I want vs. I'll provide

[SweetApple8]

Reviewing the BDSM peronals, it's not hard to figure out that those who say "I want" spend most of their time bumping their ads to the top because no one responds.

HONESTLY phrase (if you feel it) as "I'll provide", regardless of whether you're a D or s, I think you'll find more success.

IMH sub O.

 

[PhilGarlic]

Hi

You might be right, 'I want' does sound a bit demanding....

 

[SweetApple8]

You might be right, 'I want' does sound a bit demanding....

Hi Phil. Yes, it's learning about how to phrase to get what you want, especially as a submissive.

Thanks for the response.

 

[Spanky1372]

Hmm clever..

 

[Etoile]

Surely both is better.

 

[SweetApple8]

Surely both is better.

Everyone's definition of a D or s is different. My belief, as a submissive.....the only time I should use the word "want" is to ask for my Master's wants. After a time, I shouldn't even have to ask.

 

[Etoile]

Everyone's definition of a D or s is different. My belief, as a submissive.....the only time I should use the word "want" is to ask for my Master's wants. After a time, I shouldn't even have to ask.

Well, sure, but in a dating situation, you have to approach it like you would any other getting-to-know-you situation. You have to tell the person what you're looking for. In the personals, people should say "I want xyz" so they can be contacted by people who can provide what they are looking for. Being a submissive isn't the same as being a doormat - you get to have desires too, and you should communicate those WELL before the relationship begins.

 

[SweetApple8]

Being a submissive isn't the same as being a doormat - you get to have desires too, and you should communicate those WELL before the relationship begins.

I completely agree that submissive does not = doormat. I prefer to have a Master that learns my desires based on my responses as opposed to having to verbally communicate them. Unless he wants me to.

I say "he" because I'm completely the opposite with women.

Thanks for your responses.

 

[the captians wench]

Well, sure, but in a dating situation, you have to approach it like you would any other getting-to-know-you situation. You have to tell the person what you're looking for. In the personals, people should say "I want xyz" so they can be contacted by people who can provide what they are looking for. Being a submissive isn't the same as being a doormat - you get to have desires too, and you should communicate those WELL before the relationship begins.

So true!

I still struggle with this, but as service oriented as I am, after a while, if my needs aren't being met, I'm not happy.

 

[the captians wench]

I completely agree that submissive does not = doormat. I prefer to have a Master that learns my desires based on my responses as opposed to having to verbally communicate them. Unless he wants me to.

I say "he" because I'm completely the opposite with women.

Thanks for your responses.

That's curious. Why is it you expect a man to read your mind and not a woman? It's less likely the man will get it. Most men need a fucking sign telling them "hey! I like to get off too ya know!" or something like that. It's very very rare I have ever met a man who could just read me. Or woman for that matter.

 

[SweetApple8]

That's curious. Why is it you expect a man to read your mind and not a woman? It's less likely the man will get it. Most men need a fucking sign telling them "hey! I like to get off too ya know!" or something like that. It's very very rare I have ever met a man who could just read me. Or woman for that matter.

Very good point, but I didn't make myself clear. With a man, I was referring to "learning my responses" in respect to my bodily responses. If I meant verbally, then I completely agree with you!

With women, I love to cause their responses.

 

[callinectes2]

Very good point, but I didn't make myself clear. With a man, I was referring to "learning my responses" in respect to my bodily responses. If I meant verbally, then I completely agree with you!

With women, I love to cause their responses.

So, the guy has to do all the work while you get to lay back and wait for him to find the right slot/tab combo? That doesn't make you submissive, that makes you a pillow princess,

 

[SweetApple8]

So, the guy has to do all the work while you get to lay back and wait for him to find the right slot/tab combo? That doesn't make you submissive, that makes you a pillow princess,

Yeah, that's exactly what I meant. Easier than explaining.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah, that's exactly what I meant. Easier than explaining.

Some men can't be explained to. But MOST men, IME, really appreciate some specifics. It's when you hint and get all dainty and delicate and subtle-- that's when the dude gets into trouble.

Don't be subtle. Be crude and blunt.

 

[SweetApple8]

Some men can't be explained to. But MOST men, IME, really appreciate some specifics. It's when you hint and get all dainty and delicate and subtle-- that's when the dude gets into trouble.

Don't be subtle. Be crude and blunt.

I completely understand, and appreciate, what you're saying. Don't play around with words on the guy, just say it.

In a public post though, that's not me.

Have a good one.

 

[Etoile]

Oh my.

 

[midwestyankee]

Oh my.

Yes, because it's so much easier to read someone's mind when you're working from pixels instead of flesh and blood. good fucking grief

 

[Que]

I would like to provide you with affirmation of your fine qualities of communicating clearly your willingness to provide me with life affirming pleasure....

I can also provide ample opportunities for you to communicate with me in nonverbal ways in ways that provide opportunities to worship at my tumescence.

 

[SweetApple8]

I would like to provide you with affirmation of your fine qualities of communicating clearly your willingness to provide me with life affirming pleasure....

I can also provide ample opportunities for you to communicate with me in nonverbal ways in ways that provide opportunities to worship at my tumescence.

"provide me with life affirming pleasure"
"worship at my tumescence".

I appreciate your response. I'm a numbers girl. Vocabulary has always been my weakness. I don't know what "tumescence" means.

When I said "I will provide", I meant "I will provide you", not "you will provide me."

 

[Stella_Omega]

"tumescence" = "stiffy"

In other words, he wants you to give him a blowjob.

 

[SweetApple8]

"tumescence" = "stiffy"

In other words, he wants you to give him a blowjob.

Thank you Stella. I think the previous poster needs to respond to "I want" ad.

 

[Que]

"tumescence" = "stiffy"

In other words, he wants you to give him a blowjob.

with me like all things it's a bit more complicated than that. tumescence occurs only if I am both in a state of arousal and un "tucked"

And it isnt that I want her to blow me, although I'm certain I would receive some pleasurable effects from such miministrations..... on offer was for her to receive an opportunity for oral gratification, on the assumption that shefinds such things satisfying. if she lacks any oral fixation tendencies, I would advise her to take a pass

 

[Stella_Omega]

with me like all things it's a bit more complicated than that. tumescence occurs only if I am both in a state of arousal and un "tucked"

And it isnt that I want her to blow me, although I'm certain I would receive some pleasurable effects from such miministrations..... on offer was for her to receive an opportunity for oral gratification, on the assumption that shefinds such things satisfying. if she lacks any oral fixation tendencies, I would advise her to take a pass

Very nicely put! I love me some complicated sexuality.

 

[SweetApple8]

.

And it isnt that I want her to blow me, although I'm certain I would receive some pleasurable effects from such miministrations..... on offer was for her to receive an opportunity for oral gratification, on the assumption that shefinds such things satisfying. if she lacks any oral fixation tendencies, I would advise her to take a pass

I'm not adverse to most things. Especially if you use the correct spelling. It's minstrations.

 

[Noor]

I like this virtually read my mind and body concept, why bother with mere words?