please help

[handyandy666620]

Posted first part of this story on lit..i thought my gramma and punctuation was spot on..read feedback and was some negative comments..would like someone to edit part 2 of this story before submitting it to lit

 

[PennLady]

You should post some info and a link to the story that's currently up so people can get a look and see what problems you might have.

 

[handyandy666620]

how do i attached the limk

 

[PennLady]

Go to the story, highlight the URL in the address bar of your browser, then come back here and paste it in a post.

 

[handyandy666620]

https://skydrive.live.com/redir.asp...B5B58D4EEC879C!187&parid=81B5B58D4EEC879C!148

 

[PennLady]

Okay, I wasn't clear enough -- go to the story on Literotica and paste that link into a post.

 

[PacoFear]

Good heavens. I can't bear to watch this slow motion train wreck.

Here's your link: Tick-tock

 

[PennLady]

Paco, you're no fun.

Okay, I skimmed this. I did not read it for a few reasons -- I don't like 18yo protagonists, I don't like non-con, and you did in fact have a lot of grammar, etc., errors.

Numbers should mostly be spelled out, so all of your ages should have been spelled out instead of in numbers. You switched from third person to first person narration in the first two paragraphs, that's pretty jarring. I don't think I saw much in the way of misspellings, but I did see wrong words, like you used "mull" when you meant "mill," and I don't think that was right for the sentence either. You also had "saviour" when you meant "savor." A grammar check might have found that, but spell check wouldn't.

You had this sentence: I was very confident that my plan wouldn't backfire because despite her robust nature towards her pupils, I knew that if I stood my ground she would buckle and back down.

Why is he so confident? How would he know that she'd back down? I saw nothing about that. You don't need a big explanation, but a line might have been nice.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Posted first part of this story on lit..i thought my gramma and punctuation was spot on..read feedback and was some negative comments..would like someone to edit part 2 of this story before submitting it to lit

Okay, back to the original reason for the thread. If the second one is short like the first, I can edit. Just don't spring some 20,000 word story on me. PM me if in need and I'll tell you where to send it.

 

[handyandy666620]

yes I would like you to edit my 2nd installment please