs Butterworth.

But they took away too many of her calories.



I put in a Sunny morning.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But they took away too many of her calories.



I put in a Sunny morning.

And the singing birds wake a grouchy old bastard and he ruins everybody's day.


I put in aloe vera gel.

 

[Handley_Page]

And the singing birds wake a grouchy old bastard and he ruins everybody's day.


I put in aloe vera gel.

and Vera says: "Can I have it back, now, please?"


I put in a signal generator

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and Vera says: "Can I have it back, now, please?"


I put in a signal generator

and it generates indeicpherable signals.

I put in a it of excitement at S.E.T.I. HQ...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and it generates indeicpherable signals.

I put in a it of excitement at S.E.T.I. HQ...

But the aliens took a look around and decided there is only deviants here and leave.


I put in a satellite dish.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the aliens took a look around and decided there is only deviants here and leave.

I put in a satellite dish.

but it wasn't popular with the customers so it was taken off the menu.



I put in a ball race

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but it wasn't popular with the customers so it was taken off the menu.



I put in a ball race

But the dick in front hampers their progress.

I put in the key to a '67 VW Beetle

 

[NekoParks]

But the dick in front hampers their progress.

I put in the key to a '67 VW Beetle

and everyone's email is attack by the love bug...

I put in the key of awesome..

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and everyone's email is attack by the love bug...

I put in the key of awesome..

and it gets transposed to Mixolydian Mode.

I put in a mixer with Lydia...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and it gets transposed to Mixolydian Mode.

I put in a mixer with Lydia...

But she mixes too much salt in and the cake tastes like shit.


I put in an old fashioned egg beater.

 

[NekoParks]

But she mixes too much salt in and the cake tastes like shit.


I put in an old fashioned egg beater.

and you get old fashioned runny meringue.

I put in rusty nail cocktail

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get old fashioned runny meringue.

I put in rusty nail cocktail

and you get spontaneous intestinal hemorrhaging.

I put in a variety of synthetic clotting factors...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get old fashioned runny meringue.

I put in rusty nail cocktail

and keeping the toilet window open is a necessity thereafter.



I put in a hot curry

 

[NekoParks]

and keeping the toilet window open is a necessity thereafter.



I put in a hot curry

And you get a hot yellow tongue.

I put in box of Cracker Jacks...

 

[ms.read]

And you get a hot yellow tongue.

I put in box of Cracker Jacks...

And you get a big bowl of semen.


I put in a big bowl of Ramen soup beef flavor.

 

[SwitchMami]

And you get a big bowl of semen.


I put in a big bowl of Ramen soup beef flavor.

and you get a first season DVD collection of the original Dr Who

I put in my old crocheted stocking cap ...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a first season DVD collection of the original Dr Who

I put in my old crocheted stocking cap ...

half-eaten by something mysterious


I put in a 13mm spanner

 

[Saxon_Hart]

half-eaten by something mysterious


I put in a 13mm spanner

But you find you need a 14mm.


I put in a Bethoven wig.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But you find you need a 14mm.


I put in a Bethoven wig.

and you get Beth's oven mitt.

I put in a silicone pot holder...

 

[NekoParks]

and you get Beth's oven mitt.

I put in a silicone pot holder...

And you get a Betty "Boop" Crocker.

I put in a waste of shame. . . .

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get a Betty "Boop" Crocker.

I put in a waste of shame. . . .

and you get a bucketful of pride.

I put in a fall from the wall...