New to BDSM but, oh, so interested

[painedangel]

Not looking anymore

Thank you, but I have found a wonderful place to start with Master Steel.

 

[seela]

Have you tried fetlife.com to see, if there are any events and gatherings in your area? Or maybe just people in your area you can message?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Thank you, but I have found a wonderful place to start with Master Steel.

Ahh, true love.

So jealous.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thank you, but I have found a wonderful place to start with Master Steel.

Have you tried fetlife.com to see, if there are any events and gatherings in your area? Or maybe just people in your area you can message?

Ahh, true love.

So jealous.

Oyyyyyyy...

One day on Lit.
One post on Lit, apparently inquiring where to find her answer.
Post edited to reflect that after all of this anguish and searching, she's found a her answer, and a master (online? local?).

Someone tell me this is not going to end badly. Please.

 

[His_pet_slut]

Oyyyyyyy...

One day on Lit.
One post on Lit, apparently inquiring where to find her answer.
Post edited to reflect that after all of this anguish and searching, she's found a her answer, and a master (online? local?).

Someone tell me this is not going to end badly. Please.

It always astonishes me when someone says they are new to this and interested, then BAM, they have a 'master'.

Was I just lucky or overly cautious when I started out? I explored the net, participated in forums (not here), read books (non-fiction), talked with a number of people, but didn't even begin to entertain the notion of actually submitting to a Master for guidance and growth for nearly a year. Then it was someone I had been talking to in a non-BDSM context for a number of months. He wanted to know me before he even approached the notion of me belonging to him. Even after he first approached the idea, he refused to allow me to give an answer until I had taken a week to consider the ramifications, ask questions and look at all aspects of it.

Oyyyy, indeed.

 

[switchbitch]

It always astonishes me when someone says they are new to this and interested, then BAM, they have a 'master'.

Was I just lucky or overly cautious when I started out? I explored the net, participated in forums (not here), read books (non-fiction), talked with a number of people, but didn't even begin to entertain the notion of actually submitting to a Master for guidance and growth for nearly a year. Then it was someone I had been talking to in a non-BDSM context for a number of months. He wanted to know me before he even approached the notion of me belonging to him. Even after he first approached the idea, he refused to allow me to give an answer until I had taken a week to consider the ramifications, ask questions and look at all aspects of it.

Oyyyy, indeed.

you never know sometimes things just click. And although it makes me nervous for a newby to dive in that fast, my optimist is wishing her luck. I am not inexperienced at all and yet when I found my present master I dived straight in without a safety net and it is the most rewarding relationship I have ever experienced. Sometimes you can just be lucky.

 

[StrayKat]

I dived straight in without a safety net

Yeah did the same thing, after years of beating around the bush I kinda finally lost patience at the worst moment, on the first date.
The look on his face though - priceless

 

[His_pet_slut]

Yeah did the same thing, after years of beating around the bush I kinda finally lost patience at the worst moment, on the first date.
The look on his face though - priceless

LOL, well...my Master would also tell you that I have this hard-wired need to read and learn everything I can about everything that catches my fancy and that I have a bad habit of over analyzing things.

 

[StrayKat]

LOL, well...my Master would also tell you that I have this hard-wired need to read and learn everything I can about everything that catches my fancy and that I have a bad habit of over analyzing things.

Me too, sometimes for a really long time. I got the mail on CM just the other day from a guy who dug out my first profile there. I checked the date, its 6 years old
I made the present one 22. December, talked to a local guy for about 3 weeks, arranged to meet for a coffee strictly, "dont you even dare think of anything else !!!1!", then in the middle of the completely innocent convo I just blurt out "I want to try <that>"
"What, now?!?"
"Yes now, lets go"
And 6 years of oh so careful approach down the drain

 

[Jade_Riley]

I hope this is the right place to ask this (new to the forum and all!) - I love it when a guy takes charge in the bedroom but I'm not ok with it outside of that. Is that actually counted as being submissive or not really? The way I understand it, is that subs like to be controlled a lot of the time. Sorry if I'm asking a dumb question or asking in the wrong place!

 

[Stella_Omega]

I hope this is the right place to ask this (new to the forum and all!) - I love it when a guy takes charge in the bedroom but I'm not ok with it outside of that. Is that actually counted as being submissive or not really? The way I understand it, is that subs like to be controlled a lot of the time. Sorry if I'm asking a dumb question or asking in the wrong place!

Thing about BDSM that not so many people realise at first, is that each player has to take responsibility for themself. If you don't know who you are, how can you give yourself to someone else? If you don't know how valuable you are, how can you keep yourself from being stolen away entirely by any old asshole that comes along?

You get to decide, for yourself, how much dominance you want in your life. No one can tell you (although plenty of people will try to) that you are not submissive enough. Laugh in their faces if they try.

Find the guy who wants what you want. Untill you do, my council is to play physically more than emotionally, in limited, one night-long scenes, while you tryout different things. Don't fall in love with the first guy who spanks you, any more than you would marry the first guy you ever dated.

 

[midwestyankee]

Oyyyyyyy...

One day on Lit.
One post on Lit, apparently inquiring where to find her answer.
Post edited to reflect that after all of this anguish and searching, she's found a her answer, and a master (online? local?).

Someone tell me this is not going to end badly. Please.

This is not going to end badly. Please.


I do lie well, don't I?

 

[nowgirl]

I remember when I first started on "my journey" of "giving up my gift" of submission...

I totally got caught up in the newbie internet frenzy. A girl's gotta start somewhere. The memory of smackin' my own ass with a wooden spoon still makes me cringe but I did learn a lot about bdsm terminology, about internet goofballs and a little about myself!!

Fortunately, I met someone online who was real and he encouraged me to get started locally... IN REAL LIFE. Way more fun. Imagine that.

 

[painedangel]

I posted that in respect for a potential Master. But we were not looking for the same things. I am looking for somebody local and I am new. I just did not know where to start.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ah yeah, the "Respect a Dom" ploy, honey--what that means is that he's trying t get you off the market so he doesn't have to compete for your interest.

Try joining fetlife.com which is a kind of facebook for pervs. Do a search for your area. Look for the notices of events, clubs, munches, groups.

Please read the advice I gave just above this in this thread.

Don't hesitate to ask questions, both here and of anyone you meet. Listen to your instincts.

BDSM is a little bit more complicated than good old missionary humping, and power exchange an put you in a far more emotionally vulnerable place than basic dating does. It is not quite as safe-- like, the difference between mountain climbing and walking on the sidewalk.

 

[Loverskitten]

BDSM is a little bit more complicated than good old missionary humping, and power exchange an put you in a far more emotionally vulnerable place than basic dating does. It is not quite as safe-- like, the difference between mountain climbing and walking on the sidewalk.

Yes! I am going to send this to my friend. I have been trying to explain exactly this, but stumbling with my words.

 

[painedangel]

Yeah that sounds about right. I just joined fetlife but even there, it still seems I am to much in the middle of nowhere to find a Master Thank you for your help though!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Yeah that sounds about right. I just joined fetlife but even there, it still seems I am to much in the middle of nowhere to find a Master Thank you for your help though!

There are BDSMers just about everywhere, even in downtown BFE. They're just not quite as open to admitting it. Be a little patient, keep searching, and keep your mind open to all the possibilities that are out there. Good luck to you!

 

[StrayKat]

There are BDSMers just about everywhere, even in downtown BFE. They're just not quite as open to admitting it. Be a little patient, keep searching, and keep your mind open to all the possibilities that are out there. Good luck to you!

I would just add to this, read and try to learn as much as you can in the meantime.
Even if its only theoretical, educating yourself can help you find the right person quite a bit.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah that sounds about right. I just joined fetlife but even there, it still seems I am to much in the middle of nowhere to find a Master Thank you for your help though!

Some questions for you to answer -- for yourself, but if you're willing to share your answers, they might be helpful;

When you say "Master" what, exactly, do you mean? In what parts of your life do you want your Master to take control?

If you want to try 24/7;

in your head, what would you be doing all day? What would he be doing?

How would you show your submission?

What happens in your sexual fantasies?

 

[Dom4uinLvNv]

Yes, by all means educate yourself first...Then attend a few local munches first.. the-iron-gate.com/munches has a very good listing state by state.
Fetlife is a very good site to belong to. You'll do many interviews there.
Submission is a gift, that the receiver should cherish. Even in this fast moving world. Many don't know the meaning of the gift. Look for the few that still do.
There once was a day when the sub had little choice in the assigment.**** bidder decided where the sub was trained. So much for the old ways. This is where you should review the history.
Yes, I was once old school, Even I've had to change. I never begin training now without a contract of some kind. Service has changed.
Take your time before you decide... It does Save having to do the search all over again.

 

[Dom4uinLvNv]

I forgot, we now travel at the speed of sound...

 

[Stella_Omega]

There once was a day when the sub had little choice in the assigment.**** bidder decided where the sub was trained.

Where was this?

This is a serious question.

I have heard this claim made before, and always gotten vague responses; "In Traditional European Houses."
The only one I have heard of specifically was in Lausanne Switzerland.

I know that many of the Old Guard leatherman groups would assign subs to the highest bidder for the duration of an event. And I have to assume that the old Janus Society did something similar, although I have no information about that. I'm willing to bet that, given the way hets do things, some of the women would feel quite permanently attached to some guy after a long weekend.

As you say, times have really fucking changed. For better and for worse-- I love it that so many people canget their kink on, but I hate it that the real risks get minimised and how blithely ignorant people are about them. I hate it too, that so many people have simply mapped the fifties ideal of Leave It To Beaver marriage onto D/s as if role playing is going to solve all their interrelational problems.

Okay, sorry for the threadjack...

 

[Dom4uinLvNv]

Your right..lets not hijack this thread. Maybe all need a history lesson here in regards to understanding this subject..Maybe another thread would be in order...

 

[BiBunny]

Oyyyyyyy...

One day on Lit.
One post on Lit, apparently inquiring where to find her answer.
Post edited to reflect that after all of this anguish and searching, she's found a her answer, and a master (online? local?).

Someone tell me this is not going to end badly. Please.

Within an hour and twentyish minutes of posting this thread.

Can someone please direct these kinds of people to Second Life? Kthanxbi.