The ugly man

[Ham Murabi]

A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the bartender.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar last night, I noticed a young woman tied To the tracks, just like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
"Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything! Me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic, you lucky bastard!" exclaimed the Bartender. "Was she pretty?"
"Dunno ... never found the head!"

 

[koalabear]

no comment........http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn233/koalabear_photo/giggle.gif

 

[Batch]

How'd he know she was pretty, then?

 

[Farrah]

A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the bartender.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar last night, I noticed a young woman tied To the tracks, just like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
"Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything! Me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic, you lucky bastard!" exclaimed the Bartender. "Was she pretty?"
"Dunno ... never found the head!"

*Groan!

 

[Batch]

Oh yeah, and it could have been leftovers from a zombie attack
or vampire decapitation.

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft.
After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study.
After $250,000, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

 

[CandiCame]

2 men walk into a bar.
Don't you think the second one would have seen it?

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the bartender.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar last night, I noticed a young woman tied To the tracks, just like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
"Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything! Me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic, you lucky bastard!" exclaimed the Bartender. "Was she pretty?"
"Dunno ... never found the head!"

A very good-looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat up every single woman who walks into the bar, without any luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man, walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women in the place.

Disheartened by all this, the good-looking man asks the bartender, "Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women. What's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want, but I haven't been able to connect all night. What's going on?"

"Well," said the bartender, "I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows."

 

[TexasWife25]

A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the bartender.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar last night, I noticed a young woman tied To the tracks, just like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
"Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything! Me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic, you lucky bastard!" exclaimed the Bartender. "Was she pretty?"
"Dunno ... never found the head!"

Hah!
I laughed
my husband not so much

 

[Angellica1612]

2 men walk into a bar.
Don't you think the second one would have seen it?

Tee hee hee!

 

[BossMan62]

A VERY ugly man walks into the bar with a big grin on his face and orders a draft beer.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the bartender.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "As you know, I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar last night, I noticed a young woman tied To the tracks, just like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
"Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything! Me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic, you lucky bastard!" exclaimed the Bartender. "Was she pretty?"
"Dunno ... never found the head!"

lol good one.

 

[atmas]

Guy comes out of the men's room at the pub and sees another guy sprawled on the floor. He helps him to his feet, and the second guy promptly falls again.
First guy says, "You're in no condition to drive. I'll take you home."

Guy drives him home, and second guy falls 4 times from the driveway to the front door. Finally, guy one rings the bell for guy two. Guy two's wife answers the door.
"Ma'am, I drove your husband home from the pub."
Guy two's wife says, "Great. Where's his wheelchair?