Serious question for the Ladies (on men)

[focus_on_you_2]

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[focus_on_you_2]

Bumpin

People are fucking rude

 

[Bramblethorn]

These are simple things: When we are apart have cypersex, Try anal, cum in her mouth, footjob.....these are simple and easy but she thinks they are perverted and gross!

Anal isn't a "simple thing". It has a lot of emotional baggage attached to it, and it can be painful if not handled carefully.

To reassure her, maybe you could try picking up a dildo that matches your own 'size', and use it to demonstrate on yourself (or let her do the inserting on you). Once she sees it's not painful or upsetting for you, maybe she'll feel better about letting you do it to her.

(edit: if you're bumping your own post after 13 minutes, it's possible that you need to work on patience before leaping into anal sex ;-)

 

[lothwen]

Anal isn't a "simple thing". It has a lot of emotional baggage attached to it, and it can be painful if not handled carefully.

To reassure her, maybe you could try picking up a dildo that matches your own 'size', and use it to demonstrate on yourself (or let her do the inserting on you). Once she sees it's not painful or upsetting for you, maybe she'll feel better about letting you do it to her.

(edit: if you're bumping your own post after 13 minutes, it's possible that you need to work on patience before leaping into anal sex ;-)

Quite possibly the best advice I've seen given on Lit http://im-smiley.com/imgs/agreement/agreement004.gif


To the OP-you talk about spouses pleasing each other, but then you talk about what your wife can do to please you. What have you done to please her? I'm only asking, because the way you've posed the question it sounds like it's a one-way street with you. Yes, occasionally we step outside of our comfort zones to do things that please our partners, but there shouldn't be an ultimatium invovled (You do this or I'll find somebody who will.)

How are you approaching this with your wife? Are you telling her it's something that you want her to do, or are you telling her that you think it would improve your sex life? Are you looking at this from a "me" view or a "we" view? Remember, she's your wife, not your fuck buddy or some random girl on the street.

Don't try to guilt trip your wife into trying new things in the bedroom, or to make her feel like that's the only way to make you happy. If you do those things, yes she might do what you want, but her heart won't be in it, and she will start to resent you.

 

[desertslave]

Perhaps whoever was telling you those things was incorrect.

Marriage is about sharing and compromise. Some people might go outside of their marriage but, IMO, that's incredibly self-centered unless it's mutually agreed-upon beforehand. Be open and honest about your interests, but don't use cheating as blackmail. One assumes you married her because you love her, but you're contemplating hurting her because of a particular sex act? Not cool.

(Caveat: I'm married and my husband's adoring slave. We talked about our interests and limits before or very early in our relationship, and we respect each others' boundaries. Respect and trust are vitally important to a good marriage, but they can be fragile things indeed.)

 

[nayia]

Perhaps it's better to think of pleasing each other in terms of "What can I do to please my wife?" rather than "What can my wife do to please me?"

If you want to try anal or other things, try to think about how you can present it in a way so that she can enjoy it also. Take it slow, tease her, make it feel good for her and she may be more willing. And definitely do not guilt or pressure her.

 

[focus_on_you_2]

Thanks all!

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[NippleMuncher]

While I agree that partners should do all they can to please their mates, we are all individuals with our own unique issues and kinks that our partner may not share and certainly won't indulge if they feel pressured. Just because you want something does not automatically require your partner to provide it.

It all starts with communication. Openly and honestly, communicate with your wife that you would like to bring yourselves closer together, more intimate, and hopefully add some spice to the relationship. Have a mental list of things you'd like to try, and gently interject them into the conversation. For instance, you don't just blurt out that you want to fuck her up the ass, you tell her that it's something you've been thinking about and with her willingness and participation you would like learn more about it together, then try it when she is ready.

You also can't expect her to indulge you in practices that you would not do yourself. If you want to play with her butt, then yours should also be on the table for her to play with as well, likewise with everything else.

Patience, compassion, and respect mean everything. We don't know your wife, or you for that matter, so we can't tell you what is going to work. What we can tell you is that it all starts with communication and ends with a lack thereof.

 

[Eilan]

And no one quoted the OP? Have you people learned nothing?!

I think I get the gist of it, though.

 

[NippleMuncher]

And no one quoted the OP? Have you people learned nothing?!

I think I get the gist of it, though.

New rule for the HT forum, first poster has to quote the OP!

Apparently he didn't like the advice he was getting. Maybe we should have sent him Baila's way and she could have given him some of her "boy scout" expertise and he would have been much happier!

Anybody got the "way back machine" to go and quote the OP before he deleted his posts?

 

[bailadora]

Apparently he didn't like the advice he was getting. Maybe we should have sent him Baila's way and she could have given him some of her "boy scout" expertise and he would have been much happier!

*rubs hands gleefully*

Aw, hell yeah - a new victim! I don't know if he'd have been happy, but I sure as hell would've been!

 

[NippleMuncher]

*rubs hands gleefully*

Aw, hell yeah - a new victim! I don't know if he'd have been happy, but I sure as hell would've been!

I'm there for ya babe!