Then and Now
- Thread starter Keroin
- Start date
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
Five years ago I thought I was the reincarnation of Abraham Lincoln. Now I realize that actually, I am the reincarnation of his third assistant undersecretary of state's second cousin, who was an early real-estate novelist and tinkerer.
Chiara_searches
no longer
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2011
- Posts
- 1,426
Five years ago I was unhappily married, dealing with a boss I got along really well with but work that wasn't all that fulfilling. My sexually submissive side was thoroughly buried and I felt shame for my desires, along with shame for other life choices I made. Basically, I was walking through life on auto-pilot because that was easier than feeling.
I'm an unemployed, divorced woman, happy in my new relationship. Daily I work to shed the fear that funds will run out before I find a job and that I'll end up living in my car. I don't have a road map to the future anymore.
I've worked hard to accept my submissive side as I define it and have even broached things of the nature with the current boyfriend, starting this relationship with a much more fundamental honesty than I have in the past.
Changes in my mindset were the beginning. I decided I wanted to *feel* again and that I did not have to live an unhappy life. I also got sick and tired of his chronic under-employment while I worked hard for us. So I got divorced.
Then trickle down changes happened in my industry and I got laid off, which basically caused me to loose nearly all my material possessions.
Then I decided to live where I wanted to live because I had to search for a job any way and didn't really have a ton of stuff to move.
Then I did the crazy online dating thing...and met my current beau and started the aforementioned more honest relationship.
And about the only thing I would change is I wouldn't have waited so long to get divorced. Other than that, all the pain of being numb, or lost in a void, was worth it because I feel like I at least try to live more authentically now than I did before.
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 12,214
I'd just graduated with my bachelor's in April '06 and was just starting my first semester of grad school. I was working in a temp office job. I was in a relationship.
I'm a grad school dropout (going back soon, I hope). I work at home as an independent contractor--freelance writer, SEO geek, PSO. I'm single.
Seems like everything has changed. But I wouldn't go back to the way I was if you paid me. I was weak then, and I'm strong now. That's about the upshot of it.
Lilac_Sky
Mistress's Hypnoslut
- Joined
- May 1, 2011
- Posts
- 1,741
Then:
Unhappily married, feeling like everything wrong in the world was my fault, working at a location I didn't like, battling depression, embarrassed about my sexual needs, burying and hiding my submissive nature, emotionally abused, losing every joy that I had ever had
Now:
Happily divorced, adjusting to being on my own financially, not caring what other people think of me, not trying to please everyone else in the world, working at a place that I absolutely love, medicated for depression and planning on getting off the meds because I can handle life now without it, embracing my sexual needs and my submissive nature, reveling in my kinkiness/deviancy, in love with a wonderful woman who adores me as I am, understands me better than I understand myself, fits me perfectly in more ways than I ever imagined possible
What's changed?
I am stronger and happier than I can remember being in a long long time. Circumstances evolved as almost a "perfect storm" that helped me wake up to realize that I didn't need to live the unhappy life I was living. I came to understand that I deserved to be happy, and that happiness was attainable. The independence and freedom that I now live with would be incomprehensible for many people (considering I live as Mistress's 24/7 slave). I know that no matter what happens, I am strong enough to handle anything and I will always be able to find happiness.
intothewoods
Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2007
- Posts
- 10,966
Hmmmm, well I'm trying to limit personal details. Let's see ...
Who am I now? What has changed?
It's funny because so much has changed, and yet I feel like I am now getting to the heart of some issues that I should have dug into years ago -- like about five years ago actually. What do I want from my life?
Putting that aside, I am very happy with my partner now. My family is awesome. I feel very lucky to have all that I have in this life. Seriously, I feel like I stumbled into true love and all that shit accidentally.
Finally, I am even healthier than I was five years ago. I feel like I now have a diet for life.
So, why the changes?
Therapy. The desire to become truly conscious. The drive to better myself. Also, neurosis, anxiety and the typical Jewish kvetching thing. I'm like half Woody Allen, half some hippie chick making her own granola.
Who am I now? What has changed?
It's funny because so much has changed, and yet I feel like I am now getting to the heart of some issues that I should have dug into years ago -- like about five years ago actually. What do I want from my life?
Putting that aside, I am very happy with my partner now. My family is awesome. I feel very lucky to have all that I have in this life. Seriously, I feel like I stumbled into true love and all that shit accidentally.
Finally, I am even healthier than I was five years ago. I feel like I now have a diet for life.
So, why the changes?
Therapy. The desire to become truly conscious. The drive to better myself. Also, neurosis, anxiety and the typical Jewish kvetching thing. I'm like half Woody Allen, half some hippie chick making her own granola.
Kurokami
An Erotic A.I
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2011
- Posts
- 1,296
Then:
A self absorbed ball of undirected hatred for the outside world, getting angry at every little thing, never speaking to anyone who wasn't a sister of mine, hating myself and my scars, still getting used to living with one eye, still getting used to living in a world that didn't have my father beating me, getting almost no sleep and practically being one step away from a nervous breakdown.
Now:
Happily married, two kids on the way, my own home, a job I can tolerate, a great relationship with what's left of my family. All that hate and anger is almost gone, though I still can't really talk to people in real life. My life without my father in it seems completely real now, and furthermore I can take that as a victory. I can feel things again, and now that I can I can feel a lot of the kinky stuff that must have gone buried in the past. I'm feeling good, is what I'm saying
What changed?
I went travelling upon the insistence of my sisters, to get myself out of my rut. It was while doing that that I met my wife, the most wonderful, beautiful, passionate woman I've ever met. She's changed so much about me in the best possible way, and she showed me that there is something worth living for out there. Together we've lived in interesting places, seen more of the world, before finally settling down here in my awesome Aussie home, awaiting the birth of my daughters.
So to recap: Completely accidentally, and through no conscious choice of my own, I fell into love, into a family, and into domestic bliss. Sweet!
A self absorbed ball of undirected hatred for the outside world, getting angry at every little thing, never speaking to anyone who wasn't a sister of mine, hating myself and my scars, still getting used to living with one eye, still getting used to living in a world that didn't have my father beating me, getting almost no sleep and practically being one step away from a nervous breakdown.
Now:
Happily married, two kids on the way, my own home, a job I can tolerate, a great relationship with what's left of my family. All that hate and anger is almost gone, though I still can't really talk to people in real life. My life without my father in it seems completely real now, and furthermore I can take that as a victory. I can feel things again, and now that I can I can feel a lot of the kinky stuff that must have gone buried in the past. I'm feeling good, is what I'm saying
What changed?
I went travelling upon the insistence of my sisters, to get myself out of my rut. It was while doing that that I met my wife, the most wonderful, beautiful, passionate woman I've ever met. She's changed so much about me in the best possible way, and she showed me that there is something worth living for out there. Together we've lived in interesting places, seen more of the world, before finally settling down here in my awesome Aussie home, awaiting the birth of my daughters.
So to recap: Completely accidentally, and through no conscious choice of my own, I fell into love, into a family, and into domestic bliss. Sweet!
HottieMama
Notta Domme
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2007
- Posts
- 6,066
Then:
At the bitter end of a seven year relationship, chronically unfaithful, multiple play partners, very active in the local kink scene, mom of two sons, and trying to finish my degree in abnormal psychology/criminology.
Now:
Going through a divorce, mom of THREE sons, learning that not only can I do this on my own but that I want to do it on my own, well-employed in a position that allows me ample time to parent my children, have a good "working" relationship with my ex from five years ago and grateful that we can function as a team when it comes to our two sons, trying to build the same with my soon to be ex-husband. No longer active in the local scene to any degree, and perhaps a bit jaded and bitter about the lifestyle as a whole.
What Changed:
Everything. I have certainly come to know myself a lot better. I have done a lot of things that I thought I would never be able to survive, let alone thrive under. My attitude towards life has changed as well. 5 years ago, I thought a D/s relationship was the be-all and end-all of life. Now, I know that it is not for me. I am happier for the most part. I have learned that I can truly help people in a way that many others cannot. I am grateful for everything that I have and treasure the people in my life...
At the bitter end of a seven year relationship, chronically unfaithful, multiple play partners, very active in the local kink scene, mom of two sons, and trying to finish my degree in abnormal psychology/criminology.
Now:
Going through a divorce, mom of THREE sons, learning that not only can I do this on my own but that I want to do it on my own, well-employed in a position that allows me ample time to parent my children, have a good "working" relationship with my ex from five years ago and grateful that we can function as a team when it comes to our two sons, trying to build the same with my soon to be ex-husband. No longer active in the local scene to any degree, and perhaps a bit jaded and bitter about the lifestyle as a whole.
What Changed:
Everything. I have certainly come to know myself a lot better. I have done a lot of things that I thought I would never be able to survive, let alone thrive under. My attitude towards life has changed as well. 5 years ago, I thought a D/s relationship was the be-all and end-all of life. Now, I know that it is not for me. I am happier for the most part. I have learned that I can truly help people in a way that many others cannot. I am grateful for everything that I have and treasure the people in my life...
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
Me.
Still me.
I got older. What do you mean by why? Don't Canadians get older? Eh?
Yeah, more has happened than that, but you all don't want to read another 3 page post from me, do you?
I didn't think so.
Bette_coquette
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 23, 2010
- Posts
- 216
Then:
Five years ago I was living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, newly divorced, and just starting a new job. I was at the end of a D/s relationship that had triggered my divorce and, though I yearned to continue that relationship, I knew it was the catalyst I needed to leave an unfulfilling and unhappy marriage. I tried to find a new D/s relationship, which me as the /s, but that was a dismal failure.
Now:
I discovered that I was more dominant than submissive, though parts of me will still fall into that housewife-ish role way too easily. I'm married to a sexually submissive man living in his home while renting out mine. I got my Bachelor's degree. I'm still at the same job. I like having a partner in my life and enjoy marriage, much to my surprise.
What changed:
Truly, nothing has changed. I certainly haven't changed. I'm just finding things out about me I didn't know were there.
Five years ago I was living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, newly divorced, and just starting a new job. I was at the end of a D/s relationship that had triggered my divorce and, though I yearned to continue that relationship, I knew it was the catalyst I needed to leave an unfulfilling and unhappy marriage. I tried to find a new D/s relationship, which me as the /s, but that was a dismal failure.
Now:
I discovered that I was more dominant than submissive, though parts of me will still fall into that housewife-ish role way too easily. I'm married to a sexually submissive man living in his home while renting out mine. I got my Bachelor's degree. I'm still at the same job. I like having a partner in my life and enjoy marriage, much to my surprise.
What changed:
Truly, nothing has changed. I certainly haven't changed. I'm just finding things out about me I didn't know were there.
PatchIsMe
Simplicity is grace.
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2008
- Posts
- 2,436
Then:
2006 ~ Happily married, 3 kids, hoping to move, curious about girls and the life style.
Now:
2011 ~ Still happily married although the dynamics have changed. We have welcomed a third into our relationship! I had another baby and she brought one with hers, making 5 kids in the house. No longer curious about girls, I them! She serves me well...and he is the love of my life.
What's changed :
Overall, not a whole lot. Had you told me how things were going to be 5 years ago I wouldn't have believed you. Why did things change? I like to believe a lot of communication, honesty,and trust had a lot to do with it.
Edit: We have not moved. The housing market bombed. We are stuck in this tiny house with the 8 of us. Sometimes it feels like we will never ever get out. I will still be posing from this house in 20 years. I can only hope and pray the market swings up and some one will want our home!
2006 ~ Happily married, 3 kids, hoping to move, curious about girls and the life style.
Now:
2011 ~ Still happily married although the dynamics have changed. We have welcomed a third into our relationship! I had another baby and she brought one with hers, making 5 kids in the house. No longer curious about girls, I them! She serves me well...and he is the love of my life.
What's changed :
Overall, not a whole lot. Had you told me how things were going to be 5 years ago I wouldn't have believed you. Why did things change? I like to believe a lot of communication, honesty,and trust had a lot to do with it.
Edit: We have not moved. The housing market bombed. We are stuck in this tiny house with the 8 of us. Sometimes it feels like we will never ever get out. I will still be posing from this house in 20 years. I can only hope and pray the market swings up and some one will want our home!
Last edited:
CandiCame
Rocket Grunt
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Posts
- 26,765
Who were you five years ago?
I was a cocky little bitch who thought that if I could just make it out of my hometown the world would open up for me. I was a fucking idiot. Like, bad. Drowning in myself. I have no idea how anyone stood being around me. I went down this whole, horrifying emo spiral that kinda hurts to look back on. That entire time period of my life is like, the most embarrassing thing I've ever experienced. I thought I had shit figured out.
Inexplicably had a hot girlfriend- who turned out to be completely, and I mean COMPLETELY batshit insane. She lived in her own little universe...
Who are you now?
I have no idea, but I'm finally cool with that. I'm starting to realize a few things that I feel like I really should have already known.
-Professional Artist is not a real job.
-College doesn't really mean anything, but it's fucking expensive. It's not a guarantee of success. It's not even a guarantee of a good job. All those good grades and shit I worked so hard for- that was bullshit.
-I'm a fucking idiot. I was a fucking idiot before, but I was to cocky and annoying to admit it to myself. I have no idea what's going on most of the time. Now that I know this, I can actually figure shit out instead of reacting to it and fucking up. I think that there's a threshold that everyone reaches where you get this euphony. For me it coincided with realizing I wasn't doing myself any favors by caring so much about every damn thing. You have to let shit go. This is the world. Being pissed at it doesn't change it.
Inexplicably have a hot boyfriend. Completely different, more manageable level and type of crazy.
What's changed and why?
I really don't know why. Something inside me snapped and I kind of realized that if kept on the path I was on, I was just gonna fuck myself up worse and worse until I had nothing left. So I decided not to do that anymore. It's an attitude change. It's like you always kinda knew and are just admitting it to yourself. Like, the 50,000th time you look at the warning level on a pack of ciggs, see the "This product will kill you, if used correctly" lable on it, and think, "It's hot out here- I'm just gonna go back inside and finish my work." Suddenly your think, "What am I doing? I'm an idiot. Let's do some shit that's not as stupid. See if that makes me a better person."
I was a cocky little bitch who thought that if I could just make it out of my hometown the world would open up for me. I was a fucking idiot. Like, bad. Drowning in myself. I have no idea how anyone stood being around me. I went down this whole, horrifying emo spiral that kinda hurts to look back on. That entire time period of my life is like, the most embarrassing thing I've ever experienced. I thought I had shit figured out.
Inexplicably had a hot girlfriend- who turned out to be completely, and I mean COMPLETELY batshit insane. She lived in her own little universe...
Who are you now?
I have no idea, but I'm finally cool with that. I'm starting to realize a few things that I feel like I really should have already known.
-Professional Artist is not a real job.
-College doesn't really mean anything, but it's fucking expensive. It's not a guarantee of success. It's not even a guarantee of a good job. All those good grades and shit I worked so hard for- that was bullshit.
-I'm a fucking idiot. I was a fucking idiot before, but I was to cocky and annoying to admit it to myself. I have no idea what's going on most of the time. Now that I know this, I can actually figure shit out instead of reacting to it and fucking up. I think that there's a threshold that everyone reaches where you get this euphony. For me it coincided with realizing I wasn't doing myself any favors by caring so much about every damn thing. You have to let shit go. This is the world. Being pissed at it doesn't change it.
Inexplicably have a hot boyfriend. Completely different, more manageable level and type of crazy.
What's changed and why?
I really don't know why. Something inside me snapped and I kind of realized that if kept on the path I was on, I was just gonna fuck myself up worse and worse until I had nothing left. So I decided not to do that anymore. It's an attitude change. It's like you always kinda knew and are just admitting it to yourself. Like, the 50,000th time you look at the warning level on a pack of ciggs, see the "This product will kill you, if used correctly" lable on it, and think, "It's hot out here- I'm just gonna go back inside and finish my work." Suddenly your think, "What am I doing? I'm an idiot. Let's do some shit that's not as stupid. See if that makes me a better person."
CandiCame
Rocket Grunt
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2011
- Posts
- 26,765
Then:
A self absorbed ball of undirected hatred for the outside world, getting angry at every little thing, never speaking to anyone who wasn't a sister of mine, hating myself and my scars, still getting used to living with one eye, still getting used to living in a world that didn't have my father beating me, getting almost no sleep and practically being one step away from a nervous breakdown.
Now:
Happily married, two kids on the way, my own home, a job I can tolerate, a great relationship with what's left of my family. All that hate and anger is almost gone, though I still can't really talk to people in real life. My life without my father in it seems completely real now, and furthermore I can take that as a victory. I can feel things again, and now that I can I can feel a lot of the kinky stuff that must have gone buried in the past. I'm feeling good, is what I'm saying
What changed?
I went travelling upon the insistence of my sisters, to get myself out of my rut. It was while doing that that I met my wife, the most wonderful, beautiful, passionate woman I've ever met. She's changed so much about me in the best possible way, and she showed me that there is something worth living for out there. Together we've lived in interesting places, seen more of the world, before finally settling down here in my awesome Aussie home, awaiting the birth of my daughters.
So to recap: Completely accidentally, and through no conscious choice of my own, I fell into love, into a family, and into domestic bliss. Sweet!
I like you more with every post I read.
Congrats!
Lizzie_Borden
Real & Spectacular
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2008
- Posts
- 4,157
Then:
I was fat
I was in a very unhealthy relationship
I was depressed, anxious, contemplating self injury again
I just started a job that was meant to be temporary
Now:
Still in the same job, but I see where it's going now!
Different relationship, very different emotional climate
I've mostly wrestled with my mental health demons
I weigh 25 kilos less!
What's changed:
I grew up. I realised that there should be more to life than what I had and was feeling, and that if I wasn't getting it there, I had to make changes. I broke up with my ex, I stopped hating my job, I went to counselling, I went to the gym, I attempted tot ake control of my own shit, but I was still drifting a bit. Then I met a man who not only took me to task, but who actually enjoys guiding me, and helping me be the person I can be. And I love him dearly.
I was fat
I was in a very unhealthy relationship
I was depressed, anxious, contemplating self injury again
I just started a job that was meant to be temporary
Now:
Still in the same job, but I see where it's going now!
Different relationship, very different emotional climate
I've mostly wrestled with my mental health demons
I weigh 25 kilos less!
What's changed:
I grew up. I realised that there should be more to life than what I had and was feeling, and that if I wasn't getting it there, I had to make changes. I broke up with my ex, I stopped hating my job, I went to counselling, I went to the gym, I attempted tot ake control of my own shit, but I was still drifting a bit. Then I met a man who not only took me to task, but who actually enjoys guiding me, and helping me be the person I can be. And I love him dearly.
Keroin
aKwatic
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Posts
- 8,154
Thanks everyone for the responses I was too busy to reply to. Not sure what prompted this question but I have really enjoyed reading every answer. And it's encouraging to see how many people have made positive changes in their lives and/or selves.
Bravo!
Bravo!
Kojote
dead serious lunatic
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2010
- Posts
- 2,224
Somebody who knew himself better than lots of other people around him, but just started to get something going to earn a living.
Somebody in a long and understanding but not quite exiting relationship.
Somebody who thought he should start to publish what he was writing for he thought it might be not that bad.
Somebody who learned that there were many things to find out about oneself with further thinking and development and slowly getting done with the 'starting to getting something going to earn money' thing. I'm actually earning something now and can see the point when it will be enough to live of...
Somebody in the same, even longer relationship which is still understanding, but also much more exiting after shuffling things around and exploring new ways.
Somebody who started showing his works off to the public and learned that he is talented enough to strike some peoples fancies. And somebody who accepted that he isn't finished with learning to write yet and pretty much okay with it...
Well... In fact not much. There wasn't a huge change in personality. And my points of view didn’t change much.
I’m starting to regain some patience with dumbasses, but the tolerance remains low. My personal appreciation for talking about any issues got reinforced a couple of times and I found out that I’m in fact not greedy (otherwise I would be of comfortable wealth already).
So I’m pretty confident with the totally screwed up way of life I had so far. I wouldn’t change anything big, given the chance. It brought me where I am and I like being her and being me.
The only changes are very personal. I just learned more about what I like, dislike and so on.
I really, really hope that I will answer the same question the same way in five years!
KoPilot
Obscene Epicene
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2010
- Posts
- 2,444
Then:
Wrapping up high school with a basic idea of what I wanted to do: comics, go to art school, ???, profit. I was basically single, as a 4-year online fling was then in its death throes. In retrospect, I had little idea of who I was, but I was alright with that. Also just beginning to figure out my sexual identity, but that didn't become a major energy and emotion-consuming roller coaster thing for me for another 2 years.
Now:
Done with college, now have my BFA in illustration. (I think... I need to call the school and find out if I've technically graduated, lol.) I have a much, much stronger sense of self now, much further along the path of coming to grips with my sexuality, I've drawn my lines and made conscious decisions about what things are and aren't worth my time, and I have my first real jobs. My webcomic is nearing its 3rd anniversary and 100-page mark (I started over after the first year). I'm also happily engaged and have my sights set on immigrating to Canada.
Changes:
I am a MUCH stronger person than I was. I used to be a quiet pushover, but not anymore. I learned that if I don't speak up for myself, no one else will. I have a lot more confidence in my sexuality; I am officially not giving a shit about what other people think about what I find attractive and hot. I write stories and am making a comic that include just those things without hiding behind anonymity anymore; I'm quite sick of pretending to be someone I'm not. I got neck-deep in feminism, politics, and current events as well, and for those things, the above also applies. Only thing that hasn't changed is that I still live without regret.
Wrapping up high school with a basic idea of what I wanted to do: comics, go to art school, ???, profit. I was basically single, as a 4-year online fling was then in its death throes. In retrospect, I had little idea of who I was, but I was alright with that. Also just beginning to figure out my sexual identity, but that didn't become a major energy and emotion-consuming roller coaster thing for me for another 2 years.
Now:
Done with college, now have my BFA in illustration. (I think... I need to call the school and find out if I've technically graduated, lol.) I have a much, much stronger sense of self now, much further along the path of coming to grips with my sexuality, I've drawn my lines and made conscious decisions about what things are and aren't worth my time, and I have my first real jobs. My webcomic is nearing its 3rd anniversary and 100-page mark (I started over after the first year). I'm also happily engaged and have my sights set on immigrating to Canada.
Changes:
I am a MUCH stronger person than I was. I used to be a quiet pushover, but not anymore. I learned that if I don't speak up for myself, no one else will. I have a lot more confidence in my sexuality; I am officially not giving a shit about what other people think about what I find attractive and hot. I write stories and am making a comic that include just those things without hiding behind anonymity anymore; I'm quite sick of pretending to be someone I'm not. I got neck-deep in feminism, politics, and current events as well, and for those things, the above also applies. Only thing that hasn't changed is that I still live without regret.
Etoile
Mod, 2003-2015
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2000
- Posts
- 17,049
I was a hearing person. I was a college dropout. I was a cubicle maze rat.
I am hard of hearing. I have a Bachelor's degree. I work all over a college campus.
I had an accident in October 2006 that resulted in hearing loss. Also, my estranged father's estate was settled, resulting in me getting enough money to go back to college in fall 2007. I went through financial struggles, but I managed to graduate with only $27,000 owed to my wife who is a lot more lenient than the banks about repayment schedules. I now work for the college I graduated from and I get to have fun and see my friends every day (although I am considerably more exhausted!). I am a changed person as a result of my college experience, and I like this person a lot better.
lne_iii
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Posts
- 404
Who were you five years ago?
Well let's see.
I was a horny 20ish year old trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
Just graduated high school (at 19, I did an extra year. I'm not stupid but I was LAAAAZZZZY...I regret that so much now.) Was working to save for trips, which I took, and they were amazing. Went to Portland, OR. And Paris, France. Those two trips within weeks of each other.
And when I returned from Paris my adoptive stepfather died.
My (I thought) soulmate that I went to see in Portland dumped me a week later.
And I spent the next six months or so trying not to be sober. Don't remember much of that period.
Who are you now?
I am a horny 25ish year old
I am learning that being lazy gets you no where fast. And I am trying to do something about it. Going to start college next semester. I want to study computer science and possibly program/do web design/ do IT/do networking...etc. I shaved my head yesterday, I guess to remind myself that it's time for change. Dumped my untrusting girlfriend (who was 30 years my senior...I think that was part of the reason it didnt work) a couple days ago. Not looking to replace her with a guy or girl any time soon. I never look for love anyway, it should find you or it's probably not real if you ask me.
Going to better myself. I have gotten somewhat chunky in the last five years but I am going to work it off. I want to feel better and look better. For myself, not anyone else.
What's changed and why?
My attitude and perception of the world, somewhat.
I am a bit less optimistic and cheery these days.
But I have hope for the future, and it lies within my own actions.
Not some politician or preacher or their deity.
Trying to see things in a positive light always
LNE
Well let's see.
I was a horny 20ish year old trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
Just graduated high school (at 19, I did an extra year. I'm not stupid but I was LAAAAZZZZY...I regret that so much now.) Was working to save for trips, which I took, and they were amazing. Went to Portland, OR. And Paris, France. Those two trips within weeks of each other.
And when I returned from Paris my adoptive stepfather died.
My (I thought) soulmate that I went to see in Portland dumped me a week later.
And I spent the next six months or so trying not to be sober. Don't remember much of that period.
Who are you now?
I am a horny 25ish year old
I am learning that being lazy gets you no where fast. And I am trying to do something about it. Going to start college next semester. I want to study computer science and possibly program/do web design/ do IT/do networking...etc. I shaved my head yesterday, I guess to remind myself that it's time for change. Dumped my untrusting girlfriend (who was 30 years my senior...I think that was part of the reason it didnt work) a couple days ago. Not looking to replace her with a guy or girl any time soon. I never look for love anyway, it should find you or it's probably not real if you ask me.
Going to better myself. I have gotten somewhat chunky in the last five years but I am going to work it off. I want to feel better and look better. For myself, not anyone else.
What's changed and why?
My attitude and perception of the world, somewhat.
I am a bit less optimistic and cheery these days.
But I have hope for the future, and it lies within my own actions.
Not some politician or preacher or their deity.
Trying to see things in a positive light always
LNE
lne_iii
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2005
- Posts
- 404
serijules
just seri
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2002
- Posts
- 1,941
5 years ago I was still posting here, a lot. I had a website that was very popular. I was a published kink author. I was in a long-term collared relationship with plans to move my entire life. I was sort of a resentful and angry sort of person who tried hard to hide that fact. I felt deeply, and hurt harder. I cared deeply about being liked and wanted.
Now? I'm no longer posting, reading or even thinking about kinky anything until today. My website and writings are gone. I have no idea if I have them saved anywhere. I'm not in a relationship, and the person I was with at that time was someone I truly thought would be a friend for life, no matter what. That is something that still hurts me. However, I'm no longer angry or resentful. It used to be pretty hard to piss me off. Now it's even harder. Maybe I'm happy? I don't give it much thought. It just is. Popularity and being-liked-ness no longer is something I strive for or care about. That being said...I am lonely, and I long for someone to love me again, and for me to love back. I had that then. I don't now, and I do miss that a LOT.
Now? I'm no longer posting, reading or even thinking about kinky anything until today. My website and writings are gone. I have no idea if I have them saved anywhere. I'm not in a relationship, and the person I was with at that time was someone I truly thought would be a friend for life, no matter what. That is something that still hurts me. However, I'm no longer angry or resentful. It used to be pretty hard to piss me off. Now it's even harder. Maybe I'm happy? I don't give it much thought. It just is. Popularity and being-liked-ness no longer is something I strive for or care about. That being said...I am lonely, and I long for someone to love me again, and for me to love back. I had that then. I don't now, and I do miss that a LOT.
