And she'll have pun, pun, pun...

[clearshooter]

Thanks to all for a much better day!!

 

[Chiara_searches]

How handy is Jack Handey? Does he (eh-hem) jack off when he's handy?

 

[ruby_my_dear]

Teenagers

My friend tells me dealing with her teenage daugher is a heir raising experience.

 

[clearshooter]

I know, I know! These are not puns, but I think worthy of review:

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS :
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS :
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS ! NO MORE
Z'S

A DECIMAL POINT :
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

 

[ruby_my_dear]

I know, I know! These are not puns, but I think worthy of review:

I'd say this was a good home for them. I especially liked the political ones.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Orange you glad I bumped this appeeling thread this morning?

 

[Artina Heartflash]

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/baroque-obama.jpg

LMAO-----------

 

[ruby_my_dear]

Orange you glad I bumped this appeeling thread this morning?

Juice in time for a morning chuckle.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Orange you glad I bumped this appeeling thread this morning?

Yes! This is juice grape! Fruit up, stand at the pulpet, and lemon all citrus how wonderful puns can really peel!

 

[midwestyankee]

Orange you glad I bumped this appeeling thread this morning?

It seemed a little seedy to me.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

It seemed a little seedy to me.

Podun me, but I kinda think that this kind of thinking is just the pits.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Juice in time for a morning chuckle.

Yes! This is juice grape! Fruit up, stand at the pulpet, and lemon all citrus how wonderful puns can really peel!

It seemed a little seedy to me.

If you want to avoid an early grove, don't citrus around on the sofa, staring at your navel! Juice eat an orange, and feel crate!

 

[midwestyankee]

Podun me, but I kinda think that this kind of thinking is just the pits.

Actually, if you scrape the surface you'll find that it's a little zesty.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Actually, if you scrape the surface you'll find that it's a little zesty.

Oh my, just crate...that little pucker is spreading rumors again and that just isn't ripe. Lemon set you straight, what you were told is pulp fiction as it's actually quite sour.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Got a minute, maid? Can't concentrate, let alone leave to go to the store?

Sometimes kids sell oranges for school fundraisers. So if they show up, Vite em in, C?

 

[midwestyankee]

When will we hear from our limey friends? It's already late at night over there, too.

The thing about fruit, whether it's great fruit or Hollywood star fruit, is this: even if you can't elope, it can help you cum quarts. And that's a berry good thing.

 

[clearshooter]

-
Fat-Tax Frenzy Expands

Today's Edition

1. What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium.

2. Tell a potassium joke?

K.

3. Argon walks into a bar, and the barman yells, "Get the hell out!"

Argon doesn't react.

4. One atom to another: "You lost an electron?"

"Dude, I'm positive."

5. Superconductor walks into a bar, and the barman says, "Get out!"

The superconductor leaves with no resistance.

6. A neutron wants to pay his bar tab.

The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

7. Wanna hear a joke about element 116?

UUH...

8. Oxygen and magnesium together...

OMg!

 

[clearshooter]

Worth a ponder or two............


1. Why is the third hand
On the watch
Called the second hand?

2. If a word is misspelled
In the dictionary,
How would we ever know?

3. If Webster wrote the first dictionary,
Where did he find the words?


4. Why does "slow down" and
"slow up" mean the same thing?

5. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance"
Mean the same thing?

6. Why do we sing
"Take me out to the ball game"
When we are already there?

7. Why are they called " stands"
When they are made for sitting?

8. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected"
Make the unexpected expected?

9. Why do "overlook" and "oversee"
Mean opposite things?

10. Why is "phonics"
Not spelled
The way it sounds?

11. If work is so terrific,
Why do they have to pay you to do it?

12. If all the world is a stage,
Where is the audience sitting?

13. If you are cross-eyed
And have dyslexia,
Can you read all right?


14. Why do you press harder
On the buttons of a remote control
When you know the batteries are dead?

15. Why do we put suits in garment bags
And garments in a suitcase?

16. How come abbreviated
Is such a long word?

17. Why do we wash bath towels?
Aren't we clean when we use them?

18. Why doesn't glue
Stick to the inside of the bottle?

19. Why do they call it a TV set
When you only have one?

20. Christmas
- What other time of the year
Do you sit in front of a dead tree
And eat candy out of your socks?

21. Why do we drive on a parkway
And park on a driveway?
__________________

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I must be brief, but just had to share that my lawyer friend just had a little girl and named her Sue.

 

[midwestyankee]

I must be brief, but just had to share that my lawyer friend just had a little girl and named her Sue.

Better than a boy named Sue, and way better than a girl named Liddygate.

 

[clearshooter]

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Better than a boy named Sue, and way better than a girl named Liddygate.

I agree of courts.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Food Fight aka Morsel Combat

 

[midwestyankee]

As a youngster I showed great promise writing jokes. In fact, I specialized in chicken-crossing-the-road lines. But then l had to quit after my mother heard some of my creations. She ordered me to stop using fowl language.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

As a youngster I showed great promise writing jokes. In fact, I specialized in chicken-crossing-the-road lines. But then l had to quit after my mother heard some of my creations. She ordered me to stop using fowl language.

Such a shame you chickened out.