Teaching my partner to be dominant?

[BiCuri]

When my partner and I started sleeping together, things were far from great, I now know that before me he didn't have much experience - not that I needed him to tell me that.

A year later things are much better, but still not where I want them to be. I want to introduce him to the world of BDSM but it is very difficult to do so.

I've given all the hints and suggestions I can think of, and have outright told him what I want.

I want him to take the lead and be more dominant, I want to be his slave. I just don't know how to build up his confidence enough to take control of me.

He has told me that he is interested, he just isn't sure how to go about it.

Help?

 

[Scotsman69]

You can't turn him into someone different. He's who he is. He may of course change in time, everyone does, but it may not be in the direction YOU want.

 

[submissive_fire]

You can't turn him into someone different. He's who he is. He may of course change in time, everyone does, but it may not be in the direction YOU want.

What Scotsman said...

If somebody said to me that I needed to be dominant in bed, I could do it but I would NOT be happy about it. Some people are not wired to be dominant in bed.

 

[BiCuri]

You can't turn him into someone different. He's who he is. He may of course change in time, everyone does, but it may not be in the direction YOU want.

He has asked for my help on this one, he wants to be more dominant, he just isn't sure how. If he wasn't interested, I would accept that.

What Scotsman said...

If somebody said to me that I needed to be dominant in bed, I could do it but I would NOT be happy about it. Some people are not wired to be dominant in bed.

It's more of a want than a need, but I hear what you are both saying.

 

[MoleskineScribbler]

Might the real problem be that he wants you to be more dominant? Just wondering.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well, the paradox here is that you are going to have to tell him exactly what you want him to order you to do-- at least, at first, while he gets the idea. If he takes to it, you'll find yourself being ordered to do things he wants because he wants them.

Check out this list of books http://astore.amazon.com/wwwpowerexcha-20
and see if any of them look like they address your flavor of BDSM.

 

[WickedSpitFire]

Well, the paradox here is that you are going to have to tell him exactly what you want him to order you to do-- at least, at first, while he gets the idea. If he takes to it, you'll find yourself being ordered to do things he wants because he wants them.

In the meantime, you could find yourself doing the things he tells you to do, and he's telling you to do them because you told him it's what you want him to do. Which can be frustrating.

Patience is always appreciated and good to remember.

 

[Stella_Omega]

In the meantime, you could find yourself doing the things he tells you to do, and he's telling you to do them because you told him it's what you want him to do. Which can be frustrating.

Patience is always appreciated and good to remember.

just do your damnedest to obey in sincerity. Positive feedback is positive!

 

[PhilGarlic]

write

how about you write him a story where the hero does all the things you want, or print off a story here that matches your taste.

 

[WickedSpitFire]

just do your damnedest to obey in sincerity. Positive feedback is positive!

Sincerity is also good. In my youth circumstances might often turn into a bit of a laughing matter. Which is fine, if your partner is humorous and understanding and lighthearted, etc. The more serious types might not take that so well, though...

 

[delightdawn]

talking and honesty

Hinting may not get the point across as well as a direct, embarassingly honest conversation. It can be alot to take in, alot to figure out. Everyone has their own pace and way about them.
Good Luck