Do I step in? What do I say?

[Erlind]

I do not work with the most pleasant people in the world and they have nothing better to do with their time than make bets and talk about stupid shit. I generally ignore this, but a particular bet between a manager and a worker has just kind of pissed me off although I did not say anything to them.

The work bet the manager he couldn't fuck another manager I work with. The bet was for $200 in three weeks or $300 within the week. The fucked up part to me is it isn't can he charm her, but can he go through with it. He thinks she's disgusting, but to win the bet he agreed. The problem is he's handsome, charming, and already on quite good terms with her. She is lonely, horny, and a little fucked up from a recent nasty divorce. I think she may go for it.

On one hand if she wants to have some sex, is it really my job to stand in her way? On the other, his motivations in this matter disgust me. She is a sweet person who has had a rough life and made some poor decisions. I don't want to see her get hurt over this.

Oh, and the worst part is I find out about this, this morning and my best and possibly only opportunity to talk to her is tonight if that's what I want to do. I think I know what I need to do, but I'm not exactly always well liked anyway and don't want to put myself in a worse position. Any advice would be welcomed.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Hell yes you tell her. And then file an HR complaint on those assholes. They are obviously making for an uncomfortable working environment.

Don't let the girl make a decision she will regret. It might hurt hearing it from you. But what is the saying? Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy.

 

[IrishEyes80]

For sure you tell her. Then go to HR, I would think this falls under sexual harassment. The manager and employee involved need to be out on their asses! What a bunch of douche bags!

 

[Recidiva]

You're going to have to calculate personal cost. If you step in, will these obviously vile gentleman make life difficult for you? Of course they will. You'll be "it."

And how do you tell a woman to her face that you consider her so unattractive that you sympathize with her because men are denigrating her, without denigrating her yourself? She could shoot the messenger.

In this case, to tell the truth, I might step out of it. The personal cost (we are talking about your job, your livelihood) and the ticklishness of telling the individual who is not a close friend would give me solid and considerable pause. If the woman in question doesn't know that these gentlemen are vile asses who should be kicked to the curb upon "hello", how are you going to convince her without insulting her judgment or her person? It's only going to sound like "you should know better" and although that might be your intent, to protect her, she might be insulted at being protected. I don't know. But consider it. This is a serious "no good deed goes unpunished" catch 22.

On the other hand I might "accidentally" leave some correspondence about that couldn't be traced to me, explaining the setup.

It's up to your conscience, but in my case, I'd also leave it up to her or manage a free-standing warning not connected to you.

 

[Ellafun]

Hell yes you tell her. And then file an HR complaint on those assholes. They are obviously making for an uncomfortable working environment.

Don't let the girl make a decision she will regret. It might hurt hearing it from you. But what is the saying? Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy.

I agree with the PMann (there's a first!). You should tell her. No one should have to work with this kind of harrassment. She may be pissed at you, but it's the right thing to do.

Mean people suck.

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

Absolutely tell her.

However, I wold have a conversation about HR with her before you go. Depending on where you work, HR might be great, but it could also be career suicide for both of you. (I've had the joys of going to HR on behalf of someone else, and trust me, it's a lot easier when that other person is on board and cooperating!). Since she was the target, she deserves the opportunity to play some role in deciding what to do, if only to make her feel like she has some agency, but also because there might be more going on than you are aware of.

 

[NippleMuncher]

She should know. If you want to stay somewhat anonymous, you can simply tell her that there is "watercooler" talk about a bet involving a sexual encounter with her. You don't have to admit to details, names, or vouch for validity, just that you heard the rumor.

Tough situation to be in, my condolences.

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

I'm not a lawyer, but my understanding of all the workplace training I've ever had and the law Blogs I read is that whether or not she has one, you've got grounds for a Hostile Workplace claim over this if you report it and the employer doesn't take it seriously. US law also gives you some protection against retaliation. Checking the EEOC (or state/non-US equivalent) website for more info about that's probably a good idea.

I think Tatyana and NippleMuncher both gave good advice. She needs to be informed and the employer to take official notice, but you needn't be reckless about how you arrange for that to happen.

EDIT: to clarify, letting her know is just being nice and doing the right thing by making sure she knows something that could and should impact her relationship with the guy and her decision whether or not to have sex with him (hell, maybe she'll say yes but want a share of the winnings. Nothing wrong with that. What she does when fully informed is her concern and hers alone). The HR matter is more about your own comfort and security, your working conditions, that sort of thing. And the quality of the management where you work: that sort of bet is completely inappropriate for a manager. As in worse than for two people of equal seniority to make, which is shitty enough.

 

[TeaforMe]

It will also be very helpful if you have another person who can corroborate with you because it can come down to a "he said/she said" and without some sort of proof this could be difficult to prove. If there are emails or other witnesses, your HR case will be bolstered. Make sure you document EVERYTHING!! Who said what, when where...the steps you took during and after. Documentation will lend to your credibility.

This poor woman does not deserve to be the fodder of these cruel men. There is no easy way to approach this, but she does have a right to know.

 

[lothwen]

Do you work in the U.S? Because in the States, Sexual Harrasment is defined as either "Quid Pro Quo" or "Hostile work environment". Even if she's not offended by this bet, you are, and it's making you uncomfortable, so you should report your manager and co-worker to HR. As for the other manager, I really think you should let her know what's going on, but let her be the one to report it if she chooses.

 

[EbersMoll]

Tell her!

Leave an anonymous note or whatever, if you need to protect yourself.

Basically,what these shits are planning isn't very far away from rape.

The acid test for these things, IMHO, is if you were in her position what would you want others to do?

Best of luck.

 

[Recidiva]

Tell her!

Leave an anonymous note or whatever, if you need to protect yourself.

Basically,what these shits are planning isn't very far away from rape.

The acid test for these things, IMHO, is if you were in her position what would you want others to do?

Best of luck.

It's not rape if she does it consensually.

It's distasteful and it's juvenile, but if he asks her out, takes her out, has sex with her and she agrees, that's consent.

Whether or not the company has a policy of not dating or no sex I don't know.

But...the company might want to know about her potentially finding out about it because they're liable for her suing after the fact if the bet comes to light one way or the other.

Which might be a good recourse. An anonymous note left at HR as a warning of the situation, pointing out their liability, might do it.

 

[EbersMoll]

It's not rape if she does it consensually.

It's distasteful and it's juvenile, but if he asks her out, takes her out, has sex with her and she agrees, that's consent.

Whether or not the company has a policy of not dating or no sex I don't know.

But...the company might want to know about her potentially finding out about it because they're liable for her suing after the fact if the bet comes to light one way or the other.

Which might be a good recourse. An anonymous note left at HR as a warning of the situation, pointing out their liability, might do it.

To be clear I said it isn't very far away from rape, not that it is rape.

I do agree with everything else you say.

 

[Recidiva]

To be clear I said it isn't very far away from rape, not that it is rape.

I do agree with everything else you say.

Okay, I understand, I just want to make sure it isn't presented in any way that's legally inaccurate. Wouldn't help anybody's case but the bad guys.

 

[EbersMoll]

Okay, I understand, I just want to make sure it isn't presented in any way that's legally inaccurate. Wouldn't help anybody's case but the bad guys.

Agreed. Coercing a vulnerable person to have sex for a bet, is quite simply beneath contempt!

I have a good friend going through a similar traumatic time at the moment and if she were the target of a similar scheme, I would want someone to forewarn her.

 

[Recidiva]

Agreed. Coercing a vulnerable person to have sex for a bet, is quite simply beneath contempt!

I have a good friend going through a similar traumatic time at the moment and if she were the target of a similar scheme, I would want someone to forewarn her.

Oh yeah. I want the good guys to win. Ideally by the original poster here and the female subject of concern threatening to sue the company into bankruptcy, getting a nice settlement that involves the two bet makers getting fired with community censure.

I am just not against underhanded methods to assure that, since the straightforward approach often backfires.

 

[nipple jewelry]

Email her your HR phone number, and that of a good civil rights attorney. can you get them talking about it on audio?

 

[Erlind]

I suddenly feel a lot better about humanity and my situation specifically. I approached the female manager about the situation and she got a big ass grin on her face the moment I started to talk.

She knew about the bet and was the reason it was happening. The male manager has a belief that he can get any girl no matter what. When my fellow worker told her about this and the fact that he kept trying to get the worker to make bets on this kind of thing she had an idea. She wanted to teach him a lesson and does not find him attractive at all because of his attitude.

She thanked me for looking out for the females in the workplace and I left feeling a lot better about everything. Thank you all for your advice. While I already knew what I needed to do, the encouragement helped a lot.

 

[Recidiva]

I suddenly feel a lot better about humanity and my situation specifically. I approached the female manager about the situation and she got a big ass grin on her face the moment I started to talk.

She knew about the bet and was the reason it was happening. The male manager has a belief that he can get any girl no matter what. When my fellow worker told her about this and the fact that he kept trying to get the worker to make bets on this kind of thing she had an idea. She wanted to teach him a lesson and does not find him attractive at all because of his attitude.

She thanked me for looking out for the females in the workplace and I left feeling a lot better about everything. Thank you all for your advice. While I already knew what I needed to do, the encouragement helped a lot.

Yaaaay! *happy clapping*

 

[LadyVer]

Someone needs to let her know somehow. No one should have to live through this kind of cruelty and be the butt of ongoing jokes by these sick assholes.

 

[LadyVer]

I suddenly feel a lot better about humanity and my situation specifically. I approached the female manager about the situation and she got a big ass grin on her face the moment I started to talk.

She knew about the bet and was the reason it was happening. The male manager has a belief that he can get any girl no matter what. When my fellow worker told her about this and the fact that he kept trying to get the worker to make bets on this kind of thing she had an idea. She wanted to teach him a lesson and does not find him attractive at all because of his attitude.

She thanked me for looking out for the females in the workplace and I left feeling a lot better about everything. Thank you all for your advice. While I already knew what I needed to do, the encouragement helped a lot.

Just read your comment, after I gave my opinion... oh well. Sounds like you did the right thing. And the manager has a good attitude.

 

[blksoldier]

I do not work with the most pleasant people in the world and they have nothing better to do with their time than make bets and talk about stupid shit. I generally ignore this, but a particular bet between a manager and a worker has just kind of pissed me off although I did not say anything to them.

The work bet the manager he couldn't fuck another manager I work with. The bet was for $200 in three weeks or $300 within the week. The fucked up part to me is it isn't can he charm her, but can he go through with it. He thinks she's disgusting, but to win the bet he agreed. The problem is he's handsome, charming, and already on quite good terms with her. She is lonely, horny, and a little fucked up from a recent nasty divorce. I think she may go for it.

On one hand if she wants to have some sex, is it really my job to stand in her way? On the other, his motivations in this matter disgust me. She is a sweet person who has had a rough life and made some poor decisions. I don't want to see her get hurt over this.

Oh, and the worst part is I find out about this, this morning and my best and possibly only opportunity to talk to her is tonight if that's what I want to do. I think I know what I need to do, but I'm not exactly always well liked anyway and don't want to put myself in a worse position. Any advice would be welcomed.

Frinds are forever If it was you would you want to know in today's world little things like this can cause a chained reaction to things worse Colorado?(need I say more) dont mean to be a downer but she needs a friend not to be dumped on! just an opinion

 

[nakdsub]

Here I gave advice...

Then saw when this was written. Too late for advice. I looked further down the thread to see what happened and for a happy ending. Fantastic.

 

[aimlesscruzr]

Glad to see there was a good ending. I have a philosophy (actually I can't claim to have come up with it, but I have adopted it)

"If you see something wrong and do nothing, you are just as guilty..."

I've gotten into trouble for that, but to tell you the truth, since I have adopted it, I regret none of my actions when it comes up and I need to do something...

 

[Noor]

Glad to see there was a good ending. I have a philosophy (actually I can't claim to have come up with it, but I have adopted it)

"If you see something wrong and do nothing, you are just as guilty..."

I've gotten into trouble for that, but to tell you the truth, since I have adopted it, I regret none of my actions when it comes up and I need to do something...

"A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions but by his inaction, and in either case he is justly accountable to them for the injury."
John Stuart Mill