The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you get a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport. 0-60 mph time: 2.4 secs

I put in a Nina Simone song "Sinner Man"...

and you get a Sitar playing Ravi Shankar


I put in a crumhorn

 

[NekoParks]

and you get a Sitar playing Ravi Shankar


I put in a crumhorn

and you get a musical group at a Renaissance Festival . . . .

I put in Renaissance motets . . . .

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a musical group at a Renaissance Festival . . . .

I put in Renaissance motets . . . .

and you get three plainsongs.

I put in a free organum...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get three plainsongs.

I put in a free organum...

but it's in thirds.


I put in Bix's cornet.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but it's in thirds.


I put in Bix's cornet.

But you get a rusted Dodge Coronet.


I put in a gallon of nitromethane.

 

[Handley_Page]

But you get a rusted Dodge Coronet.


I put in a gallon of nitromethane.

But the model airplane is in for a service.



I put in a 35cc engine

 

[glynndah]

But the model airplane is in for a service.



I put in a 35cc engine

And it plays a 10cc song.

I put in a pint of slightly stale milk.

 

[NekoParks]

And it plays a 10cc song.

I put in a pint of slightly stale milk.

And you get buttermilk...

I put in pint of melted ice cream...

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get buttermilk...

I put in pint of melted ice cream...

but even the Cat turns up its nose at it.



I put in some Brussels sprouts.

 

[NekoParks]

but even the Cat turns up its nose at it.



I put in some Brussels sprouts.

and you get a mouth full of food that tastes like sweaty tennis shoes...

I put in pair of ice blue Snakeskin Manolo Blahnik pumps. . . .

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a mouth full of food that tastes like sweaty tennis shoes...

I put in pair of ice blue Snakeskin Manolo Blahnik pumps. . . .

But they are no good whatsoever in draining the bath.


I put in a new oil pump.

 

[NekoParks]

But they are no good whatsoever in draining the bath.


I put in a new oil pump.

but all it pumps is salt water from the Texas prairie...

I put in some leeks and potatoes...

 

[Handley_Page]

but all it pumps is salt water from the Texas prairie...

I put in some leeks and potatoes...

but the carrots are off, so the soup is cancelled.



I put in a pound of toffee.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but the carrots are off, so the soup is cancelled.



I put in a pound of toffee.

And Mr. Heath calls and wants his candy back.


I put in half a pound of raw peanuts.

 

[Handley_Page]

And Mr. Heath calls and wants his candy back.


I put in half a pound of raw peanuts.

but the fire is out so we cannot roast them.



I put in a microwave oven.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the fire is out so we cannot roast them.



I put in a microwave oven.

and you get a roasting pan of well-done microwaves.

I put in some unexploded ordinance...

 

[glynndah]

and you get a roasting pan of well-done microwaves.

I put in some unexploded ordinance...

And the city makes some goofy rule about it.

I toss in a couple of empty butane lighters.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And the city makes some goofy rule about it.

I toss in a couple of empty butane lighters.

and the residual vapours cause an explosion.

I put in a nano-tech robot team to repair the VM (naughty Glynndah!)...

 

[glynndah]

and the residual vapours cause an explosion.

I put in a nano-tech robot team to repair the VM (naughty Glynndah!)...

And Mork pops out.

I toss in a pair of rainbow-striped suspenders.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And Mork pops out.

I toss in a pair of rainbow-striped suspenders.

and you get a Gay-Pride Parade.

I put in some dancing in the streets...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a Gay-Pride Parade.

I put in some dancing in the streets...

But Martha has throat trouble.
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KhbM2mqhCQ ]


I put in a record for the synch.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But Martha has throat trouble.
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KhbM2mqhCQ ]


I put in a record for the synch.

But the record pleads the 5th and stays silent.


I put in four yapping schnauzers.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the record pleads the 5th and stays silent.

I put in four yapping schnauzers.

Easily dealt with by the three Doberman Pinchers.



I put in a St Bernard, complete with Brandy flask.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Easily dealt with by the three Doberman Pinchers.



I put in a St Bernard, complete with Brandy flask.

But the drunken doggie shits on your couch.


I put in a Carmen Miranda hat.

 

[NekoParks]

But the drunken doggie shits on your couch.


I put in a Carmen Miranda hat.

and I get a Hope and Crosby movie...

I put in an old Hostess Twinkie. . .