I had my child out of wedlock, I chose not to marry her father

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I don't remember writing that I think men should have the option to opt out of parenting. I simply said, if I was the one who took his choice away and he had no interest in being in the child's life or supporting the child financially I'd not force him to do so. I'd opt out of taking his money.

But you'd force taxpayers to feed his children.

 

[Drixxx]

I think you should make a poll, I dont know many taxpayers, myself included, who would be ok with supporting someone elses children simply because they dont want to.

I thought the "best interest of the child" was your paramount concern. Now it's taxpayers?

 

[TexasWife25]

I thought the "best interest of the child" was your paramount concern. Now it's taxpayers?

I am selfish in nature. The interest of the child trumps those of its parents but from a personal stand point, I dont want to pay for someone elses kid for 18 years, because they dont feel like it.

 

[Drixxx]

I think you should make a poll, I dont know many taxpayers, myself included, who would be ok with supporting someone elses children simply because they dont want to.

You mean like WIC, food stamps, public schools, swing sets at the park? Stuff like that?

 

[Redatlit]

But you'd force taxpayers to feed his children.

I stated what I would do. I would not force tax payers to feed my children.

If a woman thinks it's her right or responsibility to go after an unwilling father that's her business.

 

[TexasWife25]

You mean like WIC, food stamps, public schools, swing sets at the park? Stuff like that?

are you comparing those who are on food stamps, to men who dont want to support their children?

 

[blunt_trauma]

i'm happier having my taxes spent feeding kids than i am having it spent on politicians' luxury lunches.

 

[Redatlit]

Unless you're a masochist of enjoys ruining the quality of your own life.

So, first you ask me if I agree it's a good idea. I have no idea what you're talking about and ask you what "it" is and then you answer with that? Ummmmm you've lost me.

 

[blunt_trauma]

are you comparing those who are on food stamps, to men who dont want to support their children?

wha? how the hell did you reach that???

 

[TexasWife25]

wha? how the hell did you reach that???

You mean like WIC, food stamps, public schools, swing sets at the park? Stuff like that?

^^ this

 

[Redatlit]

^^ this

Ummmmmm you might want to go back and read that exchange again.

 

[Drixxx]

I am selfish in nature. The interest of the child trumps those of its parents but from a personal stand point, I dont want to pay for someone elses kid for 18 years, because they dont feel like it.

So you're not really interested in the best interest of the child at all. You're interested in your own money. Okay. Gotcha.

 

[blunt_trauma]

^^ this

again i ask...

how did you reach that???

 

[Drixxx]

I stated what I would do. I would not force tax payers to feed my children.

If a woman thinks it's her right or responsibility to go after an unwilling father that's her business.

Well that's nice little philosphy in your own little world but what should the law be for the rest of us? What's the wisest use of tax money? What's in the best interest of the child? Your comment sounds like a complete cop out.

 

[Drixxx]

are you comparing those who are on food stamps, to men who dont want to support their children?

How do you think single mothers get on food stamps?

 

[Redatlit]

Well that's nice little philosphy in your own little world but what should the law be for the rest of us? What's the wisest use of tax money? What's in the best interest of the child? Your comment sounds like a complete cop out.

Not a cop out at all. I live up to my own moral code without needing a law to enforce it. I am fine with the laws as they are currently written, but I personally would not go down that road. I have a friend who was awarded more child support than she felt her ex could afford to pay and asked to have it reduced. One can have integrity above and beyond what's mandated by law.

 

[warrior queen]

This is the point where I come in and say -
My first child, a son, was completely unwanted by his father. I have never asked for child support for him, nor have I lived off the state. I got a job, and worked to keep us.
Then I met someone who became a long-term partner (13 yrs) and we had 2 children together, both wanted.
When the bastardex had an affair and I left, we arranged child support. But now that he has married the woman he cheated with, suddenly he doesn't want to pay for the children he wanted. Unacceptable.
So I am forcing him to pay through the Child Support Agency.

If the children are wanted by both parents, regardless of what happens after, then they should pay.
But if a woman makes the decision to keep a child, knowing that the father does not want the child, then she should make her own way.

That's my opinion, fwiw.

 

[Drixxx]

Not a cop out at all. I live up to my own moral code without needing a law to enforce it. I am fine with the laws as they are currently written, but I personally would not go down that road. I have a friend who was awarded more child support than she felt her ex could afford to pay and asked to have it reduced. One can have integrity above and beyond what's mandated by law.

I have a friend who got dumped by the crack head mother of his kid and used his child support money for drugs. Everybody has a story to tell. Your personal moral codes are fine. The issue is the equality of reproductive rights.

 

[Drixxx]

This is the point where I come in and say -
My first child, a son, was completely unwanted by his father. I have never asked for child support for him, nor have I lived off the state. I got a job, and worked to keep us.
Then I met someone who became a long-term partner (13 yrs) and we had 2 children together, both wanted.
When the bastardex had an affair and I left, we arranged child support. But now that he has married the woman he cheated with, suddenly he doesn't want to pay for the children he wanted. Unacceptable.
So I am forcing him to pay through the Child Support Agency.

If the children are wanted by both parents, regardless of what happens after, then they should pay.
But if a woman makes the decision to keep a child, knowing that the father does not want the child, then she should make her own way.

That's my opinion, fwiw.

And that's fair.

 

[Redatlit]

This is the point where I come in and say -
My first child, a son, was completely unwanted by his father. I have never asked for child support for him, nor have I lived off the state. I got a job, and worked to keep us.
Then I met someone who became a long-term partner (13 yrs) and we had 2 children together, both wanted.
When the bastardex had an affair and I left, we arranged child support. But now that he has married the woman he cheated with, suddenly he doesn't want to pay for the children he wanted. Unacceptable.
So I am forcing him to pay through the Child Support Agency.

If the children are wanted by both parents, regardless of what happens after, then they should pay.
But if a woman makes the decision to keep a child, knowing that the father does not want the child, then she should make her own way.

That's my opinion, fwiw.

I agree with you.

 

[CandiCame]

Goddamn, this thread reached 7 pages? How?

Someone re-cap for me. I don't want to read it, and I'm cute. I feel that's enough justification to ask for a summery.

 

[blunt_trauma]

one step further,

when i met my ex, when my evil teen was still a baby, he took on the role as father. he chose this, read her bedtime stories, got called 'daddy'.
now we've split up he still pays for her. child support, pocket money, school uniforms & trips, etc.
i try to facilitate unlimited access to both the kids.

because once you've chosen to be a child's father then, regardless of whether the mother still agrees to shag you or not, you are that child's father forever.

 

[warrior queen]

And that's fair.

I agree with you.

I also think there should be an option for fathers who do not want a pregnancy to go to term, and all the financial repercussions that come with that, to take the mother to a tribunal and 'opt out'.
It should be made available before the end of the 3rd trimester, so the mother then has the choice to either keep the child, knowing she will not get support, or terminate, with both equally sharing the costs to do so.
The current law is unfair to fathers.
Accidents happen (my first son was born as a result of condom failure, so it's not like the father wasn't taking precautions) and people should not have to spend the better part of their working lives paying for mistakes or accidents.
Again, just my opinion.

 

[Redatlit]

I have a friend who got dumped by the crack head mother of his kid and used his child support money for drugs. Everybody has a story to tell. Your personal moral codes are fine. The issue is the equality of reproductive rights.

There is no doubt there is an issue of inequality when it comes to reproductive rights. However, there is too much gray area to ever come up with a legal code that is "fair".

In my opinion, a forced abortion is worse than a man being forced to pay child support for a child he did not want. Taxpayers paying for a child that a man can afford to help support is also worse than forcing a man to pay his share. So, unfortunately, when it comes to reproductive rights men often come out on the short end of the stick. It would probably behoove some of them to be more careful where they stick their penis.

 

[TexasWife25]

I also think there should be an option for fathers who do not want a pregnancy to go to term, and all the financial repercussions that come with that, to take the mother to a tribunal and 'opt out'.
It should be made available before the end of the 3rd trimester, so the mother then has the choice to either keep the child, knowing she will not get support, or terminate, with both equally sharing the costs to do so.
The current law is unfair to fathers.

I actually think that, is an interesting idea. However I think making something like that work would be very very difficult/complicated.