Anyone else get tired of having the same gender all the time?

[LucyH]

It's not like I feel I was born with the wrong body or something - this one is nice - but I wish I didn't have to be female all the time. I get tired of it. Sometimes I want to be a man. Sometimes I'd rather not be either one.

There's a blind guy at the place I work who calls everybody sir or ma'am. For a while, he was calling me sir most of the time. I don't know why - it's certainly not the pitch of my voice. Anyway, I really liked being 'sir'. The word itself even sounds nicer to me. Then he learned my name and started calling me ma'am. But for a while, it was such a breath of fresh air.

Does anybody have a clue what I'm talking about? And aside from hanging around with blind people or changing your name online, how else do you take a little holiday from your gender?

 

[WetBiMoose]

Understanding

Consider joining Lit with a different account and a mysterious name that could go either way. We're all just neutral on here until we mention what we've got going on downstairs. As for out in the world a wardrobe change, hairstyle choice and attitude adjustment can work wonders. All depends on your body type for how easily you transition from one to the other.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Lucy, you're genderqueer. Join the club! There aren't many of us here at lit. A lot of genderqueers in female bodies hang out at the blogging communities livejournal and dreamwidth, and genderqueers of all sexes can be found in a couple of fetlife.com groups.

a couple of decades ago-- years and years-- I overheard a couple of guys talking about someone-- and the repeated "she" this, "she" that-- struck me as something I never wanted to hear relating to myself. They weren't being malicious. There were just... i don't know, seperating her from themselves, from the men, by use of that pronoun. Does that make sense?

The funny thing, is that my "real" name is male. When I began coming out-- I needed to change my identity a bit more, and for some crazy reason, "Stella" is the name by which my entire queer community knows me. Go figure.

 

[boredVAwife]

It's a man's world but I don't know if I'd want to be one. Ok maybe sometimes but day in and day out I really like being a woman.

 

[LucyH]

Consider joining Lit with a different account and a mysterious name that could go either way. We're all just neutral on here until we mention what we've got going on downstairs.

Yeah, Moose, I know what you mean about using neutral names. I do that often online. For Lit, though, I used the pseudonym that I picked for writing erotica, which I chose when I submitted a story for inclusion in an anthology of short stories by female authors. It seemed appropriate to pick something obviously female, though in retrospect, I suppose it wasn't strictly necessary.

As for out in the world a wardrobe change, hairstyle choice and attitude adjustment can work wonders. All depends on your body type for how easily you transition from one to the other.

Yeeeaaah, I'm 5'4 and under 100 pounds, and as hourglass-shaped as it's possible to be at this weight. With effort and bad lighting, I might be able to pass for a 13 yr old boy or androgynous teenager, at least for now, but an adult who isn't instantly perceived as female? I can't even begin to imagine how to pull that one off. Perhaps someone knows how.

It just seems simpler to get labeled female than male. A few years back, I knew a guy who had gorgeous fingernails, and one afternoon, I did this elaborate full color rendition of the solar system on them in nail polish. Anyway, one thing led to another, and I managed to find a blouse and skirt in my closet that stretched enough to fit him, and I happened to have a high quality wig to put over his buzz cut. He was stuck with his usual big black boots, even though they didn't go with the outfit, because I didn't have anything in size 11. I snapped a picture and he showed it to his girlfriend later, who he says stared at it completely mystified. "Who's she? Why are you showing me this?" she asked. It was that simple. He had a pretty normal face and shape for a guy, but the outfit and "haircut" overrode that. But imagine the reverse. I get a buzz cut and find something in a guy's closet that more or less fits, and send a picture to my significant other or a friend or even complete stranger. Think they will ask "Who's he?" I doubt it. More like, "Oh Lucy, why did you do that to your hair?!"

There were just... i don't know, seperating her from themselves, from the men, by use of that pronoun. Does that make sense?

It does. It drives me crazy that English doesn't have a set of gender neutral personal pronouns. I know people have invented some, but they haven't exactly caught on to the extent that you could just go around using them without confusing most people and sounding silly. Are you always conscious of the way you discuss other people, because of your own preferences, or do you just figure most of them are perfectly happy being a he or a she, and it doesn't usually matter?

I needed to change my identity a bit more, and for some crazy reason, "Stella" is the name by which my entire queer community knows me. Go figure

No relation to the twisted character from Great Expectations, I hope?

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

kinda

Dear Lucy:
Kinda sorta recognize what you are describing except my "itch" is a sort of curiosity to know what it would feel like to have something every single member of the opposite sex would like to dip his equipment in instead of the selection selection process we guys have to go through.
N

 

[Stella_Omega]

Are you always conscious of the way you discuss other people, because of your own preferences, or do you just figure most of them are perfectly happy being a he or a she, and it doesn't usually matter?

Yeah, i use the he and she pronouns most of the time...

But if I know what it is, I use the pronoun the person prefers. Which can lead to some odd visuals--I know a little girl who resides in the body of a 70 year old man, for instance. This is not a sex pervert situation. jeannie is too young for sex, and the body is too old. jeannie likes hairbands, and sparkle nail polish. Her face is that of someone's grandpa, but, thanks to her 24/7 mistress, she's living the childhood she never got. Your heart just goes out to her once you know her.

I've decided... at least for now... to be proud and happy as a butch woman. But I might be able to get testosterone from my doctor. I don't think I would take so much as to completely change me, but enough to bring my brain chemistry inline with my identity a little bit more.

I'm 5'4 and under 100 pounds...

Tiny men can be very sexy-- The artist Prince comes to mind. Just saying.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

It's not like I feel I was born with the wrong body or something - this one is nice - but I wish I didn't have to be female all the time. I get tired of it. Sometimes I want to be a man. Sometimes I'd rather not be either one.

There's a blind guy at the place I work who calls everybody sir or ma'am. For a while, he was calling me sir most of the time. I don't know why - it's certainly not the pitch of my voice. Anyway, I really liked being 'sir'. The word itself even sounds nicer to me. Then he learned my name and started calling me ma'am. But for a while, it was such a breath of fresh air.

Does anybody have a clue what I'm talking about? And aside from hanging around with blind people or changing your name online, how else do you take a little holiday from your gender?

In my head~I am a bisexual man who prefers women. My body shape doesn't fit that thought process. Even when I strap down. I am far too curvy, far too *girly* looking for my inner and outer to ever match.

I am a BOI. A gentleman. *shrugs* In my head it makes perfect sense. But when one relates to me by HOW I look? I feel fraudulent.

I am almost 40. I still curve all to hell and gone. What this means is...when I can finally go dressed in Timberlands, baggy jeans, wife beaters and caps...I feel MORE real, but I just LOOK like a cute, curvy girl dressing down.

I love being a woman, sometimes. I am a boi...all the time...but only in my head. Welcome to gender queer land.

 

[Star of Penumbra]

I know the feeling. I'm male, and a fairly large one at that, but for a very long time I thought I was transgender. The fact that I was so tall and, when I was about 11 started letting my hair grow out, leading to a lot of people who didn't know me thinking I was a girl, only exacerbated my confusion over my gender identity. After a LOT of thinking on the matter I eventually came to terms with being male, but I often think about being female (or being shorter and easily passable as female.)

But I've grown comfortable with living as a male. I think it would be cool to be able to occasionally live as a female, but then again so would a lot of things.

 

[BentSecrets]

It's not like I feel I was born with the wrong body or something - this one is nice - but I wish I didn't have to be female all the time. I get tired of it. Sometimes I want to be a man. Sometimes I'd rather not be either one.

There's a blind guy at the place I work who calls everybody sir or ma'am. For a while, he was calling me sir most of the time. I don't know why - it's certainly not the pitch of my voice. Anyway, I really liked being 'sir'. The word itself even sounds nicer to me. Then he learned my name and started calling me ma'am. But for a while, it was such a breath of fresh air.

Does anybody have a clue what I'm talking about? And aside from hanging around with blind people or changing your name online, how else do you take a little holiday from your gender?

I feel like that sometimes. Not that I'd want to change genders on a permanent basis (too much surgery for one thing) but the idea of swapping my "consciousness" I guess into an opposite sex body for a few days of fun and experimentation would be cool.

I'd love if we came to a future where it was possible to do just that. I'd save up to make sure I could buy nice specimens of both female and male bodies so I could switch things up whenever I wanted to

 

[LucyH]

Hey, I am by no means suggesting that men have to be large to be attractive, Stella. What I am saying is that it would be a statistical anomaly for a grown man to be my size. Plus, telemarketers and pollsters still sometimes ask me if my mom or dad is home. It's gotten to where most people see me as an adult woman in person, but let' just say I'd be more convincing as Peter Pan than as Mr. Darling. And I have no interest in coming across as an adolescent boy. Well, maybe a little, but only so I could go trick-or-treating and get candy without dirty looks.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I do know what you're saying, Lucy.

I can see transmen around West Hollywood, and yeah-- shorter than the other guys. Also, a bit wider in the hips. Also, more talkative, as it happens. Something that they were socialised to when they were still girls-- not something you can lose very easily.

I have to say, it's a very attractive trait.

 

[CandiCame]

I know the feeling. I'm male, and a fairly large one at that, but for a very long time I thought I was transgender. The fact that I was so tall and, when I was about 11 started letting my hair grow out, leading to a lot of people who didn't know me thinking I was a girl, only exacerbated my confusion over my gender identity. After a LOT of thinking on the matter I eventually came to terms with being male, but I often think about being female (or being shorter and easily passable as female.)

But I've grown comfortable with living as a male. I think it would be cool to be able to occasionally live as a female, but then again so would a lot of things.

Yeah- I don't know what it is about growing your hair out that makes people think "female" automatically. This happens/ed to me to.

But I've wondered what it would be like to have sex as a chick. I mean- I can only have anal sex- I've always wondered what vaginal sex felt like- as a bottom I've always wanted to know- because it looks AMAZING.

 

[LucyH]

Also, more talkative, as it happens. Something that they were socialised to when they were still girls-- not something you can lose very easily.

And not something you can pick up very easily, either, I might add. I wonder if people would handle my silence better if I were a man. As it is, they seem to get their knickers in a twist about it. Can men still just be "the strong silent type" and get left alone about it? Or have we progressed to the point where nobody can be terse without people deciding they need to be brought out of their shell?

Yeah- I don't know what it is about growing your hair out that makes people think "female" automatically. This happens/ed to me to.

Heh, I've gotten gay-bashed by drunk morons while walking around town with a boyfriend, because we both had long hair. The moment when he turned around and gave them the I-have-anger management-issues look of death, and they saw his puffy beard... priceless. It would be nice if he could've made them feel ashamed of their attitude, but at least they probably got to feel sheepish about something.

But do you like it? People being confused about your gender, that is?

 

[Kurokami]

But do you like it? People being confused about your gender, that is?

My wife loves it. She's got this sort of slender figure, and she used to work out quite a bit to bulk up, favoring the boyish clothes and strapping down her bust, too. The minute you saw her face the image tended to realign- she's got a cute-as-hell face- but from many angles, she could've been mistaken for a guy, if a short, thin one. It helps she likeds things baggy.

Like Luna, my wife self-identifies as a boi, though not all the time. It tends to come and go; sometimes she's flipped onto guy mode, other times she's all dresses and make up. I think she looks incredible no matter which mood she's in; actually, I've always had a thing for bois. A woman who looks and feels like a guy never fails to get my motor running, though I've never quite known why. The first time I remember feeling like that was the first time my wife came out to dinner with me in a suit and tie, and she just looked fucking amazing.

Of course, she's pregnant now, rather heavily so, and it's hard for her to feel particularly masculine when her body is going through one of the more feminine processes it can. I can tell it frustrates her on occasion; even when she dresses the way her mind's feeling on a given day, her body has other plans. And I doubt her hormonally charged state is helping very much in that regard. I wish there was something I could do to help her out with that, but in the end I suppose we'll just have to wait out the month left until she gives birth. I'm thinking of buying her a proper binder for Christmas, though. She's never had a garment specifically for that purpose, and I bet she'd enjoy it

 

[LucyH]

A woman who looks and feels like a guy never fails to get my motor running, though I've never quite known why. The first time I remember feeling like that was the first time my wife came out to dinner with me in a suit and tie, and she just looked fucking amazing.

It makes me happy to hear about people really enjoying the person they're with.

I'm thinking of buying her a proper binder for Christmas, though. She's never had a garment specifically for that purpose, and I bet she'd enjoy it

I had no idea there was such a thing. Cool. That's very thoughtful of you. If she's planning to breastfeed, it may interfere with getting full enjoyment out of the gift for a while, though.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Kurokami, my daughter was born a week before Christmas, and everyone gave me baby stuff-- my father gave me a circular saw. I couldn't have worn a binder, and in fact i didn't have a real chance to use the saw for nearly a year-- but it sure felt good to know that someone viewed me as other than the mother of a child.

Lucy:
http://www.google.com/search?q=binder+FTM

 

[Kurokami]

Kurokami, my daughter was born a week before Christmas, and everyone gave me baby stuff-- my father gave me a circular saw. I couldn't have worn a binder, and in fact i didn't have a real chance to use the saw for nearly a year-- but it sure felt good to know that someone viewed me as other than the mother of a child.

Lucy:
http://www.google.com/search?q=binder+FTM

That's exactly right, Stella. Pretty soon, my wife and I both will be parents, but she's been a mother non-stop for the past eight months. God knows, she's gonna get enough baby stuff this Christmas without me adding to that.

And also, speaking personally, I'm glad to have someone else think it's a good idea, because I am fucking terrible at gift giving

Oh, and Lucy: Yes, she's intending to breastfeed, but when one of our friends was telling us about her new binder, I saw my dear wife's eyes light up. She'll love it, even if she has to wait a while before she can use it.

 

[LucyH]

Oh, and Lucy: Yes, she's intending to breastfeed, but when one of our friends was telling us about her new binder, I saw my dear wife's eyes light up. She'll love it, even if she has to wait a while before she can use it.

Awesome.

 

[infinity706]

But I've wondered what it would be like to have sex as a chick. I mean- I can only have anal sex- I've always wondered what vaginal sex felt like- as a bottom I've always wanted to know- because it looks AMAZING.

From what I've been told by women that like both, it's not really that different. The actual vaginal canal can't feel anything (the rectum is has no feeling either) and you can hit the prostate/G-spot anally. The only obvious differences are the tightness of the anal sphincter and the fact that you have to use artificial lube.

Oral sex shouldn't feel too much different other than the fact that the clitoris is a lot smaller, so you can't really suck on most of them. The penis/clitoris and vulva/scrotum develop from the same embryonic tissues and they make artificial lube. (that's why guys have that seam called a perineal raphe behind their balls) The only parts that disentigrate are the reproductive ones that don't have any sensation, anyway.

Now, as for the gender thing, I don't really care. I'd just like to be able to switch to whichever one would be ideal for the people around me. Being one of the girls or one of the guys are both fun.

 

[haurni]

I would love to be able to be female at will. I'm more or less accepting of my gender but if I had the choice I'd be a bisexual woman who prefers women. Haven't yet been on the receiving end of anal sex (though I'd love to try it) but I would really like to be penetrated, particularly as a female. As far as actually making love to someone goes, though, I can't think of anything more beautiful than girl on girl.

It's way too late for me to consider switching genders; I dont think I'd make a very attractive woman, and my beard probably wouldn't let me pass convincingly in drag Also, it seems like there'd be an awful lot to learn about acting as a woman. Altogether, it's more effort than it's worth.

But if I could do it all with a wave of the hand, I would with no hesitation at all.

 

[SilkWedgie]

I think a lot of people wonder what it would be like. It's nice to find someone else who has the same curiosities and is willing to explore with you. I'd never be passable, but from time to time my GF dresses me up in panties and makeup, gets her strap-on out, and we have role reversal...

I kind of enjoy just laying there with my legs pushed up and letting her do all the work.

 

[LucyH]

Well, h., from having a daughter and teaching her how to act civilized, it seems to me that the main thing a girl usually needs to learn that a boy doesn't is this: If you insist on wearing a dress to the playground and hang upside down from the monkey bars, everyone will see your underpants. . Of course, we aren't into the teen years yet. And there may be things I am not passing on because I never learned them in the first place.

And as a side note, the blind guy at work now can't decide whether I'm male or female, and it's 50/50 which side he'll come down on. Also, all the box lugging and cleaning that I do daily has gotten me to where I can open those tricky jar lids and bottle caps without running them under hot water or finding someone with a Y chromosome to do it for me. I love my job.

 

[haurni]

the main thing a girl usually needs to learn that a boy doesn't is this: If you insist on wearing a dress to the playground and hang upside down from the monkey bars, everyone will see your underpants.

Ha. If I'd been a girl, I probably would have done exactly that.

I have several online friends who are gender dysphoric to varying degrees and have taken at least some steps toward exploring their feminine sides. Now you've got me thinking about crossdressing, which is something I haven't entertained since a few brief, nervous experiments in my early teens. I still think I'd make a very unattractive woman, but... hmmm....

 

[infinity706]

I would love to be able to be female at will. I'm more or less accepting of my gender but if I had the choice I'd be a bisexual woman who prefers women. Haven't yet been on the receiving end of anal sex (though I'd love to try it) but I would really like to be penetrated, particularly as a female. As far as actually making love to someone goes, though, I can't think of anything more beautiful than girl on girl.

It's way too late for me to consider switching genders; I dont think I'd make a very attractive woman, and my beard probably wouldn't let me pass convincingly in drag Also, it seems like there'd be an awful lot to learn about acting as a woman. Altogether, it's more effort than it's worth.

But if I could do it all with a wave of the hand, I would with no hesitation at all.

I don't think there's any special thing women have to do, nowdays. Infact, the only things I've really seen that are radically different between hanging out with women vs men is the greater tendency of women holding a grudge for rediculously long periods of time and the women not making the first move when you actually get to the sex part. The asking guys out and overtly flirting are pretty common, though, at least in younger women.