realized that my wife is a Lit reader

[Hubs_in_hose]

...

.....

 

[litfan10]

I was doing some routine cleanup on my wife's laptop and I discovered that she has been a fairly active reader of Lit stories for a little while. This excited, surprised, and concerned me at the same time. I was excited because, well, after being married for close to twenty years and two kids our sex life had become nearly non-existent. I was surprised because even though I knew she wasn't put out by porn or sexual things, she still is a very reserved and conservative when it comes to sex. I have tried to introduce many things in our sex-life over the years and really all she wants is me on top. Oral sex is usually me going down on her (something I can never get enough of) but I can never kiss her after. Getting her to say or do anything different in bed seemed like it would never happen.

I am concerned because I have posted some stories on here (with several others in the works). It wouldn't bother me if she read any of them, what would bother me is if she connected my username in here with some of the other fetish sites that I am a member of. Part of me really wants her to discover that side of me yet the other side is afraid of what she might do or feel. I have not had sex or any sexual relations with anyone other than my wife from the time we were engaged through today. I do have a very active online persona and I don't know how or if she would believe me if she found out and asked.

Many of the stories she reads are group sex, exhibition, and lesbian stories. If these are things that she gets excited about, I would LOVE to help her experience them. Sometimes I feel that when I try to talk about sex with her, she shuts down. I have told her numerous times that I am willing to do anything she wants sexually, but nothing seems to change.

Over the past month, since I made my discovery, I have been treating her and our romance differently. I am not taking anything for granted. When we kiss, I hold her and kiss her deeply, lovingly, and more than just a quick kiss. I know she likes this as we kiss much more often. But I am the one to initiate it.

I am sorry for the wall of text and my blabbering. I don't know what to do and my imagination is going to kill me.

Take my advice with a grain of salt and lots of thought as I don't want anything I say to ruin a working marriage, but...

nothing beats open communication. If she shuts down well maybe it's an embarrassment to her and she needs to approach the open communication as well as you which you can't force.

What would happen if she was to "discover" that you are a Litster yourself? That could be your opening.

 

[Anomandaris]

Oh my. Now that's a discovery to make.

Communication is key. Careful communication in this case is definatly key.

oh... my.

Good luck!!!!!

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

[withdrawn from the public record]

 

[litfan10]

When I was married to my ex-wife (and I so emphasize the "ex-" part now!) of course she always knew I was a writer, but it was only the last couple of years that I started writing here and she just could not accept it and so ignored it to the point she felt it wasn't real which was very bizarre to me and really emphasized how different we were.

Now I'm very happily with someone who has as much if not more of a presence here and we have a blast together on Lit, and I couldn't be happier.

 

[mynameisben]

[withdrawn from the public record]

 

[litfan10]

She knows that I am a lister.

Several years ago I had the wild idea that she didn't take initiative or show interest was because she wanted me to control the sexual part of our relationship. I had read a slave training story on here and I sent her the story to read and I wanted her to comment on how it made her feel.

She didn't reply to that message and her days of being submissive ended.

two points: "reply to a message" "sent her a story" doesn't read like a couple communicating. She doesn't live across state so why "send" her a story rather than ask her in person?

Second: for some people fantasy and reality are two very, very different things. Her fantasy pleases her mentally maybe but that is all the gratification she needs and the potential for reality ruins it for her. Either leave her alone or open dialogue to know where her head is at, but from the sound of things I would be very wary of "pushing" her.

Good luck!

 

[litfan10]

edited for Ben.

turn it into plot bunnies and write an erotic bestseller and don't share any of the proceeds with her!

 

[mynameisben]

turn it into plot bunnies and write an erotic bestseller and don't share any of the proceeds with her!

That's not such a bad idea. Thanks.

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

[withdrawn from the public record]

 

[jomar]

Yes, sounds like it's time to talk. Your fantasies/interest may differ, but that doesn't mean there couldn't be a big overlap.

 

[Carreira]

My girlfriend is also conservative, the thing is even tough she loves to have sex with me once we are dooing it, she admits she find sex something extremely serious and she has difficulty in speaking of sex and in starting to have sex with me.

She is the first one to admit she knows this is a problem and she makes an effort to teach herself to be less serious but right now its frustration time for me.... She knows I write erotic stories and that I am an adult webmaster and she finds it normal.... for me.... not for her.

The problem is how some girls are educated!

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

[withdrawn from the public record]

 

[litfan10]

We have talked some more about Lit. A couple days ago I told her that I was working on a story to enter in the Nude Day contest. Last night as she was getting ready for bed, I read to her, for her to comment, criticize, and critique. It is still a work in progress and her she did make some good comments.

slow and steady wins the race. Best of luck to you.

 

[Anomandaris]

slow and steady wins the race. Again, good luck!!! i understand the fight against the 'good girl', and wish I had been more sucessful in mine.

 

[Brunne]

We have talked some more about Lit. A couple days ago I told her that I was working on a story to enter in the Nude Day contest. Last night as she was getting ready for bed, I read to her, for her to comment, criticize, and critique. It is still a work in progress and her she did make some good comments.

That sounds like a pretty sensible approach. No one really wants to be stuck on the outside of their partner's intimate world looking in.

When my partner and I started out and had some trouble opening up about fantasies, one of us would write how they saw a scene (realistic or otherwise) play out, and then the other would write the same scene, but from their own perspective. It helped us get into each other's heads and made it about us - not stories out there with other characters in them.

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

We actually talked about my story more today

This is helping me too because sometimes I have difficulty speaking in a sexual language. I know what I want to say, I go over it in my mind (several times) and then I speak like a blubbering idiot.

Pillow talk and sex talk I have no problems. It is when we are not actively engaged in sex when it is difficult.

 

[Carreira]

I know what you mean... sometimes when Im trying to communicate to her to make her see she has got to be at ease with me and I wont think less of her because she is sexually open I sound like a poor sex ed teacher.

 

[Goldeniangel]

I'm def a proponent of "I do not want to do what I read" (or in my case, write) but that doesn't mean that reading a story with my hubby wouldn't be hot. I think it's great that you're reading your story to her... maybe if you're writing about stuff that interests her, even if she doesn't want to do that in particular then she'll still get interested in doing the stuff she does like to do with you =)

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Mine knows I write here. The fact amuses her. She doesn't read them and has no desire to play any kind of non-vanilla games. Such is life.

 

[Edward Teach]

I was doing some routine cleanup on my wife's laptop and I discovered that she has been a fairly active reader of Lit stories for a little while. This excited, surprised, and concerned me at the same time. I was excited because, well, after being married for close to twenty years and two kids our sex life had become nearly non-existent. I was surprised because even though I knew she wasn't put out by porn or sexual things, she still is a very reserved and conservative when it comes to sex. I have tried to introduce many things in our sex-life over the years and really all she wants is me on top. Oral sex is usually me going down on her (something I can never get enough of) but I can never kiss her after. Getting her to say or do anything different in bed seemed like it would never happen.

I am concerned because I have posted some stories on here (with several others in the works). It wouldn't bother me if she read any of them, what would bother me is if she connected my username in here with some of the other fetish sites that I am a member of. Part of me really wants her to discover that side of me yet the other side is afraid of what she might do or feel. I have not had sex or any sexual relations with anyone other than my wife from the time we were engaged through today. I do have a very active online persona and I don't know how or if she would believe me if she found out and asked.

Many of the stories she reads are group sex, exhibition, and lesbian stories. If these are things that she gets excited about, I would LOVE to help her experience them. Sometimes I feel that when I try to talk about sex with her, she shuts down. I have told her numerous times that I am willing to do anything she wants sexually, but nothing seems to change.

Over the past month, since I made my discovery, I have been treating her and our romance differently. I am not taking anything for granted. When we kiss, I hold her and kiss her deeply, lovingly, and more than just a quick kiss. I know she likes this as we kiss much more often. But I am the one to initiate it.

I am sorry for the wall of text and my blabbering. I don't know what to do and my imagination is going to kill me.

Your wife may know more about you than you think she does.

 

[Allyourbase]

After being married for close to twenty years and two kids our sex life had become nearly non-existent. ... Even though I knew she wasn't put out by porn or sexual things, she still is a very reserved and conservative when it comes to sex. ... Oral sex is usually me going down on her ...
Many of the stories she reads are... lesbian stories.

So, just to throw this out there...

Do you have an indication of how straight/bi/gay your wife is?

I am not saying that this necessarily is a factor in the difficulties you experience with her. Just making sure you thought of the possibility.

 

[nicecthulhu]

Mine knows I write here. The fact amuses her. She doesn't read them and has no desire to play any kind of non-vanilla games. Such is life.

My wife is pretty much the same. She's read one story of mine and thought it was OK, but there was too much sex in it for her. Otherwise she's not interested in anything on this website. She's never said she minds me writing or reading stories here and she's actually offered good suggestions when I've hit a roadblock in a plot.
Don't push her. Let her know you're willing to talk. Let her know that you love her. Let her know you realize everyone is different with different tastes and you don't think less of her for being different from you. Hopefully she doesn't think less of you for having different tastes, too.
If or when she opens up a little, embrace her and her ideas, concerns, fantasies, etc. Support her one way or the other.
If you've been married a few years you probably know that if she loves you then she goes out of her way to make you happy.
I think litfan10's second point is bang on.

 

[desertslave]

We both read and post on the boards, and have posted stories as well. I'm rather intermittent in my interest and participation on the boards, but I read stories here and there less intermittently.

Here's the funny thing with us. I started reading the boards whereas he started reading stories first. I got involved with other things and somewhere in there he started reading the boards, too. He would tell me about random posts, we had some conversations about stuff, but I didn't feel compelled to post often. He had a strange compulsion about reading and getting irritated by the General board, and I'd just roll my eyes. Otherwise, I'd pop on and off when the spirit moved me.

I started having a story-bug in my head a while ago, and came back to the boards one day hoping to find a favorite author (sadly she seems to be MIA). Now I'm stuck here again, but this time he is, too. We comment back and forth about threads, share stories we like, etc. It's been fun, and opened up a different level of intimacy at a needful time.

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

So, just to throw this out there...

Do you have an indication of how straight/bi/gay your wife is?

I am not saying that this necessarily is a factor in the difficulties you experience with her. Just making sure you thought of the possibility.

From what I can tell, and I have brought this question up many times before in conversations, she is 100% straight. We were talking early in our relationship about same sex encounters, and she told me about a friend of hers that she found out to be bi and she ended the friendship. Actually, until recently she was outwardly disapproving of anything homosexual. We are both very political people, I have taken on a much more open and vocal stance for equal marriage rights for all, and I don't know if she has changed her mind, she just isn't vocal about it.

We have been talking more about our everything in our life. I have been more passionate with her. Our sex life has a new spark in it. She is still in her shell with her thoughts but she is reacting positively in her actions to many things that I am trying. Having her help me with my latest story has helped us to talk about sexual things in a more relaxed manner. Now we will see what happens after I submit it.