Good story... bad chapter

[LaRascasse]

I have this storyline going ("Siblings and Lovers"). Chapter 1 was generally praised, 2 drew some tears, 3 got good comments and 4 is sitting on 4.70

I took a break for a while and resumed the story. For some reason, chapter 5 is not doing nearly as well. There are several unflattering comments and it's rating is also very low.
http://www.literotica.com/s/siblings-and-lovers-ch-05

Could someone please tell me what I did wrong? I do not want to take it off and change the way the story is heading, but if something is grossly wrong, I could even do that. Go through the previous chapters as well to see how the story is moving.

Thank you in advance for your help.

 

[Dagwood_B]

I have this storyline going ("Siblings and Lovers"). Chapter 1 was generally praised, 2 drew some tears, 3 got good comments and 4 is sitting on 4.70

I took a break for a while and resumed the story. For some reason, chapter 5 is not doing nearly as well. There are several unflattering comments and it's rating is also very low.
http://www.literotica.com/s/siblings-and-lovers-ch-05

Could someone please tell me what I did wrong? I do not want to take it off and change the way the story is heading, but if something is grossly wrong, I could even do that. Go through the previous chapters as well to see how the story is moving.

Thank you in advance for your help.

I didn’t read the first four chapters, but as I read through the fifth chapter, Stella being a cutter just doesn’t work for me. The scars on Kyle’s back came from combat; that makes him a hero. Stella being a cutter makes her come across as a loser. Stella runs a business in a cut-throat world; she has to be stronger than that. If she has to have an addiction, give her needle-tracks. Guys like to fix things, and a drug addiction is something Kyle can work with. Most people are turned off by cutting, and the way you portray Stella gives you a very limited audience. Just my opinion.

As an after-thought, if you give her something like a drug addiction, don’t make her ashamed of it, make her defensive. She would sound more real if she were a vulnerable women hiding behind a hardened outer shell. Getting through the hard outer shell and finding the real woman inside would give Kyle something worthwhile to do.

 

[LaRascasse]

How is drug addiction any better than what she does now?

 

[lovecraft68]

How is drug addiction any better than what she does now?

The drug addiction comment makes no sense. Ignlore it. Track marks would be as bad if not worse than cutting,

Cutters do what they do out of the lowest for of self esteem and for attention. it would not fit with someone successful.

Then again it's your wrold and I love how people who can swallow premises like mother's fucking their sons just because their there, start picking apart things like that,

Also end of the day you atr wroking with flawed characters. Maybe your detractors should check out the romance section.

Besides, it could be worse, You could have made her schizophrenic

 

[LaRascasse]

Besides, it could be worse, You could have made her schizophrenic

Now now, dont give me ideas LC, you never know what it might lead to.......

On a more serious note, can you answer the question I initially posted- what is wrong with this chapter as opposed to the rest?

 

[colddiesel]

I have this storyline going ("Siblings and Lovers"). Chapter 1 was generally praised, 2 drew some tears, 3 got good comments and 4 is sitting on 4.70

I took a break for a while and resumed the story. For some reason, chapter 5 is not doing nearly as well. There are several unflattering comments and it's rating is also very low.
http://www.literotica.com/s/siblings-and-lovers-ch-05

Could someone please tell me what I did wrong? I do not want to take it off and change the way the story is heading, but if something is grossly wrong, I could even do that. Go through the previous chapters as well to see how the story is moving.

Thank you in advance for your help.

The comments section makes it abundantly clear:-

1 Readers don't like the new character. Think of the comments from the readers point of view and they seem quite reasonable.

2 The new character makes the story non incest. Incest is why the readers opened the chapter in the first place. You're not giving them what they want.

3 The big gap time doesn't help because your readers have probably read a swag of incest stuff since you last posted and your old chapters have slipped from their memory.

 

[Dagwood_B]

How is drug addiction any better than what she does now?

Whether writing for your own pleasure in a forum such as Literotica, or writing professionally to make a living, to be successful, every writer has to have an audience that is interested in reading his/her work. Drug addiction was only a suggestion; the point is, you need to make the “Stella” character more interesting. The problem with being a cutter is that cutting, (or self-mutilation), has a very limited audience among people who read, (as compared to people who get their story entertainment through television or movies).

The problem with Stella is that she is a main character, someone whom the reader has to relate to in some way. If Stella was a peripheral character, the reader could simply ignore the character if they found him/her uninteresting or offensive; unfortunately, Stella is a main character that can’t be ignored.

When writing fiction, it sometimes helps to write a brief summary of the main characters before you start and decide how you want the reader to perceive or relate to the character(s). When someone is reading a story, (of any kind), and they come to a part that is uninteresting to them, that’s when they stop reading. Writing for yourself is fine, (nothing wrong with writing for yourself), but if no one is going to finish reading it, what’s the point of publishing it?

As a writer, you can create any kind of character you want. You can make your readers love or hate the character, but above all, the reader(s) must be able to understand and relate the character(s) you create. Just my opinion, but I don’t think you will find many readers who can understand or relate to Stella, (or even care about), as you have her now.

 

[Dagwood_B]

The drug addiction comment makes no sense. Ignlore it. Track marks would be as bad if not worse than cutting

Drug addiction may be worse, but the problem with Stella being a cutter is that no one is going to care. Writing for a visual medium such as television or a movie is very different from writing for print. You can create a main character who is a cutter on the screen, (movie or TV), and the audience will sit there dumbfounded and watch, but if you put that same character in print, the reader will put down the book and never open it again. The point is: when you create a character, it has to be someone the reader can love or hate, and Stella the way she is written now, few readers are going to care. Drug addiction was just a suggestion; I thought that would be obvious.

 

[lovecraft68]

I agree with Dagwood B. I think it is mainly the new character. Incest fans (well those who are not into orgy incest) become fiercely protective of the family within the family. They don;t want anyone coming between the siblings.

IN swb chapter 12 I had them visit their cousins. nothing happens between the cousins and I thought I would get some "oh they should have fucked them" instead I got relieved e-mails that I left the two to themselves. Strange but true. I think that is the main issue, the writing was fine.