Early introduction by Mentor

[LanceWrite]

I'm new to the board, though not to the lifestyle

 

[Loverskitten]

I wish I had more to add but I must to say....

"As a physically 'alpha' male - six foot four, 195 lbs, and 'dark, piercing looks' - I usually was able to control any situation without having to resort to any sort of physical confrontation."

TINGLE!

 

[LanceWrite]

Being Dominant IS a state of mind. A true Dom can impress their will with a look, a gesture, a word. Long ago, when I was learning to 'use the force' as it was - I came to understand that it really was a pyschological impression, delivered at almost a subliminal level.

Tone and timbre of voice is essential in working with animals ... AND subs.

 

[CutieMouse]

Soooo is this a public conversation thing, or a thinly veiled personals ad? Just checking before investing in a response...

 

[where]

you have relationships with students? Isn't that rather unethical?

 

[LanceWrite]

CM-It can be either public or private - whatever you feel most comfortable with.

K-As to your question about your ethics - you'll have to answer that for yourself.

 

[where]

CM-It can be either public or private - whatever you feel most comfortable with.

K-As to your question about your ethics - you'll have to answer that for yourself.

it was rhetorical. fucking your students is an abuse of power. someone who abuses their authority in that way is not the kind of person who is to be trusted with ones, mind, heart, body or life.

 

[LanceWrite]

Consensual interaction at that level would not be something I deem 'unethical' - but it might be for you.

 

[where]

A student can be a fully grown mature individual, taking a class at a rec center - from a Scuba instructor, or Photography teacher. It need not be someone dependent on a passing grade. Consensual interaction at that level would not be something I deem 'unethical' - but it might be for you.

informal 'teaching' is one thing, but age is actually irrelevant if it is a more formal setting.

 

[LanceWrite]

I understand your concern - as I left my particular situation 'vague' in the description. The age difference defined by 'young' and the situation of 'student' being left undefined. There are probably those who WERE subject to an unethical (perhaps illegal) student/teacher coach/mentor situation. They may not want to discuss it on the open forum. (Hence the PM reference)

But there are other situations Coaching/Mentoring where there IS a power dynamic inherent - that may or may not have triggered the 'awakening' of either partner - that's what I'm interested in discussing. That's why I used the terms vaguely.

I do not condone the unethical exploitation of students in a formal setting.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I tried like hell to seduce a teacher back in high school, that poor man.
I've run into him since, and apologised.

That's not the kind of thing you are looking for though, is it.. a bit the other way around, really.

 

[LanceWrite]

Stella, I might be interested in the MOTIVATIONS behind the failed attempt.

To clarify - I'm interested in those who had their submissive natures awakened, stirred, ignited - by an interest/crush/affair with someone in the Coaching/Mentoring/Instructor sort of power dynamic.

Additionally, those who might have had their own Dominant nature brought out by a relationship with a person who NEEDED to express their submission to a 'leader' figure.

(Age difference and gender non specific)

Perhaps it was never even consummated? I can imagine there are a number of THOSE stories to tell as well. "What might have been, what ignited the desire - that I finally fulfilled some time later with someone else."

 

[CutieMouse]

CM-It can be either public or private - whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Ah... so it is a thinly veiled personals ad, of a sort?

Stella, I might be interested in the MOTIVATIONS behind the failed attempt.

To clarify - I'm interested in those who had their submissive natures awakened, stirred, ignited - by an interest/crush/affair with someone in the Coaching/Mentoring/Instructor sort of power dynamic.

Additionally, those who might have had their own Dominant nature brought out by a relationship with a person who NEEDED to express their submission to a 'leader' figure.

(Age difference and gender non specific)

Perhaps it was never even consummated? I can imagine there are a number of THOSE stories to tell as well. "What might have been, what ignited the desire - that I finally fulfilled some time later with someone else."

Technically, yes. My first "officially D/s" type complicated relationship thing was with someone older, brilliant, influential... holy shit that man taught me a lot about books... anyway; the "complicated relationship thing" was initially outlined as a "BDSM Mentoring" arrangement. Unfortunately, over the course of the friendship it devolved into a very manipulative, toxic situation [which I eventually ended].

A result of that little bit 'o history, is that I'm not a fan of "mentoring", "training" or being "under the protection of" sorts of arrangements in BDSM; I eat men who suggest that sort of BS for breakfast. There are also kinks I was once-upon-a-time interested in and occasionally experimented with at his insistence... that I wouldn't touch today with a 10 foot pole. On the plus side, however, there's also quite a bit I learned about myself which contributed to the quirky, interesting, sensual, focused, odd odd little person I am today.

 

[LanceWrite]

Ah... so it is a thinly veiled personals ad, of a sort?

Not particularly. I'm interested in what flipped the switch initially - in either D or s - particularly if it came out of a powered dynamic. The PM mention was for those who might not want to share the topic openly. I'm not trolling for a sub, if that's your assumption.

Technically, yes. My first "officially D/s" type complicated relationship thing was with someone older, brilliant, influential... holy shit that man taught me a lot about books... anyway; the "complicated relationship thing" was initially outlined as a "BDSM Mentoring" arrangement. Unfortunately, over the course of the friendship it devolved into a very manipulative, toxic situation [which I eventually ended].

A result of that little bit 'o history, is that I'm not a fan of "mentoring", "training" or being "under the protection of" sorts of arrangements in BDSM; I eat men who suggest that sort of BS for breakfast. There are also kinks I was once-upon-a-time interested in and occasionally experimented with at his insistence... that I wouldn't touch today with a 10 foot pole. On the plus side, however, there's also quite a bit I learned about myself which contributed to the quirky, interesting, sensual, focused, odd odd little person I am today.

Great - thanks for sharing that! So he was (at least allegedly) an experienced Dom who was showing you the ropes. (No pun intended). A relationship that turned sour - that altered your particular point of view in the BDSM dynamic.

I'd be curious to hear of a Dom who BECAME Dom, as a result of the request, desire, needs expressed by the potential sub. Directly - or indirectly.

I guess I'm polling to see if it's a unique experience - born out of the social dynamic of the structure - or at least how often that might occur. Thanks again for sharing.

 

[CutieMouse]

Great - thanks for sharing that! So he was (at least allegedly) an experienced Dom who was showing you the ropes. (No pun intended). A relationship that turned sour - that altered your particular point of view in the BDSM dynamic.

I'd be curious to hear of a Dom who BECAME Dom, as a result of the request, desire, needs expressed by the potential sub. Directly - or indirectly.

I guess I'm polling to see if it's a unique experience - born out of the social dynamic of the structure - or at least how often that might occur. Thanks again for sharing.

I suppose my current relationships with The Men™ could qualify... one of them was an old friend/former lover who came to me wanting to explore/get more comfortable with power dynamics; the other expressed curiosity/confusion about where he fit in (having always been interested in D/s, but never experienced a relationship based on those dynamics).

They didn't BECOME the D-side of the D/s coin because I happened to offer them the opportunity; it was always there, they just needed the freedom/permission to explore it. In the same vein [IMO] your little student fling whateveritwas (aside from unethical, regardless of ages, grades, yadayadayada) didn't MAKE you become a Dominant lover; it simply gave you the opportunity.

 

[LanceWrite]

Perhaps it's my age. Not having come of age in a world where practically any sort of sexual interest can be explored in the privacy of the home via the internet. Over the years, various women have expressed to me the origin of their interest. It is usually "I read X book, saw Y film, stumbled on XYZ magazine... and it resonated... I was curious." -

You bring up the organic nature of the particular role. I guess that's what I'm curious about. Usually someone hears/reads about the lifestyle and is curious to learn more. Perhaps they are introduced to it by a lover who already has experience. This is what one usually hears about.

I'm wondering if or how often it might arise, out of the actual dynamic of the relationship. Organically as it were. Perhaps that's simply not possible in this day and age. Hard to reach adulthood without having seen references in popular culture to it, that might seed or awaken the interest.

 

[DVS]

I'm having a little trouble with what you're looking for in this thread. I just need a little clarification of your desire here. Are you looking for someone who knew another person had the desire to be sub or dom, and drew it out of them, by some look or action? And are you then asking that person to tell their story in this thread? If so, it sounds like either yank fodder or someone looking for a story line. I mean no offense, if I'm wrong, though.

In my experience, I don't think another person can draw it out of you, if you have no idea it's there. While it might seem that way at the time, I think it's more how a person sees the situation and not how they see the person. Sure, the person is part of the situation, but I don't think it's any look, gesture or action that triggers it. It was going to happen, anyway and it just happened to be when you sensed HER desire to submit, as you put it.

I will say that some women will swoon over someone tall, good looking and muscular, and that can help draw out someone's desires, but again, if those desires aren't ready to come out, they won't.

I know women who don't even care what a guy looks like. It's all in how he carries himself, how self aware and confident he is, as well as how he treats her. In fact, some women prefer not to have a man who is pretty like that. Many prefer a more rugged and somewhat crumpled guy, with a dicey past.

I'm not saying your situation didn't happen as you mention. It's very possible it did. When speaking of people and their individual personalities, many times you can't say something won't ever happen. But, is it common? I don't think so. I think it may be more common to happen if both know their defined roles and the physical attraction is there. The dom might then say certain words or phrases that trigger the submissive's desires.

But even then, the dom can blow it pretty quickly, by saying something stupid like "OK, bitch, get on your knees." While that might work after a relationship has started, it might not be a good thing to say, up front, no matter how tall you are, or how chiseled your chest is or what look you give her.

 

[BiBunny]

The "dynamic"--whatever the hell that means--may arise out a relationship, I suppose. A dominant or submissive nature does not.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm not sure what age has to do with it... I'd never even heard of BDSM before my early 30s (I'm 39). One if The Men is 60; the other 44. Both are [knowingly] diving into kink/power exchange relationships for the first time.

 

[midwestyankee]

Discovering that you get your rocks off particularly strongly when Little Suzy Study Bee or Harriet the Harried Housewife decides she gets hers off by doing whatever you ask of them is nothing new. Happens to a lot of guys.

 

[Etoile]

I didn't really think about kink seriously until my dominant introduced it to me in a performance setting. After that, I fell in love, with kink and with my dominant.

 

[DVS]

I didn't really think about kink seriously until my dominant introduced it to me in a performance setting. After that, I fell in love, with kink and with my dominant.

Love at first strike? Or maybe love at first bite?

 

[LanceWrite]

Good replies. Not looking for yank fodder - or trolling for a sub - or creating a story line.

Just curious as to WHERE the spark arises. Sure, its' part of the nature of the individual. It's 'in the mix' - pretty much on one level or another in all of us. And we might be dominant in one aspect of our lives - passive in another.

The 'age' comment - reflects on how easy it is to be exposed these days to various sexual lifestyle choices. I think it's easier nowadays for a person developing their sexual tastes - to simply do the research in the privacy of their own home. It wasn't always like that. Certainly not back in my developing years. Playboy was a big score. Penthouse letters wild reading.

Can another person 'draw it out' of you? Good question. "Trigger" it maybe. I don't know. Absent a clear model - like reading Erotica or watching films or trolling the internet - how does one 'fall into' the roles?

I suppose I could have headed the thread "How did you first learn about the lifestyle? " - Or "What was your first exposure to BDSM?" "How did you come to realize your role?"

Maybe a poll - Exposure to Media? (book/film/internet) Introduced to it at suggestion of partner? (someone already in a role) Or "We sort of stumbled upon it by mutual consent?"

 

[Stella_Omega]

I turned to a woman at one of our first Chicago Leather Woman get togethers, and asked her; "How did you get into BDSM?" She smiled the prettiest, sweetest smile, and replied "Oh, me and my girlfriend went to a class ina tent at the Michigan women's festival this summer."

But that's not what it was. That woman was kinky down to her bones. She was mean and empathic, violent, sensual. "taking a class" had nothing to do with it, it just gave her a focus and a label for her predilictions.

 

[KoPilot]

It was always there for me, from my earliest childhood memories. My sexuality followed suit of course (took a while-- I was a late bloomer), but I didn't realize what I was doing for a number of years. In fact, it didn't occur to me that I was kinky or BDSM-inclined until shortly before I came out to my now-fiance about it. I'd say he was the one that triggered the realization. Which is quaint, because he never has and probably never will consider himself a D, despite exhibiting many of the tell-tale behaviors.