I had my child out of wedlock, I chose not to marry her father

[77817]

I happen to love my baby daddy but I couldn't live with him.

Yeah. Let's everyone have kids with people they "can't live with".
Lord of the Flies in two generations.

There is no one right way to raise children.

 

[77817]

Hate to go into LT mode but why is it if some guy gets a woman pregnant and then splits the scene he's some kind of monster but when a woman does it she's a hero? Some how I don't believe if some guy came in here bragging about having unprotected sex and leaving the woman pregnant, unmarried, and a single parent he would get all these "You go girl" comments.

Just sayin'.

You are a sorely needed voice of wisdom in this thread. Unfortunately, most will not heed it.

 

[TexasWife25]

Do men get that same latitude? Is he some poor guy who made a mistake? Or a dirt bag, dead beat dad?

If they decide to give the child up for adoption then yes, hes just a man, who made a mistake.

The dirt bag thing comes into play when he gets behind on child support and cant be bothered to buy his child a pack of diapers or remember to pick the baby up for weekend visitations.

 

[Drixxx]

If they decide to give the child up for adoption then yes, hes just a man, who made a mistake.

The dirt bag thing comes into play when he gets behind on child support and cant be bothered to buy his child a pack of diapers or remember to pick the baby up for weekend visitations.

Exactly where can men absolve themselves of children through adoption?

 

[Angellica1612]

Angellica1612

Adoption isn't abandoning. If a woman makes a mistake and chooses to endure the inconvenience of carrying that baby to term so it can be adopted by a couple unable to conceive, she's certainly a hero to them. Yes, she made a mistake. But she didn't just 'walk away' without a care in the world. Unlike the sperm donor.

 

[TexasWife25]

Exactly where can men absolve themselves of children through adoption?

Should I tack on the "without the mothers consent" at the end of that?

 

[Angellica1612]

Do men get that same latitude? Is he some poor guy who made a mistake? Or a dirt bag, dead beat dad?

A man who gets a woman pregnant and refuses to provide financially to HIS child is yes, a dirt bag, dead beat dad. If the woman chooses to keep the child, she is taking responsibility for her mistake. Why shouldn't the man have to take responsibility too?

 

[Drixxx]

Adoption isn't abandoning. If a woman makes a mistake and chooses to endure the inconvenience of carrying that baby to term so it can be adopted by a couple unable to conceive, she's certainly a hero to them. Yes, she made a mistake. But she didn't just 'walk away' without a care in the world. Unlike the sperm donor.

No. She makes a couple of bucks on the side.

 

[Drixxx]

A man who gets a woman pregnant and refuses to provide financially to HIS child is yes, a dirt bag, dead beat dad. If the woman chooses to keep the child, she is taking responsibility for her mistake. Why shouldn't the man have to take responsibility too?

Whoa, whoa, whoa? What happened to all that "two to tango" talk?

 

[blunt_trauma]

A man who gets a woman pregnant and refuses to provide financially to HIS child is yes, a dirt bag, dead beat dad. If the woman chooses to keep the child, she is taking responsibility for her mistake. Why shouldn't the man have to take responsibility too?

it seems a little unfair that, by abortion or adoption, a woman does have the choice to give up financial responsibility, but a man has no such choice.

for a man there is no out without becoming a social pariah.

 

[Drixxx]

Should I tack on the "without the mothers consent" at the end of that?

Can a woman have an abortion without the man's consent?

 

[Drixxx]

it seems a little unfair that, by abortion or adoption, a woman does have the choice to give up financial responsibility, but a man has no such choice.

for a man there is no out without becoming a social pariah.

Thank you.

 

[TexasWife25]

Can a woman have an abortion without the man's consent?

Well yes, but I dont consider it a child until its born.

Once its born, the father and mother should both have to agree to give up their rights in order for adoption to occur, and I believe thats the way most state laws are written.

I agree, its unfair, but .. thems the breaks?

 

[blunt_trauma]

if the guy made it clear from the start that he wanted no child and would give up any future right to interfere in that child's life and up bringing, i wouldn't pursue him financially.

but that's just me.

 

[TexasWife25]

if the guy made it clear from the start that he wanted no child and would give up any future right to interfere in that child's life and up bringing, i wouldn't pursue him financially.

but that's just me.

Some women just need the money *shrug*

Once a child is born, its really not about fairness between the parents, but the best interest of the child. The mother, once a child is here, doesn't have the right to give up financial responsibility without the fathers consent either.

 

[Drixxx]

Well yes, but I dont consider it a child until its born.

Once its born, the father and mother should both have to agree to give up their rights in order for adoption to occur, and I believe thats the way most state laws are written.

I agree, its unfair, but .. thems the breaks?

How would you feel if someone says that about:

Women's Sufferage.

Equal pay for equal work.

Right to own property.

Sexual harrassment law.

Domestic violence law.

I would never be as cavalier to tell a woman decrying these hard fought issues that "I agree, its unfair, but .. thems the breaks".

 

[77817]

Some women just need the money *shrug*

And some men just don't have it. *shrug*

 

[Drixxx]

if the guy made it clear from the start that he wanted no child and would give up any future right to interfere in that child's life and up bringing, i wouldn't pursue him financially.

but that's just me.

If reproductive rights law were fair that would be how it would be written.

 

[TexasWife25]

How would you feel if someone says that about:

Women's Sufferage.

Equal pay for equal work.

Right to own property.

Sexual harrassment law.

Domestic violence law.

I would never be as cavalier to tell a woman decrying these hard fought issues that "I agree, its unfair, but .. thems the breaks".

What do you purpose is a fair solution?

And some men just don't have it. *shrug*

Child support is based on income.

 

[Drixxx]

Some women just need the money *shrug*

Once a child is born, its really not about fairness between the parents, but the best interest of the child. The mother, once a child is here, doesn't have the right to give up financial responsibility without the fathers consent either.

The best interest of the child is not to have a parent who doesn't want them. Also the reproductive rights of all people trump the best interest of the child as children they have reproductive rights as well. If all the kid needs is a check once a month the state should pick it up the tab instead of wasting resources seeking out and prosecuting men who don't have money anyway. The best interest of the child would be to give them steady financial support instead of spotty or nonexistent child support while wasting resources going on moral crusades.

 

[Redatlit]

if the guy made it clear from the start that he wanted no child and would give up any future right to interfere in that child's life and up bringing, i wouldn't pursue him financially.

but that's just me.

Neither would I.

I can make my own way, but I realize not all women can. If I'm the one who made the decision, against the father's will, that the child will be born then I have a responsibility to support that child without the father's emotional or financial help.

In addition, how good is it for the mental well being of a child to know they are little more than a financial burden to someone who really never wanted them to exist?

 

[Drixxx]

What do you purpose is a fair solution?



Child support is based on income.

Basically what Blunt said. Once parents are indentified through DNA men are given an opt out clause. No financial support at a bare minimum, no parental rights. Women who chose not to or cannot identify the other parent has no right claim child support. This would respect everyone's reproductive rights equally.

 

[blunt_trauma]

In addition, how good is it for the mental well being of a child to know they are little more than a financial burden to someone who really never wanted them to exist?

horrible thought...

 

[TexasWife25]

The best interest of the child is not to have a parent who doesn't want them. Also the reproductive rights of all people trump the best interest of the child as children they have reproductive rights as well. If all the kid needs is a check once a month the state should pick it up the tab instead of wasting resources seeking out and prosecuting men who don't have money anyway. The best interest of the child would be to give them steady financial support instead of spotty or nonexistent child support while wasting resources going on moral crusades.

Do you not see the flaw in that? Once a child is born, the interest of the child, trumps that of both parents, it always has.

If a state said, "Men, you dont have to pay child support, the rest of the tax payers will do it for you". Do you think a large majority of men would pay anyway?

Both people made the mistake of getting pregnant. Once the child is born, both people are required to be adults and take care of their responsibility.

 

[TexasWife25]

Basically what Blunt said. Once parents are indentified through DNA men are given an opt out clause. No financial support at a bare minimum, no parental rights. Women who chose not to or cannot identify the other parent has no right claim child support. This would respect everyone's reproductive rights equally.

You cant opt out of parenthood. Once a child is born, you're a parent. Do I think men who dont want to be fathers should be forced to be there? No. But men who dont want to be fathers should wear a condom or get a vasectomy, you dont get the right to make a mistake, and not take the fallout too.