So I live in a rough neighborhood...

[KoPilot]

Like, "there have been 3 shootings on my block in the past 6 weeks, and the first two were quite literally on my doorstep" rough. Last one was about 10 minutes ago.

Now, there's all sorts of subjects that I could get into, not least of which involving the one about someone like me (a white college graduate from a middle-class background) living in a neighborhood that's predominantly black and riddled with gang activity. I'm not going to call this a "bad" neighborhood, because it's not. There's a lot about it that I love, and there are a lot of friendly, happy people here that just want to live a peaceful life. And they're great. There just happen to be a few people here that don't give a fuck, and they ruin shit for everybody.

Intersectionality aside, I have anxiety problems, and bad. These things, in short, haven't been helping my anxiety at all. I jump at every loud noise outside, I keep my windows closed all the time, I'm afraid to go out, and when I do, it's constant thoughts of "is this the day that I find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time?". I've taken up drinking because I have no insurance to cover getting a valium Rx. That is, if a doctor wouldn't sooner prescribe me a moving van.

I guess I'm just looking for some experiences similar to this, or advice on what to do or how to be able to go about my life without being scared of everything? I know that's an incredibly silly thing to ask, considering that where guns and violence is concerned, yes, I have a reason to be scared. Ugh. Man, I don't even know.

 

[Netzach]

Like, "there have been 3 shootings on my block in the past 6 weeks, and the first two were quite literally on my doorstep" rough. Last one was about 10 minutes ago.

Now, there's all sorts of subjects that I could get into, not least of which involving the one about someone like me (a white college graduate from a middle-class background) living in a neighborhood that's predominantly black and riddled with gang activity. I'm not going to call this a "bad" neighborhood, because it's not. There's a lot about it that I love, and there are a lot of friendly, happy people here that just want to live a peaceful life. And they're great. There just happen to be a few people here that don't give a fuck, and they ruin shit for everybody.

Intersectionality aside, I have anxiety problems, and bad. These things, in short, haven't been helping my anxiety at all. I jump at every loud noise outside, I keep my windows closed all the time, I'm afraid to go out, and when I do, it's constant thoughts of "is this the day that I find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time?". I've taken up drinking because I have no insurance to cover getting a valium Rx. That is, if a doctor wouldn't sooner prescribe me a moving van.

I guess I'm just looking for some experiences similar to this, or advice on what to do or how to be able to go about my life without being scared of everything? I know that's an incredibly silly thing to ask, considering that where guns and violence is concerned, yes, I have a reason to be scared. Ugh. Man, I don't even know.

I lived somewhere not *quite* but almost as rough in Chicago for a while. Like, mattress down on the floor is a good idea.

Part of calm is acceptance that bad shit happens at random to people, and you may be one of them. Part of this involves the minimizing things that work - you know how to walk in the world, what times of day are better than others, and you can arrange your day not to put yourself in *more* risk rather than less. Remember that people involved in really bad shit are generally gunning for one another. Sad as this may be, you're really not interesting, and this comes as some relief.

Last - is there a deadline you can put on living where you live if your living situation is creating this much stress in your life? Yeah, that's a privilege big time, but it's sometimes right to use one.

 

[satindesire]

My parents were poor. Like, dirt-ass broke, my Christmas presents were school clothes and I was lucky to eat poor.

So we lived in some pretty rough neighborhoods when I was growing up.

The first and most important thing I can tell you is don't look weak, don't look scared, or like a victim. Don't get yourself involved in ANYTHING. Don't speak to anyone, don't react if someone hollers something at you, etc. You want to keep your head down, look important and busy and look like someone somebody will miss. Just mind your own business.

Don't flash bling, of ANY kind. If you have expensive anything, keep it inside or hidden, don't wear your diamond earrings outside, etc.

Also, if you can squeeze it into your budget, take some self-defense classes, and get yourself a pepper spray.

The cincher is, self-defense classes can really up your confidence, and looking confident is one of the ways you keep yourself out of trouble. It's kind of a nice side effect.

 

[YourCaptor]

Like, "there have been 3 shootings on my block in the past 6 weeks, and the first two were quite literally on my doorstep" rough. Last one was about 10 minutes ago.

Now, there's all sorts of subjects that I could get into, not least of which involving the one about someone like me (a white college graduate from a middle-class background) living in a neighborhood that's predominantly black and riddled with gang activity. I'm not going to call this a "bad" neighborhood, because it's not. There's a lot about it that I love, and there are a lot of friendly, happy people here that just want to live a peaceful life. And they're great. There just happen to be a few people here that don't give a fuck, and they ruin shit for everybody.

Intersectionality aside, I have anxiety problems, and bad. These things, in short, haven't been helping my anxiety at all. I jump at every loud noise outside, I keep my windows closed all the time, I'm afraid to go out, and when I do, it's constant thoughts of "is this the day that I find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time?". I've taken up drinking because I have no insurance to cover getting a valium Rx. That is, if a doctor wouldn't sooner prescribe me a moving van.

I guess I'm just looking for some experiences similar to this, or advice on what to do or how to be able to go about my life without being scared of everything? I know that's an incredibly silly thing to ask, considering that where guns and violence is concerned, yes, I have a reason to be scared. Ugh. Man, I don't even know.

Move

Don't wear the wrong colors.

Don't make the wrong gestures.

Stay way from the trouble spots.

Don't walk alone.

 

[TarevaChine]

Satin has given you great advice. I have carried pepper spray for years. If you decide to purchase it, I would recommend something like [URL="http://www.amazon.com/Mace-Brand-Triple-Action-Defense/dp/B00068FAUQ/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&qid=1317120046&sr=8-24"]this.[/URL]

Do NOT buy something that you have to open the case or turn the knob. I have carried this type for years and I have never accidentally set it off. With this type of spray, you can walk down the street and have your thumb on the button. You will always be ready. Whatever you do, please make sure you buy one that is on a keychain.

Good luck and keep safe.

 

[JMohegan]

Like, "there have been 3 shootings on my block in the past 6 weeks, and the first two were quite literally on my doorstep" rough. Last one was about 10 minutes ago.

Now, there's all sorts of subjects that I could get into, not least of which involving the one about someone like me (a white college graduate from a middle-class background) living in a neighborhood that's predominantly black and riddled with gang activity. I'm not going to call this a "bad" neighborhood, because it's not. There's a lot about it that I love, and there are a lot of friendly, happy people here that just want to live a peaceful life. And they're great. There just happen to be a few people here that don't give a fuck, and they ruin shit for everybody.

Intersectionality aside, I have anxiety problems, and bad. These things, in short, haven't been helping my anxiety at all. I jump at every loud noise outside, I keep my windows closed all the time, I'm afraid to go out, and when I do, it's constant thoughts of "is this the day that I find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time?". I've taken up drinking because I have no insurance to cover getting a valium Rx. That is, if a doctor wouldn't sooner prescribe me a moving van.

I guess I'm just looking for some experiences similar to this, or advice on what to do or how to be able to go about my life without being scared of everything? I know that's an incredibly silly thing to ask, considering that where guns and violence is concerned, yes, I have a reason to be scared. Ugh. Man, I don't even know.

It's not silly to ask.

In my experience, active concern for others alleviates concern for self. I'm sure you already do feel anxiety for the "friendly, happy people" in your community; my suggestion is that you channel that concern into action, as often as you can.

Somewhere there is a church, soup kitchen, community center, Big Brother/Big Sister organization, homeless shelter, school with volunteer tutors, etc., that is actively trying to help your neighborhood. Find an organization that fits, and join in.

Busy is good. Focusing on the decency in your midst is good. Shifting the anxiety away from yourself is good. Energy applied in this direction really helps.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Like, "there have been 3 shootings on my block in the past 6 weeks, and the first two were quite literally on my doorstep" rough. Last one was about 10 minutes ago.

Now, there's all sorts of subjects that I could get into, not least of which involving the one about someone like me (a white college graduate from a middle-class background) living in a neighborhood that's predominantly black and riddled with gang activity. I'm not going to call this a "bad" neighborhood, because it's not. There's a lot about it that I love, and there are a lot of friendly, happy people here that just want to live a peaceful life. And they're great. There just happen to be a few people here that don't give a fuck, and they ruin shit for everybody.

Intersectionality aside, I have anxiety problems, and bad. These things, in short, haven't been helping my anxiety at all. I jump at every loud noise outside, I keep my windows closed all the time, I'm afraid to go out, and when I do, it's constant thoughts of "is this the day that I find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time?". I've taken up drinking because I have no insurance to cover getting a valium Rx. That is, if a doctor wouldn't sooner prescribe me a moving van.

I guess I'm just looking for some experiences similar to this, or advice on what to do or how to be able to go about my life without being scared of everything? I know that's an incredibly silly thing to ask, considering that where guns and violence is concerned, yes, I have a reason to be scared. Ugh. Man, I don't even know.

This may sound crazy but I'm posting it anyway because I know it can help:
Do everything you can to stay as safe as possible (and there is lots of good advice on that already) and then decide on an amount of time a day, maybe 30 minutes or so, that you can spend worrying. Pick a time and a place for it and then try as much as you can to put off any worrying until then.

 

[DVS]

Like, "there have been 3 shootings on my block in the past 6 weeks, and the first two were quite literally on my doorstep" rough. Last one was about 10 minutes ago.

Now, there's all sorts of subjects that I could get into, not least of which involving the one about someone like me (a white college graduate from a middle-class background) living in a neighborhood that's predominantly black and riddled with gang activity. I'm not going to call this a "bad" neighborhood, because it's not. There's a lot about it that I love, and there are a lot of friendly, happy people here that just want to live a peaceful life. And they're great. There just happen to be a few people here that don't give a fuck, and they ruin shit for everybody.

Intersectionality aside, I have anxiety problems, and bad. These things, in short, haven't been helping my anxiety at all. I jump at every loud noise outside, I keep my windows closed all the time, I'm afraid to go out, and when I do, it's constant thoughts of "is this the day that I find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time?". I've taken up drinking because I have no insurance to cover getting a valium Rx. That is, if a doctor wouldn't sooner prescribe me a moving van.

I guess I'm just looking for some experiences similar to this, or advice on what to do or how to be able to go about my life without being scared of everything? I know that's an incredibly silly thing to ask, considering that where guns and violence is concerned, yes, I have a reason to be scared. Ugh. Man, I don't even know.

This may sound like the defeatist way out, but I'd do whatever I could to move to a safer place, if I had to deal with shootings at my very door. Gang on gang violence is one thing, but gangs have guns and they shoot back and forth a each other. If they only hit each other, that's one thing, but that isn't always what happens.

A lot of gang shootings involve innocent people who get shot by stray bullets. And, with the guns gangs have these days, there can be a lot of stray bullets. These people aren't like the police in that they try not to shoot when innocent people are around. They don't care who gets shot, as long as at least one bullet hits the guy they were shooting at.

It's not easy to live in such an area, I'm sure you know. I live just south of such an area where there are a lot of killings. When I moved here, 30 years ago, that wasn't a bad area. Only in the last 10 years has it become worse. And it's getting worse every day.

If I were you, I'd do my best to find another place to live. I know it might not be easy to come up with the cash for such a thing when you have to deal with landlords, safety deposits and such, but what you see happening in your area now is probably going to get worse, before it gets better.

I'd also think twice about engaging in any activist activity. Gangs like to control their neighborhoods and if they think you are trying to counter that with whatever good deeds you might attempt, your very life could be in danger. And you really can't negotiate with gang types if they think you are a menace to their way of life.

Body language can help you if someone does get confrontational with you. You should always square your body up to theirs, but don't take a stance where you have one foot in front of the other. That's seen as a fighting stance and if someone sees you stand that way, they could assume you are planning to escalate the situation. If they think you are going to try and jump them, they will want to do it before you do. So, always stand with both feet side by side with your body square to theirs, when someone is confronting you. Now, if you take a self defense class, you might be taught to act differently, but don't try anything without the proper training.

Also, speak at a low volume, and try to remain calm. If you get upset, the other person will get upset. Keeping your feelings in control will help the overall situation stay in control. But, always be aware of what the other person is doing. If they do mean you harm, they will be looking for a time to strike. Watch their eyes and where their hands are. Equally necessary, don't hide your hands from view. Things can get worse very quickly, if they think you have a gun or knife.

Don't make any unnecessary movements. If you must put or pull your hands out of your pockets, do so slowly, so they don't think you're up to something and try to retaliate. And watch that the other person doesn't do any of these things, either. His body language will tell you a lot about his intentions, too.

You might go for a visit to the local police station or give them a call and ask if they have crime report statistics for your area. You might be surprised at what happens around you, that you don't even see. The worst could be just down the street from your place now, and only be a matter of time before it will migrate outwardly, involving your area.

While at the police station, also ask about crime statistics in surrounding areas, where you might be safer, if you were to move there. Sometimes it doesn't take much of a move to get away from the hard crime. Mostly it's gang against gang and they fight over turfs. You could live right on the edge of some gang's turf and that's why you see all of this violence.

Don't walk alone, if you can keep from it and don't go out at night unless there's no other way. And when you shop, go out of your area to a safer area if possible. Even during the daylight, the bad guys are out there.

I'm not telling you this to make you worry more. But you should be aware of your surroundings and where you can and can't go. These police crimes statistics will tell you what happened, where it happened, and when. The police also might help you localize the more violent areas.

There are self defense classes you can take, if that would help you feel safer. But keep in mind that self defense tactics only help you in one on one situations, like mugging, assault/rape and robbery. Any time the other guy has a weapon your training becomes less and less helpful. And those stray bullets that can sometimes fly around? No self defense course can stop those.

Speaking of those stray bullets, they can find you even when you're in your house. While you may be reasonably safe inside, you are not completely safe. Many have the velocity to go through wooden walls, and all of them can go through window glass. I don't know where your bedroom is, but if it's on the street side of the building, you might feel safer if you put your mattress on the floor and sleep that way. At least move away from windows. And if it's a brick or stone building, you are safer than if it's a normal wood frame house.

I don't know your financial situation, but if there is a church group or community organization or safe watch league you can talk to, they might be able to help you find financial assistance to move. They might not be able to help with all of the expenses, but it's worth it to at least ask if there is such a fund.

Be safe. Listen to your feelings. If you feel you are walking into a bad situation, take another path. Watch for places someone could be hiding and stay away from them. There's no need to help someone get the upper hand. Walk defensively and be smart about your surroundings. If you are at least aware of what can happen, you will be safer, just because of that.

 

[KoPilot]

Just wanted to thank everyone for their heartfelt replies and advice, especially since this isn't something that I'd really feel comfortable telling my family, and since it seems my roommates are ashamed to speak openly about how it makes them feel, which I'm just as guilty of.

My situation is thus: I graduated in may, and moved here in june. I live in a neighborhood of Brooklyn called Bed Stuy... not sure if any of you are familiar with it, but if you are, you'll instantly know the reputation it has. It is getting better, though; we've seen changes happen just in our short time living here. There is a heavy police presence here, which is supposedly a rather recent phenomenon, and there's a police tower on our block around the corner. Not sure if that could be a sign of being a hotspot for gang activity like you were talking about, DVS, but it could be. While I am in a street-facing room, I'm high enough up to where I can barely see the sidewalk opposite us, and our building is old stacked brick, so I'm pretty convinced of my safety while indoors.

I can't tell my family because they would absolutely insist that I move back home, and I can't. I'm established here, there are way fewer jobs for people like me there, and my cost of living, even if I moved in with my mom, would most likely be higher too. I also only plan on being here for another year or so anyways.

@Netz: Yeah. When it comes to being a target, it would be for a mugging. I know not to display anything that could tell someone that I've got money or things of value (good thing I don't really have any, lol!). Check.

@satin: Wow, hadn't thought about that. Thank you.

@YourCaptor: I can do my best to do the last one. Going out alone makes my skin crawl as it is already..

@TarevaChine: Yeah, I think I will definitely start looking into those. Thanks!

@JMohegan: I'll definitely keep that in mind, along with what DVS said... I guess I figure right now, I'll just try to help the neighborhood by giving business to some of the local stores.

@IrisAlthea: That is a pretty great idea... but I think the only way that it could possibly work would be with the aid of drugs or alcohol. At this point it's like... every whistle, or shout, or what have you from outside is like someone saying "You lost the game!".

@DVS: All of that is really fantastic advice, thank you. I'm going to try to remember that for when I go out. And you're right, stray bullets and muggings are mostly what I'm afraid of... not going to lie when I say that I'm as deathly afraid of the sound as I am of the act itself. I often sleep with a pillow over my head just to dampen the street noise, and in the off-chance that I do hear gunfire someplace, it won't give me as much of a heart attack. Pathetic, I know.

Once again, thanks a bunch everyone. I know it's quite silly to think I'm alone in this (I'm in a neighborhood full of people and families that are going through it alongside me), but I guess it's another case of "personal hell" going on.

 

[HoHoBomb]

http://youtu.be/IpjL0mz3IJM

 

[Wizard]

Move

Don't wear the wrong colors.

Don't make the wrong gestures.

Stay way from the trouble spots.

Don't walk alone.

That was my thoughts.....

 

[bambikiller]

Ever thought of arming yourself.

When seconds count the police are only minutes away

 

[Chaingun]

Ever thought of arming yourself.

When seconds count the police are only minutes away

He's in Bed-Stuy. And NY state is a "may issue" concealed carry state so there is no guarantee that he will be allowed to carry as opposed to a "shall issue" concealed carry licensing state.

But, despite the fact that this would be my reaction too, I think he'd find himself out gunned quickly if he ended up having to pull a pistol in a bad situation.

 

[BiBunny]

He's in Bed-Stuy. And NY state is a "may issue" concealed carry state so there is no guarantee that he will be allowed to carry as opposed to a "shall issue" concealed carry licensing state.

But, despite the fact that this would be my reaction too, I think he'd find himself out gunned quickly if he ended up having to pull a pistol in a bad situation.

I wouldn't carry, but I'd keep a shotgun in my house, if it were me.

Oh, wait. I do keep a shotgun in my house.

 

[Chaingun]

I wouldn't carry, but I'd keep a shotgun in my house, if it were me.

Oh, wait. I do keep a shotgun in my house.

Ahhh, the luxuries of living where we do and still being treated as responsible Americans who can make decisions about our own safety.

I couldn't live in one of those nanny states.

 

[bambikiller]

I live in the only state in the union that doesn't allow you to carry a concelled weapon.
If I have to go in a bad neighborhood I don't nessasaraly let that fact stop me.

And the town I live wants me to register myself if I have a handgun and pay an annual fee.
So If someone breaks in my home and I shot them with an easily assesable handgun I have to then get out the combination to my gun safe.
Spend three minutes opening it.
Get out the shot gun, load it and re-shoot him in the same spot with the shot gun or I'll get fined.

 

[YourCaptor]

I live in the only state in the union that doesn't allow you to carry a concelled weapon.
If I have to go in a bad neighborhood I don't nessasaraly let that fact stop me.

And the town I live wants me to register myself if I have a handgun and pay an annual fee.
So If someone breaks in my home and I shot them with an easily assesable handgun I have to then get out the combination to my gun safe.
Spend three minutes opening it.
Get out the shot gun, load it and re-shoot him in the same spot with the shot gun or I'll get fined.

Tell me about it. How am I gonna make this neighborhood any safer with my Saiga 12 in a safe?