Mountain Munch

[Licia]

First, I must get this out: there's always reason to celebrate when a wall is kicked down!



Whew, much better.

Forever I've looked and searched for a local bdsm community to no avail. A few months ago I went to fetlife as was advised here. Still, the closest community was an hour away.

Convenience problem, unfortunately. Babysitter for three kids? Nigh impossible.

Pondering and postulating over the problem, I bounced a decision off the hubs. "I *know* kinky folks surround us. I *know* a few of my friends are active participtants in bdsm. You've watched mild yourself."

He nodded in agreement--a huge devil-grin speaking words for him.

"Good," a smile spread over my face. "Ya know, I think people would be interested in at least getting together to talk and share their experiences. Also, I think it could be a positive influence on all of us as a whole, help us understand one another in whatever role taken, keep activity sane--educational. Maybe 'twill flower into something more. Due to local social climate, I believe it would best be approached as I approach any other *pauses* uncomfortable subject; the women. 'Cause ya know as well as I do: if the women aren't behind "this" it ain't gonna happen."

We hashed out the confidentiality subject. After, I made a few calls, and a most unusual phenomena occured: a couple and a friend had schedule openings for a last minute event. Another friend I am meeting with tomorrow. (Yay opportunic windows, heh.)

Long story short, a mountain munch is in the near future. "The girls" are definitely ready to put this into motion. Nervous as I was about raising the subject, it seems ridiculous past tense. "Interest inquiries" are percolating. A few? Cooking right now.

*ting*

I suggested that after we posed the question to others that we address confidentiality at the first "official" munch. (The issue was also addressed this evening during our small gathering.) People have jobs and reputations on the line, so privacy is a must. Our location has the height of a fly compared to the rest of the world, and one word can be a hurricane.

My question(s) for y'all: what have been some of your experiences at a munch, and if you've experience coordinating events what were your challenges? How did you overcome those challenges?

Fifty shades, although we are strangers I already have a love/hate relationship with you. At least you have awakened a few more of the girls, and I'm ecstatic...but, 'tis another thread.

 

[rod43]

Keep kicking those walls down, Licia. Good luck with your pleasurable adventures.

 

[Licia]

Mahaha. Thanks.

You also.

 

[DVS]

First, I must get this out: there's always reason to celebrate when a wall is kicked down!



Whew, much better.

Forever I've looked and searched for a local bdsm community to no avail. A few months ago I went to fetlife as was advised here. Still, the closest community was an hour away.

Convenience problem, unfortunately. Babysitter for three kids? Nigh impossible.

Pondering and postulating over the problem, I bounced a decision off the hubs. "I *know* kinky folks surround us. I *know* a few of my friends are active participtants in bdsm. You've watched mild yourself."

He nodded in agreement--a huge devil-grin speaking words for him.

"Good," a smile spread over my face. "Ya know, I think people would be interested in at least getting together to talk and share their experiences. Also, I think it could be a positive influence on all of us as a whole, help us understand one another in whatever role taken, keep activity sane--educational. Maybe 'twill flower into something more. Due to local social climate, I believe it would best be approached as I approach any other *pauses* uncomfortable subject; the women. 'Cause ya know as well as I do: if the women aren't behind "this" it ain't gonna happen."

We hashed out the confidentiality subject. After, I made a few calls, and a most unusual phenomena occured: a couple and a friend had schedule openings for a last minute event. Another friend I am meeting with tomorrow. (Yay opportunic windows, heh.)

Long story short, a mountain munch is in the near future. "The girls" are definitely ready to put this into motion. Nervous as I was about raising the subject, it seems ridiculous past tense. "Interest inquiries" are percolating. A few? Cooking right now.

*ting*

I suggested that after we posed the question to others that we address confidentiality at the first "official" munch. (The issue was also addressed this evening during our small gathering.) People have jobs and reputations on the line, so privacy is a must. Our location has the height of a fly compared to the rest of the world, and one word can be a hurricane.

My question(s) for y'all: what have been some of your experiences at a munch, and if you've experience coordinating events what were your challenges? How did you overcome those challenges?

Fifty shades, although we are strangers I already have a love/hate relationship with you. At least you have awakened a few more of the girls, and I'm ecstatic...but, 'tis another thread.

Like you said, people have reasons to remain private so that should be a priority in your munch group. I don't know how well you know all of the people who will be there, but you need to find a way to keep privacy at the top of the list.

Everybody has to follow this rule. That might be a problem if there are any in your group who don't have jobs to worry about or something else that could be in danger if your kinky group were to be found out. For those with something to lose, secrecy would be fairly easy. But, someone who is open with their lifestyle, talks freely about their kinkiness or doesn't have a job that will scrutinize their behavior might not feel that same sense of need. While they wouldn't do it on purpose, loose lips sink ships.

Munches can use screen names or maybe first names only, but a lot of that depends on how close everybody is in the first place. For people who start out as strangers, using only first names or screen names allows someone to remain anonymous, for the most part. But, friends already know who you are, so the same anonymity can be difficult.

For many, keeping secrets can be sexy and when the secrets you are keeping are about sex, that can also be fun. The problem arises when someone gets so excited that they want to share their excitement with others. While that can also help the group get larger, it can also be increasingly difficult to keep things private.

So, to keep your munch group private, you must make it clear to everybody that saying anything to outsiders could be a mistake. While I'm sure many people would have no problem with what you all are doing (live and let live attitude), there's always somebody who will take issue with it and cause you all problems.

It's sad that you have to deal with people in this way, because what you're doing shouldn't need to be kept secret. But, if there are any busy bodies on that mountain, you might have problems. You might put it up to a vote as to how you all can keep the secret. And if anybody knows of someone who might like to join in the fun, finding a way to introduce them to it without giving too much away at first could be your approach.

I'm a very private person myself, just for the same reason you could need to be. The type of job I have requires a professional appearance and if bosses found out about my kinky lifestyle, who knows how they would react. It shouldn't be necessary because someone's sex life doesn't hinder doing well in their job. But, from the employer's point of view, it's what others think.

As private as I like to remain, it's easy for me not to say anything. I'm just one person. The more people you have involved, the more difficult it will be to keep things secret.

In all of this talk, I haven't given you much information that you didn't already know. I know others will post and maybe they have better ideas about keeping things private than I have. I hope you find a way to have your fun, because it can be quite enjoyable to have a group of friends who get together and talk about kinky things. Good luck!

 

[Licia]

As it stands now, all of us know each other in some fashion. Everyone who will be initally included are friends or the friend of another. Trust functions in an odd (?) way here: small town kinksters will extend trust to someone they may not know as long as they have a good bond with another woman in the group. The hubs has the same privilige as well.

Putting privacy concerns to a vote when someone else wants to join is a very good idea, and one we'd hadn't thought about yet. Thank you. We have a teacher, an electrician, a local business corporate boss, a nurse--the list continues. Lifestyle has been our way, but coming out together feels like wading through a river in the dark. Happy "accident" encounters have occured with some folks in this group. Perhaps proper ways of tongue waggling will be a first subject. *chuckles* Everyone already knows how I am, and 'tis a good icebreaker.

Any advice on the ways in which "you're" group has addressed and enforced privacy?

Ooof. There's more to say, but it's time for mom hat.

 

[Netzach]

Part of the reason I do not go to munches as much as I am able to not-go is that I feel like there's far too little discretion at them. "No play" to me does not mean wear your floggers on your hip and your collar on your neck. I don't care how "jewelry" and how "important" it is to you. I expect a munch to be completely undetectable to normal people - because this is what keeps a community from being incestuous and limited only to people who are out and out at all times. I'm out, I'm completely out, and I don't like being at events that treat that so normally as to be mandatory.

If you need to express yourselves make a party.

So, in short, ur doin it rite. Don't make it all things to all people, make it about your needs and your life and death needs to be discreet.

 

[Licia]

Thanks Netzach

Discretion has been turning through my mind, and a topic the hubs and I touched upon last night. Organic is the approach I use to most situations. Thankfully, I've learned enough life lessons to know that one must slow down in order to examine "propriety".

"Everybody pause a minute before this gets outta hand."

While 'tis exciting bringing people together, a sanity video anchors my fantasies. A plan formulates: round up all the girls for a "girl talk" first. Explain the function of a munch through relationship perspective. Assure them they are not alone in their activities. Ask how they feel about intergrading certain men into the group. Already, the hubby has been approved by those approached, but some ground is yet to be covered--people to round up.

*facepalm* Homophobia is a problem around here, so that also needs attention. Girl on girl is one thing, guy on guy another.

I'ma delegate some stuff. I love to control, but that much control would drive me crazy and alienate the others. No thanks! *bad taste* Delegation will fire up the Type A subbies anyway, and it will feel less like a chore on my end. There's enough on my plate.

The tone which is being set for the future is already present. We've invited folks to our weekend long camping trip. Kid accompanied, everyone knows to be on their best behavior. Coming out is fantastic, but the reality of decency? Yeah, the tone's being set...RIGHT NOW.

Probably, some of us will do play parties. Play parties can include fetish attire. Munches will forever remain ridiculously casual because our seclusion is both a blessing and a curse. Basically, they will operate as our usual social functions, but everyone invited will be aware and consented to explicit sex conversation. The days of someone new showing up without getting to know one of the "leaders" are over--due to seclusion geographically and the nature of the regular society in which we all *must* function. Huh. Perhaps I'll copy off some of my thoughts here and share them with the group.

*requests permission to include anonymous replies* That could actually help people figure out where I'm getting support, so my evil designs aren't misconstrued.

Where am I at right now? Phase one.

Phase one:

1. Round up the girl kinksters. (in progress, checks to all approached)

2. Express confidentiality clause (in progress, check)

3. Decency/propriety (in progress, check)

Phase two:

1. Only after every single woman is comfortable that everyone will behave themselves--no pressure--organize a group social meeting for introduction purposes: a person's home or around a campfire--tribal setting, very relaxed. (We may need to function as a girl's night out in the beginning.)

2. First topic: the detriments of inappropriate tongue waggling. (Thanks, DVS )

3. Second topic: Boundaries and decency.

4. Thrid topic: safe/sane/consentual.

Incest?

*squick*

5. Fourth topic: sterotypes

 

[Stella_Omega]

What happens at the munch stays at the munch.

Likewise at the party. One time, someone blabbed about the party activities to someone's SO and the couple divorced. Everyone agreed that it was just a matter of time ANYWAY-- but even so, the blabber was banned for something like three years.

 

[Licia]

Thanks, Stella.

Definitely, 'what happens at the munch or party stays at the munch or party.'

Discipline for useless mouths equals strict and unfulfilling punishment? Forte. Yeah, I'd warn that outloud, too.

Rules. It's best they're outlined from the start.

Whew, I need a pow-wow with the girls and fell particularly grateful for outlines right about now.

 

[AmberRoseThompson]

congratulations

First, I must get this out: there's always reason to celebrate when a wall is kicked down!



Whew, much better.

Forever I've looked and searched for a local bdsm community to no avail. A few months ago I went to fetlife as was advised here. Still, the closest community was an hour away.

Convenience problem, unfortunately. Babysitter for three kids? Nigh impossible.

Pondering and postulating over the problem, I bounced a decision off the hubs. "I *know* kinky folks surround us. I *know* a few of my friends are active participtants in bdsm. You've watched mild yourself."

He nodded in agreement--a huge devil-grin speaking words for him.

"Good," a smile spread over my face. "Ya know, I think people would be interested in at least getting together to talk and share their experiences. Also, I think it could be a positive influence on all of us as a whole, help us understand one another in whatever role taken, keep activity sane--educational. Maybe 'twill flower into something more. Due to local social climate, I believe it would best be approached as I approach any other *pauses* uncomfortable subject; the women. 'Cause ya know as well as I do: if the women aren't behind "this" it ain't gonna happen."

We hashed out the confidentiality subject. After, I made a few calls, and a most unusual phenomena occured: a couple and a friend had schedule openings for a last minute event. Another friend I am meeting with tomorrow. (Yay opportunic windows, heh.)

Long story short, a mountain munch is in the near future. "The girls" are definitely ready to put this into motion. Nervous as I was about raising the subject, it seems ridiculous past tense. "Interest inquiries" are percolating. A few? Cooking right now.

*ting*

I suggested that after we posed the question to others that we address confidentiality at the first "official" munch. (The issue was also addressed this evening during our small gathering.) People have jobs and reputations on the line, so privacy is a must. Our location has the height of a fly compared to the rest of the world, and one word can be a hurricane.

My question(s) for y'all: what have been some of your experiences at a munch, and if you've experience coordinating events what were your challenges? How did you overcome those challenges?

Fifty shades, although we are strangers I already have a love/hate relationship with you. At least you have awakened a few more of the girls, and I'm ecstatic...but, 'tis another thread.

Go you, sadly it doesn't matter where you live this is a sensitive topic so privacy has to be your top priority. I suggest writing up a privacy statement and having everyone read it.

 

[Licia]

Thanks, AmberRoseThompson.

Delegation is where I'm going to put that responsibility. Each person who displays and practices the topics mentioned will present their thoughts to the group. Already, I've made three requests to make sure people would rather live in fantasy land. A discussion will follow. The "rule" issue will take care of itself because everyone will be "conditioned" from the start: this is how we do things. Society is organic and only as strong as the weakest link.

Dad "catch phrase" echoes in my ears well after his death, "Show strength where you have weaknees and weakness where you have strength."