Searching for sex

[Jessicasc1970]

Yes, this is my first post. Hubby lurks and occasionally posts on here. This seems like the best place to ask this question.

My hubby and I are happily married (15 years) with a good sex life. We had a ffm before we were married, and I had another without him before we were married.

We are at a point where we have discussed opening our sex life up a bit. We want to start by finding a m to join us. If we are comfortable with that we could move to adding a f, a couple, or another m.

Before hubby I had no trouble finding a guy to have sex with. However, it's 20 years later and I'm an early 40s mother with a few more pounds than I had in my dating days. I'm not sure what would be the best way to meet someone we are comfortable with. I think it would be best to meet someone and see if we connect and trust each other before we have sex.

Craig's List seems like it could get lots of response, but we're a not sure how trustworthy it would be.

A site like Ashley Madison may be a bit more trustworthy, but I don't know anyone who has used the site (not that I talk to my friends about finding a date).

The Literotica personals board could be a possibility to make an initial contact, but reaches a smaller number in our area, and I don't know anyone who has used the site for a hook-up.

We could go to a bar, but I'm not sure how successful we would be in finding a guy willing to join us.

A swinger's site, such as swinglifestyle.com may also be an idea, but I'm not sure how open they would be to a newbie.

The final option I can think of is a swingers club. I think that would be a sure thing, but having never been, I'm not sure what the drawbacks would be. Our closest on-site club is 2.5 hours away, but there are off-site clubs about an hour away.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[mysteriousme82]

There's a site called plentyoffish.com or adultfriendfinder.com. I've used those two before and the selection is pretty nice. mysteriousme82 on yahoo if you'd like to chat there.

 

[haha_on_me]

AdultFriendFinder.com, or Swingerzonecentral.com are two trustworthy sites. We've met some great people here.

 

[noodistguy]

Swing club would be the best place to find your willing partner(s). Some swing clubs do not allow on site fun (local laws) but there are many that do. please feel free to ask me more questions I would be happy to help you out.

 

[Hang0911]

Does Adultfriendfinder really work for hooking up?

 

[Pervertedhub]

Swinglifestyle.com is a good site. We have met guys and couplea from there. GoOd luck and hope it all works out for u guys.

 

[djyak]

Although hubby and I don't swap, we do let others join in our fun and touch, play with us, bring their SO too. We've found that swingers clubs were the best, and much more fun!

Tifani

 

[haha_on_me]

Does Adultfriendfinder really work for hooking up?

We've met both decent people to hang with, and less desirables on AFF.

 

[haha_on_me]

Although hubby and I don't swap, we do let others join in our fun and touch, play with us, bring their SO too. We've found that swingers clubs were the best, and much more fun!

Tifani

Swinger's clubs are great, but typically require a sponsor to get in. They are really great in that they are safe places with lots of security.

 

[djyak]

Swinger's clubs are great, but typically require a sponsor to get in. They are really great in that they are safe places with lots of security.

That's why we chose to go for our first experience, these are classy and if someone gets too pushy, it's taken care of. True on sponsorship, depending on where you go. One club required our friend to do it, another required some paperwork and a tour before opening.

Tifani

 

[Runr4Life]

No matter how you go about it, make sure you two communicate your boundaries, and you agree on the person you're letting join. Swingers clubs are great for the atmosphere alone, love them!

 

[haha_on_me]

That's why we chose to go for our first experience, these are classy and if someone gets too pushy, it's taken care of. True on sponsorship, depending on where you go. One club required our friend to do it, another required some paperwork and a tour before opening.

Tifani

I've seen security hustle more than one unwelcome toucher out of the door. Banned forever. That's what I like about them. Safe.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Swingers Club

Go the route of the swingers club - it's generally a much safer environment to meet people and virtually everyone there is "pre-screened". Socialize, strike up a few conversations, tell people what you are looking for - you'll most likely get some recommendations of people who are experienced thirds, which can save you a whole lot of emotional baggage.

 

[Eilan]

Does Adultfriendfinder really work for hooking up?

My husband and I used it with some success a few years ago.

That said, AFF isn't something I'd ever pay for. I think the site's scammy. If you do some Googling, you'll find a lot of complaints about shoddy business practices, particularly with regard to billing.

If you're a couple seeking a woman for a threesome or a man looking for a woman, you'll likely be SOL. The site is overrun with cock, and many of the "female" profiles are fronts for pay sites.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

Several years ago I met a very special woman on AFF. I will say their billing is crappy but, for me it still worked out very well.

As to your age and those few extra pounds, I would not waste a moment worrying about it. There really are a lot of guys who love mature women who look like a grown woman and not some stick figure child.

Good luck.

Mike

 

[Retiurcer]

Depending on what you are looking for Fetlife may be another place to look. Can be searched by area.

 

[Eilan]

Several years ago I met a very special woman on AFF. I will say their billing is crappy but, for me it still worked out very well.

As to your age and those few extra pounds, I would not waste a moment worrying about it. There really are a lot of guys who love mature women who look like a grown woman and not some stick figure child.

Good luck.

Mike

You know, it's possible to express your appreciation for larger women without body snarking on smaller women in the process.

[/hijack]

 

[Thefamiliar]

Am I the only one that was curious enough to check out ashley madison? Lol

I didnt actually meet anyone off the site but curiosity go me enough to make a profile, didnt even put a pic up. It can be free but you are limited to people contacting you. You pay for the right to contact basically. In honesty I got hit up more often for group fun than anything. A lot of traveling business people looking to hook up.

Its pretty much like any other dating site, just that the majority are married looking for sex on the side. Many are not picky, I changed my race and description and got the same amount of feedback. Though its impossible to delete your profile without giving them a credit card number, so I just blanked everything and put in my blurb, I can go to a bar and get the same, not impressed...

Its not any different than any other dating site, but definitely has more group opportunities than any other site I have seen. Just thought I would give my review. I have no other imput as group isnt my thing. (threesomes etc)

You can exchange emails etc through messages at ashley so you have the opportunity to get to know someone off the site, just not a very trustworthy lot in my opinion.

 

[Jessicasc1970]

Thanks for the responses.

Our biggest concern with a swingers club would be the cost. The closest on-site, Trapeze, would be about $120 - $140 for a night, plus the hotel room for staying in that city.

 

[JoshuaNYC]

Hi

Thanks for the responses.

Our biggest concern with a swingers club would be the cost. The closest on-site, Trapeze, would be about $120 - $140 for a night, plus the hotel room for staying in that city.

There must be free sites that can accommodate your interest. I would say some sort of search with key words, such as "Love", "wife", "Swing", "Couple" etc. I am sure a combination of two words will help you come across something that you are looking for.

Good Luck!

~Josh

 

[Quantified]

Just wanted to add that my wife and I had nothing but good experiences via swinglifestyle.com ... aka SLS. Everybody we met was who they said they were.

 

[PopoJeff]

This has been a fantasy of mine as well. Don't know where in SC you are located but would be interested in offering a helping hand.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Check out swingers date club. It is the first site that pops up when you google it. My wife and I have been on there for years, and have met some wonderful friends through that website. They give you a 10 day free trial, so you can get on and find out if there is anyone in your area before you spend any money. I quick scan found plenty of folks in SC, but I don't know which part you are in, so I don't know how close they may be to you.

You will have the best chance for success if you fill out your profile completely, and post some recent pics. You don't have to show your faces, and you really don't have to pose nude. But profiles without pics receive scant attention as compared to those with at least a few pics of each of both partners.
We have been to clubs and had some great times, but the fact is they are expensive and there is no guarantee that you are going to find what you are looking for--at least, not the first visit. Also, we found the average age skewing younger and younger as we both got older. I'm not saying you can't be successful, but as in any dating pool, the young and beautiful have a definite edge. With an online site, you can seek couples in the age group you find appealing, and then control the cost of the encounter by setting up where and when you meet.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck and happy swinging!

 

[Chelynn67]

I am having luck on Plenty of Fish, I like it. Interesting

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

This is a really great thread because it voices a want that many people have (and who are already in a decent relationship) and makes the parameters broad enough that it avoids the usual/typical narrow kink category answers that are the easiest superficial answers.

Assuming that the original thread poster is utterly sincere - which I am assuming - then I must say that personally I don't agree with just about every single suggestion made here so far. Nothing ever beats seeing another person and estimating the possibilities in real life and relatively close up; and then having the attraction be mutual. 'Swinging' is not the same as introducing one single other female and/or male into an existing relationship. Especially not in 2012. Swinging is a term from the past.

The absolute number one, no-compromise-possible rule, is that your own communication ability is utterly paramount. The biggest single skill you can acquire to actually attain your goal is to continuously work on communication skills - no matter how good you are to begin with, it'll serve you well to never forget that communication is always important and not to take it for granted.

Everybody's personal circumstances can be different - and therefore there really is no such thing as a 'typical' or general rule about who could potentially be a secondary partner. Sexual attraction is a highly ideosyncratic thing and again, you can't assume that you or anyone else 'needs' to be one shape or another or look this 'good' or that 'good' and so on. Sometimes the attraction is simply there.

Actually - mutual attraction HAS to be there.

There is SO much psychology involved in this type of thing... Practical psychology, that is. You can't just study stuff at University level even and automatically assume the 'knowledge' you are taking in is either right or functional for you.

Practice makes better, if not perfect.

My own personal circumstances might be a little different to most, but maybe, similar to some too. I'd love to extend this discussion into specific ideas and techniques but I'll wait for an invitation because I just don't want to come across as either arrogant or opinionated - although I know that is a risk no matter what anyway. And, I'm not sure that what works for me would be what and/or why others are seeking this type of thing. Some people might be seeking it ONLY out of boredom, for example. Some might accept just any sex activity - but believe me, as if you didn't already know this - people's style and abilities in the bedroom can be wildly different. An experienced person is going to be looking for something that they can be excited about for awhile and not just for a little short term novelty!

Best,