Interworking thoughts and narrative - specific

[glenbrown69]

Hey, I'm working on a story in which my character is going through a thought process whilst undressing. I know I could leave out the undressing, but I like it, partly because it separates the two opposing sides of the thought process.

I am wondering what the best way to present this would be. Originally, I had this in plain text but it simply did not look too good to me. I have tried putting the thoughts into italics and think that this works better, but I'd like your opinions and ideas on the matter.

Below is an extract from the section. It doesn't include all of the thoughts, but I think it is enough to illustrate my point.

***

It was absurd that anything more would come of it. She’d feel bad afterwards, just like before.

Her hand snaked down to her jeans and she removed them, gasping slightly a a careless finger trailed over her panties.

But there was a connection between them. She’d felt it and she knew he had. She’d never believed in love at first sight, but what if it did exist? Surely it wouldn't just be sex then?

She was now dressed in only her panties and her hand subconsciously slid beneath the fabric, not to remove them, but to gently touch herself. A moan left her mouth as her eyes closed.

No, she was being silly again.


***
So, what do you think?

 

[Darkniciad]

That's the way I've always denoted thought, but usually it's direct thought -- what the character is actually thinking, rather than narrative explaining it.

The CMS says that normal speech with quotation marks is the preferred method, but I've always preferred italics anyway. It's readily recognized by Lit readers either way, so there's no worry there.

You just have to be careful not to have the italic sections too long ( none in the example are even close ) because they can be hard on the eyes.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think it could work.

But what I'm noticing, that throws me off more than the thoughts, is that all of your action is a little bit flat, a bit removed. Which might be true, since she's so much in her head, but make it clearer, make that be the point of the scene. She's going to get pulled right out of her head and right into her pussy, any minute now.

 

[sr71plt]

What I think is that that isn't really thought discourse you've put in italics. It's just narration, the same as the rest of what you've written. You could just leave it all in roman font and it works just fine. What you've done with it is unnecessarily nonstandard.

 

[glenbrown69]

Thanks for your input people.

I know what you mean about the actions. It does read flat at the moment but it is only the first draft and I expect it'll improve quite a bit by the time I think it is ready for submission. Although, now that you've raised the point I'm going to have to change it right away or it will bug me.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Thanks for your input people.

I know what you mean about the actions. It does read flat at the moment but it is only the first draft and I expect it'll improve quite a bit by the time I think it is ready for submission. Although, now that you've raised the point I'm going to have to change it right away or it will bug me.

My characters think a lot, sometimes as much as they talk. Out loud speech is in quotation marks, internal speech in italics. Narrative in normal roman font.

 

[lance gt]

Maybe it's just me that does it, but I use "..." for dialogue and '...' for thought. Never had a problem with anyone not understanding the difference. No font changes to do either.

 

[glenbrown69]

Well, I've decided that section should have been written as narrative so I've adjusted it a little to make it fit in more in that form. It is definitely the better choice.

I've got some better ideas for how to include thoughts now when I do include them. Thanks to all.

 

[sr71plt]

Lance's technique is fine for him, if he likes, but he makes it sound authoritative, which it isn't--in American publishing style. In American publishing style (although some publishers won't follow it), the authoritative style is to use either straight roman font, or roman font inside double quotes for internal discourse. Italics is not longer an option, and hasn't been authoritatively scanctioned in the American publishing industry for over nine years (dropped with Chicago Manual of Style edition 14). The current, 16th CMS edition rule can be found at 13.41.

You can certainly use italics for internal discourse (some publishers do and it was always my preference) on Lit., if you like, but Lance makes it sound like that's the rule--but it's not the rule. If you want to follow sanctioned American publishing standards, you will consistently use either straight roman font or roman font with the internal discourse in double quotes.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Jezuz Pilot, what part of

Maybe it's just me that does it,

did you misread?

 

[sr71plt]

Jezuz Pilot, what part of did you misread?

Well, yes, that first clause didn't register with me, so I'm sorry about not absorbing that and reacting as if he's stating a rule.

That said, there's a whole lot of the blind leading the blind around here on how to write.

I just goofed in reading too quickly and wrongly assuming this was an example of that. Sorry. I'd delete my post, but the guidance is good for anyone wanting to take their writing seriously.

 

[Thefamiliar]

Maybe it's just me that does it, but I use "..." for dialogue and '...' for thought. Never had a problem with anyone not understanding the difference. No font changes to do either.

You're not alone. In writing classes I was taught 'isolates a thought' while "is shared". But then times are changing, they aren't teaching the same stuff in school anymore. Lol suppose that may date me huh?

I do use italics for memories or premonitions though. So have used all together at times.

 

[lovecraft68]

I've always used regular text. Providing you're doing your job and the reader knows these are thoughts you should be fine.

The only time I used Italics for thoughts is with my character who is paranoid schizophrenic and hears a voice in his head.

Whenever the Voice would "speak" I would use Italics.

I also used them in a scene where the characters were texting.

 

[Bramblethorn]

That's the way I've always denoted thought, but usually it's direct thought -- what the character is actually thinking, rather than narrative explaining it.

The CMS says that normal speech with quotation marks is the preferred method, but I've always preferred italics anyway. It's readily recognized by Lit readers either way, so there's no worry there.

That's my approach too. IMHO italics work far better than quotes for passages like these:

*****
[Narrator/Yvonne spends a couple of days fretting about when to call the girl she's crushing on, then:]

"Aleks, should I call her today? Or leave it a bit longer?"

"Just give her damn call already. Today just as bloody good as tomorrow. But if you call today you don't ask me same damn question tomorrow."

"Fair enough." Not quite Plato, but it was the answer I wanted to hear and that's usually good enough for me. I slunk back to my room and dialled before I could change my mind but what if she's hoping you won't call -

"Hello?"

"Hi Phoebe, it's Yvonne."

...


"If you're not interested in me, please say so." Please don't.
*****

In both those passages, I'm trying to interweave what's going on in the outside world and what's going on in Yvonne's head. I need those two stories to flow into one another as smoothly as possible, and I need the distinction between them to be clear enough that the reader doesn't have to stop and think about it.

If I try to rewrite those passages using quotation marks for inner monologue, I have to add extra wording to disambiguate between speech and thoughts, and my pacing gets shot to hell; it feels horribly clunky. To my ear, italics work much better for this sort of passage.

 

[sr71plt]

A voice im someone's head is interior discourse, no matter what the base is for the thought. It all should be treated the same way.

 

[Joseph28]

all right

 

[RodenAddison]

That's the way I've always denoted thought, but usually it's direct thought -- what the character is actually thinking, rather than narrative explaining it.

The CMS says that normal speech with quotation marks is the preferred method, but I've always preferred italics anyway. It's readily recognized by Lit readers either way, so there's no worry there.

You just have to be careful not to have the italic sections too long ( none in the example are even close ) because they can be hard on the eyes.

"Prefered" (in the statement above) "might best be" "should"....

Seems to me that 'most' grammar rules are actually style and usage with people trying to muscle us into doing their way when it's not dogma. I use italics as well. I just feel that quotes make it a little confusing.