How do I find an older woman?

[goodsubbie]

I am a 21 year old while male and I really would like to become involved with a cougar. How do I go about finding one? Any advice from young men who have found one or cougars who can let me know what works for them?

 

[Carnevil9]

If you live near a major city in the USA, go to Yelp.com and do a search on "cougar bars." If that doesn't turn any up, post a question in the "Talk" section.

 

[Loverskitten]

Don't act like a douchey 21 year old. Don't call them "cougars". That's my advice.

 

[nakdsub]

go to...

Florida, the place is loaded with them.

 

[BonBon1976]

Don't act like a douchey 21 year old. Don't call them "cougars". That's my advice.

Truer words .... never been spoken!

 

[Ellafun]

Wait, are you looking for an older woman for a vanilla relationship, or a Domme? With name like "goodsubbie", you should probably clarify that....

 

[Lord Pmann]

Don't act like a douchey 21 year old. Don't call them "cougars". That's my advice.

Hahaha. My first bit of advice was going to be "do not say cougar". But you have it covered already.

 

[amofiga]

Don't act like a douchey 21 year old. Don't call them "cougars". That's my advice.

Smart ass but good and wise

During my long life, I've had several relationships with "older women" but not more than 15 years older. I'm not sure what the OP considers older women. I suspect that at age 21, he considers 35 older and I now call that a "kid" since that's younger than my own kids.

Goodsubbie,

What "older women" are looking for are validation that they are still sexy and desirable. Most "older women" that you'd perhaps be dealing with would be unhappily married or newly separated or divorced so your primary initial skill is listening and being empathetic. I suspect that at 21, you probably haven't had enough hard knocks in life yet to know how that works.

There are probably some older women who are just interested in getting even with the world or whatever hard knocks they're currently experiencing by going out and riding a young cock. However, there are probably some serious self esteem issues there. I think many (if not most) are looking to feel good about themselves as women and not just heading into the world to be used as sex objects. In many cases, that may be why they are out there looking for something else in the first place.

If you really have something to offer other than your dick and tongue, you'll probably find that you will attractive to women, older and younger, without too much of a problem. There are a lot of "lonely women" out there in bars, hanging around Starbucks in the middle of the afternoon, or at community soccer matches with their kids. If you're simply looking for a sugar momma, maybe getting a job as a pool-boy in Beverly Hills is a good start.

I'd be interesting to hear the female side of this story. How many women in their 40's or 50's would really want to be involved with a 21 year old guy unless it's for some quick sex for the kick. How many think a 21 year old has enough real experience in bed to make it more than a form of quickie masturbation on a flesh and blood dildo to scratch an itch?

 

[bailadora]

I'd be interesting to hear the female side of this story. How many women in their 40's or 50's would really want to be involved with a 21 year old guy unless it's for some quick sex for the kick. How many think a 21 year old has enough real experience in bed to make it more than a form of quickie masturbation on a flesh and blood dildo to scratch an itch?

Since you asked....*if* I were on the market, I don't think I'd be much inclined to go for such a thing. I've never been one for causal sex anyway, so my priorities would be for something other than a quick role in the hay. I'd want someone who's values matched mine, who is a good conversationalist, and who's interest in the world lies beyond the latest video game or party. I'm not saying such a relationship is an impossibility, in fact, I've a good friend who's partner is 15 years her junior. They've been together almost 4 years now and are still going strong. But given where I am in life now, I don't think it's likely my goals, values, priorities or perspective(s) are going to be much in line with someone that much younger than I.

As for sex, well, I've had better than 20 years to figure out what I like and I can bring myself to orgasm when I want, so if all a man has to offer is his youth, his dick and his tongue, I'm not going to be impressed. I've no interest in playing Mrs. Robinson to satisfy someone else's fetish. But that's just me. *shrug* Other women may feel differently.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

You could try online dating. There is a profusion of older women online, and many are much more open than those you might meet in real life (they're looking for love on the internet after all). As others have said you do need to be able to offer them something at the end of the day. If nothing else though you might be able to chat to some older women online and find out how you come across. It'd be a start at least.

 

[Eilan]

I'm not a fan of the word "cougar," either, but wouldn't a cougar be finding the OP instead of the other way around?

 

[subwannabe]

I guess that's his dilemma. He wants to figure out how to be found.

 

[ketrell]

I am a 21 year old while male and I really would like to become involved with a cougar. How do I go about finding one? Any advice from young men who have found one or cougars who can let me know what works for them?

Keep in mind, mature ladies typically know exactly what they want. DOn't try your high school/college boy crap on them. Be sincere, treat them sincerely, and let them know you appreciate them and they will teach you up right, boy.

When I was young, I was lucky to find the myself in the company of many fine older women. They knew exactly how to give and receive pleasure without all goddamned drama young girls bring with them. There were no headgames or what ifs - just fun times, intimacy, and mind blowing sex. Being able to talk frankly about sex with her - desires, seduction, and, quite honestly, how to please a woman physically and emotionally were the greatest gifts I received.

I still email one of them, but our intimate times are never spoken about. She is someone I can talk to about anything and there's never any mistake or apprehension in knowing she cares for me.

You can also find women who just want a quick lay or a consistent lay from a guy pull of piss and vinegar. Look around, they aren't that hard to find.

I'd suggest you just randomly hitting on women until you find one. Also, if you find one with a cock, thats a guy.

 

[Thefamiliar]

I'd be interesting to hear the female side of this story. How many women in their 40's or 50's would really want to be involved with a 21 year old guy unless it's for some quick sex for the kick. How many think a 21 year old has enough real experience in bed to make it more than a form of quickie masturbation on a flesh and blood dildo to scratch an itch?

There are older men with the same amount of experience as 21 or is it they just never learned?

Not quite 40 yet, but close, I wouldnt venture into that arena myself, but with an 18 year old daughter, that would be quite ...odd on so many levels. Lol

Its not sexual experience that turns most women away from this, I tell younger guys I would scar them for life. I personally cant get past the "mother" instinct for anyone more than five years younger than me.

Since I have been approached numerous times and I am not afraid to ask the questions, it seems younger men have this idea that an older woman is just ready to go, knows exactlywhat they would want and is confident enough to not have any inhibitions.

Women like that are rare indeed. I am more confident etc as I grow older but I still couldnt fill that fantasy myself for a younger guy.

If its a relationship being sought, make sure you can take care of yourself not many women want to raise a boyfriend.

My moms husband is 7 years younger than her, so it can happen and be good. I know a few others that have good relationships with quite the age difference. Not knocking it, just not my thing.

 

[LadyVer]

Ditto to Bailadora. Plus, "older" women do know what they want. However, they're still human with emotions. Don't make them something they're not or you will be very disappointed.

 

[amofiga]

Since you asked....*if* I were on the market, I don't think I'd be much inclined to go for such a thing. I've never been one for causal sex anyway, so my priorities would be for something other than a quick role in the hay. I'd want someone who's values matched mine, who is a good conversationalist, and who's interest in the world lies beyond the latest video game or party. I'm not saying such a relationship is an impossibility, in fact, I've a good friend who's partner is 15 years her junior. They've been together almost 4 years now and are still going strong. But given where I am in life now, I don't think it's likely my goals, values, priorities or perspective(s) are going to be much in line with someone that much younger than I.

As for sex, well, I've had better than 20 years to figure out what I like and I can bring myself to orgasm when I want, so if all a man has to offer is his youth, his dick and his tongue, I'm not going to be impressed. I've no interest in playing Mrs. Robinson to satisfy someone else's fetish. But that's just me. *shrug* Other women may feel differently.

Bravo. You proved my point. I think most men and women would prefer a relationship with someone who is compatible at many levels and not just a breathing blow-up masturbation doll. Your friend who has had a 4 year relationship with someone 15 years younger is obviously at a level more than just sex. Chronological age isn't all that important and indeed there are some young men and women who have more maturity than their birthday's might imply. Unfortunately, many people in their 20's have much to learn.

In my life, I've had relationships with women both 15 years my senior and 15 years my junior. In both situations, there was more going on than just the physical, and age per se wasn't an issue. Then again, it's also a matter of what the baseline is. Fifteen years either way isn't all that awkward if you are 45 or 50 but it can be more of an issue if you're 35 or 65. When the person involved is either younger than your children or older than your parents, it's time to take a hard look in the mirror.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I don't know how how "old" you are looking for. But when I met my wife, I was 18 and she was 25.

One, I never concentrated on her age. She was older than me. Was it a turn on? Yes. Did I bring it up to her? No.

Two, I didn't act like an 18 year old. We had a lot in common, surprisingly. But no "cougar" worth getting to know is going to give a shit about your fist pumping, club hopping weekends.

Three, don't treat her like an object.

Oh, these rules actually work for all women. Go figure.

 

[billrichards41]

I am a 21 year old while male and I really would like to become involved with a cougar. How do I go about finding one? Any advice from young men who have found one or cougars who can let me know what works for them?

Try a nursing home....

 

[LadyVer]

Great advice and info from the men on this thread as well.

 

[rexhame317]

Being a "cougar", I have never gone looking, they seem to find me. I am on a dating website and 4 out of 5 messages are from younger guys (under 30) Some have been well spoken, while others, definately thinking with the head in their pants!I am involved with a 35 yo right now.

 

[DogInTheSnow]

Listen to the fine folks around here. They have great advice!

From the younger male end (I'm 26 now) I have been in relationships with "older women". My last long term girlfriend was nearly 20 years older and the last "fuck buddy" I had was 24 years older. Though my current girlfriend is 5 years younger.

As with all relationships you need to be completely open with what you want and are looking for right from the start. If you go to bars looking you're more likely to find young girls looking for young guys. Take up a hobby that gets you closer to the kind of people you want. Online dating works but something like 35% of only daters are already married. So if you want someone for just you or you want a one night stand: be sure to be vocal about it.

My best advice is: be honest. I find once a woman passes a certain age (different for each and every one) their tolerance for "drama" dramatically decreases. Tell them what you want from them and what you can offer them. Be direct. And not all "older women" know what they want. The woman who was 24 years older had never had an orgasm induced by a man before we met. She had been with her ex husband almost 15 years and never once had one. So she didn't know how to get a man to get her off. It's all positive communication, my friend!

Oh, and smile!

 

[satindesire]

I totally realize that I'm a girl and nearly cougar age, but I dated a man that was significantly older than me and I learned a few things about being in a relationship with an age gap.

1. Be flexible in finding new interests. If you only want to go bar hopping or only want to play video games and are stubborn about not doing anything else, you'll find yourself single on a frighteningly consistent basis. By the time people are in middle age, they've usually done enough stuff to have experienced a lot of cool shit, and can show you new hobbies that will enrich your life. So allow yourself to at least occasionally go with them to new activities. You never know, you might really enjoy yourself!

2. Be sensitive to the age gap. They might not "get" your obsession with motion capture video games. You might not "get" their obsession with going to Fleetwood Mac concerts. Be graceful when dealing with generational trends and don't criticize.

3. Learn about their hobbies. If you're not adventurous and open-minded, age gap relationships rarely work because of the lack of childhood and adolescent peer grouping. Focus on learning about their hobbies and interests so that you can have informed conversations with them, even if you don't share their enthusiasm, knowing things about their interests makes you able to talk with them on a deeper and more personal and accepting level.

 

[Christopher2012]

I totally realize that I'm a girl and nearly cougar age,

Oh please!

Jesus, you're making me feel old... and I'm only 24.

 

[WhenInDoubtFuck]

I am a 21 year old while male and I really would like to become involved with a cougar. How do I go about finding one? Any advice from young men who have found one or cougars who can let me know what works for them?

Here in California we call them mountain lions, and they are usually found in mountainous regions. Go figure. Usually the "cougar" hunts you, you don't hunt the "cougar.

But in all seriousness, whether she's 18 or she's 50, no two women are alike. I will say from experience, that you really should up your game if you want to make yourself more appealing to an older woman, and like others have said DON"T call them "cougars". I'd also recommend the online dating thing, at the very least to get some experience under your belt talking with older women. You'll probably have a lot of conversations that aren't going to end in real life encounters at first, but learning to converse and interact will pay off in the long run.

Have well thought, intelligent things to say. Know a little about what's going on in the world. Listen to what she has to say and don't be judgmental about anything.

Like Ellafun I'm curious if you're really seeking a "cougar" or a mature Domme. You might want to do some more research and determine that first.

Lastly, consider what you have to offer her. An older woman seeking a younger man has probably been there, done that and got the t-shirt when it comes to dating and such. She's going to notice if you know how to make a proper tie or use a clip on, if you order Johnny Walker Blue Label or Jaeger bombs, if you look in her eyes or stare at her tits. Best of luck.

Oh please!

Jesus, you're making me feel old... and I'm only 24.

Have to agree. Though not set in stone, "cougar" age is generally 40+, and her profile says 28..."Cougar" envy? Is this the new thing?

 

[satindesire]

Oh please!

Jesus, you're making me feel old... and I'm only 24.

Sweetheart, I just turned 28 on the 10th of this month. I realize I don't LOOK nearly thirty, and I owe that to sunscreen and video games keeping me indoors during the day.

Have to agree. Though not set in stone, "cougar" age is generally 40+, and her profile says 28..."Cougar" envy? Is this the new thing?

Excuse the fuck out of me!! I said NEARLY cougar age. Jesus Christ semantics on a stick.