Harder to Find a Dom or Sub?

[manyways4u]

Do you guys think it's harder to find a Dom or a Sub? Do you think it's a difference online or off in the difficulty? I think it's much more difficult to find a (real) Dom. Especially online for a male.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do you guys think it's harder to find a Dom or a Sub? Do you think it's a difference online or off in the difficulty? I think it's much more difficult to find a (real) Dom. Especially online for a male.

yes, the internet is a prime feeding ground for wannabes of all stripes including BDSM.

If you're a gay man (?) and you're near a major city -- finding real time partners should be doable, and perhaps you'll meet someone you click with enough to start a relationship.

Check out fetlife.com if you haven't yet. Search for your area and look for groups.

 

[manyways4u]

No not a gay man. You are the 2nd person to mention fetlife to me. I may check it out. I think online part of the problem is women get bombarded with so much crap from guys they miss out on the serious ones that are out there.

 

[BiBunny]

Neither. I say it's harder for a man to find a woman--any woman--and for a woman to find a quality man.

Oh, and damn near impossible for a bi woman to find another bi woman who's not crazy as hell, cheating on her husband, looking for a threesome with her husband and a random girl, "looking to start a poly 'family'" with her husband, or any combination thereof.

Not that I'm bitter....

 

[Stella_Omega]

No not a gay man. You are the 2nd person to mention fetlife to me. I may check it out. I think online part of the problem is women get bombarded with so much crap from guys they miss out on the serious ones that are out there.

True dat.

Oh, and damn near impossible for a bi woman to find another bi woman who's not crazy as hell, cheating on her husband, looking for a threesome with her husband and a random girl, "looking to start a poly 'family'" with her husband, or any combination thereof.

True dat, too.

Not that I'm bitter....

True dat not so much.

 

[Netzach]

I'd say it's harder to find a Dominant, but if you're ok with a switch you're probably fine. Very few people no matter what they say

always

want to be The Decider, you know?

 

[Netzach]

And the bi girl thing is true. Add in "and can actually mean NSA when she says NSA" and I just give up.

 

[beingtrue2me]

I came to Lit (the first time - this is Erica 2.0) solely to find a fem domme and it just didn't happen like I hoped.

 

[WickedSpitFire]

No not a gay man. You are the 2nd person to mention fetlife to me. I may check it out. I think online part of the problem is women get bombarded with so much crap from guys they miss out on the serious ones that are out there.

Uhm. That's because fetlife is awesome. There's a catch to it, though, which is the beautiful thing about fetlife. In my opinion anyway. It's not a meat market. Not to say you COUDLN'T use it to meet someone...the design of it just isn't necessarily geared towards that.

Anyway. If you check it out, you'll see what I mean. I love it. But then again I'm a chick that hates collarme because I get bombarded with bologna and loves fetlife because I get to be a 90 something kinkster with private pictures who doesn't have an overflowing inbox

 

[Loverskitten]

How about trying to find a Dominant Man who doesn't expect you to be a slave just because you have a vagina. I've given up.

 

[SpiritRider]

Uhm. That's because fetlife is awesome. There's a catch to it, though, which is the beautiful thing about fetlife. In my opinion anyway. It's not a meat market. Not to say you COUDLN'T use it to meet someone...the design of it just isn't necessarily geared towards that.

Anyway. If you check it out, you'll see what I mean. I love it. But then again I'm a chick that hates collarme because I get bombarded with bologna and loves fetlife because I get to be a 90 something kinkster with private pictures who doesn't have an overflowing inbox

Don't forget, you can also be from Antarctica. LOL

My opinion, for what it's worth, it's no harder to find either. The problems start when you have to trudge through miles of weeds to find a rose.

 

[Loverskitten]

Uhm. That's because fetlife is awesome. There's a catch to it, though, which is the beautiful thing about fetlife. In my opinion anyway. It's not a meat market. Not to say you COUDLN'T use it to meet someone...the design of it just isn't necessarily geared towards that.

Anyway. If you check it out, you'll see what I mean. I love it. But then again I'm a chick that hates collarme because I get bombarded with bologna and loves fetlife because I get to be a 90 something kinkster with private pictures who doesn't have an overflowing inbox

See, I don't find Fet good for dating at all. It's like hopping onto facebook looking for a mate.
However, it is good for finding local events, so if you're looking for actual real life (omg) then join Fet and browse events in your area. I need to do that more myself.

 

[paisleyavenger]

Well damn. I'm either super lucky or not selective enough. Not gonna question luck though.
I hope ya'll find what floats your boats. Even the elusive bi woman.
Unrelated query - Has anyone else noticed a buncha one or two word posts that don't seem to relate to the thread popping up? Not trying to bag on extremely succinct posters, but I'd never noticed it before.
peace!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well damn. I'm either super lucky or not selective enough. Not gonna question luck though.
I hope ya'll find what floats your boats. Even the elusive bi woman.
Unrelated query - Has anyone else noticed a buncha one or two word posts that don't seem to relate to the thread popping up? Not trying to bag on extremely succinct posters, but I'd never noticed it before.
peace!

They are spambots. They have a clevver new spamming technique.

 

[Que]

How about trying to find a Dominant Man who doesn't expect you to be a slave just because you have a vagina. I've given up.

Scrub my kitchen floor till it shines enough to see the reflection of my ever-so-DOM-ly visage peering haughtily down upon you, wench!

 

[nodakgirl]

I think the hardest to find are dommes. We have many sub males in our area that are very lonely not sure if others find this to be the case too?

 

[beingtrue2me]

A few lonely sub fems too.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

It really depends on what you are looking for. If you want online only, cyber-fantasy romance, Dominants and submissives are a dime a dozen. Cruise the BDSM personals here on Lit and have fun. If you want clueless pretend-a-be's, hang a profile on Collarme.

Reality is, there are more submissive personality people than Dominant personality people. Exact ratios depend on who's survey you want to believe. How that translates into D/s sexual relationships varies even more - a lot of high-power Alpha types in a social or business environment want to turn over the reigns at home.

If you want to get out from behind the computer, hit local events and stuff, go check out FetLife. There are a lot of groups that are for specific towns/cities/areas. You'd be surprised at who and what you will turn up if you do a search for your own town.

North Carolina has a very active scene, from Wilmington to Asheville, the state is crawling with kinksters.

 

[box13]

Scrub my kitchen floor till it shines enough to see the reflection of my ever-so-DOM-ly visage peering haughtily down upon you, wench!

**giggle**

 

[WickedSpitFire]

Don't forget, you can also be from Antarctica. LOL

My opinion, for what it's worth, it's no harder to find either. The problems start when you have to trudge through miles of weeds to find a rose.

Sorry, but god forbid it ever be possible to search by the old age, sex, location...I will be from Antarctica. Or the like. Or bum fuck Egypt. Or Idaho. Somewhere unlikely to be found.

See, I don't find Fet good for dating at all. It's like hopping onto facebook looking for a mate.
However, it is good for finding local events, so if you're looking for actual real life (omg) then join Fet and browse events in your area. I need to do that more myself.

This is why I love, fet...I can't be found! I don't want to use it for dating. I can understand that it is probably difficult to use for dating, I've known people who've done it, but it's far from easy. In some instances and on some levels, I reach a point where I'm more interested in events, finding people, and meeting them in person. Again, just me, though.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Considering the trouble I've had in finding a sub, especially a female sub, I'd have to "vote" for that side of it.

 

[Lighthousedory]

Compatibility Counts

I have been lucky in the last 4-5 years to have found a couple of ladies interested in the D/s life. As mentioned by others, picking out an apple in the grocery store is easy, picking out the one that is right for you, takes some work. All Doms and all subs have different qualities, and you need to find the one that works for you.

 

[Ruth12]

Well down

 

[LadyVamp138]

I find it difficult to find a Dom, especially a male Dom, because not every Joe, Dick and Tom can handle the control of possessing a sub. They are a rare breed.

 

[Redkate]

I haven't had that many problems finding a (male) Dom in real life. The main problem I've had is finding the right Dom for me. Having to weed out the guys i cant see myself submitting too, the guys that want submissive women cause they think we are easier than other women, etc. But there have been some I've found that are compatible or right for me.

Having said, I'm not really looking for a long-term, committed relationship and I think people in general are much less picky when they aren't looking for a life long partner.