The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you trip over a crawling crowd of drunken students.

I put in a stern dean...

but he's right at the back of the boat, tied to the rudder.


I put in a bow-thruster

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but he's right at the back of the boat, tied to the rudder.


I put in a bow-thruster

and you get a 44DD full support bra.

I put in a tour on the Black Ball Line...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a 44DD full support bra.

I put in a tour on the Black Ball Line...

and the black kisses the cushion and tips the pink for a pocket

I put in lump of frozen oxygen

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the black kisses the cushion and tips the pink for a pocket

I put in lump of frozen oxygen

and your neighbour pops it in the microwave for defrosting.

I put in a well-frosted neighbourhood...

 

[stickygirl]

and your neighbour pops it in the microwave for defrosting.

I put in a well-frosted neighbourhood...

and your neighbours become dragons - puff

I put in a yellow brick road

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and your neighbours become dragons - puff

I put in a yellow brick road

and you get a troop of flying monkeys.

I put in a Kansas cornfield...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a troop of flying monkeys.

I put in a Kansas cornfield...

and you get a troop of ghostly baseball players

I put in an African missionary

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a troop of ghostly baseball players

I put in an African missionary

and the Archbisop of Canterbury becomes his first convert to polytheistic animism.

I put in a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian...

 

[stickygirl]

and the Archbisop of Canterbury becomes his first convert to polytheistic animism.

I put in a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian...

and you find a plain knocker on your door

I put in blackberty vodkha and a sloe gin

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you find a plain knocker on your door

I put in blackberty vodkha and a sloe gin

and you get a qwerty message on your blackberry telling you to go slow with that gin before your essays become completely unitellligible.

I put in a dry martini and a fast woman...

 

[SailorJerry]

and you get a qwerty message on your blackberry telling you to go slow with that gin before your essays become completely unitellligible.

I put in a dry martini and a fast woman...

And you get left tied up in the motel room with no wallet, clothes, or car keys.

I put in an Oxford comma.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get left tied up in the motel room with no wallet, clothes, or car keys.

I put in an Oxford comma.

but it's from the Corn flakes cereal box.


I put in a bowl of rolled oats

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it's from the Corn flakes cereal box.


I put in a bowl of rolled oats

and you get back a tin of McCanns Steel Cut Oats.

I put in a bowl of gritty porridge...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get back a tin of McCanns Steel Cut Oats.

I put in a bowl of gritty porridge...

and no treacle anywhere in sight



I put in a tin of Fijian sea salt

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and no treacle anywhere in sight



I put in a tin of Fijian sea salt

and the salt workers in the Camargue protest to the Euromarket authorities.

I put in a weekend at Stes-Maries-de-Mer...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the salt workers in the Camargue protest to the Euromarket authorities.

I put in a weekend at Stes-Maries-de-Mer...

and it rains; a lot. even more, it gets me very, very wet.


I put in a trip to Aire's Rock

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and it rains; a lot. even more, it gets me very, very wet.


I put in a trip to Aire's Rock

and you get lost in the Alchera.

I put in a handy Pitjantatjara phrase book...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get lost in the Alchera.

I put in a handy Pitjantatjara phrase book...

but it's for Swahili speakers

I put in a pulsed xenon laser

 

[Handley_Page]

but it's for Swahili speakers

I put in a pulsed xenon laser

but it's out of calibration.


I put in a known value

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it's out of calibration.


I put in a known value

and you find a more valuable unknown.

I put in adjacent Fibonacci numbers...

 

[stickygirl]

and you find a more valuable unknown.

I put in adjacent Fibonacci numbers...

but you find the sum of two parts is greater than the whole

I put in Paris, a grater and a hole

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but you find the sum of two parts is greater than the whole

I put in Paris, a grater and a hole

and Helen complains that all he wants is food and sex.

I put in a thousand ships...

 

[Handley_Page]

and Helen complains that all he wants is food and sex.

I put in a thousand ships...

but they don't fill the Bath.


I put in a new marine drive

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but they don't fill the Bath.


I put in a new marine drive

and they still get cause a traffic jam.

I put in the U.S. Army procurement office...

 

[Handley_Page]

and they still get cause a traffic jam.

I put in the U.S. Army procurement office...

and you get a bill valued at $10,000 for a coffee machine.



I put in a wet coat.