Inexperienced...but curious
- Thread starter molly113
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69thfirmesthand
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2012
- Posts
- 102
Molly you have a p.m.I would like a response either way.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
Stick around and read threads here in this forum and join in on conversations. Because you're young and inexperienced in all of this, you're also a prime target for some who would take advantage of that. Be careful who you trust until you know more about the lifestyle. You can trust information you get from this forum, and what you read in the library. Watch out for PMs from people offering what sounds like exactly what you want. There are some who know just what to say and how to say it, but aren't who they say they are. There are a lot of fakers and posers out there. Being new to all of this, you won't know who is real and who isn't. Don't give out any personal information to anybody. Keep everything close to the vest.Hi there
I introduced myself on the other thread but was hoping for some advice for a new submissive. I think. I am fascinated by this lifestyle but I am young and inexperienced and need some guidance.
Molly
I'd advise taking your time and not accepting any offers just yet. There's lots of time for that. Learn all you can about yourself, what you like and what being a submissive really means to you. Once you know more about the lifestyle and what you want from it, you can take the next step and find you a trustworthy partner.
It's an interesting thing, BDSM. It's also quite large and everybody must find their own path to follow. Don't try to label yourself as anything just yet. There's a lot to learn about, but this is when the fun begins.
Last edited:
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Stick around and read threads here in this forum and join in on conversations. Because you're young and inexperienced in all of this, you're also a prime target for some who would take advantage of that. Be careful who you trust until you know more about the lifestyle. You can trust information you get from this forum, and what you read in the library. Watch out for PMs from people offering what sounds like exactly what you want. There are some who know just what to say and how to say it, but aren't who they say they are. There are a lot of fakers and posers out there. Being new to all of this, you won't know who is real and who isn't. Don't give out any personal information to anybody. Keep everything close to the vest.
I'd advise taking your time and not accepting any offers just yet. There's lots of time for that. Learn all you can about yourself, what you like and what being a submissive really means to you. Once you know more about the lifestyle and what you want from it, you can take the next step and find you a trustworthy partner.
It's an interesting thing, BDSM. It's also quite large and everybody must find their own path to follow. Don't try to label yourself as anything just yet. There's a lot to learn about, but this is when the fun begins.
Excellent advice. If you find men PMíng you, not responding publicly to your request for guidance, you can bet they don't have your best interests in mind and quite possibly have no experience worthwhile for you to draw from....hence they want to PM with you privately so no-one else can call them on their words and offers.
Catalina
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
When you say "submissive" what does that mean to you? 
CookingDom
Top, middle, bottom?
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2010
- Posts
- 119
Hi there
I introduced myself on the other thread but was hoping for some advice for a new submissive. I think. I am fascinated by this lifestyle but I am young and inexperienced and need some guidance.
Molly
Read read and then read some more.
Don't make finding a Dom/me/Sub be the be all and end all, look for local munches, join FetLife.com (it's like face book for perverts and great for masturbation
)Take your time, you probably won't fully understand what/who you are in the lifestyle for a long time and that will come from experience, self discovery and mistakes,
Above all else - Have fun!
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Hi there
I introduced myself on the other thread but was hoping for some advice for a new submissive. I think. I am fascinated by this lifestyle but I am young and inexperienced and need some guidance.
Molly
Yeah... there ought to be a sticky somewhere advising new members who feel they might be submissive/pyl to close their PM boxes before posting anything, lol! At least until they've had an opportunity to review the BDSM Library (a bit further up the Talk forum threads list - I'm too lazy to pull the link right now), and talk - IN PUBLIC - to a few more experienced folks.Wow. Thank you all so much. I had a lot of PMs last night when I posted this but most of weren't very kind and a little unsettling. I'm glad to know they're people in this community who are genuinely willing to help and guide.
Unfortunately, there are, Molly, a LOT of poseurs and wannabes all over the internet, including here, not to mention a fair number of predators who make it their business to cruise posts such as yours and try to inveigle (relatively) naive people into doing things they otherwise would have the sense not to do. Please - for the sake of your future - don't fall for them.
Don't give out personal information, including phone numbers and e-mail address.
Don't send them compromising photos of yourself, or allow them to talk you into doing anything - even fully clothed conversation - on webcam until you've had a good chance to check them out and determine their honesty and honor. (In case you're not aware, a lot of people have software that allows them to capture flash video and webcam transmissions and post it wherever they want.)
Just one bare-boob shot, or even a lingerie shot, could ruin your proposed career, depending on your field. Can you imagine what it would do to your future and your family if someone were to post a video or pictures of you masturbating or spanking yourself online for the world to see?
Whatever you may be asked to do, consider it carefully - not for a few minutes but for at least a few days.
All the best to you, and welcome to the BDSM Talk and Café!
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
This is SUCH a good idea.
Keroin
aKwatic
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Posts
- 8,154
This is SUCH a good idea.
I've often thought there should be a newbie advice thread, wherein members could list their two cents for newcomers of all stripes. I just have a feeling it would end up going off on too many tangents...as threads here are wont to do.
(Case in point above).
OP, you've gotten good advice. Take it slow. Enjoy. You only get to be new at this once.
Primalex
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2007
- Posts
- 6,144
Hm, considering that 99.9999% of the women contact me via PM and not open, what does this say about them then?
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Hm, considering that 99.9999% of the women contact me via PM and not open, what does this say about them then?
Misguided, perhaps?
Catalina
Primalex
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2007
- Posts
- 6,144
Misguided, perhaps?
Maybe they listened to one of your advices?
Seriously, sometimes I doubt people are still talking about humans here, when they talk about the "do's and don't's".
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
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- 18,730
Lit_Wetawd
Experienced
- Joined
- May 17, 2012
- Posts
- 56
Hi there
I introduced myself on the other thread but was hoping for some advice for a new submissive. I think. I am fascinated by this lifestyle but I am young and inexperienced and need some guidance.
Molly
Awe you fat, ugly and stupid? These awe the pwewequisite to be a submissive. If you doubt me read what the subs wite and then ask fo a picuwe. They awe ugly and fat.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
Yes, another member of the great male gender of the spices speaks up and I'm embarrassed to be of that same gender. Such a stupid twit.
MoonlessNight
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2011
- Posts
- 873
To the OP, good luck in your search sweetie. I'm still looking. There are a lot of guys who just WISH they had it in them to be half way decent doms.
Yeah i kind of wish now I had closed my PM box for the first few days. I don't know much, but from what I've read, I know this type of relationship is just that, a relationship between two people. You can't start a relationship by PMing me "Call me Daddy, you're my slut now!" It doesn't really work that way, with me anyway. I'm not ugly or fat (thank you very much) and I am definitely not stupid. I am a highly educated, pretty successful young woman who is interested in this lifestyle. I cannot fathom that I am the only one.
Thank you to those who have provided helpful advice. I hope to continue to learn and hope this is the right community for me to do that.
Thank you to those who have provided helpful advice. I hope to continue to learn and hope this is the right community for me to do that.
Ladybugsjoy
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2007
- Posts
- 278
Dearest OP. I learned a lotttt mor on Fetlife than I did here. I like the lit forums, but I find fetlife in general to be more mature. I recommend checking it out.
Ladybug
Ladybug
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
Interesting; I find FetLife to be significantly less "mature" than Lit... Although, Lit is slower/less active than Fet.
Lit_Wetawd
Experienced
- Joined
- May 17, 2012
- Posts
- 56
AmberRoseThompson
Virgin
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2011
- Posts
- 28
Suggestion
Hi,
Have you checked out FetLife? It is like Facebook but for kinky people and there are a lot of submissives on there that could help you. Also if you live in a city like New York there are often groups that meet on a regular basis to help each other out.
Hi there
I introduced myself on the other thread but was hoping for some advice for a new submissive. I think. I am fascinated by this lifestyle but I am young and inexperienced and need some guidance.
Molly
Hi,
Have you checked out FetLife? It is like Facebook but for kinky people and there are a lot of submissives on there that could help you. Also if you live in a city like New York there are often groups that meet on a regular basis to help each other out.
AmberRoseThompson
Virgin
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2011
- Posts
- 28
In agreement
I completely agree with you. When I joined the kink community I knew less than nothing, but since I was joining with my wife we could learn together without worrying about someone taking advantage of us. I've seen a lot of questionable people think they could get away with doing anything to a new person. You have all the time in the world. One suggestion is too read two very good books: The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book. Both will give you an insight into the roles from two different points of view.
Stick around and read threads here in this forum and join in on conversations. Because you're young and inexperienced in all of this, you're also a prime target for some who would take advantage of that. Be careful who you trust until you know more about the lifestyle. You can trust information you get from this forum, and what you read in the library. Watch out for PMs from people offering what sounds like exactly what you want. There are some who know just what to say and how to say it, but aren't who they say they are. There are a lot of fakers and posers out there. Being new to all of this, you won't know who is real and who isn't. Don't give out any personal information to anybody. Keep everything close to the vest.
I'd advise taking your time and not accepting any offers just yet. There's lots of time for that. Learn all you can about yourself, what you like and what being a submissive really means to you. Once you know more about the lifestyle and what you want from it, you can take the next step and find you a trustworthy partner.
It's an interesting thing, BDSM. It's also quite large and everybody must find their own path to follow. Don't try to label yourself as anything just yet. There's a lot to learn about, but this is when the fun begins.
I completely agree with you. When I joined the kink community I knew less than nothing, but since I was joining with my wife we could learn together without worrying about someone taking advantage of us. I've seen a lot of questionable people think they could get away with doing anything to a new person. You have all the time in the world. One suggestion is too read two very good books: The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book. Both will give you an insight into the roles from two different points of view.
AmberRoseThompson
Virgin
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2011
- Posts
- 28
Pm
Catalina,
Excellent point. Anyone doing something in the dark is potentially up to no good.
Excellent advice. If you find men PMíng you, not responding publicly to your request for guidance, you can bet they don't have your best interests in mind and quite possibly have no experience worthwhile for you to draw from....hence they want to PM with you privately so no-one else can call them on their words and offers.
Catalina
Catalina,
Excellent point. Anyone doing something in the dark is potentially up to no good.
