The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you get a cenotaph.

I put in un Arc de Triomphe...

but the Triumph is actually made by Harley Davidson and it does not fit.


I put in an Exhaust pipe for a Yamaha

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the Triumph is actually made by Harley Davidson and it does not fit.


I put in an Exhaust pipe for a Yamaha

and you get a steam model of an othewrise-electric organ.

I put in an electric organ for ladies...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a steam model of an othewrise-electric organ.

I put in an electric organ for ladies...

And they really appreciate them.


I put in an "off" switch

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And they really appreciate them.


I put in an "off" switch

and the ladies protest, demanding to be "turned on."

I put in a set of rechageable batteries with a charger...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the ladies protest, demanding to be "turned on."

I put in a set of rechageable batteries with a charger...

but the Horse bolts and vanishes into the distance.


I Put in a horse shoe

 

[Noor]

but the Horse bolts and vanishes into the distance.


I Put in a horse shoe

and you get Bocce balls

I put in a Rover hoop

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get Bocce balls

I put in a Rover hoop

and you get an SUV that does circus tricks.

I put in a flea circus...

 

[Noor]

and you get an SUV that does circus tricks.

I put in a flea circus...

and you get an exterminating act

I put in a big ass aligator

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an exterminating act

I put in a big ass aligator

WITHOUT A BIG SMILE.


I put in a DIY spinner kit.

 

[stickygirl]

WITHOUT A BIG SMILE.


I put in a DIY spinner kit.

and you get an outfit with padded lycra shorts

I put in a 10m diving board

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get an outfit with padded lycra shorts

I put in a 10m diving board

and you make a big splash.

I put in a movie premiere...

 

[stickygirl]

and you make a big splash.

I put in a movie premiere...

and you quite dashing in your DJ and tux ( with me on your arm x)

I put in a Laser dagger board

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you quite dashing in your DJ and tux ( with me on your arm x)

What a lovely scene, Jane; and what risque outfit will you be donning for the occasion?

I put in a Laser dagger board

and you get a lazy Dagmar on board.

I put in a new hearing aid battery...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a lazy Dagmar on board.

I put in a new hearing aid battery...

but the noise is quite shocking

I put in an Achilles tendon


just something elegant
http://www.thefashioncult.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/diane-krueger-inglourious-basterds-premiere-cannes-side-by-side.jpg

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the noise is quite shocking

I put in an Achilles tendon


just something elegant
http://www.thefashioncult.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/diane-krueger-inglourious-basterds-premiere-cannes-side-by-side.jpg

Lovely, my dear; I'll be the envy of every man at the gala.

and you get a Trojan arrow.

I put in 1,000 ships...

 

[Handley_Page]

Lovely, my dear; I'll be the envy of every man at the gala.

and you get a Trojan arrow.

I put in 1,000 ships...

But, owing to government cut-backs, they do not actually float.


I put in an outboard motor

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But, owing to government cut-backs, they do not actually float.


I put in an outboard motor

and you get a confused machine, wondering how the outboard can be in.

I put out an inboard motor...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a confused machine, wondering how the outboard can be in.

I put out an inboard motor...

but the gland seal fails on the shaft

I put in a set of emergency flairs

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the gland seal fails on the shaft

I put in a set of emergency flairs

and they're admired as quite fashionable.

I put in an emergency flare...

 

[Handley_Page]

and they're admired as quite fashionable.

I put in an emergency flare...

Which burns "hello Mum" before blowing up.


I put in a marine fire service

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Which burns "hello Mum" before blowing up.


I put in a marine fire service

and your flaming Marines are extinguised.

I put in the shores of Tripoli...

 

[stickygirl]

and your flaming Marines are extinguised.

I put in the shores of Tripoli...

but you smell a desert rat

I put a drogue parachute

 

[Handley_Page]

but you smell a desert rat

I put a drogue parachute

which gets caught in a wild thermal and you rise, and rise and rise . . . . .



I put in a bottle of fizzy pop.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which gets caught in a wild thermal and you rise, and rise and rise . . . . .



I put in a bottle of fizzy pop.

and it fizzles out.

I put in two clowns and a seltzer bottle...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it fizzles out.

I put in two clowns and a seltzer bottle...

And it takes 14 policemen, 15 soldiers and a Mother Superior to sort out the mess.


I put in a Shakespeare first folio :"what I did in my Holidays"