Bits and pieces

[y=mx+b]

This is a test...

I feel like typing something off the top of my head
What I don't know, as I'm not feeling all that creative
But it seems like it's been awhile since my last word-vomit.

Give me a moment... I'll try and think of something. Hopefully it won't take 3 days.

 

[y=mx+b]

Off The Top and On The Fly​

You are welcome for that unintentional moment
I could have said it to you directly but I decided to share with everyone what little they know. At least in regards...


I have the timer set
Six minutes to go

I am tired
But I know if I were to lay down I wouldn't be.

I remember her smile
and blond hair
Eyes... I am saddened they did not make it this far in the journey
I'm banking on seeing her again... at some point.
When I do I will make note of their color
And I will remember writing about how I couldn't remember
and they will be remembered.

I can't say that I loved her
Though I can't say that I didn't.

I can't really say that I hoped that there was hope for us

Though I can say I thought her to be wonderfully beautiful
...and we were beautiful together... which is why I mostly think we really liked each other.

It could have become sexual
But there were too many interconnected variables.

Her mother worked with my mother at both her full-time and part-time jobs
Her brother worked with my mother at just the part-time job
Not to mention her family being of the proper religious sort... which I had to laugh because she was... I don't know... unaffected?

Not so much in the sense of rebelling like so many individuals who's parents are influential members of whatever particular church they belong to. Yet... she wasn't on the rail either. She was... unaffected. Beautiful, and unaffected.

Thinking back... knowing what I know about how common skipping class to fuck in the empty auditorium was... consequences be damned... I'm... I don't know you know?

Part of me is fucking livid for not capitalizing on just how much of a right-off those days were. Older... all these stories are coming out. Not just out of friends and people my age... but out of the wily age of the internet youth... living life like they invented sex and actually believing they did.

Where was I at the time?
What was I doing with myself?

Nowhere
Thinking and over thinking
Watching and ruminating

That's where I was and what I was doing.

Not much has changed.

I still sit here in my nowhere
Thinking and over thinking
Watching and ruminating

I found the wooden chest where I keep a bunch of shit from back in the day. Mostly just shitty little cartoon doodles I managed to impress myself to the point of not throwing them away on pages where I was supposed to be writing class notes.

Though there's a few actual "notes" as in boyfriend-to-girlfriend notes. It's always fun to periodically read through them... seeing all that I had been so stupidly blind to at the time.

Causing me to wonder what the fuck I am blind to at this point in life?

 

[shadysmurfette]

Your words are thought provoking.

I hope you are well. (Whatever well is to you)

 

[shadysmurfette]

On another note...

Purrs at your AV

 

[y=mx+b]

Your words are thought provoking.

I hope you are well. (Whatever well is to you)

Okay... now this is funny. Apropos and well done.

Thank you. Given who/how I am... I am doing well.

 

[shadysmurfette]

Okay... now this is funny. Apropos and well done.

Thank you. Given who/how I am... I am doing well.

Your welcome.

Smirks and disappears back into my magical forest...

 

[y=mx+b]

something didn't feel right
though he continued to take a seat.

being as tired as he was
how couldn't he?

the vibration of the chainsaw still resonated in his hands
it was something he neither hated or enjoyed
a reminder of what he had chosen to become

...when he wanted out.


it was honest work to say the least
and he enjoyed the company
the folks he worked with
...and for.

he opened his eyes at the sound of the waitress filling his water glass.

Ice cubes lazily slid out the pitcher one by one
seductively cannonballing into the glass
causing water to splash out the top
and splatter across the back of the waitresses hand.

He closed his eyes again.

Some experiences he couldn't help from happening.

The breeze of another passing waitress dusted off a few clumps of sawdust from the sleeve of the flannel shirt the man draped over the back of his chair.


"That's something... you get that from workin'?"

The mans eyes opened and he turned his head towards the waitress pen and pad in hand, prepped to take his order.

"Huh?"

"Scar. Inside your arm hun. Quite the cut. Could smell the gasoline on ya and yer shirts snowing shavings all over the floor. Put two-n-two together figurin yer one of the lumbermen... hazardous job eh?"

He looked at diagonal elbow-to-wrist cut up the inside of his left arm and felt the pull inside him causing him to close his eyes again hoping the darkness behind them would dampen the memory. It never did. It never would.

"Yeah. Deadly."

 

[y=mx+b]

Introduce yourself to me.

Send me a PM.

the same handful of individuals do what they can to keep me coming back to see what they've posed in my thread for me to wonder why they do and possibly solicit a desire to reply back to them in kind or in a roundabout way. Or... if anything... to keep me throwing out the periodic tidbit of recent madness.

On an even less frequently occurring event, even fewer individuals PM me.

reticence is understandable. I've come to be a bit... I guess stand-offish? Less likely to communicatively reciprocate? seemingly more and more these days.

I will not deny this... nor will I make a sweeping promise to change the trajectory and resume the kind of online forum play I was once amenable to participate in... both on my thread and through PMs.

That said... going off the assumption of having a strong shadow fan base... PM me. Introduce yourself to me. If you've come to be intimidated by me for whatever reason, do not worry... believe me I understand. Take comfort in not having to tell me anything... about what you think about me... about yourself... about anything. Just say hello... let me know that you are a part of whatever demographic I've come to attract... and I promise you... all of you that I will PM you back the very same day.


I am keeping this promise open for the rest of the week. Think of it as a pledge drive of sorts. You PM me your support... I pledge to you a reply of appreciation.

It starts... now.

 

[y=mx+b]

and like every pledge drive...

some added incentive.

 

[DeepRedLips]

lies

Send me a PM.

the same handful of individuals do what they can to keep me coming back to see what they've posed in my thread for me to wonder why they do and possibly solicit a desire to reply back to them in kind or in a roundabout way. Or... if anything... to keep me throwing out the periodic tidbit of recent madness.

On an even less frequently occurring event, even fewer individuals PM me.

reticence is understandable. I've come to be a bit... I guess stand-offish? Less likely to communicatively reciprocate? seemingly more and more these days.

I will not deny this... nor will I make a sweeping promise to change the trajectory and resume the kind of online forum play I was once amenable to participate in... both on my thread and through PMs.

That said... going off the assumption of having a strong shadow fan base... PM me. Introduce yourself to me. If you've come to be intimidated by me for whatever reason, do not worry... believe me I understand. Take comfort in not having to tell me anything... about what you think about me... about yourself... about anything. Just say hello... let me know that you are a part of whatever demographic I've come to attract... and I promise you... all of you that I will PM you back the very same day.


I am keeping this promise open for the rest of the week. Think of it as a pledge drive of sorts. You PM me your support... I pledge to you a reply of appreciation.

It starts... now.

I PMed a PM to you in response to your PM and was never PMed a PM back.

I'm callin' yer bluff.

Pistols at high noon.

 

[y=mx+b]

I PMed a PM to you in response to your PM and was never PMed a PM back.

I'm callin' yer bluff.

Pistols at high noon.

I see this as nothing but an attempt to get me to post more pistol pics. It's a good attempt. I almost have half a mind to do so too. Of course I also have half a mind to tell you I had half a mind to do so and never really get around to doing it.

I wonder which half will win out.

 

[Vixxennn]

some added incentive.

Fuck that's hot.

Am I wrong in the assumption that this woman is your wife?

 

[shadysmurfette]

Your new photos are sexy as hell. You seem to be a man of many talents. Your wife is a beautiful subject. The contrasts of light and dark and the implied sexual acts makes these even more sultry.


Chuckles at the PM offer.Sits back with some popcorn and enjoys what unfolds.....

 

[brittanyadams20]

you have a great body! I love your ab!!! visit me if u wanna have fun

 

[y=mx+b]

Fuck that's hot.

Am I wrong in the assumption that this woman is your wife?

thank you.
your assumption is not wrong.

 

[y=mx+b]

Your new photos are sexy as hell. You seem to be a man of many talents. Your wife is a beautiful subject. The contrasts of light and dark and the implied sexual acts makes these even more sultry.


Chuckles at the PM offer.Sits back with some popcorn and enjoys what unfolds.....

thank you.

 

[Lorilei]

some added incentive.

*gulp*

 

[y=mx+b]

you have a great body! I love your ab!!! visit me if u wanna have fun

I thank you and my one ab thanks you. It didn't want to but the six of them drew straws and it pulled the shortest straw.

 

[SexyNSweet]

I thank you and my one ab thanks you. It didn't want to but the six of them drew straws and it pulled the shortest straw.

*chuckles*

 

[y=mx+b]

I was laying in bed weighing the chances of whatever it is that allows a tired body and mind to fall asleep to fall asleep for just a little bit... just for a second. But then the part of me that so dearly desires to fall asleep at night comes rushing... literally rushing into the frontal lobe of my brain to tell me that whatever I do, do not fall asleep.

It's rather humorous and very much Nightmare on Elm Streetish. Whatever you do, do not fall asleep. What's interesting is that it isn't a voice or even a thought. But it's certainly a message from an awareness with a rational or irrational belief that sleep is limited and if I give into it's sweet desire during the day then I'll never buck the inability to sleep at night... never mind the fucking fact that I've lived countless days swimming in murky alertness hoping it will all compound itself by nightfall where upon I can lay my body down upon the marsh of it's sludgy bog and sink into it's bosom of rest, only to find myself unable to... goaded forward by some other awareness just before my nose and mouth sink below the surface of the silty waters of dream.

Insomnia... inability to sleep... ability to sleep but never achieve rest... whatever the fuck... it's such a bitch I think few really realize just how insidious it is.

Much like depression (or any unseen "subjective" malady) there seems to be a set level of understanding that keeps the unaffected largely healthy masses from seeing beyond the experience that they have endured once or twice thus far in their lives. A set level that allows them to identify, but keeps them from understanding that it is indeed a fucking problem some cannot will themselves out of or alter some sort of behavior, habit, or practice... and they are always so full of suggestions.

It's so funny. I'm so far beyond returning anyone who suggests anything to me with the "if you think I haven't A) already thought and tried that, and 2) honest to fuck believe your the first Grand-fucking-Wizard to fucking inform me of this gem of an idea of yours you seriously deserve this I-want-to-punch-you-in-the-fucking-face-so-goddamn-badly-I-can't-stand-it look that I am giving you" look and actually giving them an audience again.

I mean... maybe I didn't stay up all night and drink coffee all day the following day to keep myself from falling asleep before bed-time the next night correctly? Maybe somewhere between not being able to really fall asleep to begin with and wanting to carve out my stomach to make it easier for all the bullshit coffee I've been drinking to eat a hole through it I actually fucking fell asleep!

Maybe... maybe instead of going to the gym 3-4 times a week for no less than an hour, properly balancing out weight training and cardio wasn't enough time to stave off the cold clutches of absolute despair! Maybe I should go 5-6 times a week for no less than 2 hours!

Maybe all the bullshit thoughts I write down aren't really the correct ones to write out of my fucking head and I'm actually throwing all the good ones away!

sweet shit...
If the ones I have written thus far have been the good ones what lay beneath the surface of the ones I don't yet know about?

 

[Vixxennn]

thank you.
your assumption is not wrong.

You're a lucky man.

 

[y=mx+b]

You're a lucky man.

understatement of my existence.

 

[y=mx+b]

*gulp*

if you were drowning I'd throw you a rope and secure you to the side of the ship to keep the incident from happening again.

 

[y=mx+b]

*chuckles*

my abs are nothing if not democratic.

 

[y=mx+b]

and in other news... ready yourself for the changing of AV's.



<----pay attention... but give me a sec. gotta find the pic I want and resize it. in short... you gots plenty-o-time to make yourself some popcorn for the big event.