Male self esteem issues

[satindesire]

As many of us are aware, many women here have gone through periods of low self esteem and body image issues, and one thing I've always thought is that men go through the same thing, they're just not as vocal about it in some cases.

So I'd really like to hear from the men here, if anyone would be so kind, to see what kind of body image issues you guys have struggled with, and how, if you have, you overcame it.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

What self esteem issues?

Men are perfect...

...Or didn't you know that?

BAM!

/thread

 

[Chiara_searches]

As many of us are aware, many women here have gone through periods of low self esteem and body image issues, and one thing I've always thought is that men go through the same thing, they're just not as vocal about it in some cases.

So I'd really like to hear from the men here, if anyone would be so kind, to see what kind of body image issues you guys have struggled with, and how, if you have, you overcame it.

I'd like to know, too.

 

[satindesire]

What self esteem issues?

Men are perfect...

...Or didn't you know that?

BAM!

/thread

Yeah, I guess I'm just a stupid little weak female. We're all the same, after all!

BAM!

 

[naxalite0906]

My guess is nearly all people go through some sort of self esteem issue at some point. Yes, if you find the right person (or just someone who isn't shallow to be bothered by an issue you may have) then you shouldn't have to worry about it, but it is only natural to feel like this in some way.

 

[daus42]

As many of us are aware, many women here have gone through periods of low self esteem and body image issues, and one thing I've always thought is that men go through the same thing, they're just not as vocal about it in some cases.

So I'd really like to hear from the men here, if anyone would be so kind, to see what kind of body image issues you guys have struggled with, and how, if you have, you overcame it.

I think men in general don't worry about their physical appearance as much as woman. That may be due to society demanding unrealistic ideals for woman or that we simply accept ourselves better. Issues of weight are easier for men to quickly do something about and we achieve results much faster. As far as mental esteem goes again men are hard wired to be confident in themselves so any doubts we disregard or deny.

 

[Betticus]

I dunno, it's gotten to the point where my pheromones not only turn on women and men but have a kind of friendly fire effect where my friends get hit on for hours after having given me a hug. It kind of rubs off and makes everything I touch or am in close proximity to just deadly sexy.

 

[J D Danger]

I have been known to have major self esteem issues at times....in fact last week for much of the week I felt very alone...not good enough for anyone

 

[satindesire]

I have been known to have major self esteem issues at times....in fact last week for much of the week I felt very alone...not good enough for anyone

Since you're the first one that's been open about it, I'd like to pick your brain if you don't mind baring your soul here. If not, please feel free to do so via PM?

What exactly kind of self esteem issues are you facing in accordance to your physical body? Have you had them since childhood? Has anything negatively influenced those issues, such as your family, your partner(s), the media?

 

[twister947]

As I recently posted in another thread, I'm not dealing well with aging. Accepting my "new" old body, with all that infers, hasn't happened, yet, and is unlikely to occur in the future.

 

[koalakutie]

.....

 

[J D Danger]

Since you're the first one that's been open about it, I'd like to pick your brain if you don't mind baring your soul here. If not, please feel free to do so via PM?

What exactly kind of self esteem issues are you facing in accordance to your physical body? Have you had them since childhood? Has anything negatively influenced those issues, such as your family, your partner(s), the media?

I am disabled and it eats at me more then I normally like to talk about..it is silly really....it does not at all change who I am....I am a good guy....but there are times where I think it changes how people look at me or talk to me...and there are even times when I don not feel good enough for anyone or anything

I would bet it does not help that outside of BDSM I am kind of shy or withdrawn....

but it is really odd that this thing has stuck with me all my life

 

[Betticus]

I am disabled and it eats at me more then I normally like to talk about..it is silly really....it does not at all change who I am....I am a good guy....but there are times where I think it changes how people look at me or talk to me...and there are even times when I don not feel good enough for anyone or anything

I would bet it does not help that outside of BDSM I am kind of shy or withdrawn....

but it is really odd that this thing has stuck with me all my life

Now this is something. When I came out of the hospital I had dropped forty pounds and was physically weak. I spent another month at home off work and could barely take care of myself, was tired all the time. I had to rely on friends to help with things like moving stuff, cleaning, housework just because I wasn't strong enough or lacked the stamina to perform those tasks. It wasn't so much the physical infirmity that brought me down but no matter what I was doing I kept dropping weight, another twenty pounds and it just kept going. I was eating healthy and enough but still dropping about a pound a day.

I looked like I was aging a year every day, it was hard to sleep because my hip and ribs would dig into the bed and it was uncomfortable, limbs would go numb from the asininely low blood pressure and I had to go back a couple of times for transfusions.

What got me was the looks in my friends eyes, the despair and helplessness. My doctor told me to finalize my legal arrangements and to be prepared.

So I guess that would qualify as having a body image issue as I felt powerless to make the people around me see me for who I was inside.

 

[YourCaptor]

Sometimes people make some comment about me being "too" thin, which feels bad like as if someone said "you're stupid", or "you're ugly". But I eat more than most, and am stronger than most. So, it's just genetics. When they get fat they'll wish they was me. Plus I'm athletic and the body type has a lot of advantages.

It's only a momentary self esteem hit though.

Something that really fucks with my self esteem is wheelchairs. When in them it means I'm too weak, low to the ground, totally dependent, and unable to project my will.

Lets hope that never happens again, or the solution will likely be a bullet.

 

[Kurokami]

As I mentioned in another body image thread out on the main board, my father gave me many many lovely gifts in the time I knew him, including a near-blind left eye and a nice collection of scars on my back and torso. And an elbow that I can bend completely out of alignment, but that's a particularly gruesome story, especially when the end result is basically a party trick.

Long story short, I completely hate my scars, and consequently I try to never have to take my shirt off around other people. I don't even like to do so around my wife, and she's a completely understanding, wonderful individual who, well, cares. Occasionally I'll see a little twinge of sadness in her eyes when I do let her see them, and it damn near breaks my heart.

To me, every mark- and some of them are pretty dramatic- is a reminder of all the pain and fear I had to go through as a child. I can't see any reason for me to want to show them off, even though I understand I am a bit neurotic about that. I have the same issue with my eye; whenever I talk to people I wonder whether it looks strange, or off, even though I can look in a mirror and see that it's fine. These are the things that prey on my mind during any kind of social engagement, which, when coupled with already biblical levels of social anxiety, make me pretty withdrawn in real life.

My biggest fear, lately, is having to explain to my kids how I got to be the way I am. It's only a matter of time, one they're born, before they take notice and start having questions. How the hell do I answer that?

 

[J D Danger]

Something that really fucks with my self esteem is wheelchairs. When in them it means I'm too weak, low to the ground, totally dependent, and unable to project my will.


I live a great deal of my life in a wheelchair...I can walk..but I need it for distance and other things....and I use to worry that it made me look weak....but I know better don't get me wrong..there are still days where I cry because I can not walk without a damn limp....but it is not the fact that I think chairs make me look weak that worries me..it is..the thought..do other people see me as weak because of it?..do they think of me as less of a man?....I am sure some do and I know it has fucked with some friendships....but the thought....man in wheelchair=weak man has to stop

 

[CandiCame]

As I mentioned in another body image thread out on the main board, my father gave me many many lovely gifts in the time I knew him, including a near-blind left eye and a nice collection of scars on my back and torso. And an elbow that I can bend completely out of alignment, but that's a particularly gruesome story, especially when the end result is basically a party trick.

Long story short, I completely hate my scars, and consequently I try to never have to take my shirt off around other people. I don't even like to do so around my wife, and she's a completely understanding, wonderful individual who, well, cares. Occasionally I'll see a little twinge of sadness in her eyes when I do let her see them, and it damn near breaks my heart.

To me, every mark- and some of them are pretty dramatic- is a reminder of all the pain and fear I had to go through as a child. I can't see any reason for me to want to show them off, even though I understand I am a bit neurotic about that. I have the same issue with my eye; whenever I talk to people I wonder whether it looks strange, or off, even though I can look in a mirror and see that it's fine. These are the things that prey on my mind during any kind of social engagement, which, when coupled with already biblical levels of social anxiety, make me pretty withdrawn in real life.

My biggest fear, lately, is having to explain to my kids how I got to be the way I am. It's only a matter of time, one they're born, before they take notice and start having questions. How the hell do I answer that?

I'll second this- exactly the same story, almost. My dad was a trigger happy, blade wielding motherfucker. I already got a tat to cover the one on my arm, where the worst of the shrapnel hit- and I'm going to get more to cover the rest. Seriously, the guy who did the cover-up did a really good job; there's one little piece of white scar tissue where the color wouldn't take, but he did everything he could.

Other then that, I don't really have self-esteem issues with my physical appearance, because it's so easy to change. I like looking like an animie character, but if I wanted to gain weight, I could. By buying food. If I wanted to work out, I could. I could pirate UFC trainer or something. But I don't. Because I don't care. I've noticed that most of the chicks I'm around are like this to, though, so I think that I just hang out with people who don't put that much focus on our- I dunno... Cosmopolitan appearance? We're all art kids- I'd rather fuck a chubby chick in a Star Wars T-shirt then a skinny bitch in designer bullshit- if that makes any sense. And I think that most guys would. Beauty is subjective, so there's no use worrying about it.

Especially for guys. A lot of chicks wouldn't fuck a GQ model- they look like steroid freaks- I've heard it a million times. Women are so fucking eclectic in their tastes that trying to pay attention to it would drive you mad. No two of them like the same thing. So fuck it- like me or don't- I'm pan, I'll fuck someone else.

Bitch.

 

[ebunny15]

JD--Do you happen to use a manual wheelchair? Guys who have that kind of upper arm strength are sexy as hell in my book. And you being the one using a wheelchair gives a girl the perfect reason to sit on your lap during a slow dance.
I never saw my ex as less than a man because he used a wheelchair. If anything, he was more manly because you could see the determination in his face whenever he faced an obstacle. It was only later when used his condition to talk me into things I didn't really want to do that things went down hill.
Keep your chin up. Your chair is helping you separate the wheat from the chaf in your life.

 

[midwestyankee]

The elephant in the room here is cock size and I rather doubt you'll get anyone sharing his personal issues with it. That said, I doubt if a week goes by when I dont see a thread started in one forum or another where a guy begs people to check out his dick pics on his profile and reassure him that he looks sufficient in his birthday suit.

All the discussions about size, it seems to me, are evidence of a large (pun intended) body-image issue among men.

 

[satindesire]

The elephant in the room here is cock size and I rather doubt you'll get anyone sharing his personal issues with it. That said, I doubt if a week goes by when I dont see a thread started in one forum or another where a guy begs people to check out his dick pics on his profile and reassure him that he looks sufficient in his birthday suit.

All the discussions about size, it seems to me, are evidence of a large (pun intended) body-image issue among men.

As a completely, 100% clitorally focused woman, I NEVER understood the penis size issue with men. A man doesn't need a penis to make me scream. All he needs is the location and function of my clitoris, some toys, good lube, and patience.

He could literally have ZERO penis, NEGATIVE penis, if there was such a thing, and still be a fantastic lover.

Penis size means less than nothing to me. I couldn't care less what size dick he has, because dick does nothing for me. My clit isn't located inside me.

I keep telling dudes that, but it doesn't ever seem to click. I blame porn.

 

[BiBunny]

As a completely, 100% clitorally focused woman, I NEVER understood the penis size issue with men. A man doesn't need a penis to make me scream. All he needs is the location and function of my clitoris, some toys, good lube, and patience.

He could literally have ZERO penis, NEGATIVE penis, if there was such a thing, and still be a fantastic lover.

Penis size means less than nothing to me. I couldn't care less what size dick he has, because dick does nothing for me. My clit isn't located inside me.

I keep telling dudes that, but it doesn't ever seem to click. I blame porn.

I'm the other way around. I'm too sensitive to handle much clitoral stimulation, and I hate that men think that's what they're supposed to do. But as long as you have strong arms and enough of a working knowledge of anatomy to find my G-spot, I really don't care about your dick.

 

[J D Danger]

-Do you happen to use a manual wheelchair? Guys who have that kind of upper arm strength are sexy as hell in my book. And you being the one using a wheelchair gives a girl the perfect reason to sit on your lap during a slow dance.

I do use a manual chair..and I have always loved pulling and holding a woman in my lap for the reason you talked about above

oddly however I think...how I feel about the way I am may have started because of slow dancing...I remember when I was 11....I was very shy..still.am..but anyway..I wanted to ask this girl to dance..without making the story too long..her answer came back to me..I can't dance with a guy in a wheelchair...now her answer really was.I don't know how...had I heard that for myself I might have taught her...ohh what could have been


but on a funny note


I remember when I was about 20...I was out at a bar..in my chair and this friend came up to me(this was college and she was new to my program so we had just met that year).but she came up to me..drink in hand and said..you know it really is unfair....

and I of course answered..what's unfair?

he answer still makes me laugh to this day...I just wish my wit had been a little quicker that night...

she said....its unfair that you can't fall down drunk

I said...why do you think I bring the chair?....but I should have said...that is ok I will make the perfect seat when you do

your post made me think of that and smile...thank you

 

[satindesire]

I'm the other way around. I'm too sensitive to handle much clitoral stimulation, and I hate that men think that's what they're supposed to do. But as long as you have strong arms and enough of a working knowledge of anatomy to find my G-spot, I really don't care about your dick.

I never tell any man that all women are like me. That would be foolish of me, wouldn't it? Especially when I'm trying to help, not hinder.

 

[BiBunny]

I never tell any man that all women are like me. That would be foolish of me, wouldn't it? Especially when I'm trying to help, not hinder.

Eh, it's not you. But all those "how-to" sex things give that advice. God forbid we admit that all women are different. There MUST be color-by-numbers for making women have orgasms.

 

[ebunny15]

JD--If you smiled from that memory, my work here is done! *dusting off hands*