Control or Controlled

[BiSmiley]

This has been an intriguing little puzzle I've been trying to figure out but I think it'll work better if I ask rather than theorize

It seems that there are ALOT more people that want to be Controlled when compared to being the one in Control.
I could be wrong, those dominant types may just be extraordinarily picky and prefer not to announce it, OR they're just afraid of the typhoon of submissives falling upon their door step.

what do you think?
Are there more Sheep(subs) than Wolves(doms) or do we just not see them

 

[Lilac_Sky]

I think there are many more pyls than PYLs.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Most people are absolutely starved for attention, and imagine all that stuff being done unto them.

If we get the chance to actually start having that stuff done unto us, some of us find that we like paying attention to others, and learn that we are not bottoms (or subs or sheep or whatever terms float your boat) but in fact, we are very happy with the top (or Dom or Wolf PYL) role. But I sure do see a lot of people go through that learning-about-it frenzy at first, sponging up as much sensation and attention as they can get.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

It is an interesting question. I don't know.

I decided not to vote, and realized it was because it felt too much like being controlled.

 

[DVS]

It is an interesting question. I don't know.

I decided not to vote, and realized it was because it felt too much like being controlled.

No, you misunderstand. It's being controlled, if you DON'T vote. Take charge...take control of that aspect of your life and vote, damn it! It's your right to vote and vote often.

I voted. And I voted "control". And I don't just want to control, I have to control for my very sanity. I'm a PYL. Actually, I dislike any part of my life that I can't control. Just knowing I can't control my very destiny? I think it's one of the many reasons why I'm going bald.

But, I digress. Vote, damn it, if you want that surge of control to flow through your body. You'll love it, unless you're a full pyl.

 

[Aurore_Cherie]

I picked 'both', although I'm usually the 'controller'. Sometimes, when my dear control-ee is in a feisty mood, we switch, but as a general rule I'm the controller. It's interesting that there do seem to be so many more subs than Doms.

 

[BiSmiley]

I picked 'both', although I'm usually the 'controller'. Sometimes, when my dear control-ee is in a feisty mood, we switch, but as a general rule I'm the controller. It's interesting that there do seem to be so many more subs than Doms.

It does doesn't it, more subs I mean but then again even in nature the same is true:
Lions
Wolves
Gorrilas ect ect ect....
and if you believe Darwin people are animals too...though quite a bit smarter, though that doesn't make us all that different

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

No, you misunderstand. It's being controlled, if you DON'T vote. Take charge...take control of that aspect of your life and vote, damn it! It's your right to vote and vote often.

I voted. And I voted "control". And I don't just want to control, I have to control for my very sanity. I'm a PYL. Actually, I dislike any part of my life that I can't control. Just knowing I can't control my very destiny? I think it's one of the many reasons why I'm going bald.

But, I digress. Vote, damn it, if you want that surge of control to flow through your body. You'll love it, unless you're a full pyl.

Nice try, controller.

 

[DVS]

OK, so far, the poll shows that there's 3 pyls for every 1 PYL. And that's just those who voted--the rest either haven't seen this thread or are otherwise "tied up".

Oh, I know that age and gender weren't added to the poll, so a lot of those pyl votes could be too young to be interested in me, and the rest could be men looking for women PYLs. All of this doesn't even include gays or lesbians.

Likewise, my local burg is not represented on this forum so my kind of pyl isn't represented in the poll. Shit, there aren't even that many willing to say they live in the mid-west and driving distance to my door.

In this world of BDSM, with it's many diverse areas of choice and oddity, it should be difficult to keep from stepping on a pyl as I walk through this forum. I know some are chained to the wall and out of the way, and the various kitty cats are well adapted at keeping their tail from the rocker.

But with a ratio of 3 to 1, there should be at least one or two targets as a PYL swings his flogger though the air. If that's the case, the majority of PYLs should be satisfied and content and I know that isn't the case. I know I'm not satisfied. My box of tools hasn't been opened in a coon's age.

Many of those choosing pyl must be lost in a void, they are hiding in the shadows, or they are PYLs in the rough, just learning the necessary skills until they can move up to capital letters. We need a different poll. By the way, just how many variations will a Literotica poll allow?

 

[DVS]

Nice try, controller.

My slight of hand is getting rusty.

 

[Chiara_searches]

<snip>But with a ratio of 3 to 1, there should be at least one or two targets as a PYL swings his flogger though the air. If that's the case, the majority of PYLs should be satisfied and content and I know that isn't the case. I know I'm not satisfied. My box of tools hasn't been opened in a coon's age.

Many of those choosing pyl must be lost in a void, they are hiding in the shadows, or they are PYLs in the rough, just learning the necessary skills until they can move up to capital letters. We need a different poll. By the way, just how many variations will a Literotica poll allow?

But have you included in your analysis the question: does the PYL/pyl ratio Lit represent the ratio in RL? Perhaps Lit is underfunded with PYLs.

Plus, you have to consider that some pyls (or maybe just me) are in relationships that work. Granted, I'm in a new relationship, but so far the signs are very positive. (I'm glad I listened to more experience people here and started the talking early on.) You wouldn't be able to swing your flogger and find those people because they are otherwise occupied.

 

[DVS]

But have you included in your analysis the question: does the PYL/pyl ratio Lit represent the ratio in RL? Perhaps Lit is underfunded with PYLs.

Plus, you have to consider that some pyls (or maybe just me) are in relationships that work. Granted, I'm in a new relationship, but so far the signs are very positive. (I'm glad I listened to more experience people here and started the talking early on.) You wouldn't be able to swing your flogger and find those people because they are otherwise occupied.

Yes, I considered the relationship aspect of the whole thing. I know there are quite a few pyls posting here who are in a relationship. I also took into account the online versus real life aspect, because I'm not into online relationships. Maybe I underestimated that number, seeing that this is an online web site. Anybody can post that they are a pyl...even those 14 year old trolls we have running around.

I was just thinking though...3 to 1? Surely it must be an inaccurate count, or maybe there are some PYLs that just don't care to post their status. Or is it that everybody prefers to be beat on, instead of wanting to beat on?

 

[callinectes2]

Yes, I considered the relationship aspect of the whole thing. I know there are quite a few pyls posting here who are in a relationship. I also took into account the online versus real life aspect, because I'm not into online relationships. Maybe I underestimated that number, seeing that this is an online web site. Anybody can post that they are a pyl...even those 14 year old trolls we have running around.

I was just thinking though...3 to 1? Surely it must be an inaccurate count, or maybe there are some PYLs that just don't care to post their status. Or is it that everybody prefers to be beat on, instead of wanting to beat on?

Sweeping generalization alert!!!

I don't believe we have a representative sample here on Lit. Men are generally less likely to post on message boards than women. (cuz we talk about our feelings and such ) Men are generally more likely to post a personals ad on sites like Collarme than women are. I bet if we combined the two populations and took a random sample the results would be very different than what we see above.

/biologist nerdy stuff

 

[Chiara_searches]

Yes, I considered the relationship aspect of the whole thing. I know there are quite a few pyls posting here who are in a relationship. I also took into account the online versus real life aspect, because I'm not into online relationships. Maybe I underestimated that number, seeing that this is an online web site. Anybody can post that they are a pyl...even those 14 year old trolls we have running around.

I was just thinking though...3 to 1? Surely it must be an inaccurate count, or maybe there are some PYLs that just don't care to post their status. Or is it that everybody prefers to be beat on, instead of wanting to beat on?

Well, based on anecdotal evidence, your theory that there are PYLs that just don't care to post their status is sound. See above posts by a smart-assed (albeit usually cute av) PYL.

Of course, noob pyls like me enjoy learning both sides of the table if at least to be sure the correct label has been applied. I think it's worthwhile when PYLs share.

Or maybe they are all too chicken.

 

[BrightlyGo]

It seems natural for there to be more subs than doms - otherwise, how could the latter keep 'harems' and 'stables?'

 

[DVS]

It seems natural for there to be more subs than doms - otherwise, how could the latter keep 'harems' and 'stables?'

I had a harem once. But it wasn't very stable, so I no longer have one.

 

[DVS]

Well, based on anecdotal evidence, your theory that there are PYLs that just don't care to post their status is sound. See above posts by a smart-assed (albeit usually cute av) PYL.

Of course, noob pyls like me enjoy learning both sides of the table if at least to be sure the correct label has been applied. I think it's worthwhile when PYLs share.

Or maybe they are all too chicken.

I know some of them are probably chickens, but I, for one, am a rooster. I have a cock, a-doodall-do.

 

[Primalex]

I could be wrong, those dominant types may just be extraordinarily picky and prefer not to announce it, OR they're just afraid of the typhoon of submissives falling upon their door step.

what do you think?
Are there more Sheep(subs) than Wolves(doms) or do we just not see them

Neither.

A pyl always thinks there are not enough PYLs.
A PYL always thinks there are not enough pyls.

(Of course, I'm extraordinarily picky and rarely announce it, but as a happily married PYL I'm a freak anyway.)

 

[Primalex]

Men are generally less likely to post on message boards than women.

Strange, isn't it?

I mean, you would believe that the Internet, message boards, telephones and letterpress printing would have been invented by women - but no, all men. What for?

 

[IrisAlthea]

Nice try, controller.

Are you really sure that it wasn't a double bluff?

 

[DVS]

If you are going without companionship, you are more likely to say there aren't enough to go around. You might see someone with two slaves or subs, and wonder why he is so lucky, while you aren't. You might even ask why is he being so stingy? But, if you have companionship, your search is over. You have a partner to share life with.

It's a loneliness thing. Those PYLs who are lonely and without companionship will more likely think there aren't enough pyls, and the same with pyls looking for a PYL. Until a dom finds someone, it's a continuous search. He sees others with their subs, but he is still without. He justifies his inability to find someone as there aren't enough companions to go around.

Subs looking for someone to collar them see couples living their relationships and wonder where their dom is. Until that dom is found, she justifies the situation with "there aren't enough doms to go around". It goes along with the saying some women use to express their displeasure with there not being enough available men. "All of the good ones are either taken or gay".

 

[callinectes2]

Strange, isn't it?

I mean, you would believe that the Internet, message boards, telephones and letterpress printing would have been invented by women - but no, all men. What for?

Porn. And sports.

 

[EroticApology]

There could be a host of reasons why so many people are into being 'controlled'. I think a great amount of it has to do with one's childhood, culture, religion...etc.,. Also, when you consider where not too many people have different experiences when it comes to childhood its a no wonder why so many tend to have similar likes when it comes to sex. One of the most common experiences of those going through adolescence is the feeling of guilt when discovering sex. The most common feeling of guilt comes after masturbation. Guilt comes with shame, secrecy and feeling dirty and thinking of oneself as being bad. Its rather interesting how those that like to be controlled seem to get pleasure from the idea of doing something wrong so they need someone to lead them down the right path where they can be properly disciplined.

Not a fact, just my idle thoughts on the topic.

 

[Cobalt87]

There could be a host of reasons why so many people are into being 'controlled'. I think a great amount of it has to do with one's childhood, culture, religion...etc.,. Also, when you consider where not too many people have different experiences when it comes to childhood its a no wonder why so many tend to have similar likes when it comes to sex. One of the most common experiences of those going through adolescence is the feeling of guilt when discovering sex. The most common feeling of guilt comes after masturbation. Guilt comes with shame, secrecy and feeling dirty and thinking of oneself as being bad. Its rather interesting how those that like to be controlled seem to get pleasure from the idea of doing something wrong so they need someone to lead them down the right path where they can be properly disciplined.

Not a fact, just my idle thoughts on the topic.

I once read something that stated that firstborns were more likely to be dominant, whereas people that aren't firstborn were more likely to be submissive. In my case that's definitely true as I fall in the submissive category. Of course, I'm sure there are tons of other factors that can push someone to either side of the spectrum.

 

[Chiara_searches]

I once read something that stated that firstborns were more likely to be dominant, whereas people that aren't firstborn were more likely to be submissive. In my case that's definitely true as I fall in the submissive category. Of course, I'm sure there are tons of other factors that can push someone to either side of the spectrum.

I'm a firstborn, and submissive, so it may not be a good broad generalization.

But what I'd like to know is how my guy just seems to know things. I have started talking with him about some of my kinks and my submissive nature. I take those discussions slowly. Yet, three different times in the last three weeks, I've thought to myself "I would like to do X and need to talk to K about it." Without having broached any of those topics, he some how knows to do those things.

It saves a lot of time talking...but leaves me wondering how he just seems to know.

I'm interested in understanding a PYL's view on how he's able to do that. Am I keying into some signal from him that he wants to do these things and they are suddenly in my mind as my desires? He hasn't spoken of them either. Or is he keying into signals I don't recognize I'm giving off?

And as I write the questions, I realize PYLs or even pyls with similar stories can't say what's happening to *me*. But if anyone would care to share their stories, I'd like to hear it, because it might give me insight.

You may ask, why is this question on the control or be controlled thread? Because one of the three things relates to orgasm control. He just started exerting that last night...and I just decided a few days ago I trusted him enough to have that control so was planning to talk to him about it this weekend. Now I don't have to have that discussion.