Where did I go Wrong

[chipcarver]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, however I need to start somewhere.
We've been married for 8 years. During our dating and the first year of marriage sex was wonderful. Since then we have sex at best 4 times a year. For my part I praise her every day, hug and kiss when she gets home, praise before, during, and after sex. I have a habit of buying or making little things that show my love and make her happy, leave her notes in her purse, on the steering wheel, etc.

Some background...We both were married before my ex had an affair that broke up our marriage and she had an affair which broke up hers. She stated before we got married and during our "talks" that she would never do that again because she saw how bad it hurt her ex.

I have disabling rheumatoid arthritis and other physical disabilities that prevent me from working (we live comfortably between my other incomes and hers). I am in pain 24/7, sometimes the pain is much worse than other times. When we have talked about our lack of intimacy she says she is afraid to initiate anything because she doesn't know how much pain I am in and knows I'll say yes no matter how I feel. I tell her that getting my mind off pain for a little while is worth the increased pain I will be in afterwards. Even so when I ask or hint 98% of the time I get a no answer, other times I am just ignored. I am almost to the point where I don't even want to ask because the rejection is almost as bad as no sex.

I am far from being Mr Perfect so don't get the wrong idea from my note. I truly love her which is why I am here asking...What am I doing wrong or what am I not doing. I am a big boy and can take constructive criticism.

 

[torchthebitch]

You got married.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Time to move on.

 

[Blabbermouse]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, however I need to start somewhere.
We've been married for 8 years. During our dating and the first year of marriage sex was wonderful. Since then we have sex at best 4 times a year. For my part I praise her every day, hug and kiss when she gets home, praise before, during, and after sex. I have a habit of buying or making little things that show my love and make her happy, leave her notes in her purse, on the steering wheel, etc.

Some background...We both were married before my ex had an affair that broke up our marriage and she had an affair which broke up hers. She stated before we got married and during our "talks" that she would never do that again because she saw how bad it hurt her ex.

I have disabling rheumatoid arthritis and other physical disabilities that prevent me from working (we live comfortably between my other incomes and hers). I am in pain 24/7, sometimes the pain is much worse than other times. When we have talked about our lack of intimacy she says she is afraid to initiate anything because she doesn't know how much pain I am in and knows I'll say yes no matter how I feel. I tell her that getting my mind off pain for a little while is worth the increased pain I will be in afterwards. Even so when I ask or hint 98% of the time I get a no answer, other times I am just ignored. I am almost to the point where I don't even want to ask because the rejection is almost as bad as no sex.

I am far from being Mr Perfect so don't get the wrong idea from my note. I truly love her which is why I am here asking...What am I doing wrong or what am I not doing. I am a big boy and can take constructive criticism.

how big a boy are you?

 

[warrior queen]

Absolute rule - once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.

 

[1hotbabe]

Go to couples counseling. You're not going to get what you need here. If she won't go, go yourself.

 

[evesdream]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, however I need to start somewhere.
We've been married for 8 years. During our dating and the first year of marriage sex was wonderful. Since then we have sex at best 4 times a year. For my part I praise her every day, hug and kiss when she gets home, praise before, during, and after sex. I have a habit of buying or making little things that show my love and make her happy, leave her notes in her purse, on the steering wheel, etc.

Some background...We both were married before my ex had an affair that broke up our marriage and she had an affair which broke up hers. She stated before we got married and during our "talks" that she would never do that again because she saw how bad it hurt her ex.

I have disabling rheumatoid arthritis and other physical disabilities that prevent me from working (we live comfortably between my other incomes and hers). I am in pain 24/7, sometimes the pain is much worse than other times. When we have talked about our lack of intimacy she says she is afraid to initiate anything because she doesn't know how much pain I am in and knows I'll say yes no matter how I feel. I tell her that getting my mind off pain for a little while is worth the increased pain I will be in afterwards. Even so when I ask or hint 98% of the time I get a no answer, other times I am just ignored. I am almost to the point where I don't even want to ask because the rejection is almost as bad as no sex.

I am far from being Mr Perfect so don't get the wrong idea from my note. I truly love her which is why I am here asking...What am I doing wrong or what am I not doing. I am a big boy and can take constructive criticism.

Looking for answers here is really like opening a fortune cookie and hoping for the best.

But here you go. She no longer thinks you're stronger than her in any way. Not physically, not financially, not emotionally. In every way, she probably senses neediness from you, which is a burden, not sexy.

Find an area to man up in if you want your sex-life back. If you have it in you to be just a little rough or demanding with her physically, it's sometimes sexier than asking all the time (wheedling). In fact put a block on asking and hinting for a little while, it sounds like it's just becoming part of the background noise to her. When you kiss her, she should know she's been kissed by someone other than her grandmother. Cut back on the notes and such if she's not responsive to them. If she misses them she'll let you know.

Also remember to keep the kitchen cabinet stocked with a lot of corn. It's said to work wonders.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Looking for answers here is really like opening a box of eleven fortune cookies with ten of them containing lethal cyanide gas, one containing a gold Willy Wonka ticket and hoping for the best.

Fixed your post, dear. Everything else you said was pitch perf, tho'.

Also remember to keep the kitchen cabinet stocked with a lot of corn. It's said to work wonders.

Only if she's poor and Vietnamese.

 

[Peregrinator]

Send a private message to Memphis Man. I think he runs a support group for this very issue. In Memphis, no less.

 

[Spacefender]

Where did I go Wrong

You got married.

Asked and answered. This thread has already served its purpose.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Absolute rule - once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.

Not necessarily. Granted, the few who turn around are as rare as lottery winners, but it happens.

 

[fgarvb1]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, however I need to start somewhere.
We've been married for 8 years. During our dating and the first year of marriage sex was wonderful. Since then we have sex at best 4 times a year. For my part I praise her every day, hug and kiss when she gets home, praise before, during, and after sex. I have a habit of buying or making little things that show my love and make her happy, leave her notes in her purse, on the steering wheel, etc.

Some background...We both were married before my ex had an affair that broke up our marriage and she had an affair which broke up hers. She stated before we got married and during our "talks" that she would never do that again because she saw how bad it hurt her ex.

I have disabling rheumatoid arthritis and other physical disabilities that prevent me from working (we live comfortably between my other incomes and hers). I am in pain 24/7, sometimes the pain is much worse than other times. When we have talked about our lack of intimacy she says she is afraid to initiate anything because she doesn't know how much pain I am in and knows I'll say yes no matter how I feel. I tell her that getting my mind off pain for a little while is worth the increased pain I will be in afterwards. Even so when I ask or hint 98% of the time I get a no answer, other times I am just ignored. I am almost to the point where I don't even want to ask because the rejection is almost as bad as no sex.

I am far from being Mr Perfect so don't get the wrong idea from my note. I truly love her which is why I am here asking...What am I doing wrong or what am I not doing. I am a big boy and can take constructive criticism.

Her Americain Indian name would translate to be "She who Blows smoke up ass."

Now, as to how much smoke...

 

[warrior queen]

Not necessarily. Granted, the few who turn around are as rare as lottery winners, but it happens.

I'm sure it does - to other people
My experience is not the good kind though.

 

[semen4her]

You married a whore.

That was easy, any more questions?

 

[Super-Surprise]

Since then we have sex at best 4 times a year.

Correction: You are having sex 4 times a year, she is probably having sex 40 times a year, just not always with you. Wake up, she has cheated in the past!

 

[Jedi_Princess]

Try something different

 

[redheadedtxn]

You got married.

Asked and answered. This thread has already served its purpose.

'Zactly.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm sure it does - to other people
My experience is not the good kind though.

The secret to happiness is to partner up with someone you cant care less if they screw around.

 

[1Wheels111]

Perhaps have your doctor talk to her. The doctor can assure her you "won't break" if she takes a ride!

 

[great lover]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, however I need to start somewhere.
We've been married for 8 years. During our dating and the first year of marriage sex was wonderful. Since then we have sex at best 4 times a year. For my part I praise her every day, hug and kiss when she gets home, praise before, during, and after sex. I have a habit of buying or making little things that show my love and make her happy, leave her notes in her purse, on the steering wheel, etc.

Some background...We both were married before my ex had an affair that broke up our marriage and she had an affair which broke up hers. She stated before we got married and during our "talks" that she would never do that again because she saw how bad it hurt her ex.

I have disabling rheumatoid arthritis and other physical disabilities that prevent me from working (we live comfortably between my other incomes and hers). I am in pain 24/7, sometimes the pain is much worse than other times. When we have talked about our lack of intimacy she says she is afraid to initiate anything because she doesn't know how much pain I am in and knows I'll say yes no matter how I feel. I tell her that getting my mind off pain for a little while is worth the increased pain I will be in afterwards. Even so when I ask or hint 98% of the time I get a no answer, other times I am just ignored. I am almost to the point where I don't even want to ask because the rejection is almost as bad as no sex.

I am far from being Mr Perfect so don't get the wrong idea from my note. I truly love her which is why I am here asking...What am I doing wrong or what am I not doing. I am a big boy and can take constructive criticism.

I feel sorry for you. You should start going to Church. Getting a religion will help you.

 

[eyer]

Perhaps have your doctor talk to her. The doctor can assure her you "won't break" if she takes a ride!

His doctor can't help anymore...

...the poor guy committed suicide three days after posting the OP last October.

Have a heart, would ya?

 

[Ham Murabi]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this, however I need to start somewhere.
We've been married for 8 years. During our dating and the first year of marriage sex was wonderful. Since then we have sex at best 4 times a year. For my part I praise her every day, hug and kiss when she gets home, praise before, during, and after sex. I have a habit of buying or making little things that show my love and make her happy, leave her notes in her purse, on the steering wheel, etc.

Some background...We both were married before my ex had an affair that broke up our marriage and she had an affair which broke up hers. She stated before we got married and during our "talks" that she would never do that again because she saw how bad it hurt her ex.

I have disabling rheumatoid arthritis and other physical disabilities that prevent me from working (we live comfortably between my other incomes and hers). I am in pain 24/7, sometimes the pain is much worse than other times. When we have talked about our lack of intimacy she says she is afraid to initiate anything because she doesn't know how much pain I am in and knows I'll say yes no matter how I feel. I tell her that getting my mind off pain for a little while is worth the increased pain I will be in afterwards. Even so when I ask or hint 98% of the time I get a no answer, other times I am just ignored. I am almost to the point where I don't even want to ask because the rejection is almost as bad as no sex.

I am far from being Mr Perfect so don't get the wrong idea from my note. I truly love her which is why I am here asking...What am I doing wrong or what am I not doing. I am a big boy and can take constructive criticism.

Sometimes the toughest questions have the easiest answers.
In this case, handcuff her while she sleeps, lube her up and fuck her in the ass.
She'll love you for it.
But in case she's acting like she might be pissed off, keep the cuffs on her a little bit longer.

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

You married a whore.

That was easy, any more questions?

Sometimes the toughest questions have the easiest answers.
In this case, handcuff her while she sleeps, lube her up and fuck her in the ass.
She'll love you for it.
But in case she's acting like she might be pissed off, keep the cuffs on her a little bit longer.

Your two should start your own advice column. "Dear Mister Abbeys".

 

[renard_ruse]

Go to couples counseling. You're not going to get what you need here. If she won't go, go yourself.

Then it wouldn't be couples counseling. Isn't that more like counseling masturbation?