The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

[who ?] The local Hootenanny is with Jools Holland.


I put in an old recording of the "White Heather Club"

and you get invited to join the "Whip & Feather Club."

I put in a visit to "The Twilight Zone"...

(hosted by Rod Serling...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzlG28B-R8Y )

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get invited to join the "Whip & Feather Club."

I put in a visit to "The Twilight Zone"...

(hosted by Rod Serling...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzlG28B-R8Y )

[I recall those shows; some of them were damned good.] However,

but it was in Daylight.



I put in a flashlight

 

[stickygirl]

[I recall those shows; some of them were damned good.] However,

but it was in Daylight.



I put in a flashlight

But you're arrested for indecent exposure

I put in mitigating circumstances

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But you're arrested for indecent exposure

I put in mitigating circumstances

and you get a bucket of unmitigated gall.

I put in a snow-white dove...

 

[glynndah]

and you get a bucket of unmitigated gall.

I put in a snow-white dove...

And you get some pure sweet love.

I put in a piece of chewing gum.

 

[Noor]

And you get some pure sweet love.

I put in a piece of chewing gum.

and you get licorice!

I put in a falling house

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get licorice!

I put in a falling house

at the end of a rising staircase



I put in a Newell post

 

[Noor]

at the end of a rising staircase



I put in a Newell post

and you get a small boy

I put in a skype phone

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a small boy

I put in a skype phone

but the internet connection is, at best, suspect.


I put in a letter to the ISP.

 

[glynndah]

but the internet connection is, at best, suspect.


I put in a letter to the ISP.

but it's mistakenly sent to UPS.

I put in a package in a plain brown wrapper.

 

[Handley_Page]

but it's mistakenly sent to UPS.

I put in a package in a plain brown wrapper.

the snag is - it's dripping blood.


I put in a winter coat.

 

[glynndah]

the snag is - it's dripping blood.


I put in a winter coat.

but those red spots make me suspect.

I add a mismatched set of playing cards.

 

[stickygirl]

but those red spots make me suspect.

I add a mismatched set of playing cards.

and the two Queens of hearts deflate Jacks' club

I put in a pencil with no lead

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the two Queens of hearts deflate Jacks' club

I put in a pencil with no lead

and you get "In plumbibus do-em."

I put in a Conte crayon...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get "In plumbibus do-em."

I put in a Conte crayon...

and the wax really screws up the carpet.


I put in an inkless pen

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the wax really screws up the carpet.


I put in an inkless pen

and you get invisible writing.

I put in an Invisible Hand...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get invisible writing.

I put in an Invisible Hand...

related to "Thing", perhaps ?


I put in a remote eye

 

[Tio_Narratore]

related to "Thing", perhaps ?


I put in a remote eye

and you get the backside of an American dollar from a Grand Master Freemason.

I put in a secret handshake...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get the backside of an American dollar from a Grand Master Freemason.

I put in a secret handshake...

and get no reply, save a raised trouser-leg.


I put in a telescopic fishing rod.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and get no reply, save a raised trouser-leg.


I put in a telescopic fishing rod.

and you get to see the one that got far away.

I put in a telescopic rifle sight...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get to see the one that got far away.

I put in a telescopic rifle sight...

with the eyepiece at the wrong end so everything is further away.


I put in a 30mm canon

 

[Tio_Narratore]

with the eyepiece at the wrong end so everything is further away.


I put in a 30mm canon

and you get .275mm artillery shells for it.

I put in a 50 calibre buffalo gun...

 

[stickygirl]

but the buffalo catch your scent and stampede

I put in a hillside of wind-blown grass

 

[Handley_Page]

but the buffalo catch your scent and stampede

I put in a hillside of wind-blown grass

and you really loose the plot with the smell.



I put in a firework

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you really loose the plot with the smell.



I put in a firework

and you get a one-note score from Handel.

I put in a tuesday night in the Coney Island of the 50s...