The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

and my silken jim-jams fall down

I put in a feather cushion

and the feather is quite comfortable, thank you.

I put in a feather boa...

 

[stickygirl]

and the feather is quite comfortable, thank you.

I put in a feather boa...

but its a -constrictor and you wrestle it to the ground

I put in a romantic novel

 

[glynndah]

but its a -constrictor and you wrestle it to the ground

I put in a romantic novel

And the snake seems quite content.

I toss in a scrap of satin.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

And the snake seems quite content.

I toss in a scrap of satin.

and, low and behold . . . it's a thong!

I put in a long piece of lace.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, low and behold . . . it's a thong!

I put in a long piece of lace.

and you get a wedding train.

I put in a Pullman on the Buffalo overnighter...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you get a wedding train.

I put in a Pullman on the Buffalo overnighter...

and, I get introduced to the luggage salesman.

I put in a one-way ticket to Ohio.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, I get introduced to the luggage salesman.

I put in a one-way ticket to Ohio.

and you're stuck in Cleveland with no place to go.

I put in an 18-wheeler with a lonely driver...

 

[glynndah]

and you're stuck in Cleveland with no place to go.

I put in an 18-wheeler with a lonely driver...

And you get a new CB handle.

I put in something from a truck stop vending machine.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get a new CB handle.

I put in something from a truck stop vending machine.

and it's not really a ballon.

put in a no-rest stop in that dimly lit parking area just south of Glens Falls on I-87...

 

[glynndah]

and it's not really a ballon.

put in a no-rest stop in that dimly lit parking area just south of Glens Falls on I-87...

And get a rather embarrassing conversation with a state trooper.

I put in a souvenir cup from Rock City.

 

[Handley_Page]

And get a rather embarrassing conversation with a state trooper.

I put in a souvenir cup from Rock City.

It has "Rack Sity" running through it.


I put in a stick of Brighton Rock

 

[Tio_Narratore]

It has "Rack Sity" running through it.


I put in a stick of Brighton Rock

and you get an award from the BDA.

I put in a batch of freshly-pulled Fralinger's Salt Water Taffy from Atlantic City...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an award from the BDA.

I put in a batch of freshly-pulled Fralinger's Salt Water Taffy from Atlantic City...

But there's far too much salt and it makes people puke.


I put in and old bottle of Lemon Juice

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But there's far too much salt and it makes people puke.


I put in and old bottle of Lemon Juice

and life gives you stale lemonade.

I put in a Blue Slushie...

 

[Handley_Page]

and life gives you stale lemonade.

I put in a Blue Slushie...

which turns red on exposure to air



I put in a small stack of TNT.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which turns red on exposure to air



I put in a small stack of TNT.

and it's an explosive headline mo matter which direction you read it.

I put in a compilation of palindromes...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it's an explosive headline mo matter which direction you read it.

I put in a compilation of palindromes...

which does not quite rad each way, so it fails.



I put in a freshly-caught Bream

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which does not quite rad each way, so it fails.



I put in a freshly-caught Bream

and it gets swallowed whole by a Muskelunge.

I put in the panoply of names for our walleye yellow dore pike-perch...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it gets swallowed whole by a Muskelunge.

I put in the panoply of names for our walleye yellow dore pike-perch...

they all translate to "fish"


I put in a large fishing hook

 

[Tio_Narratore]

they all translate to "fish"


I put in a large fishing hook

and you get pulled overboard by a large fish.

I put in a Nova Scotia "sleigh ride" behind a Bluefin...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get pulled overboard by a large fish.

I put in a Nova Scotia "sleigh ride" behind a Bluefin...

which gets eaten by a shark.


I put in a wireless joystick

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which gets eaten by a shark.


I put in a wireless joystick

and you get back a joyless wirestick.

I put in a stuck wireless...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get back a joyless wirestick.

I put in a stuck wireless...

which plays the same record over and over again. . . .


I put in a very large hammer (to unstick it)

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which plays the same record over and over again. . . .


I put in a very large hammer (to unstick it)

and you get a Peter, Paul, and Mary flashback.

I put in a Hootenanny hosted by Rod Serling...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a Peter, Paul, and Mary flashback.

I put in a Hootenanny hosted by Rod Serling...

[who ?] The local Hootenanny is with Jools Holland.


I put in an old recording of the "White Heather Club"