OK, Earth: this time you've gone too far.

[KRCummings]

I just got wood.

Are you building a shed?

 

[JohnnySavage]

Are you building a shed?

I certainly could, with the supply I have.

 

[chillywilly2]

I'm pretty damn straight and even I would eat Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman.

Not to downgrade them Martha but with your taste you would eat just about anything....pig skins...sheesh

 

[Sean]

Looks like that Brit Bastard never had the nerve to come back after being told how it is by KRC.


Imagine... a Brit talking food. That's like a Floridian talking voting both procedures.

I let it go because, as an American, she's probably never actually tasted real bacon and I wouldn't want to crack the carefully built illusion she's living in.

 

[Colonel Hogan]

I, for one, am just thankful that the British pig industry has a voice so that we can prepare as much as possible in advance of the crisis.

Perhaps one positive ripple effect might be a drop in price for tomatoes and lettuce.

 

[TonyClifton]

Dear Planet Earth:

http://www.spatch.net/booth/cnrbore.jpg

 

[CHNOPS]

http://www.spatch.net/booth/cnrbore.jpg

Nice! Your new av?

 

[Bidin~Time]

So, no lil piggies are going to market?

 

[Peregrinator]

There are very very few women I would seriously consider having sex with. Those two are at the top of the list closely followed by Charlize Theron and Diane Lane.

After that I'd require copious amounts of alcohol and a rufie.

You have spectacular taste. Diane took a couple yoga classes in my friend's studio out in Portland a couple years ago and friend says she's even more gorgeous in person.

 

[run_silent]

Brits don't understand bacon because you don't boil the life out of it.

 

[Peregrinator]

Brits don't understand bacon because you don't boil the life out of it.

No, you fry fucking bread in the fat. Jesus H. Christ, who does shit like that?

 

[Sean]

Brits don't understand bacon because you don't boil the life out of it.

The only people that boil bacon are the Irish.

 

[butters]

Brits don't understand bacon because you don't boil the life out of it.

gammon HAM is what we boil, before roasting. hocks of bacon are what the oldies might have done but i don't think it's common nowadays, just like eating pig's trotters. *gags*
realllll bacon = heaven. smoky bacon.... ahhhhhhhhh

No, you fry fucking bread in the fat. Jesus H. Christ, who does shit like that?

noooooohhhhhh *shudders*

 

[CHNOPS]

For the benefit of humankind, I will now copy and paste the passages from the Bible regarding God's preferred method for cooking:

Go forth and obtain slices of a pig.
And these slices shall be thick, and shall come from the "center."
And these slices shall be well-marbled, as the fat is what flavors the manna.
And these slices shall be placed into a pre-heated frying pan set to the heat they call "Medium."
And they shall be turned often.
And they shall be cooked until evenly done, which thou shalt know by the presence of tiny white bubbles henceforth known as the "God bubbles."
And thou shalt flip the slices of pig one last time to bless each side.
And one by one, thou shalt remove the slices of pig from the pan and place them on an absorbant base, such as might be provided by a thick pile of towels of paper. If a stranger questions your lack of thrift, thou shalt explain that thou art doing God's work.
And as each slice is placed on the towels of paper, thou shalt take another wad of paper towels and press it carefully along the the top to absorb the God Bubbles from the top while pressing the bottom into the bacon manger. The slices of pig should end up flat after this holy procedure.
And thou shalt repeat with each slice in turn, until such time as all the slices of pig have been given a flat home in the holy bacon manger of God.
And thou shalt eat the slices of pig, as if thou art eating Me, or the one named Mila of Kunis.
And it shall be good.
Amen.

 

[chillywilly2]

you spelled centre wrong

 

[CHNOPS]

Thanks for pointing that oot.

 

[run_silent]

For the benefit of humankind, I will now copy and paste the passages from the Bible regarding God's preferred method for cooking:

Go forth and obtain slices of a pig.
And these slices shall be thick, and shall come from the "center."
And these slices shall be well-marbled, as the fat is what flavors the manna.
And these slices shall be placed into a pre-heated frying pan set to the heat they call "Medium."
And they shall be turned often.
And they shall be cooked until evenly done, which thou shalt know by the presence of tiny white bubbles henceforth known as the "God bubbles."
And thou shalt flip the slices of pig one last time to bless each side.
And one by one, thou shalt remove the slices of pig from the pan and place them on an absorbant base, such as might be provided by a thick pile of towels of paper. If a stranger questions your lack of thrift, thou shalt explain that thou art doing God's work.
And as each slice is placed on the towels of paper, thou shalt take another wad of paper towels and press it carefully along the the top to absorb the God Bubbles from the top while pressing the bottom into the bacon manger. The slices of pig should end up flat after this holy procedure.
And thou shalt repeat with each slice in turn, until such time as all the slices of pig have been given a flat home in the holy bacon manger of God.
And thou shalt eat the slices of pig, as if thou art eating Me, or the one named Mila of Kunis.
And it shall be good.
Amen.

Amen and bless you. You have spoken the truth and your work here on this mortal coil is done. You may rest now.

 

[chillywilly2]

Thanks for pointing that oot.

NP, otherwise it was good, but, you have way too much time on your hands...time to move out of moms basement

 

[girlsmiley]

For the benefit of humankind, I will now copy and paste the passages from the Bible regarding God's preferred method for cooking:

Go forth and obtain slices of a pig.
And these slices shall be thick, and shall come from the "center."
And these slices shall be well-marbled, as the fat is what flavors the manna.
And these slices shall be placed into a pre-heated frying pan set to the heat they call "Medium."
And they shall be turned often.
And they shall be cooked until evenly done, which thou shalt know by the presence of tiny white bubbles henceforth known as the "God bubbles."
And thou shalt flip the slices of pig one last time to bless each side.
And one by one, thou shalt remove the slices of pig from the pan and place them on an absorbant base, such as might be provided by a thick pile of towels of paper. If a stranger questions your lack of thrift, thou shalt explain that thou art doing God's work.
And as each slice is placed on the towels of paper, thou shalt take another wad of paper towels and press it carefully along the the top to absorb the God Bubbles from the top while pressing the bottom into the bacon manger. The slices of pig should end up flat after this holy procedure.
And thou shalt repeat with each slice in turn, until such time as all the slices of pig have been given a flat home in the holy bacon manger of God.
And thou shalt eat the slices of pig, as if thou art eating Me, or the one named Mila of Kunis.
And it shall be good.
Amen.

frying pan?

why did you copy and paste that rubbish?

blaspheming arsehole.

some people take their bacon seriously. obviously, you are not one of those people.

 

[mediocre]

Proof that anything can be improved with bacon

 

[CHNOPS]

frying pan?

why did you copy and paste that rubbish?

blaspheming arsehole.

some people take their bacon seriously. obviously, you are not one of those people.

I'm so tired of this "my bacon is better than your bacon" bullshit when it comes to religion. We all pray to the same pig.

 

[CHNOPS]

NP, otherwise it was good, but, you have way too much time on your hands...time to move out of moms basement

Best joke of the year!

(And that year is 1994.)

 

[thør]

I'm so tired of this "my bacon is better than your bacon" bullshit when it comes to religion. We all pray to the same pig.

But, what of the prophets and the purveyors of country ham?

 

[amicus]

Dear Planet Earth:

I was willing to forgive you for all the sunscreen. I have overlooked your propensity to occasionally shake buildings down on top of people and kill them or swallow them in pits of blazing flame. I have even come to terms with the fact that you have tied your fortunes to a sun which will eventually die, thus obliterating hundreds of billions of years of life, art, innovation and inspiration just because you were too needy and codependent to find a younger star.

But this time, Earth, you have gone too far.

Global bacon shortage "unavoidable," group says

It's over. Pack your ragged old atmosphere and take a hike, you worthless piece of space vomit.

Ima find me some orb-strange.

~~~~~

You get my vote for most nteresting, well written, humorous opening Post of the year, at least, been a poor year for such.

A pleasure to read...

Thank you!

Amicus

 

[CHNOPS]

Fuck. Kiss of death.