Does ambiguity work?

[whambam]

I've just posted my latest effort at Lit here: http://www.literotica.com/s/love-in-an-elevator-11

Would be very keen to get feedback -- in particular I'm not sure about whether leaving things very unexplained adds to or detracts from it. It may be that things end too suddenly. But I'd be interested in any thoughts on whether that ambiguity about the events described works.

And of course I'd welcome any other feedback too...

Thanks in advance for looking or reading.

 

[angela55]

Maybe...maybe not?

 

[dawei]

I found the story entertaining and a little spooky. To me the story started with a lot of realism, but I found it harder to--take on--as the story continued. Hmmm. Of course a good bump on the head could have explain the whole adventure. Maybe.

Frankly, I didn't care for the last two paragraphs. I thought the story would have ended fine without them. Specifically, I didn't get the last paragraph at all. Was there an inside hint dealing with the Aerosmith song? I wasn't sure.

 

[Chiara23]

I haven't yet read your story, but in my own stories I don't go into a lot of graphic details as to what the characters look like. I give general impressions, hair colour and style, eye colour, height and general build. I let the reader fill in the rest, why write a story where the person doesn't have to use their imagination to fill in any gaps?

I almost always try to use real locations and research them so I can use specific locales for some scenes. I know that sometimes I make mistakes (see 'Vanessa's Tale'). Apparently people from New Orleans don't have any sort of southern accent according to one of my detractors.

I was told by one reader that my one character, (Skye from 'Over A Piece of Pie') was exactly as she'd imagined her to be before she even got to the part in the story where I described her. THAT'S good writing! (toot toot! my horn lol)

So IMHO yes ambiguity can be good if used in the right way.

 

[whambam]

Maybe...maybe not?

Touche!

 

[whambam]

I found the story entertaining and a little spooky. To me the story started with a lot of realism, but I found it harder to--take on--as the story continued. Hmmm. Of course a good bump on the head could have explain the whole adventure. Maybe.

Frankly, I didn't care for the last two paragraphs. I thought the story would have ended fine without them. Specifically, I didn't get the last paragraph at all. Was there an inside hint dealing with the Aerosmith song? I wasn't sure.

Thanks very much for the feedback dawei. I was very much trying to avoid the "and then I woke up and it was all a dream" get-out clause. And maybe the paraphernalia wasn't on display at J.W. Stiles -- but I'm sure it would be discreetly hidden under the counter!

I can see what you mean about the ending. There wasn't really a hint other than trying to re-establish the older voice again and bring it back to a time closer to now. Maybe it would work best just leaving it at the return to reality. I kind of had a vision in mind of this being a long tale being related, however, and it felt natural to return to the here and now. But you have a good point -- one I will think about next time I write.

 

[whambam]

I haven't yet read your story, but in my own stories I don't go into a lot of graphic details as to what the characters look like. I give general impressions, hair colour and style, eye colour, height and general build. I let the reader fill in the rest, why write a story where the person doesn't have to use their imagination to fill in any gaps?

I almost always try to use real locations and research them so I can use specific locales for some scenes. I know that sometimes I make mistakes (see 'Vanessa's Tale'). Apparently people from New Orleans don't have any sort of southern accent according to one of my detractors.

I was told by one reader that my one character, (Skye from 'Over A Piece of Pie') was exactly as she'd imagined her to be before she even got to the part in the story where I described her. THAT'S good writing! (toot toot! my horn lol)

So IMHO yes ambiguity can be good if used in the right way.

I try very much to do the same thing, Chiara. I find it completely unrealistic to get given exact measurements and life histories, particularly in the opening paragraph... And I completely agree that it's better to let the reader fill in the gaps with their imagination, that way fantasy lies...

Unless there's a reason for a life history, leave it out!

 

[Cadere]

It's a lovely story, I really do like the realism and voice that starts out. The transition from a solid style of writing to something much more fluid as the tale becomes more whimsical is a great contrast.

I'd have to agree with dawei, though, I didn't think much of the last two bits there. It may have been the unrelated ramblings of some old man, but I would have liked it to stop short of it, and leave me still in the memory.

Personally, I use a lot of ambiguity myself, but usually for my main characters or minor persons. I want my reader to relate to my main character, so I let them paint the picture of how they look from what they'd prefer, or know. I usually just hint to little things like hair color, hair style, and maybe their dress. With one-time minor characters, it's only because they aren't important enough for me to describe them. The only time I get descriptive with a character's appearance is when I want to portray them how I want to, to further the purpose of my story.

What you did there was perfect. I preferred it obscure.

 

[whambam]

Cadere, thanks for the feedback -- and the praise .

I am thinking more and more that you and dawei are right -- it would have been better to leave it there. The transition is too abrupt, and you're right, breaking the reminiscence at that point does detract from the impact of that bit of the story. I will remember that the next time I sit down to write -- so thank you.

 

[Cadere]

Oh, you are most certainly welcome.