Start acting upon fantasies

[Alxinwonderland]

Hi everyone,I'm new to posting on the bulletin boards,but have been reading (and wrote one story!) for a while now. My fiancé and I used to have a great sex life,which gradually cooled down and we now have sex on average about once a month. We have a young child which doesn't help really,but recently I've been finding myself having more energy and being generally more up for it and I really want to gove our love life a great big kick up the backside! But,we tend to only talk about fantasies during sex,and that's great,gets us both off but I want to start acting out some (or all) or them. I've tried talking to him,but I think he gets embarassed and changes the subject or we get interrupted. So,how can I go about letting him know what I want,and getting him to tell me? I thought about emailing him links to some lit stories that turn me on and see if I can get him to do the same. I'm just nervous incase he doesn't respond well to what I fantasise about

 

[eric60red]

Hi everyone,I'm new to posting on the bulletin boards,but have been reading (and wrote one story!) for a while now. My fiancé and I used to have a great sex life,which gradually cooled down and we now have sex on average about once a month. We have a young child which doesn't help really,but recently I've been finding myself having more energy and being generally more up for it and I really want to gove our love life a great big kick up the backside! But,we tend to only talk about fantasies during sex,and that's great,gets us both off but I want to start acting out some (or all) or them. I've tried talking to him,but I think he gets embarassed and changes the subject or we get interrupted. So,how can I go about letting him know what I want,and getting him to tell me? I thought about emailing him links to some lit stories that turn me on and see if I can get him to do the same. I'm just nervous incase he doesn't respond well to what I fantasise about

Oh you have lol, I just found you Time to buy some sexy underwear, stockings with hold ups, high heel shoes, stand in front of him and tell him to come and get you

 

[Scotsman69]

I'm sure you'll work it out lassie. Happy to chat if it would help. It might help if you would enable PMs.

 

[Alxinwonderland]

I think I've enabled pm's now...I have the sexy undies,just need the confidence to wear them I think!

 

[Eilan]

I think I've enabled pm's now...I have the sexy undies,just need the confidence to wear them I think!

Yyou've enabled PMs and you appear to be female, so you'll likely want to know about the PM Asshattery thread.

Welcome to Lit.

 

[Alxinwonderland]

Yyou've enabled PMs and you appear to be female, so you'll likely want to know about the PM Asshattery thread.

Welcome to Lit.

So is that thread for all the ridiculous pm's I might get?

 

[njlauren]

The best way to get started is to talk about them, but not in bed, because in bed they are a stimulous to getting off hard, not actually discussing it. There are books on the subject (sex self help books are more common then political blather, and at least can be interesting...), but in the end what I found it comes down to is communication. Maybe set up a sexy scene for a night of sex, but the first requirement before moving on to the bedroom is you each have to share 1 fantasy, and talk about how you could carry it out, if both parties are willing (note, I don't mean you talk about it then do it, I would recommend not doing that, that any fantasies discussed and agreed upon be for a future session).

When talking about fantasies, it is important:

1)The when either of you mentions one, the other one has to stay courteous, even if he/she thinks it is the silliest thing ever head, laughing or making faces is a no no....and that one has to be enforced by both parties. If it happens, then the one being laughed at should call the other one to task (uness, of course, they are both laughing at it....it is okay to have silly fantasies, some of them can be fun).

2)Both parties have to agree to talk about the fantasy the other person shared. The person whose fantasy it is has to share how he/she sees it playing out, then the other person says how they feel about it. If it turns into a definite no, leave it at that; or if there are elements that are a no, like the woman suggests a threesome with another guy and wants her guy to do something with the other guy, that may be a no, but the threesome a maybe......

3)If someone gets uncomfortable talking about a fantasy, shelve it for another time, maybe when fantasy talk is more common.

4)If it comes down to the doing, I found it works great to start small with it, even if it is pillow talk fantasy, and then build it up. If you ever decide to do it, I recommend starting small (for example, let's say it was bd/sm, start with wearing a blindfold, or having someone's arms tied up, whatever) and working on it through subsequent times.

5)If either party when you tries it has trouble, freaks out, says no, end it.....can be talked about always, but stop it.

One of the things I have found about fantasies and fantasy play is that there needs to be a feeling of safety about it, that it won't be too much too fast , or threatening the relationship. Multiple people in a sex scene is the most obvious example of this, fear of the other person comparing more favorably to one of the couple, replacing them, etc.......it has to be safe to talk about fantasies, use them in sex as pillow talk, and in actually doing them. For me, the fun part of fantasy enactment is the whole process, from the time we started talking about it, exploring it in pillow talk, and then when we actually did it, was a fucking amazing experience, and it made when we did it even hotter..plus it infused our relationship with all kinds of things, subtle teasing, innuendo when saying something 'innocent' with others around, a lot of fun.

 

[Alxinwonderland]

The best way to get started is to talk about them, but not in bed, because in bed they are a stimulous to getting off hard, not actually discussing it. There are books on the subject (sex self help books are more common then political blather, and at least can be interesting...), but in the end what I found it comes down to is communication. Maybe set up a sexy scene for a night of sex, but the first requirement before moving on to the bedroom is you each have to share 1 fantasy, and talk about how you could carry it out, if both parties are willing (note, I don't mean you talk about it then do it, I would recommend not doing that, that any fantasies discussed and agreed upon be for a future session).

When talking about fantasies, it is important:

1)The when either of you mentions one, the other one has to stay courteous, even if he/she thinks it is the silliest thing ever head, laughing or making faces is a no no....and that one has to be enforced by both parties. If it happens, then the one being laughed at should call the other one to task (uness, of course, they are both laughing at it....it is okay to have silly fantasies, some of them can be fun).

2)Both parties have to agree to talk about the fantasy the other person shared. The person whose fantasy it is has to share how he/she sees it playing out, then the other person says how they feel about it. If it turns into a definite no, leave it at that; or if there are elements that are a no, like the woman suggests a threesome with another guy and wants her guy to do something with the other guy, that may be a no, but the threesome a maybe......

3)If someone gets uncomfortable talking about a fantasy, shelve it for another time, maybe when fantasy talk is more common.

4)If it comes down to the doing, I found it works great to start small with it, even if it is pillow talk fantasy, and then build it up. If you ever decide to do it, I recommend starting small (for example, let's say it was bd/sm, start with wearing a blindfold, or having someone's arms tied up, whatever) and working on it through subsequent times.

5)If either party when you tries it has trouble, freaks out, says no, end it.....can be talked about always, but stop it.

One of the things I have found about fantasies and fantasy play is that there needs to be a feeling of safety about it, that it won't be too much too fast , or threatening the relationship. Multiple people in a sex scene is the most obvious example of this, fear of the other person comparing more favorably to one of the couple, replacing them, etc.......it has to be safe to talk about fantasies, use them in sex as pillow talk, and in actually doing them. For me, the fun part of fantasy enactment is the whole process, from the time we started talking about it, exploring it in pillow talk, and then when we actually did it, was a fucking amazing experience, and it made when we did it even hotter..plus it infused our relationship with all kinds of things, subtle teasing, innuendo when saying something 'innocent' with others around, a lot of fun.

I like your suggestions very much, makes a lot of sense. Just need to try and get him to be a bit more talkative and we'll be sorted then!

 

[njlauren]

I like your suggestions very much, makes a lot of sense. Just need to try and get him to be a bit more talkative and we'll be sorted then!

Yeah, that may be tough, guys don't like to talk a lot of the time. One way is to hint that if he is willing to talk about this stuff, hot rewards will follow (I know, kind of shallow, leading them by their dick, but wtf, all is fair in love and war!)

 

[Alxinwonderland]

Yeah, that may be tough, guys don't like to talk a lot of the time. One way is to hint that if he is willing to talk about this stuff, hot rewards will follow (I know, kind of shallow, leading them by their dick, but wtf, all is fair in love and war!)

He used to always be led by his dick,not so much now...might need to get him back into that frame of mind!

 

[KlaytonFrost]

I like the idea of sharing material that you find arousing. I wonder though if pornography or erotic film might be a better medium to start from. Seems counterintuitive, but he seems to get embarassed even talking about sex. Videos aren't quite as involved or feelings-y as stories. They take less effort to get into, and you don't have to use words (embarassing, sexy words) to describe something you liked... you can just point to a bit of the video.