The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[SailorJerry]

And you get fake pirate gold (dubloons!).

I put in the pattern for my steampunk costume.

(Sweet!)

And you get the bits and pieces from a hundred disassembled watches and old radios to decorate it with.

I put in a free pass for a Cosplay convention.

 

[Dianthus]

(Sweet!)

And you get the bits and pieces from a hundred disassembled watches and old radios to decorate it with.

I put in a free pass for a Cosplay convention.

and you get a complimentary pair of kitty paws.


I put in 8 metres of purple tulle.

 

[SailorJerry]

and you get a complimentary pair of kitty paws.


I put in 8 metres of purple tulle.

(ouch! lol)

and you get a big ball of yarn for your kitty to play with.

I put in an old 1949 cast iron Singer sewing machine - for authentic steampunk costume manufacturing.

 

[Dianthus]

(ouch! lol)

and you get a big ball of yarn for your kitty to play with.

I put in an old 1949 cast iron Singer sewing machine - for authentic steampunk costume manufacturing.

(not from a kitty!)

These: http://www.fancifulgift.com/eshop/images/Cosplay_Kitty_Paws_black.jpg

You get a box of assorted gears and machine belts and an authentic treadle pedal.

I put in 3 lbs. of feathers.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

(not from a kitty!)

These: http://www.fancifulgift.com/eshop/images/Cosplay_Kitty_Paws_black.jpg

You get a box of assorted gears and machine belts and an authentic treadle pedal.

I put in 3 lbs. of feathers.

And, there is a nake ostrich walking about.

I put in a pillow ticking.

 

[SailorJerry]

And, there is a nake ostrich walking about.

I put in a pillow ticking.

and you get a ticking pillow. (It's The Bomb, baby!)

I put in a Hazmat team to deal with it.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a ticking pillow. (It's The Bomb, baby!)

I put in a Hazmat team to deal with it.

and you get a ham sandwich from a has-been actor.

I put in a crimeless scene investigative team...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a ham sandwich from a has-been actor.

I put in a crimeless scene investigative team...

but they only check the most recent entries in the Vacation Log.


I put in a Caber

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but they only check the most recent entries in the Vacation Log.


I put in a Caber

and it gets tossed out.

I put in a wee kiltie...

 

[SailorJerry]

but they only check the most recent entries in the Vacation Log.

I put in a Caber

but no one gives a toss.

I put in a litre of good fighting whiskey.

 

[Handley_Page]

but no one gives a toss.

I put in a litre of good fighting whiskey.

but the wee Lassie in the Kiltie does not get drunk.


I put in a bottle of good Port

 

[SailorJerry]

but the wee Lassie in the Kiltie does not get drunk.

I put in a bottle of good Port

But it's served on the rocks after a bad starboard.

I put in a dozen handwritten letters from a forlorn lighthouse keeper, to the London Times Classified Section enquiring after replies to his personals ad.

So sorry, Tio. I accidentally wrote past you. Damned Lit-lag!

 

[YoursSINSerely]

But it's served on the rocks after a bad starboard.

I put in a dozen handwritten letters from a forlorn lighthouse keeper, to the London Times Classified Section enquiring after replies to his personals ad.

So sorry, Tio. I accidentally wrote past you. Damned Lit-lag!

And, I place them into a scrapbook for his great grandchildren to read after he drank himself to death.

I put in a bottle of glue.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And, I place them into a scrapbook for his great grandchildren to read after he drank himself to death.

I put in a bottle of glue.

and you find men getting stuck on you.

I put in a fiddlestick...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you find men getting stuck on you.

I put in a fiddlestick...

and, I rosen up the bow.

I put in a drumstick.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, I rosen up the bow.

I put in a drumstick.

and you get a dramatic snare drum roll.

I put in a death-defying circus stunt...

 

[FallingToFly]

and you get a dramatic snare drum roll.

I put in a death-defying circus stunt...

And you get a liberty horse act.

I put in two keys to a car I no longer have.

 

[SailorJerry]

And you get a liberty horse act.

I put in two keys to a car I no longer have.

and you get the phone number for a girlfriend, that I no longer have...

I put in a set of new winter tires.

 

[FallingToFly]

and you get the phone number for a girlfriend, that I no longer have...

I put in a set of new winter tires.

And you get donuts on your lawn.

I put in a roasted chicken with rosemary and herb potatoes.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get donuts on your lawn.

I put in a roasted chicken with rosemary and herb potatoes.

and Rosemary declares she's a vegan as she leaves Herb forever.

I put in a contrary spice garden...

 

[Handley_Page]

and Rosemary declares she's a vegan as she leaves Herb forever.

I put in a contrary spice garden...

and the whole town suffers when you sneeze.


I put in a a bottle of pop.

 

[FallingToFly]

and the whole town suffers when you sneeze.


I put in a a bottle of pop.

And you get back a cherry.

I put in a torrid affair.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get back a cherry.

I put in a torrid affair.

and you get served with divorce papers.

I put in a torrid divorce...

 

[FallingToFly]

and you get served with divorce papers.

I put in a torrid divorce...

And get back a 20/20 Special Report.

I put in a bloody icepick.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And get back a 20/20 Special Report.

I put in a bloody icepick.

and you get a chilled bloody mary.

I put in a forensic investigation...