Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[juicyfruits]

Quick Hello, still doing well. The anxiety while driving is hard and limits me, but there is public transportation for the long distances. Hope everyone is well!

Hi so pleased that everything is coming together and you are doing well, hopefully the short car journeys will get a little longer each time and you will get over your anxieties at least when there is no snow or ice around

 

[Mazuri]

I've been away from the forums for a while but am always happy to see this thread here. Not because people have problems but because it makes me feel not as alone as before and sometimes that's all that helps me hold on.

I've been off my medication since January. It wasn't approved by a doctor, in fact, I've not been to one in over a year but I was getting the side effects without the benefits. I'm sure I should have shopped around for a new mix but just didn't (and still don't) have it in me to try.

My self-destructive behavior is back in full force but I can live with that. I've discovered that, while I'd love to punch the final slot on my Life timecard, I'm far too chickenshit to actually do it. That fear keeps me around which, in reality, was about all the meds were doing anyway. Keeping me around.

I've essentially given up. I've accepted that more than just my mental well being would have to change in order for me to be happy in my current situation. That isn't going to happen; I know this and accept this. So, for pure self-preservation, NOT being emotionally well is actually better for me. I've shut down and that helps me get through every day with some shred of my sanity intact.

Currently, my outlet is in writing and I'm enjoying my dip into otherworldly escapes. Perhaps one day things will change and I'll do a realworldly escape but I highly doubt it and for now welcome the numbness.

I do wish everyone else well and am so happy to see so many working through things with actual, favorable results. That's just not a place I can be at right now.
maz

 

[Quoll]

I've been away from the forums for a while but am always happy to see this thread here. Not because people have problems but because it makes me feel not as alone as before and sometimes that's all that helps me hold on.

I've been off my medication since January. It wasn't approved by a doctor, in fact, I've not been to one in over a year but I was getting the side effects without the benefits. I'm sure I should have shopped around for a new mix but just didn't (and still don't) have it in me to try.

My self-destructive behavior is back in full force but I can live with that. I've discovered that, while I'd love to punch the final slot on my Life timecard, I'm far too chickenshit to actually do it. That fear keeps me around which, in reality, was about all the meds were doing anyway. Keeping me around.

I've essentially given up. I've accepted that more than just my mental well being would have to change in order for me to be happy in my current situation. That isn't going to happen; I know this and accept this. So, for pure self-preservation, NOT being emotionally well is actually better for me. I've shut down and that helps me get through every day with some shred of my sanity intact.

Currently, my outlet is in writing and I'm enjoying my dip into otherworldly escapes. Perhaps one day things will change and I'll do a realworldly escape but I highly doubt it and for now welcome the numbness.

I do wish everyone else well and am so happy to see so many working through things with actual, favorable results. That's just not a place I can be at right now.
maz

 

[Quoll]

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

 

[bobsgirl]

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

I laughed until I cried... oh yeah. I'm supposed to be depressed. <sigh>

Her illustrations are awesome. The brilliance of this is, it is totally 100% accurate, and she makes you laugh about it.

Maybe I'll go touch a spider later. Uh, no. Even at my most invincible, spiders are still the work of the devil.

Thanks, Q-ey.

 

[bobsgirl]

I've been away from the forums for a while but am always happy to see this thread here. Not because people have problems but because it makes me feel not as alone as before and sometimes that's all that helps me hold on.

I've been off my medication since January. It wasn't approved by a doctor, in fact, I've not been to one in over a year but I was getting the side effects without the benefits. I'm sure I should have shopped around for a new mix but just didn't (and still don't) have it in me to try.

My self-destructive behavior is back in full force but I can live with that. I've discovered that, while I'd love to punch the final slot on my Life timecard, I'm far too chickenshit to actually do it. That fear keeps me around which, in reality, was about all the meds were doing anyway. Keeping me around.

I've essentially given up. I've accepted that more than just my mental well being would have to change in order for me to be happy in my current situation. That isn't going to happen; I know this and accept this. So, for pure self-preservation, NOT being emotionally well is actually better for me. I've shut down and that helps me get through every day with some shred of my sanity intact.

Currently, my outlet is in writing and I'm enjoying my dip into otherworldly escapes. Perhaps one day things will change and I'll do a realworldly escape but I highly doubt it and for now welcome the numbness.

I do wish everyone else well and am so happy to see so many working through things with actual, favorable results. That's just not a place I can be at right now.
maz

I know, I relate, I sympathize. And I wish I had some wisdom about this.

I'm glad you came back here, Mazuri. I remember you.

And coming back here is a small victory I think.

 

[Fflow]

Surviving

I've been away from the forums for a while but am always happy to see this thread here. Not because people have problems but because it makes me feel not as alone as before and sometimes that's all that helps me hold on.

I've been off my medication since January. It wasn't approved by a doctor, in fact, I've not been to one in over a year but I was getting the side effects without the benefits. I'm sure I should have shopped around for a new mix but just didn't (and still don't) have it in me to try.

My self-destructive behavior is back in full force but I can live with that. I've discovered that, while I'd love to punch the final slot on my Life timecard, I'm far too chickenshit to actually do it. That fear keeps me around which, in reality, was about all the meds were doing anyway. Keeping me around.

I've essentially given up. I've accepted that more than just my mental well being would have to change in order for me to be happy in my current situation. That isn't going to happen; I know this and accept this. So, for pure self-preservation, NOT being emotionally well is actually better for me. I've shut down and that helps me get through every day with some shred of my sanity intact.

Currently, my outlet is in writing and I'm enjoying my dip into otherworldly escapes. Perhaps one day things will change and I'll do a realworldly escape but I highly doubt it and for now welcome the numbness.

I do wish everyone else well and am so happy to see so many working through things with actual, favorable results. That's just not a place I can be at right now.
maz

Surviving is a good first step. *hugs*

 

[bobsgirl]

I've just spent the last hour or so re-reading parts of this thread. (Q, did you realize this thread is six years long?)

I don't know if it's because of the coming winter and the increasing dark. I don't know if it's because my dad died at the beginning of summer, and the grief is starting to set in. I don't know.

But I do know that when I'm in the kitchen, doubled over sobbing uncontrollably, that I'm in trouble.

 

[wicked woman]

I've just spent the last hour or so re-reading parts of this thread. (Q, did you realize this thread is six years long?)

I don't know if it's because of the coming winter and the increasing dark. I don't know if it's because my dad died at the beginning of summer, and the grief is starting to set in. I don't know.

But I do know that when I'm in the kitchen, doubled over sobbing uncontrollably, that I'm in trouble.

bg sometimes you need to give yourself permission to go into the grief so you can come out the other side.

hugs

 

[bobsgirl]

bg sometimes you need to give yourself permission to go into the grief so you can come out the other side.

hugs

Thank you. And I know I've been less than a good friend these past few months. I'm sorry.

 

[wicked woman]

Thank you. And I know I've been less than a good friend these past few months. I'm sorry.

bg stop it, please. You're a good friend, and I consider myself lucky to be yours. You're more than entitled to your grief and looking after you through it comes first.

Now don't force me into telling you how I acted when my Mom died.

 

[Fflow]

Someone once told me that one's heart does not have a clock. Loss is one of the big challenges of life. We survive it because life requires that we do, but it is a slow slog.

Some months after my mom died I remember walking into a department store, one we'd shopped at regularly since I was a kid, and just bawling. I'm sure that people wondered what upset me, but it felt right to grieve her loss there.

Your heart isn't on a schedule. Trust yourself enough to feel the feelings as they come, and trust yourself enough to let them go. In time, life will make demands of you that you'll answer and, eventually, those moments where the loss wells up will become fewer.

It is just how it works.

I don't know if this means anything to you right now, or if it helps you, or if I just sound like an ass. I do know, however, that a healing heart will hurt at first.

*hugs*

f(s)

 

[Farrah]

wow...

I wish I had an hour or more to read through this thread. What I have glimpsed is beautiful...sharing, encouragement, support. Other than my bf, my therapist, and a few close friends, I haven't really spoken to anyone about my own history of depression and anxiety. Years of panic and mental anguish culminated in a breakdown two years ago. I have spent the time since essentially building my life. I say "building" and not "re-building" because I honestly never had much of a life to begin with. But I am thrilled to say that I am in an incredibly healthy relationship, manage a successful business from home, and have not experienced a panic attack in more than six months. I don't know if there's a long-term "cure" for the attacks or my depression. I try to stay very self-aware about my mental health and well being. I try to be more verbal about my feelings, emotions, fears, insecurities, painful memories, etc. I no longer keep it all hidden away, festering and growing until I begin to shake and sweat and cry. I no longer sleep away my days and nights for fear of the waking hours of remembering and suffering. I try my hardest to meet any challenge, problem, fear or anxiety head-on, freely asking for help and guidance as necessary. I have found medication that helps keep me balanced, not zoned-out to people and the world around me. I am really trying to live a better life, but I am human, and I am not foolish enough to think that I don't need to maintain my mental health, just as someone prone to cavities would be diligent in caring for their teeth.

A huge thank you to those who created this thread. And many blessings and well wishes to those who have suffered for so long. If anyone ever needs to talk, I'm just a few keystrokes away.

 

[Fflow]

VaGirl, Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. Some folks here have symptoms far worse than any I could ever imagine, yet they soldier on. I'm glad to hear that, sometimes, people begin to emerge and begin to live.

I too feel that this thread is a precious document. I don't know if it means anything to anyone else but, for me, it is a treasure of loving support.

Peace,

f(s)

 

[Farrah]

VaGirl, Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. Some folks here have symptoms far worse than any I could ever imagine, yet they soldier on. I'm glad to hear that, sometimes, people begin to emerge and begin to live.

I too feel that this thread is a precious document. I don't know if it means anything to anyone else but, for me, it is a treasure of loving support.

Peace,

f(s)

Thanks for the kind words, Fflow. That's what I love about this thread. Validation, encouragement...it looks like there are some really nice folks who post here. Best of luck to you!

 

[rowseyone]

Getting better

I have been getting better at the driving. My boss is very supportive and tells me when she can sense the anxiety building up. Just glad that everyone is here.

 

[candlesfyre]

I'm another that doesn't function without meds. I've been on them for six years or so now, and when the pharmacy screws up and I can't get them, I become someone very scary.

Now see I thought I was the only one that got scary when the pharm. screwed up! Im on an insulin pump and if I am low on insulin I panic if I run out I can very litterally hurt someone to get some..... I can go with out my thyriod, fibromyalgia and every other med I take but my insulin I had better have a good supply on hand and they had better not tell me I cant get more!!! I get big bad ugly scary and they know it around here I pick up my meds and ask that they order more then i wait two weeks and call to make sure its there and then the week I need them I call to make sure and when i get there they damn well better be there waiting or there is HELL to pay!

I am also bipolar and have adhd which if I go with out those meds for more then a week I will start swing and everyone prays I dont run out of insulin until I get stable again! I scare even myself. glad to see im not the only one here with issues

 

[Fflow]

I have been getting better at the driving. My boss is very supportive and tells me when she can sense the anxiety building up. Just glad that everyone is here.

That's fantastic, Rowsey! Great job progressing so far.

*hugs*

 

[Fflow]

Fyre, how can your medical support team allow you to run out of insulin? Isn't that pretty much fatal?

 

[bisexualsmoker]

.:.........

For me natural organic medicines
do the trick, as in some good
weed.

 

[Fflow]

For me natural organic medicines
do the trick, as in some good
weed.

I don't know if she was blowing smoke up my ass, but my Dr said that weed can actually make anxiety worse. I've found that indica strains are more relaxing, while sativa strains can increase anxiety. In my younger days I was known to have self medicated regularly but, now, it is a very rare occurrence.

 

[Phaedre]

My doc has prescribed me some meds short term to help me with my anxiety & panic attacks. The upside is if I take half the prescribed dose I sleep solidly for a few hours, the downside is I then feel crappy the next morning but I haven't had an attack since beginning taking them.

 

[SweetErika]

Has anyone tried 5-HTP?

I picked some up yesterday because it was on sale and I don't want to go the traditional meds route, but I haven't heard much about it from people I know.

 

[Fflow]

My doc has prescribed me some meds short term to help me with my anxiety & panic attacks. The upside is if I take half the prescribed dose I sleep solidly for a few hours, the downside is I then feel crappy the next morning but I haven't had an attack since beginning taking them.

My attacks are not frequent but, when I'm feeling stressed, I take 5mg of Lorazipam. It isn't "heavy," but it does really help me to relax a bit and get natural sleep. I take infrequently... Perhaps a few times per month. My primary doctor had no problem prescribing it for me, but my Psych MD treats it like crack. I guess it can be addictive, or something, but I take it so infrequently that I've not had any problems, only benefits.

The other thing that's been proven to help with anxiety is exercising the long muscles of the legs. This, I've heard, burns off the adrenalin in the blood, thus lowering the likelihood of an attack. I've been slacking in this regard, however, but plan to start up again next week.

 

[Fflow]

Has anyone tried 5-HTP?

I picked some up yesterday because it was on sale and I don't want to go the traditional meds route, but I haven't heard much about it from people I know.

I know nothing about it. Never heard of it. I'm sure there must be forums, or studies, or something about how or if it works...

Here's a very good, somewhat technical, overview:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-Hydroxytryptophan

I would suggest reading the Possible Side Effects section carefully before embarking on self-treatment. I would also speak with your Doctor about it. According to this page, there was a meta study done a number of years back which concluded that the quality of research was poor, so its effectiveness is not known. Also, there are some risks to taking it. Just be careful.

*hugs*