Just a Sentence: looser than what?

[Littlefinger]

I wasn't sure where to put this. Just a small problem that I need feedback on. This sentence:

"The guy's inhibitions were completely shot and his tongue was looser than... something that doesn't quite fit into something else."

I'm well aware that there is something wrong with the imagery here, which is what I need help with. I'm having trouble coming up with ideas to fit in the "looser than ...." phrasing.

I'd be fine with that being more humorous than poetic.

 

[sr71plt]

It would help to know what he's doing with the tongue. Speaking or licking or dueling with another tonge? It makes a difference in using imagery that fits the action.

 

[Littlefinger]

He's just talking. Another guy is trying to get information out of him and got him drunk.

 

[Cruel2BKind]

The worm at the bottom of the last shot of tequila

The school slut after a fisting competition

The fist of communism trying to grab the slippery bar of capitalism soap

oh god, what am I ON! These are terrible!

 

[sr71plt]

If you want to go for the pornographic:

"a Q-tip in the town slut's cunt"

or just ribald:

"a boiled egg in Dolly Parton's bra"

If not:

"a BB in a cannon barrel"

 

[PayDay]

hmm, without any further context.

I wasn't sure where to put this. Just a small problem that I need feedback on. This sentence:

"The guy's inhibitions were completely shot and his tongue was looser than... something that doesn't quite fit into something else."

"The guy's inhibitions were completely shot and his tongue was quite similar to something not quite so similar.

 

[lovecraft68]

The school slut after a fisting competition!

This one's a keeper!

 

[oggbashan]

A mouse's prick in an elephant's cunt.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

A retard with a gut full of Ex-Lax.

 

[sr71plt]

JamesBJohnson's writing/published file.

 

[PayDay]

Fine. I'll do it since no one else will.

"The guy's inhibitions were completely shot and his tongue was looser than

O.J.'s hand into a glove? (what?)

current Kirsty Ally into old Kirsty Ally?

more food into Mr. Creosote? (huh? Huh?)

more booze into Paula Abdul? (etc.)

judges through the Constitution? (politics!)

hmmm.... maybe I have more...
...right!

drugs into the U.S.

or

more crack-cocaine into poverty classes.

more?

 

[Handley_Page]

I wasn't sure where to put this. Just a small problem that I need feedback on. This sentence:

"The guy's inhibitions were completely shot and his tongue was looser than... something that doesn't quite fit into something else."

I'm well aware that there is something wrong with the imagery here, which is what I need help with. I'm having trouble coming up with ideas to fit in the "looser than ...." phrasing.

I'd be fine with that being more humorous than poetic.

Looser than the Pea in a whistle ?

 

[lovecraft68]

Looser than a Kardashian's morals or Pussy take your pick.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Looser than the Pea in a whistle ?

I am seconding Handley's suggestion. It's time-tested and true, and no longer a cliche.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

It is really good though I'm fond of "a BB in a cannon barrel", too.

 

[TE999]

'More loose' would be betterer grammar, but I digress.

Looser than a #2 screw in a #6 hole?

Looser than shit through a tin horn?

Looser than Vaseline on a doorknob?

Looser than a fart in a bucket?

Looser than a worn ball joint?

Looser than an acorn in a drainpipe?


I think I'll stop now.

 

[jomar]

...

Looser than a fart in a bucket?

...

I laughed.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I think I'll stop now.

That would be a good idea . . .

 

[Stella_Omega]

Looser than a 92 ford van's rack and pinion.

god dammit there goes another couple hundred dollars.

 

[Fierywhore]

L T A cock in a shirt sleeve

 

[AngelBell]

Thanks all I needed those laughs.

 

[glynndah]

"Looser than his momma's reputation."

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Hi glynndah, good to see you back again.

 

[glynndah]

Hi glynndah, good to see you back again.

Hi, Mr. Bear! Real life is keeping me busy. I often pop in for a few minutes, but don't post as much.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Yeah, as a old college friend of mine once so pithily put it, "Real life has a way of becoming unavoidable!"