The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get two eager beavers... or I do ( bless you both - you're so lovely )

I put in a shakespearian soliloquoy

and it gets entered as 2b ~2b, so you end up with an assortment of Faber-Castell drawing pencils.

I put in 100% rag rough-tooth sheets...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it gets entered as 2b ~2b, so you end up with an assortment of Faber-Castell drawing pencils.

I put in 100% rag rough-tooth sheets...

but the ink makes a real mess of the page.


I put in an off-set Lytho printing machine.

 

[mynameisben]

and it gets entered as 2b ~2b, so you end up with an assortment of Faber-Castell drawing pencils.

I put in 100% rag rough-tooth sheets...

and you get back the latest issue of Cosmopolitain


I put in a 9-inch breadstick and a doughnut.

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get back the latest issue of Cosmopolitain


I put in a 9-inch breadstick and a doughnut.

but it gets taken away as evidence in the 'footlong' trial.


I put in a UK "Euro-burger".

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it gets taken away as evidence in the 'footlong' trial.


I put in a UK "Euro-burger".

and it's value gets pegged to the Big Mac.

I put in a Nebraska Burger from that eponymous eatery on L'Avenida Goya in Madrid...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and it's value gets pegged to the Big Mac.

I put in a Nebraska Burger from that eponymous eatery on L'Avenida Goya in Madrid...

But you get rancid cold McD's fries and it ruins the experience.

I put in Jimmi Hendrix and two tabs of acid.

 

[NekoParks]

But you get rancid cold McD's fries and it ruins the experience.

I put in Jimmi Hendrix and two tabs of acid.

And you get "The Star Spangle Banner" ala Hendrix...


I put in U2's CD Achtung Baby...

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get "The Star Spangle Banner" ala Hendrix...


I put in U2's CD Achtung Baby...

but the fuse blows.


I put in Beethoven's later quartets.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the fuse blows.


I put in Beethoven's later quartets.

and you get a fifth of cheap Bourbon.

I put in the fourth volume of a trilogy...

 

[NekoParks]

and you get a fifth of cheap Bourbon.

I put in the fourth volume of a trilogy...

and you get another Die Hard movie starring Bruce Willis or a bunch of Hobbits...

I drop in another "reality" TV with spoiled rich wives. . .

 

[Storiest]

and you get another Die Hard movie starring Bruce Willis or a bunch of Hobbits...

I drop in another "reality" TV with spoiled rich wives. . .

And you get billions of dollars.

I put in squirrel stew.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get billions of dollars.

I put in squirrel stew.

and you get a mouthfull of BB shot.

I put in a marmot in a marmite...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a mouthfull of BB shot.

I put in a marmot in a marmite...

it's not very good for polishing your shoes.



I put in a pair of Purdy's

 

[Saxon_Hart]

it's not very good for polishing your shoes.



I put in a pair of Purdy's

And you get accused of cross-dressing.

I put in a copy of Young Lady Chatterly.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get accused of cross-dressing.

I put in a copy of Young Lady Chatterly.

and you get back the real thing.

I put in a 3-D printer...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get back the real thing.

I put in a 3-D printer...

But the resulting spanner is no damned good.



I put in a 6mm hex wrench.

 

[glynndah]

But the resulting spanner is no damned good.



I put in a 6mm hex wrench.

And you get a 6' hexed wench.

I put in a heart-shaped box with nothing but icky cream-filled chocolates left.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a 6' hexed wench.

I put in a heart-shaped box with nothing but icky cream-filled chocolates left.

And the evil queen of numbers sets upon you a curse.


I put in a new glass of scotch

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And the evil queen of numbers sets upon you a curse.


I put in a new glass of scotch

and you get a new Glasgow Scot.

I put in a haggis...

 

[glynndah]

and you get a new Glasgow Scot.

I put in a haggis...

And it's tossed right back out!

I add a piece of Scottish shortbread.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And it's tossed right back out!

I add a piece of Scottish shortbread.

and it doesn't go far enough.

I put in a steal at third base...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it doesn't go far enough.

I put in a steal at third base...

and you get aluminium at Home Base
[it's a DIY store chain]



I put in a length of all-thread.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get aluminium at Home Base
[it's a DIY store chain]



I put in a length of all-thread.

And you get a pair of nuts.

I put in a spark plug from a twenty year old chain saw.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a pair of nuts.

I put in a spark plug from a twenty year old chain saw.

but the light's gone out; the spark's gone.



I put in a new fuel injector valve.

 

[NekoParks]

but the light's gone out; the spark's gone.



I put in a new fuel injector valve.

and you get a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport. 0-60 mph time: 2.4 secs

I put in a Nina Simone song "Sinner Man"...