The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you get a one-note score from Handel.

I put in a tuesday night in the Coney Island of the 50s...

And the Jazz is truly great ?



I put in an LP of MJQ

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And the Jazz is truly great ?



I put in an LP of MJQ

and you get PDQ Bach.

I put in an early ELO...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get PDQ Bach.

I put in an early ELO...

and you get a CD of CSN



I put in a large Carp

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a CD of CSN



I put in a large Carp

and you get ignored by the complaint department.

I put in a gefiltefish...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get ignored by the complaint department.

I put in a gefiltefish...

it eats the horse-radish and "turns up its toes".


I put in a log

 

[Tio_Narratore]

it eats the horse-radish and "turns up its toes".


I put in a log

and you get a summons from City Council for thinking about igniting a bonfire.

I put in a Guy Fawkes mask...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a summons from City Council for thinking about igniting a bonfire.

I put in a Guy Fawkes mask...

with a free copy of "V"; but it is badly scratched.


I put in a clean face cloth

 

[Tio_Narratore]

with a free copy of "V"; but it is badly scratched.


I put in a clean face cloth

and your face is cleansed of all distinguishing characteristics.

I put in a screening of Dark Passage...

 

[Handley_Page]

and your face is cleansed of all distinguishing characteristics.

I put in a screening of Dark Passage...

but the bulb's bust and we cannot see a bloody thing


I put in a Bluetooth chip.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the bulb's bust and we cannot see a bloody thing


I put in a Bluetooth chip.

and the orthodontist can't get the colour right for the acrylic reconstruction.

I put in a blue diamond dental inlay...

 

[stickygirl]

and the orthodontist can't get the colour right for the acrylic reconstruction.

I put in a blue diamond dental inlay...

but your language turns foul-mouthed

I put in an albatross

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but your language turns foul-mouthed

I put in an albatross

and you're stuck in the doldrums.

I put in a penance...

 

[stickygirl]

and you're stuck in the doldrums.

I put in a penance...

but the hair-shirt has lice Eeew

I put in the north transept of Lincoln cathedral

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the hair-shirt has lice Eeew

I put in the north transept of Lincoln cathedral

and you get a boot in the apse from the Rector.

I put in a clerestory...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a boot in the apse from the Rector.

I put in a clerestory...

but the draft gives you a chill

I put in William Walkers' diving suit

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the draft gives you a chill

I put in William Walkers' diving suit

and you get the Presidency of Nicaragua.

I put in a poster of Ernesto Guevara...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get the Presidency of Nicaragua.

I put in a poster of Ernesto Guevara...

but you draw a crowd of ignorant hippies who think murder is OK if the perpetrator appears on posters grrrr

I put in a Royal Enfield

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but you draw a crowd of ignorant hippies who think murder is OK if the perpetrator appears on posters grrrr

I put in a Royal Enfield

and you get a fusilade from a bunch of right-wingers who think murder is ok if the target is gay.

I put in the whole Bill of Rights...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a fusilade from a bunch of right-wingers who think murder is ok if the target is gay.

I put in the whole Bill of Rights...

but it get used as a doorstop at Lloyds

I put in the Stone of Destiny

which bunch of right wingers? - I meant the motorbike

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it get used as a doorstop at Lloyds

I put in the Stone of Destiny

which bunch of right wingers? - I meant the motorbike

and you get a date with Flora Macdonald, "the finest woman to ever walk the streets of Kingston."

I put in a Skye Boat...

No it's not that Flora; she's ours. and which motorbike? are you out to shoot Indians again?

 

[Handley_Page]

but it get used as a doorstop at Lloyds

I put in the Stone of Destiny

and some fool wants it back in Scotland.

I meant the motorbike
I didn't think you meant anything else !


I put in a Norton Manx.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Oh, that motorbike. Enfield in the context led me to the fusiliers. It is free association, though.

 

[Handley_Page]

Oh, that motorbike. Enfield in the context led me to the fusiliers. It is free association, though.

and what are you going to contribute to the Machine ?

 

[stickygirl]

and what are you going to contribute to the Machine ?

and he got a box of oiling sprockets

I put in a kilt and a sporran

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and what are you going to contribute to the Machine ?

That was a comment, not an entry, HP.

and he got a box of oiling sprockets

I put in a kilt and a sporran

and you get a warning to watch your language around here.

I put in a censer...


"Some o' them had shoes an' stockings;
Some o' them had nane of tha';
Some o' them had hairy sporran,
Sailing doon the Brumilaw."