Confused about Cuckolding, help define my fetish?

[racerXXXXXX]

I'm having mixed feeling about this cuckolding thing. On the one hand I LOVE the idea of a horney slutty wife who wants to fuck, suck and drain many cocks at the same time (including mine) and the humiliation part has some appeal to me, but doing ANYTHING to another guy or eating his load from her pussy is repulsive to me.

I'm more into controlling the situation myself or participating with a young stud or two as they fuck the shit out of my wife. I may be too insecure to deal with cuckolding.

I feel as if most women are attracted to strength not weakness and these guys whose wives are fucking the strong guys while they watch etc. will eventully lose the woman to a stronger personality.

I would not want my wife doing anything when I was not in attendence...or maybe I would'nt mind if she came home after a night out with the girls and said she blew a hot young guy?

Perhaps my fetish is to be more of a master type and have a submissive slutty wife I can control?

Perhaps my wife and I should role-play some cuckolding to see if that is what we both like?

Anyone have any ideas or opinions about this?

 

[malstroem]

I'm having mixed feeling about this cuckolding thing. On the one hand I LOVE the idea of a horney slutty wife who wants to fuck, suck and drain many cocks at the same time (including mine) and the humiliation part has some appeal to me, but doing ANYTHING to another guy or eating his load from her pussy is repulsive to me.

I'm more into controlling the situation myself or participating with a young stud or two as they fuck the shit out of my wife. I may be too insecure to deal with cuckolding.

I feel as if most women are attracted to strength not weakness and these guys whose wives are fucking the strong guys while they watch etc. will eventully lose the woman to a stronger personality.

I would not want my wife doing anything when I was not in attendence...or maybe I would'nt mind if she came home after a night out with the girls and said she blew a hot young guy?

Perhaps my fetish is to be more of a master type and have a submissive slutty wife I can control?

Perhaps my wife and I should role-play some cuckolding to see if that is what we both like?

Anyone have any ideas or opinions about this?

Just because you want your wife to be happy, doesn't mean you have to be a cuckold. It sounds more like you want to 'exploit' her than letting her take control.
Find out what you desire, make it happen and be happy without putting a narrow label on it.

 

[slowpoking]

need more words

I've been going through something similar recently and have wondered if we need more words for the many things that fall under or near the umbrella of cuckolding. I like seeing my wife have sex with other men, and lately I've come to think I would really get off on certain (mild?) forms of humiliation, such as her telling me how good he is screwing her. I think that means I want to be a cuckold, although it took me awhile to come to grips with applying that word to myself.

I know there are a lot of other things that some cuckolds get into -- wearing cages or panties, degredation that can border on abuse, being cut off by the wife -- that i have zero interest in.

It sounds like racerxxx and i have some things in common (we're both into watching and may enjoy same kinds of humiliation) but aren't exactly the same (he wants control, I want to relinquish it). But what words to we have to sum up what distinguishes us? Not much as far as I can tell. I've been to a few online forums that address cuckolding and haven't seen much in the way of terms. You also see a lot of repetition of a few statements, such as, "I'd love to see my wife fucked." There are probably multiple reasons for that, but I think one of them is that people don't have a specific term to use instead, to say, "I'm a (blank). Anyone want to talk about that?"

Am I being stupid? I know some people would say like malstroem -- who needs labels? just figure out what you like or who you are. I'd say that terms, besides facilitating communication, can also make it easier for people to understand themselves. "yeah, I'm like that, although I'm a little different in this way."

I'm think we will have more words to use before long. I have a hunch that there are more and more guys who are interested in this or realize they want to see their wives with other men. (yes, it's hard to believe I just wrote that; and yes, i agree it's not really important, less important, say, than what i'm having for dinner). If so, there will be more people wanting to communicate about it, and that's how language expands, isn't it?

Didn't mean to hijack your thread, racer. It seemed on-topic when I started.

One other thought about your situation. If it weren't for your interest in humiliation, which seems pretty minor, I'd say it sounds more like you're interested in a hotwife relationship, which i think of as distinct from cuckolding.

 

[racerXXXXXX]

Thanks for your insights. Slowpoke, how would you describe a "hotwife relationship"?

 

[slowpoking]

Thanks for your insights. Slowpoke, how would you describe a "hotwife relationship"?

It's not in my dictionary, but I think of a hotwife relationship as a marriage where the wife sanction to sleep with someone other than her husband, sort of like half an open relationship. Don't know whether some people might call a cheating wife a hotwife, but I wouldn't.

Webster's defines cuckold as a husband who's wife commits adultery and adultery simply as sex between a married person and someone other than their spouse. To me that's outdated or closeminded or something. Adultery implies something morally wrong, doesn't it? Do we call it adultery when a swinging couple have sex with another couple because it gives them mutual satisfaction?

I think most people think of cuckolding as having an element of humiliation for the husband. The wife-as-adulterer definition might have made sense in the past if it was assumed that a husband couldn't help but be humiliated if his wife slept with someone else. Still true for some, but clearly not everyone.

Your original post was about more than semantic, though. Sounds like you're exploring or considering exploring what you like. What types of humiliation might you enjoy. When you talk about controlling your wife as she's sexually submissive, are you joining in or sitting back and directing? Is the thought of being in control among the things that turn you on, or is it a way of keeping your fantasy safe?

What types of humiliation do you think you'd enjoy?

 

[Stella_Omega]

There is another word that isn't as well known; "Wittol"

A cuckold typically didn't know what was happening in the original definition. Now the meaning is of a man who does know and can't do anything about it (at least, that's the roleplay). In contrast, a wittol does know, and condones it. For what it's worth...

My words fetish, let me show you it

 

[LucyH]

Wow, I think slowpoking said it really well. And lest you think you're the only one on planet earth who thinks it'd be hot to watch and maybe participate while your significant other has sex with other people, without it necessarily being a submissive thing... you're not.

 

[slowpoking]

There is another word that isn't as well known; "Wittol"

A cuckold typically didn't know what was happening in the original definition. Now the meaning is of a man who does know and can't do anything about it (at least, that's the roleplay). In contrast, a wittol does know, and condones it. For what it's worth...

My words fetish, let me show you it

Thanks, Stella, I hadn't heard of a wittol. My Websters say it's a husband who "tolerates" his wife's infedelity, but maybe that stems from a time when people couldn't fathom (or acknowledge) that the husban could actually enjoy it.

I'd rather go with condone. If we do, then what do you call a husband who likes to watch his wife have sex but who also feels some humiliation -- and enjoys it. A wittol or a cuckold?

 

[racerXXXXXX]

I still trying to wrap my mind around this subject and while reading more and thinking about it last night I got the feeling that the cuckold has desire and gets excitement from not only the sexual desire of the woman but from the man as well. In some recent posts I read where a cuckold likes eating his wifes lovers load from her pussy or even sucking him off.

I get my excitement and satisfaction purely from the sexyually agressive woman, if she were to do something with another guy that's okay because she is...to put it bluntly...horney and wants cocks and cum but the guy in this scenario has no sexual excitement for me.

Does that make sense?

Perhaps I'm thinking too deep here and it's as simple as...I LOVE SLUTTY WOMEN???

 

[slowpoking]

I still trying to wrap my mind around this subject and while reading more and thinking about it last night I got the feeling that the cuckold has desire and gets excitement from not only the sexual desire of the woman but from the man as well. In some recent posts I read where a cuckold likes eating his wifes lovers load from her pussy or even sucking him off.

I get my excitement and satisfaction purely from the sexyually agressive woman, if she were to do something with another guy that's okay because she is...to put it bluntly...horney and wants cocks and cum but the guy in this scenario has no sexual excitement for me.

Does that make sense?

Perhaps I'm thinking too deep here and it's as simple as...I LOVE SLUTTY WOMEN???

Well that is what your signature says.

Everything you said makes sense to me. Sounds like you've concluded you're not a cuckold. I confer upon you this certificate of the Literotica school of sexual self understanding. Armed with this knowledge, go forth and find a guy for your woman to screw.

 

[OnceFuturePoly]

The cuckold bird gets another species of bird to foster the cuckold bird's egg by laying it in the hen's nest. Some cuckold birds will kick one of the hen's eggs out of the nest to keep the count correct. The hen hatches the egg because the cuckold bird often retaliates against an uncooperative hen by destroying her legitimate eggs.

The cuckold term, applied to humans, reverses the sex. The cuckold is the mate of the hen (husband). The usurper is renamed a bull. (Think: the bull impregnates the cuckold's wife.)

----

In the traditional definition, a female is coerced into having sex with another man than her spouse. In the classic case, the husband raises a bull's child as his own, and others know that he is not the biological father.

The female accepts the bull's advances because he is overwhelming attractive to her, or he appeals as an alpha male, or she succumbs to his manipulation. He takes sexual control of the relationships conducted by the husband and the wife. In the extreme case, the bull levers himself to control the marriage outside the bedroom.

For some bulls, it's just enough to have a woman at his beck and call -- the cuckold may not know (or desire to know) for sure that it is happening. In most cases, the bull takes active charge of the cuckold, generally first using the woman to control the husband, then assuming direct control.

The cuckold's humiliation is indirect when he doesn't formally know of his wife's sexual relationship with the bull. Implicitly, the cuckold realizes the he no longer controls his wife's sexual doings. For example, his wife clears her schedule with the bull before agreeing to a date, or always obtains the bull's permission before marital sex, or limits specific sexual activities on instruction from the bull. Suspicions the husband develop remain unconfirmed.

Direct humiliation starts when the wife reveals her relationship with the bull and explicitly redefines her relationship with her husband. The husband either he refuses to be cuckolded and struggles against the bull to retain his wife, or chooses to accept his role as a cuckolded husband.

The cuckold is humiliated by his inability to stop his wife, by hearing about or seeing her encounters with the bull, taunts about his inferiority to the bull, direction to follow behind the bull, or even the bull's demands for direct sexual service.

This three-way relationship may be hierarchical where the bull controls the wife who in turn controls the husband, or the bull may directly control both. The dynamics require the cuckold to (at some level) desire the domination and humiliation which come from the bull being his wife's primary sexual partner.

Most often the cuckold defers to the wife and bull only in the sexual relationship. The bull prefers his freedoms, the ability to maintain a stable of women, and generally does not interfere in the marriage outside the bedroom.

Divorce can be an eventual result, and a few woman will even marry the bull. Most times, the bull tires of the woman and cuts her loose. Frequently the wife will keep control in the bedroom, and look for another bull.

----

Cuckolding today has taken on another entirely different meaning, closer to "hot wife" where a man wishes to observe his wife serviced by another man.

There isn't a traditional bull trying to take control of the marital relationship. Instead the wife finds her new partner by herself, or considers partners identified by her husband, or they attend a swinger's club or party.

The husband doesn't seek (or get off on) humiliation, but responds by pride that his wife is hot enough to seduce someone more sexually attractive than him, and by vicarious experience of her joy and orgasms, and/or admiration of the bull's abilities.

Some submissive husbands use this to fulfill their desire to be dominated, be it by the wife or the 3rd or both. A closet bi (bi-curious) man can use these circumstances for guy experiences without actively seeking another male.

Encounters generally have all 3 people present, though occasionally the wife may enjoy a meeting without husband present. Some couples are "one time only" with a new partner. Others have an ongoing relationship, sometimes with multiple 3rd parties.

The sex life of husband and wife benefits greatly from the New Relationship Experience mechanism. They want the added spice these encounters bring before and after date(s) with the new partner.

 

[Joankraig]

The sex life of husband and wife benefits greatly from the New Relationship Experience mechanism. They want the added spice these encounters bring before and after date(s) with the new partner.

From someone who has enjoyed many MFM's, I agree with most all of what Poly has written. My husband really, really enjoys watching me with another man and will almost always join in pleasuring me. A couple of times there were some verbal aspects of humiliation - "You like watching my cock slide in and out of your wife" and "When I'm done you can lick my cum out of her" type of things. When this did occur, it was certainly out of the norm for us, and maybe because of that, it was a little bit of a turn on for each of us. It didn't go to extremes or go on for a long time and as my husband and I talked about it, we both felt it was fine at the time as it seemed fairly spontaneous. I do agree that all of the terms - swinging, cuckolding, hotwife, etc - seem to get blurred together and mean different things to different people.

 

[Somehowyou]

I go back and forth with this cuck thing in my head. I have the most beautiful wife and the greatest turn-on for me is for my wife to have an affair. I desperatly want her to take a lover and be consumed by fucking another man. It really makes me horny for her. Without this fantasy it is just a little better than vanila sex with her. it's OK but not mind blowing

Sex between a man and a woman is a great lie detector. I once confessed while we were having sex that I would love a MFM 3-sum so I could watch her with another man. She said "You would be really mad at me." Every once in awhile while we are having sex she talks about this. She mentions her make believe boyfriend while she is riding me but I don't usually say anything...I just listen and get off.

I was out of town this week and I had sex with another woman who said she and her ex-husband would talk about fantasies while haveing sex. They discussed 3-sums with a certain TS and then finally one day they said lets find her and it happened. She said after that they were always trying to find a bi-male to have a 3-sum with. She encouraged me to "test the boundries of my sexuality." She reminded me of my wife in some ways and I ejaculated by thinking of the cuck thing with my wife.

I rubbed my wife's sexy back and ass last night hoping we would have sex so I can tell her what I want. I could only say this when my cock is inside her or she is sucking my cock or I am making her shudder with my finger . As I watched her get ready for work...she had on the tightest jeans and was wearing a blazer with just a bra showing off her bare midriff while she was putting on her make-up and painting her plump lips and curling her sexy eye lashes. I told her that her jeans looked great and she said she had to buy smaller one because she is losing weight. I noticed that she is so sexy and beautiful. she came over and gave me a kiss as I lay there. Her DD tits were poking out of her blazer (she said her shirt was in the drier. she is really taking care of herself lately. I laid there wishing she was getting ready for her bull or lover or whatever you want to call him. I want the pleasure that goes along with this kind of torture. I want to to sit home wondering where she is and what she is doing while I am gently caressing my stiff penis being careful not to cum waiting for my turn.

We have a great family life and grown kids we are close to etc. I don't want to screw this up. I want a double life with her. I am trying to hold back masturbating so I can tell her this while we are having sex. I want her to bring up the boyfriend thing and I want to encourage her whole heartedly...what should I do?

 

[Dagwood_B]

I still trying to wrap my mind around this subject and while reading more and thinking about it last night I got the feeling that the cuckold has desire and gets excitement from not only the sexual desire of the woman but from the man as well. In some recent posts I read where a cuckold likes eating his wifes lovers load from her pussy or even sucking him off.

I get my excitement and satisfaction purely from the sexyually agressive woman, if she were to do something with another guy that's okay because she is...to put it bluntly...horney and wants cocks and cum but the guy in this scenario has no sexual excitement for me.

Does that make sense?

Perhaps I'm thinking too deep here and it's as simple as...I LOVE SLUTTY WOMEN???

After reading this and your first post, it sounds like you want a threesome, (or perhaps more), in which you are in control, which is not cuckold. Perhaps you should consider bringing a well-hung, submissive stud into your bedroom to do "your" bidding in how you want your wife satisfied. You don't have to be cuckold, nor do you have to eat a guy's cum to have a third in the bedroom. You can do whatever you want, as long as both you and your wife are happy with the arrangement. You shouldn't look for labels, rather look for what makes you happy.

 

[Dagwood_B]

I go back and forth with this cuck thing in my head. I have the most beautiful wife and the greatest turn-on for me is for my wife to have an affair. I desperatly want her to take a lover and be consumed by fucking another man. It really makes me horny for her. Without this fantasy it is just a little better than vanila sex with her. it's OK but not mind blowing

Sex between a man and a woman is a great lie detector. I once confessed while we were having sex that I would love a MFM 3-sum so I could watch her with another man. She said "You would be really mad at me." Every once in awhile while we are having sex she talks about this. She mentions her make believe boyfriend while she is riding me but I don't usually say anything...I just listen and get off.

I was out of town this week and I had sex with another woman who said she and her ex-husband would talk about fantasies while haveing sex. They discussed 3-sums with a certain TS and then finally one day they said lets find her and it happened. She said after that they were always trying to find a bi-male to have a 3-sum with. She encouraged me to "test the boundries of my sexuality." She reminded me of my wife in some ways and I ejaculated by thinking of the cuck thing with my wife.

I rubbed my wife's sexy back and ass last night hoping we would have sex so I can tell her what I want. I could only say this when my cock is inside her or she is sucking my cock or I am making her shudder with my finger . As I watched her get ready for work...she had on the tightest jeans and was wearing a blazer with just a bra showing off her bare midriff while she was putting on her make-up and painting her plump lips and curling her sexy eye lashes. I told her that her jeans looked great and she said she had to buy smaller one because she is losing weight. I noticed that she is so sexy and beautiful. she came over and gave me a kiss as I lay there. Her DD tits were poking out of her blazer (she said her shirt was in the drier. she is really taking care of herself lately. I laid there wishing she was getting ready for her bull or lover or whatever you want to call him. I want the pleasure that goes along with this kind of torture. I want to to sit home wondering where she is and what she is doing while I am gently caressing my stiff penis being careful not to cum waiting for my turn.

We have a great family life and grown kids we are close to etc. I don't want to screw this up. I want a double life with her. I am trying to hold back masturbating so I can tell her this while we are having sex. I want her to bring up the boyfriend thing and I want to encourage her whole heartedly...what should I do?

Why don't you ask her what her fantasies are? If you talk to her, (at the right time in the right frame of mind), I think you will find a fantasy that will make both of you happy. Men aren't the only one's who have fantasies.

 

[hotrochnywife]

Somehowyou

We are in agreement with Dagwood. With better communication maybe there is a fantasy that will please both of you or at least is a start towards what you fantasize about. Maybe you should start small and work your way up. This way she can ease into it and you can be more certain yourself by taking smaller steps.

No matter how much you have it set in your mind that this is what you want there is no way to be sure until it actually happens how you will react. The only clue you have given that she will be receptive is her occasional talk during sex. So in our opinion you definitely need to open up the lines of communication more.

Once you have done that there are many ways for you to ease her into your fantasy. First and foremost by allowing her to live hers out once you know what they might be. Lastly don't worry about putting a name on your fetish. What does that matter. We play more hotwife but some of the things we do are more cuckold. Either way what does it matter we are having a blast together and enjoying our relationship and sex like we just started dating!

If you start to get the communication going and get us more info then maybe we can get you some more specific ideas. Not sure if that helps at all but best of luck

Kitty

 

[amofiga]

In my opionon, a man who actually "wants" to see his wife having sex with another man is probably not a cuckold unless he gets some sort of enjoyment from being humiliated by it. His is a desire for pushing the "normal" sexual boundaries and finds it a turn on to see is wife having sex with someone else because it escites and pleases him. I think, at least traditionally, a cockold either doesn't know or is too far down the sexual pecking order to protest his wife's sexual encounters with others. It traditionally implies something submissive in the cuckolded male or lack of knowledge. There is indeed a humiliation factor. A man who suggests, agrees to, encourages his wife to have sex with other men because it's arousing to him is not a traditional cuckold.

Also, someone brought up the point of how swinging could be adultery. I think the origin of the term adultery had to do with the implication of adulterating something. It was essentially adultering the blood line of a marriage by having a child that wasn't part of the marital progression of genetics and inheritance. Way back when birth control wasn't available (other than pulling out) pregnancies were probably much more common when there was a sexual relationship whether with or without the appropriate marital partner. Given today's many forms of birth control, pregnancy resulting from sex between people who aren't married to each other is less common and there is less risk of adulterating the blood line. I think consentual recreational sex between married partners who aren't married to each other (swinging, threesomes, etc) should not be labled adultery.

 

[TorontoBastard]

I too am struggling with my emotions and how this fits into the whole cuckold scene. Thinking about my wife getting fucked by another man is a huge turn on? Don't think I want to be humiliated by it, but I do want it to be a guy who is hung.

In the end, who cares what the label is, just as long as all the parties are having fun...

 

[Somehowyou]

Why don't you ask her what her fantasies are? If you talk to her, (at the right time in the right frame of mind), I think you will find a fantasy that will make both of you happy. Men aren't the only one's who have fantasies.

Agreed

Somehowyou

We are in agreement with Dagwood. With better communication maybe there is a fantasy that will please both of you or at least is a start towards what you fantasize about. Maybe you should start small and work your way up. This way she can ease into it and you can be more certain yourself by taking smaller steps.

Kitty

Kitty - we are baby-steppin...thanks

I too am struggling with my emotions and how this fits into the whole cuckold scene. Thinking about my wife getting fucked by another man is a huge turn on? Don't think I want to be humiliated by it, but I

In the end, who cares what the label is, just as long as all the parties are having fun...

exactly...lets play ball!

 

[Dagwood_B]

I think we put way too much emphasis on labels. For some reason, we feel it is necessary to make our fantasies fit the standard mold, when in reality, we are free to choose our sexual fantasies as we wish, as long as everyone involved are in agreement.

There are many elements of cuckoldry that are exciting, but reading this and other threads, I think most men don’t want to be humiliated by it, and there is no reason a man should have to feel humiliated to enjoy parts of this fantasy. Basically, a cuckold husband is a man who is aroused by serving his wife and her lover, but that doesn’t automatically mean the husband has to feel humiliated by it, nor does it mean that he has to eat the other man’s cum out of her pussy. I think the limits of any fantasy should be set by the couple, and not by what other people think is should be.

I think communication in the right context is the key. Foreplay is a good time to discuss fantasies. Foreplay should not be just getting ready to have sex, rather it should include teasing, playing and talking. I think it is important to understand each other’s fantasies and share in them, at least discussing them during foreplay. There is no rule to do or not do, rather I think couples should let their mutual fantasies develop naturally.

 

[slowpoking]

the value of labels

I completely agree that people shouldn't try to conform to labels, that we're all better off simply recognizing what we like and don't like to do. But I still think labels or terms can be helpful, that sometimes they can serve as kind of a shortcut to help people figure out what they like -- especially when people are conflicted either by societal pressure or individual hangups.

I realized years ago that I enjoyed my wife having sex with other guys, but only recently I realized and admitted to myself that I have a kink that goes a little further, that a limited amount of humiliation blows my mind. None of the extreme stuff that some cuckolds go for -- things like being berated by the woman, wearing a cock cage or being treated like a boy. All of those would be big turnoffs for me. But to hear her say how good the other guy screws and that he's bigger or better really punches a button for me.

I assume the reason it was tough to acknowledge that is that I realize a lot of people would call that wierd or unmasculine and/or because I'm conflicted about the humiliation. In general I'm as proud as the next guy and feel like I have a quiet confidence about my masculinity. I'm fairly athletic, do a pretty good job in the bedroom, etc., and I feel good about those things. And yet, there's this corner of me....

My point is that it may have been easier to put my finger on this if I'd come across a term -- a wittol, as Stella said, gets me part of the way there, but then something beyond that, a wittol who likes a limited amount of humiliation. Part of what I'm saying is that cuckold strikes me as not a very helpful term because it's so broad.

I'm not saying it's a big deal. I did figure it out, and you could never have enough terms to match everyone. But I also think other people run into situations like this where they have issues recognizing things about themselves for lack of language or role models.

 

[Dagwood_B]

I completely agree that people shouldn't try to conform to labels, that we're all better off simply recognizing what we like and don't like to do. But I still think labels or terms can be helpful, that sometimes they can serve as kind of a shortcut to help people figure out what they like -- especially when people are conflicted either by societal pressure or individual hangups.

I realized years ago that I enjoyed my wife having sex with other guys, but only recently I realized and admitted to myself that I have a kink that goes a little further, that a limited amount of humiliation blows my mind. None of the extreme stuff that some cuckolds go for -- things like being berated by the woman, wearing a cock cage or being treated like a boy. All of those would be big turnoffs for me. But to hear her say how good the other guy screws and that he's bigger or better really punches a button for me.

I assume the reason it was tough to acknowledge that is that I realize a lot of people would call that wierd or unmasculine and/or because I'm conflicted about the humiliation. In general I'm as proud as the next guy and feel like I have a quiet confidence about my masculinity. I'm fairly athletic, do a pretty good job in the bedroom, etc., and I feel good about those things. And yet, there's this corner of me....

My point is that it may have been easier to put my finger on this if I'd come across a term -- a wittol, as Stella said, gets me part of the way there, but then something beyond that, a wittol who likes a limited amount of humiliation. Part of what I'm saying is that cuckold strikes me as not a very helpful term because it's so broad.

I'm not saying it's a big deal. I did figure it out, and you could never have enough terms to match everyone. But I also think other people run into situations like this where they have issues recognizing things about themselves for lack of language or role models.

Maybe knowing that another man has a bigger cock, or maybe hearing her say how good it feels brings out a competitive instinct in you. May you get aroused knowing you have to compete sexually with another man. Is that possible?

 

[shesaysimtiny]

cuck

just enjoy the fact of her getting filled with nice cock leaving a system snack for you