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How do you fuck a mermaid?

The Little Mermaid is allegorical. She has to trade her fin in for legs to make love. Like all princess fairy tales the theme is eventually lost virginity. Princess fairy tales represent a literary method for western society to condition girls to sex and, ultimately, motherhood.

I should add Asian children literature (older) does the same thing.
 
Ok, I've thought this out in a group-discussion format. Granted, I was baked off my ass at the time, but I believe my logic to be sound. Here's what I've decided.

Mermaids are not half-fish. They're sea mammals. I use, as evidence the fact that they have mammary glands, because mermaids are always depicted with boobs. Now, if they have mammary glands, then they feed their young. That's a mammalian trait. They also have hair. And, they sing, which is generally attributed to sea mammals like whales. Therefore, I think it would be more accurate to portray them as having dolphin-like genitalia.

This is particluarly interesting in the case of mermen, if you know anything about dolphin penises, which, for the sake of this conversation, let's assume we all do. Dolphins have these CRAZY prehensile penises. Now, in my head, mermen do too, because they're similar to dolphins in other ways. This = awesome.

So, anyhoo, to answer the question, I think you'd have to fuck a mermaid like this: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HuPmQKbUJrI/TymvGIalfFI/AAAAAAAAE9M/izL7A_aYk9g/s1600/dolphin+breeding.jpg
 
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1fromawoodpile said:
Do humans have to settle for head?
Click to expand...

Brah! Seriously?! There is NOTHING better than a beej! There is NO room for settling in the same sentence with head.

But I do like the idea of the amazing prehensile dolphin schlong. Send an amazing merman load down a mermaid's mouth.

That would be a much sleeker appearance to go between skin to dolphin flesh rather than scales. I don't care if the guy was baked I think that idea is very logical with the whole mammalian line of thinking.
 
Best thing about mermaid head is that they don't need to come up for air as often as humans do.
 
TallMan69 said:
Brah! Seriously?! There is NOTHING better than a beej! There is NO room for settling in the same sentence with head.

But I do like the idea of the amazing prehensile dolphin schlong. Send an amazing merman load down a mermaid's mouth.

That would be a much sleeker appearance to go between skin to dolphin flesh rather than scales. I don't care if the guy was baked I think that idea is very logical with the whole mammalian line of thinking.
Click to expand...

Also- if you look at their tails, mermaids have horizontal tails, rather then verticle ones. Mammals have horizontal tails and fish have verticle tails.
 
Once-ler said:
Ok, I've thought this out in a group-discussion format. Granted, I was baked off my ass at the time, but I believe my logic to be sound. Here's what I've decided.

Mermaids are not half-fish. They're sea mammals. I use, as evidence the fact that they have mammary glands, because mermaids are always depicted with boobs. Now, if they have mammary glands, then they feed their young. That's a mammalian trait. They also have hair. And, they sing, which is generally attributed to sea mammals like whales. Therefore, I think it would be more accurate to portray them as having dolphin-like genitalia.

This is particluarly interesting in the case of mermen, if you know anything about dolphin penises, which, for the sake of this conversation, let's assume we all do. Dolphins have these CRAZY prehensile penises. Now, in my head, mermen do too, because they're similar to dolphins in other ways. This = awesome.

So, anyhoo, to answer the question, I think you'd have to fuck a mermaid like this: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HuPmQKbUJrI/TymvGIalfFI/AAAAAAAAE9M/izL7A_aYk9g/s1600/dolphin+breeding.jpg
Click to expand...

I want fucking some of what you are smoking pal
 
ChinaBandit said:
The Little Mermaid is allegorical. She has to trade her fin in for legs to make love. Like all princess fairy tales the theme is eventually lost virginity. Princess fairy tales represent a literary method for western society to condition girls to sex and, ultimately, motherhood.

I should add Asian children literature (older) does the same thing.
Click to expand...

Well, there is that but I always thought it was interesting how, as a consequence being given legs, she was in extreme pain whenever she walked or danced.

And the part where she trades her tongue for legs.

And that whole, the-prince-marries-someone-else-so-she-despairs-and-laments-her-seemingly-futile-suffering-until-her-sisters-give-her-a-knife-and-said-if-she-slays-the-prince-and-drips-his-blood-on-her-legs-she'll-get-her-tail-back-but-she-still-loves-him-so-instead-she-throws-herself-into-the-sea-and-dissolves-but-doesn't-die-and-becomes-a-spirit-of-the-air-who-gets-time-off-her-sentence-if-she-rescues-a-"good"-child-and-extra-time-if-she-rescues-a-"bad"-and-perhaps-one-day-ascend-to-Heaven...thing.

Always trade-offs.
 
John Doe said:
Well, there is that but I always thought it was interesting how, as a consequence being given legs, she was in extreme pain whenever she walked or danced.

And the part where she trades her tongue for legs.

And that whole, the-prince-marries-someone-else-so-she-despairs-and-laments-her-seemingly-futile-suffering-until-her-sisters-give-her-a-knife-and-said-if-she-slays-the-prince-and-drips-his-blood-on-her-legs-she'll-get-her-tail-back-but-she-still-loves-him-so-instead-she-throws-herself-into-the-sea-and-dissolves-but-doesn't-die-and-becomes-a-spirit-of-the-air-who-gets-time-off-her-sentence-if-she-rescues-a-"good"-child-and-extra-time-if-she-rescues-a-"bad"-and-perhaps-one-day-ascend-to-Heaven...thing.

Always trade-offs.
Click to expand...

I kinda always thought the pin & needles thing was because she'd never put her weight on her lower body before when I read that story. Because that happens to people in physical therapy to. The sea witch in the story was much more physical then the disney- like taking her tounge instead of her voice and everything. I really thing that pain would have faded the more she used her legs and got used to them.

Yeah, that seafoam thing was fucked up. She should have stabbed that nun marrying dick.
 
Once-ler said:
I kinda always thought the pin & needles thing was because she'd never put her weight on her lower body before when I read that story. Because that happens to people in physical therapy to. The sea witch in the story was much more physical then the disney- like taking her tounge instead of her voice and everything. I really thing that pain would have faded the more she used her legs and got used to them.

Yeah, that seafoam thing was fucked up. She should have stabbed that nun marrying dick.
Click to expand...

Okay James. I've already sent a school of tentacruel to rape you half to death but you've rally put a bit too much thought into this. It's not that I disagree with you,I think you've failed by not pointing out that dolphins are smart enough to know big breasted blonds are hot as shit but seriously Team Rocket needs you. The world needs you. And frankly being a shitty Riddler knock off is beneath a man who's been on the air for more than a decade.
 
Sean Renaud said:
Okay James. I've already sent a school of tentacruel to rape you half to death but you've rally put a bit too much thought into this. It's not that I disagree with you,I think you've failed by not pointing out that dolphins are smart enough to know big breasted blonds are hot as shit but seriously Team Rocket needs you. The world needs you. And frankly being a shitty Riddler knock off is beneath a man who's been on the air for more than a decade.
Click to expand...

Holy fuck man, you don't even know.

I've done this shit for 14 YEARS!! Fourteen fucking years!! Four years cannon- you would think at this fucking point, I would have a job description somewhat different from CHASING THE BOSS'S KID and falling into my own traps. And every time I call him trying to GET a different job description, he's either all, "Suck my dick" or "No, I'm pissed at you for building all those giant, Pokemon-shaped robots. And I have been, ever since you destroyed my theme park, Pokemon Island, which was, ironically, filled with GIANT POKEMON SHAPED ROBOTS!" and THEN tells me to suck his dick.

And I have just gotten to the point where I am no longer willing to obey the every whim of a man in a cheap orange suit. If you're not tripping balls on stun spore, you're forced to really, look at your life, and I'm not happy with it. Plus- don't tell me what to do, motherfucker- I'm the goddamn flaming moltres! I AM THE FLAME THAT BURNS BRIGHTEST! I AM THE FLAME THAT LIGHTS THE NIGHT! I AM A FLAMING MOLTRES!

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7iugosnhl1qbj62mo1_500.jpg
 
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