How to tell if a guy is a Sub

[cmky]

Hi guys.

Here's the short version:
I've been hanging out with a guy that is a few years older than me, and I'm beginning to suspect that he is a submissive or whatev.
At least he definitely has tendencies. You know the type, very eager to please, not sexually, cuz we haven't gone there, just every day stuff; getting me a drink, something to eat, making sure I'm comfortable, generally just waiting on me hand and foot while I'm at his place.

So the question I have is if there is any little, um, test (for lack of a better word) that will let me know if this guy is the real deal or is just really nice. I hope this makes some kind of sense.

I'll provide more details if ya need 'em. Any direction you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

 

[LindsayRae]

People who frequent the BDSM board may have a better idea/understanding than others here at Lit!

 

[smallerthanavg]

just a hunch, but I think chivalry and submission are not necessarily even related. It could be he is a complete sub, or it could be that he was just told to be nice to women he liked. Only way to find out is to ask.

Or to just skip all the pleasantries and tie his ass up. But that might not go well.

 

[sunandshadow]

Can't you just ask him if he generally finds it more satisfying to be a leader, follower, or loner? Ask like it's a personality test.

 

[iAmTheTot]

I'm kind of with smallerthanavg. Out of bed, I will treat my girl like a princess. But I'm a complete sadist in bed - spanking, slapping, choking, being in complete and utter control are all near must-haves for me but again, out of bed I wouldn't lay a hand on a woman.

 

[strapon_tales]

I'm kind of with smallerthanavg. Out of bed, I will treat my girl like a princess. But I'm a complete sadist in bed - spanking, slapping, choking, being in complete and utter control are all near must-haves for me but again, out of bed I wouldn't lay a hand on a woman.

How does that work out? Are you up-front about it when you meet new women, or are they surprised by the change when you get them in bed?

 

[iAmTheTot]

I don't let on right as soon as I meet a girl, but I let on bit by bit as we get closer and closer. Sometimes so much as just coming out and asking if they think they'd like being choked or spanked. But I'll never have sex with a girl that I haven't probed, no pun intended, to avoid that awkward "wtf?" moment.

 

[cmky]

to avoid that awkward "wtf?" moment.

That's what I'm trying to avoid right there.
I can be dense at times, but something is up, I just don't know what or how to go about making that determination, besides that awkward conversation.

I don't think I'm painting the picture. This isn't a 'hey, can I get you something to drink?' kinda thing. It's more like I'm being waited on.
Nothing romantic has happened yet, we've just hung out with friends and then twice alone. He doesn't treat the other chicks in our circle like this, yet it isn't a traditional (vanilla?) romance.

I'm just looking to throw something out to see if he bites. I'm not even sure what I'd do if he did, I just want to know, or at least have a better guess!

 

[iAmTheTot]

Try to be coy, but not too passive. After you get a little closer, try jokingly suggesting something you'd /actually/ like to do to him, to see what he says. If he goes along with it, even if he is just joking along, you can then turn it into an innocent "would you actually like that kind of thing?"

 

[koalakutie]

some guys don't know who they are

.....

 

[cmky]

I really should know more about this kind of thing. Seriously.
It's not the first time. I tend too, I dunno, attract the passive type. I'm still trying to decide if I want to take it in that direction at all, but it would be kinda fun, and I'm feeling adventurous.

He offered to rub my shoulders the last time we were hanging out. Other people were around, so I know it wasn't a total come-on. I told him no thanks then, but if he offers again, I was thinking about asking, or should I tell him nicely? to rub my feet after he is done. I dunno. Something like that.

 

[gregy70]

I really should know more about this kind of thing. Seriously.
It's not the first time. I tend too, I dunno, attract the passive type. I'm still trying to decide if I want to take it in that direction at all, but it would be kinda fun, and I'm feeling adventurous.

He offered to rub my shoulders the last time we were hanging out. Other people were around, so I know it wasn't a total come-on. I told him no thanks then, but if he offers again, I was thinking about asking, or should I tell him nicely? to rub my feet after he is done. I dunno. Something like that.

I like the tell him to rub your feet idear.
Just wait till the next time your alone & ask if he can take you up on that shoulder rub now that your alone.
Then kick off your shoes & tell him to rub your feet.
Then if he does after a while say "careful I could get use to this".
Just joke with a " Mmm..I could do with a slave".
See how that goes.
I'm even getting excited for you, but then again maybe I crave to be in this guys place.

 

[cmky]

gregy,
I might. I'm thinking about it. We'll probably hang out over the weekend. I don't think I'd have the guts to just come out and say it, but if he offers the shoulder rub I'll 'tell him nicely' to head down to the feet...after I get my shoulder rub, of course. My back is sore ALL THE TIME. I need to marry a massage therapist

I'm even getting excited for you, but then again maybe I crave to be in this guys place.

Hehe, you might change your mind if you smelled them once they've been in shoes for awhile!

 

[koalakutie]

.....

 

[gregy70]

gregy,
I might. I'm thinking about it. We'll probably hang out over the weekend. I don't think I'd have the guts to just come out and say it, but if he offers the shoulder rub I'll 'tell him nicely' to head down to the feet...after I get my shoulder rub, of course. My back is sore ALL THE TIME. I need to marry a massage therapist


Hehe, you might change your mind if you smelled them once they've been in shoes for awhile!

If you don't want to come out & ask for a shoulder rub, just have a quick whinge about your back when you maybe bend down or something.
Big chance he will offer & go from there.
If he does & it feels good , don't be afraid to moan , he'll be putty in your hands.

Oh I doubt I'd change my mind about your feet. I get off on pleasing a woman. I prefer to go down on my wife after she's been working all day & I have been known to cum from rubbing my wifes back. The moans get me every time.
I often cum from giving oral..again the moaning with the aroma.
It's where I feel very happy

 

[cmky]

But some submissive men are not into feet.

Heh, I dunno what kind of subs you're hangin out with, but you'd better be damn sure if I've got a sub foot rubs are going to be part of the deal
My feet hurt all the time. Hell, I'd be the sub if it meant getting a good massage on a regular basis!
@gregy Wow. I dunno how to respond to that. I can't even begin to feel sexy until I've had a shower. And there is no way in hell I'm going to let someone go down after a long day. Do you have any idea how much a girl pees in a typical day? Yeah, I clean myself and everything, but drippage happens, ya know?

 

[gregy70]

what can I say..I think I'm submissive

 

[cmky]

I think I'm submissive

Go for it, sir.

 

[gregy70]

Go for it, sir.

Sir? Hey your suppose to give the orders & I do the Yes? Mam!

 

[koalakutie]

.....

 

[hoodooman]

take charge gently

there are easy, awkward free ways of finding out...the following may not be what you're interested in but you can see that these kinds of comments will draw him out...

tell him about a dream or fantasy where someone was rubbing your feet..maybe while blindfolded and how much you loved that...tell him while he sees you watching his crotch..

or tell him a massage would be great but you're afraid a man would get an erection so you wouldn't be comfortable unless he were restrained in some way..

mention that at times you want to be worshiped, or you would love it if a man simply did as he was told like a slave...if he responds favorably test him..let the fun begin

it's the same problem as any relationship where one person feels they may have an agenda that might offend their friend...a female friend told me she had been at a party where a girl in a video did a guy with a strap on....and that she wanted to try it...smile

 

[webjock]

How 2 Tell If A Guy Iz A Sub

I'm kind of with smallerthanavg. Out of bed, I will treat my girl like a princess. But I'm a complete sadist in bed - spanking, slapping, choking, being in complete and utter control are all near must-haves for me but again, out of bed I wouldn't lay a hand on a woman.

Yeah, how do you do that? In public, you are a gentleman, but in private you are sadistic. How does your woman go along with all of that? Is she OK with you choking and/or slapping her? She she stay with you anyway because of all of your money, good looks and/or charm? PLEASE tell me HOW do you do it; WHAT is your secret!

 

[bluesky496]

Hi guys.

Here's the short version:
I've been hanging out with a guy that is a few years older than me, and I'm beginning to suspect that he is a submissive or whatev.
At least he definitely has tendencies. You know the type, very eager to please, not sexually, cuz we haven't gone there, just every day stuff; getting me a drink, something to eat, making sure I'm comfortable, generally just waiting on me hand and foot while I'm at his place.

So the question I have is if there is any little, um, test (for lack of a better word) that will let me know if this guy is the real deal or is just really nice. I hope this makes some kind of sense.

I'll provide more details if ya need 'em. Any direction you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

try sounding him out , when you want something tell him fetch me this of that and see what his response is ,if he says yes maam or yes mistress you know ,if he says say please then no he isnt ,lol

 

[MatthewVett]

just a hunch, but I think chivalry and submission are not necessarily even related. It could be he is a complete sub, or it could be that he was just told to be nice to women he liked. Only way to find out is to ask.

Or to just skip all the pleasantries and tie his ass up. But that might not go well.

I would agree with this. I love spoiling my partner: cooking for her, bringing her snacks, holding open doors for her. But in bed, I'd much rather tie her up and have my way with her. And I know some people who are the opposite, who love to be submissive in bed, but not in any other aspect of their lives.

 

[MyRubiLips]

Sure are a shit-load of 2011 threads showing up!