My sexuality is mocking me

[GobletHolly182]

I'm a straight girl... I think. I've always been attracted to boys. But about a year ago I tripped over Harry Potter slash fanfic, which led to an infatuation with gay male erotica, which led to writing my own. It's gotten to the point where I still crush on straight guys in real life, but watch exclusively gay male porn when on my own.

What the fuck? Is this normal? Do gay people love het porn?

I know I'm hardly the only girl to love gay male stories; plenty of women publish in the Gay Male category here on Lit, and the majority of slash is actually written by heterosexual females with college degrees. Google gives me the term 'girlfag', which I find distinctly unsexy, ugly even, but maybe that's just me. Apparently it's strongly associated with women who identify as gay males trapped in female bodies, though, which does not describe me, at all. I'm very comfortable being a girl.

It's not that I'm obsessed with labels, it's more that I'm plagued by sudden worries about my relationship options. My gut rebels against the idea that my sexual preferences are something to be 'fixed' with therapy. But I can't even articulate exactly what it is I WANT, other than to point to my favorite gay male lit stories and say 'what they have'. Gay men would probably see my interest as an objectifying fetish, similar to how lesbians object to being seen as fuck toys for straight men. Can I just hope to meet a pair of bisexual men? That sounds like a plot bunny, not a real life option. Should I throw gender biases out the window altogether and focus on human-to-human connections? That also sounds more like a romance trope than realism.

Hoping someone wiser than I can help! Does anyone else struggle with this? Have there been other threads created along these lines? All you ladies who write gay male erotica ... are you as turned on by it? If so, do you feel that there's anything missing from your relationships which are presumably not with gay men?

And is there an alternative name for 'girlfag'?

 

[warl0ck1]

well guys watch a lot of lesbian porn is this really any different? your watching 2 or more hot guys fuck each other if your in love with the male form then really is there anything more perfect then that and then there is the fact that its really taboo so perhaps your getting more from it because of that.

 

[GobletHolly182]

well guys watch a lot of lesbian porn is this really any different? your watching 2 or more hot guys fuck each other if your in love with the male form then really is there anything more perfect then that and then there is the fact that its really taboo so perhaps your getting more from it because of that.

Maybe it's not so different from guys watching lesbian porn. Good point. I bet no dudes have ever wasted time stressing about what their interest in girl-on-girl action says about their sexuality

 

[HeyAll]

I suggest you start watching True Blood and start reading Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicals if you enjoy those kinds of supernatural stuff as well. Those books and that show contains quite a bit of homoerotic material.

And I'm not trying to be sarcastic about that either, I love love love both of those stories, and the gay innuendos don't bother me at all.

 

[warl0ck1]

Maybe it's not so different from guys watching lesbian porn. Good point. I bet no dudes have ever wasted time stressing about what their interest in girl-on-girl action says about their sexuality

umm nope. 2 hot woman having sex not really much better well except I don't have and issue with 2 hot guys either.

 

[starider07]

Hi

So you get off on guys doing each other, ok. Now are you wanting to take part and help them like a lil mmf anything goes? Either way I see no problem except maybe thinking to much about a problem. So far I read your straight, and get off on gay porn, and want to meet a pair of bi guys. All is good. I see nothing but a nice young lady with a healthy sexual appetite. What am I missing?

 

[GobletHolly182]

I suggest you start watching True Blood and start reading Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicals if you enjoy those kinds of supernatural stuff as well. Those books and that show contains quite a bit of homoerotic material.

And I'm not trying to be sarcastic about that either, I love love love both of those stories, and the gay innuendos don't bother me at all.

Lol, I see gay subtext everywhere. Chemistry just reads as sexual tension to me! Thanks for the recommendations

 

[GobletHolly182]

So you get off on guys doing each other, ok. Now are you wanting to take part and help them like a lil mmf anything goes? Either way I see no problem except maybe thinking to much about a problem. So far I read your straight, and get off on gay porn, and want to meet a pair of bi guys. All is good. I see nothing but a nice young lady with a healthy sexual appetite. What am I missing?

You're not missing anything! I'm likely over-thinking, as well as over-influenced by my girlfriends, who think my appreciation of gay porn is very weird.

I guess I would like to take part, but only if they liked me, too! I've had a handful of mmf threesomes, but only ever with straight guys whose interactions with each other ranged from friendly-but-not-gay to downright homophobic.

 

[sunandshadow]

It is in fact very common for straight women to like gay male erotica, and straight men to like lesbian erotica. There are several speculations about this: that some people enjoy it simply as a two for one sale, or that some people see a same gender relationship as more equal than an opposite gender relationship, or that some straight people are territorially jealous and/or instinctively repulsed by seeing members of their own sex in romantic and sexual situations.

Me personally, I ended up writing about hermaphrodites (specifically mherms, hermaphrodites of the man with a womb variety as opposed to the more common chick with dick variety) as a way to balance the idea of experiencing life from a female point of view yet wanting to NOT read about female characters because I don't find them attractive, often can't identify with them, and tend to be jealous of the ones I can't identify with. I didn't start out with herms, I discovered gay romance first, then mpreg, and was actively put off by the more common kind of herm until I encountered some of the more masculine variety. I find it interesting that the more feminine variety of herm is primarily popular with men, specifically the same men who like lesbian erotica. Definitely a parallel situation.

I don't really see why liking gay erotica would have any impact on one's real relationships, though. Unless you've decided straight men are inherently unattractive or something? I find them puzzling, because I have no idea what they see in women, but if they happen to be attracted to me that's both flattering and convenient, since I do happen to be a woman. (As an aside, there is actually a fetish among a small percentage of gay men to find other gay men inherently unattractive because they are gay, and instead pursue only straight men. Now there's a truly self-sabotaging fetish.)

 

[WynneWynneLife]

I'm a straight girl... I think. I've always been attracted to boys. But about a year ago I tripped over Harry Potter slash fanfic, which led to an infatuation with gay male erotica, which led to writing my own. It's gotten to the point where I still crush on straight guys in real life, but watch exclusively gay male porn when on my own.

What the fuck? Is this normal? Do gay people love het porn?

I know I'm hardly the only girl to love gay male stories; plenty of women publish in the Gay Male category here on Lit, and the majority of slash is actually written by heterosexual females with college degrees. Google gives me the term 'girlfag', which I find distinctly unsexy, ugly even, but maybe that's just me. Apparently it's strongly associated with women who identify as gay males trapped in female bodies, though, which does not describe me, at all. I'm very comfortable being a girl.

It's not that I'm obsessed with labels, it's more that I'm plagued by sudden worries about my relationship options. My gut rebels against the idea that my sexual preferences are something to be 'fixed' with therapy. But I can't even articulate exactly what it is I WANT, other than to point to my favorite gay male lit stories and say 'what they have'. Gay men would probably see my interest as an objectifying fetish, similar to how lesbians object to being seen as fuck toys for straight men. Can I just hope to meet a pair of bisexual men? That sounds like a plot bunny, not a real life option. Should I throw gender biases out the window altogether and focus on human-to-human connections? That also sounds more like a romance trope than realism.

Hoping someone wiser than I can help! Does anyone else struggle with this? Have there been other threads created along these lines? All you ladies who write gay male erotica ... are you as turned on by it? If so, do you feel that there's anything missing from your relationships which are presumably not with gay men?

And is there an alternative name for 'girlfag'?

I am a hetero woman and I love gay erotica and porn. I thought I was not normal also but what is normal? I love the male body and seeing two gorgeous men love on eachother is really good in my eyes. As a 51 year old mother of 4 grown kids I really thought I was the only woman to feel this attraction to gay erotica but just last year while talking to my married 26 year old daughter I found out she also likes the visual of two men making love so I guess it is not that unusual. I agree with op's that you are over thinking this. JMO

 

[GobletHolly182]

@ sunandshadow, I guess there's no good reason for my erotica tastes to impact real relationships, as long as it remains just a fun fantasy (like lesbian twins for guys). If I wanted to seriously pursue the fantasy, though, it seems like it might be pretty tricky to ask a boyfriend how he'd feel about being fucked in the ass by a man, for me

All the speculations you list are interesting, though none are entirely satisfying! IMHO.

One interesting thing is that gay male romance in Japan has a couple sub-genres: yaoi, written for and by women, and bara, written for and by gay men. Apparently characters in bara manga are more likely to identify as homosexual; less likely to pair up in 'heteronormative' relationships where one partner is 'masculine' while the other is 'feminine'; more likely to be hairy, very muscular, or have a few extra pounds; and less likely to indulge in uncontrollable weeping or long introspective pauses. So it seems that even women who are into gay male erotica have a difference idea of what that entails than gay men themselves do...

I haven't read very many hermaphrodite stories, at all. I think I remember one fanfic that featured a pregnant Snape...

Btw, I've also used Herbal Essence's Drama Clean shampoo; beware clean thoughts

 

[GobletHolly182]

I am a hetero woman and I love gay erotica and porn. I thought I was not normal also but what is normal? I love the male body and seeing two gorgeous men love on eachother is really good in my eyes. As a 51 year old mother of 4 grown kids I really thought I was the only woman to feel this attraction to gay erotica but just last year while talking to my married 26 year old daughter I found out she also likes the visual of two men making love so I guess it is not that unusual. I agree with op's that you are over thinking this. JMO

Lol, maybe I should ask my mom what she thinks

Excellent point on who the fuck knows what normal is. My oldest girlfriend is getting married now and tells me she enjoys sex and loves her fiancee, but doesn't find anything attractive about penises. She thinks they are funny and sort of gross looking. Go figure.

 

[VanishingAct2]

I'm a straight girl... I think. I've always been attracted to boys. But about a year ago I tripped over Harry Potter slash fanfic, which led to an infatuation with gay male erotica, which led to writing my own. It's gotten to the point where I still crush on straight guys in real life, but watch exclusively gay male porn when on my own.

What the fuck? Is this normal? Do gay people love het porn?

I know I'm hardly the only girl to love gay male stories; plenty of women publish in the Gay Male category here on Lit, and the majority of slash is actually written by heterosexual females with college degrees. Google gives me the term 'girlfag', which I find distinctly unsexy, ugly even, but maybe that's just me. Apparently it's strongly associated with women who identify as gay males trapped in female bodies, though, which does not describe me, at all. I'm very comfortable being a girl.

It's not that I'm obsessed with labels, it's more that I'm plagued by sudden worries about my relationship options. My gut rebels against the idea that my sexual preferences are something to be 'fixed' with therapy. But I can't even articulate exactly what it is I WANT, other than to point to my favorite gay male lit stories and say 'what they have'. Gay men would probably see my interest as an objectifying fetish, similar to how lesbians object to being seen as fuck toys for straight men. Can I just hope to meet a pair of bisexual men? That sounds like a plot bunny, not a real life option. Should I throw gender biases out the window altogether and focus on human-to-human connections? That also sounds more like a romance trope than realism.

Hoping someone wiser than I can help! Does anyone else struggle with this? Have there been other threads created along these lines? All you ladies who write gay male erotica ... are you as turned on by it? If so, do you feel that there's anything missing from your relationships which are presumably not with gay men?

And is there an alternative name for 'girlfag'?

I'm not related to this situation at all, but if I can throw in my 2 cents, I would say that YOU know what gets you worked up, and what you want to do sexually.

Plenty of people watch porn related to things they might not actually be interested in DOING. Sometimes it's something too extreme, sometimes something just not necessarily what they like.

People mentioned men liking lesbian porn, which for me is all about getting to watch women enjoy themselves (and each other!) without the annoying man who happens to be attached to the woman's toy (which is how it seems to be most of the time) distracting me from being turned on.

Don't be afraid to watch what you like, be with who you like, and call it whatever you like

 

[WynneWynneLife]

Lol, maybe I should ask my mom what she thinks

Excellent point on who the fuck knows what normal is. My oldest girlfriend is getting married now and tells me she enjoys sex and loves her fiancee, but doesn't find anything attractive about penises. She thinks they are funny and sort of gross looking. Go figure.

If you do let me know. Maybe it is genetic. LOL

 

[VanishingAct2]

Lol, maybe I should ask my mom what she thinks

Excellent point on who the fuck knows what normal is. My oldest girlfriend is getting married now and tells me she enjoys sex and loves her fiancee, but doesn't find anything attractive about penises. She thinks they are funny and sort of gross looking. Go figure.

My wife is this way...there was a time when our relationship nearly ended early on because, in the abstract, she was more attracted to women than men.

Apparently something about me appealed to her anyway lol

 

[sarahsimmons]

when I am in the mood I love to watch two guys go at it...I thinks its odd that guys can have all the lesbian porn as a staple of their viewing yet we as women we feel outcast for enjoying the same thing

 

[Prince Albert]

@ sunandshadow, I guess there's no good reason for my erotica tastes to impact real relationships, as long as it remains just a fun fantasy (like lesbian twins for guys). If I wanted to seriously pursue the fantasy, though, it seems like it might be pretty tricky to ask a boyfriend how he'd feel about being fucked in the ass by a man, for me

All the speculations you list are interesting, though none are entirely satisfying! IMHO.

One interesting thing is that gay male romance in Japan has a couple sub-genres: yaoi, written for and by women, and bara, written for and by gay men. Apparently characters in bara manga are more likely to identify as homosexual; less likely to pair up in 'heteronormative' relationships where one partner is 'masculine' while the other is 'feminine'; more likely to be hairy, very muscular, or have a few extra pounds; and less likely to indulge in uncontrollable weeping or long introspective pauses. So it seems that even women who are into gay male erotica have a difference idea of what that entails than gay men themselves do...

I haven't read very many hermaphrodite stories, at all. I think I remember one fanfic that featured a pregnant Snape...

Btw, I've also used Herbal Essence's Drama Clean shampoo; beware clean thoughts

Holly, I agree with what others have written. BTW welcome to Lit.

 

[slowpoking]

@ sunandshadow, I guess there's no good reason for my erotica tastes to impact real relationships, as long as it remains just a fun fantasy ....

I'm not sure this is necessarily true. What if you were in a relationship with a guy who was bisexual or willing to engage in bisexual activity? My sense is that this is becoming more common as people become become more tolerate of gay sex. Look at the popularity of threads such as this one: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=569635

If you're thinking about the relationship part of it, seems to me that bisexual guys would have an advantage for you over gay guys -- they may well prefer a relationship with you over the other guy.

Also, you might research a bit about guys who are willing and even enjoy getting with guys because it turns on their wife or girlfriend. My wife shares your interest and says she would love to watch me with another guy. We haven't done it yet, but I've come around to the point where I like the idea, too, and think it will probably happen. Again, it looks to me like this is not uncommon.

Anyway, nice thread. Good luck fulfilling your desires.

 

[GobletHolly182]

Thanks, all, very much for the welcome, commiseration, and encouragement! @ slowpoking, that's so awesome that there's a thread full of men wishing their wives were okay with them liking cock, thanks for the link! Damn, how did humans manage for 200,000 years without the internet?

 

[Boundlife]

Um...I just read this thread and I wanted to point out some things you said

I'm likely over-thinking, as well as over-influenced by my girlfriends, who think my appreciation of gay porn is very weird.

My oldest girlfriend is getting married now and tells me she enjoys sex and loves her fiancee, but doesn't find anything attractive about penises. She thinks they are funny and sort of gross looking. Go figure.

I'm sure your friends are great people, but I don't think that someone who thinks cocks look funny would be someone I would go to for porn recomendations

Maybe it's not so different from guys watching lesbian porn. Good point. I bet no dudes have ever wasted time stressing about what their interest in girl-on-girl action says about their sexuality

It's not different then guys watching lesbian porn.

You don't need therapy, you need a suport group to help you troll for good gay porn
Hello, My name is Bound. I like gay porn

 

[sunandshadow]

One interesting thing is that gay male romance in Japan has a couple sub-genres: yaoi, written for and by women, and bara, written for and by gay men. Apparently characters in bara manga are more likely to identify as homosexual; less likely to pair up in 'heteronormative' relationships where one partner is 'masculine' while the other is 'feminine'; more likely to be hairy, very muscular, or have a few extra pounds; and less likely to indulge in uncontrollable weeping or long introspective pauses. So it seems that even women who are into gay male erotica have a difference idea of what that entails than gay men themselves do...

It's not so much that women have a different idea of gay men than gay men do, as that women's idealizations of a dream lover are different than men's idealizations of a dream lover. Male characters in female-written erotica tend to display the same traits regardless of whether they are gay or straight, and sex-interest characters in male-written porn tend to display the same traits regardless of whether they are male or female.

 

[HeyAll]

Check out this famous gay scene from True Blood:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJk6b3kAvME

Some of the comments from the female readers are pretty funny.

And to put it in context, if you drink a vampire's blood, you have erotic dreams about that vamp. Fantastic show. Check it out.

 

[OnceFuturePoly]

{snip}
Can I just hope to meet a pair of bisexual men? That sounds like a plot bunny, not a real life option. Should I throw gender biases out the window altogether and focus on human-to-human connections? That also sounds more like a romance trope than realism.{snip}

You can easily become a golden unicorn, the almost impossible to find single female who will play with couples.

It should be easy to find almost every bi-guy couple interested in MMF. Just let it be known, then check your volunteers out until you find a comfortable pair.

 

[backslash]

If I wanted to seriously pursue the fantasy, though, it seems like it might be pretty tricky to ask a boyfriend how he'd feel about being fucked in the ass by a man, for me

I'm wondering how many private messages you received from willing volunteers after posting this.

 

[jimmyboy1212]

seems normal i watch ALL SORTS of crazy porn and im very sure of my straightness not to worry lol i think you are fine.